beatyfull

Alastair and jericho talking
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>Jericho:</b> wait, wheres connie?<p/><b> Alastair:</b> he said he was going to the pet shop<p/><b>Jericho:</b> ok...<p/><b>Jericho:</b> ... waIT<p/><b>Jericho:</b> YOU LEAVE CONTASTINE IN A PET SHOP ALL ALONE!??!?!<p/><b></b> *MEANWHILE*<p/><b>Contastine opening the cages:</b> BE FREE BEATYFULL CREAUTUREs ! Be free!<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
My comming out story

I am born in the Netherlands in a city called Den Bosch. I am 18 years old and came out of the closet very resently (about two months ago).

I have known I am gay ever since I was 8 years old. Boys were always more special to me than girls. The thing was just that I didn’t accept myself for who I was. It kept me up at night thinking that I was already different in so many ways and now this too.

I never accepted that I was gay so I started dating girls. I had girlfriend after girlfriend but it never filled the hole I got in my heart. Just that feeling that you need to hold back every emotion you feel inside. But I never wanted to accept the true reason why that hole was there. 

This hole in my heart grew over the years. This feeling of not belonging in a group of people constently pretending nothing was wrong and I was happy destroyed me from the inside. So I thought about it more and more and it became a obsession. I was 14 years old when I slept with a girl for the first time. And after I told myself thats what it should feel like and love is noting more than that one night stand I had with that girl. So I slept with more girls but it was never the feeling I expected or what I thought love should feel like.

When I was young I stoped believing that love existed. It may sound strange but I never thought “oh maybe I just dont like girls but I like boys instead’’. That is because I never felt like behaving like the steariotypical gay. And that just didn’t  work in my head. How I could be gay while I behaved as a straight boy.

When I was 16-17 years old I had my first chrush on a guy. He had been a friend to me for many years but I just started to like him in a really strange way. (He came out of the closet a long time before that, so yes he is gay.) I just started thinking about him a lot and i couldnt get this image out of my head from me and him walking hand in hand down the beach. It gave me a really weired feeling. It was the happiest and at the same time scariest thought ever to me. Why it was so scary to me was because i had never thought of someone that way and i didnt know what it ment.

one year later i started seeing him more. We had a group of friends and hang out together a lot since than. One time I stayed at his home too sleep after we went out. the wole group of friend was there and we slept on the floor in his living room. I ended up next to him. and then out of nothing he lay against me and i felt a really weird feeling going through my body like a shiver, only this felt really good and than he layed one arm over me. I felt a feeling go through me that i never felt before like a worm fussy feeling. than i turned around and looked him in the eyes. he looked back at me and than he kissed me.

the next morning I was really scared. I just had one thought in my mind. “you were right all those years, something is different about you”. And i finnaly felt like I had found my place in the world. one week later I told my parents. they were shoked they did not see it comming at all. But they accepted me for who I really am. And since I told my parents I started telling people that were close to me mostly friends and family.

Never let a steriotype influence your thinking.

Never let other peoples opinion driveout your own inner voice.

Be who you are from the inside and don’t let people influence the way you are?

Everytime I see you with a other guy.
Everytime I see you smile when I am not there.
Everytime I see you looking at someone.
Everytime I see you trowing a party and I am not there.
Everytime I hear how perfect you are from other people.

I always get this big hole in my heart.
Why cant you be in my arms when I fall asleep.
Why cant you be there when i cry over you.
You are everything I am breating for.
I love you more than anything