beating the meat

imagine beating your meat and the rapture happens, you’re frozen in place mid stroke and your body is lifted up to heaven to be judged by god

mutual a: drama

mutual b: “hey what drama!!!”

mutual c: *talking about piss*

mutual d: *having a breakdown*

mutual e: *dissociating*

mutual f: aesthetic blogging

mutual g: on queue

mutual h: *beating meat*

mutual i: *apathetic scrolling*

wait the fuck up

so voldemort had a child. with bellatrix. this means they had sex, obviously, which means that they actually had a sexual relation, with penetration. so if he is incapable of love did he just sit there unfazed, or was his snake-dick capable of an orgasm? if yes, can anyone imagine the freaking dark lord orgasming and moaning? is that why moaning myrtle’s dilemma about was included? as some time of ~foreshadowing-? and what if they didnt have penetrative sex. what if bella go inseminated? so voldy just masturbated and collected his sperm? so many questions about this. did he collect it in hufflepuff’s cup? and did he masturbate to pictures of snakes? of his horcruxes? or just beated that piece of meat until his semen came out? please j.k, explain. this is what we want to know. but wait, this is not it. delphi is 20-something years, so she was made when voldemort was noseless. BELLATRIX HAD SEX WITH NOSELESS VOLDY. ok so if we get pass this, when was she pregnant? because it must be like a year before the battle. but when the golden trio was captured, she had a flat stomach. and so this leads to my next question. was the baby developed in her mother’s uterus or was she somehow incubated in an egg like a snake. so. many. damn. q u e s t i o n s. im not even done! who raised the child? why didnt she want to meet her mother? why did she pretend to be a diggory? why did bella cheat on rudolphus? why wasnt the baby a horcrux?

Originally posted by utterlywrong

anonymous asked:

is it healthy to watch porn? everyone at My school makes it sound like such a sin

WATCH AS MUCH PORN AS YOU WANT. IT’S NOT A SIN. IT’S FUN. FLICK YOUR BEAN OR BEAT YOUR MEAT. 

Uh… Garnet were you just waiting there behind one of the arcade games for Steven to need your help?

Or were you playing Beat Meat Mania again?

“Oh yeah I need me some of that!”

Pffft

I don’t know why that delivery was very funny.

“That seems like a reasonable use of my powers.”

????

WHAT IS HAPPENING IS THIS EPISODE SATIRE OR WHAT I DON’T GET IT.

Yeah… look random dude I’m confused either.

Garnet is not usually like this.

Oh my god you fucking idiot.

At this point you actually deserve whatever poison you ingest from those things.

“OH GOD THIS RICE IS SLIGHTLY UNCOOKED WHY!”

AHHH

FUCK

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK NO

THAT’S A NEEDLE, THAT’S A FUCKING NEEDLE IN THAT MEATBALL

NONONOPENOPENOPENOPE FUCK THIS TUFCKE FUCK

Same, scared anime boy.

Same.

You know once I’ve heard about beating your meat against a wall but this isn’t exactly what came to mind.

Yeah…. Jesus Christ.

That was chilling.

Protip: If your relationship with someone is mostly as acquaintances, or platonic friendship, don’t make make sexually charged comments at them. Don’t tell them without prompting that you fantasize sexually or beat your meat to them. That’s like a verbal dick pic. Wait until you’re on much more familiar terms before you so much as test the waters on that one. Mutual sexual interest is fine, but if you come out of the blue at someone with “zomg you’re so hot I fap” it’s more than a little disquieting, to the point it’s all they’re gonna be able to think about when they see you, and again, unless they’ve already communicated some level of desire to you, that’s not a good thing.