beatloaf

A Christmas Story (1983) meme

Adjust to fit your muse!

  • ____ says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski’s candy store!
  • Hey ____! I bet you never guess what I got you for Christmas!
  • They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.
  • Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.
  • That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!
  • Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That’s dumb!
  • NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a “triple dare you”? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
  • Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders burrowing through the snow toward the kitchen where only you and you alone stand between your tiny, huddled family and insensate evil.
  • Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!
  • It was… soap… POISONING.
  • Yes, truly, a little bribe never hurts.
  • He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!
  • Aaah! “Fra-GEE-leh!” It must be Italian!
  • A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch.
  • Tonight! Tonight! It’s coming Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Hot Damn, Tonight!
  • Will you eat? There are starving people in China!
  • Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
  • All right, I’ll get that kid to eat. Where’s my screw driver and my plumber’s helper? I’ll open up his mouth and I’ll shove it in.
  • Tell mommy… how do the little piggies eat?
  • I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
  • You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.
  • Don’t want to waste electricity!
  • You used up all the glue on purpose!
  • Jealous of what? That is the ugliest lamp I have seen in my entire life!
  • The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher.
  • Naddafinga!
  • Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of “Taps” being played, gently.
  • I’m sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don’t you feel terrible?
  • Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.
  • Darn thing looked like it was made of green pipe cleaners.
  • Listen jerk. When I tell you to come, you better come. 
  • What are you going to cry now? Come on crybaby. Cry for me, Crrrrryyyyyyyyy!
  • Something had happened, a fuse blew. And I had gone outta my skull.
  • Of course. Santa. The big man. The head honcho. The connection. Ha, my mother had slipped up this time.
  • The line ENDS here. It begins THERE.
  • Don’t bother me. I’m thinking.
  • If he thinks I’m working one minute past nine, he can kiss my foot.
  • My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.
  • Daddy’s gonna kill _____!
  • We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.
  • You’re lucky, those icicles have been known to kill people!
  • _____had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.
  • He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.
  • He looks like a pink nightmare!
  • SONSOFBITCHES, ________!!
  • The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!
  • Yes. it’s a beautiful duck. It really is. But it’s… smiling at me.