beat the shit out of her

Navigator and Wild Card

Mahiru and Impostor for dangan thieves AU

A lot of extra sass quotes for Mahiru because navi’s talk a lot apparently and Twogami has a different kind of mementos chats hmm…

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anonymous asked:

Like how could you call touka abusive and no one else. It's all or none,stupid. "Touka hit him!" Literally so did everyone else. Arima FUCKED.HIM.UP. But no one gave him hate at all. Nishiki also beat the shit out of him and tried to kill him who saved him tho??? (Touka) tsukiyama also tried to kill him and TOUKA SAVED HIM. God damn! You only treat her bad because she is a woman. You're a sexist asshole!! Holy shit! You preach all this nonsense but you are literally the garbage you said you hate

this is the best anon hate ive ever received

go somewhere else and cry ya little crybaby bitch damn

While I absolutely agree that Lily Potter beat the shit out of snape when he joined the afterlife don’t forget Petunia Dursley.

Lily was estranged from her sister but still trusted her to take care of her son, who was found bleeding and crying on her doorstep after his parents were murdered. Only to find out that they hurt, starved, isolated, lied to, and locked in both a cupboard and then a room with bars on the window the son she died to protect so he could have a better life? I don’t care what the deleted scene said about petunia being sad lily died when she gets to the afterlife it is round two of lily potter MMA smackdown

i also loved that in this episode simon explicitly discussed and acknowledged his jewish heritage and the trauma of having family that survived an incredibly devastating and horrific genocide, and that maia explicitly acknowledged that she’s black and that she’s doubly profiled by cops and shadowhunters. i love that luke finally rid himself of being chained to clary. i love that he told jace like it is, and said that this is exactly how a downworlder revolt starts, and that if the shadowhunters don’t want one then they shouldn’t treat people like shit. i love that clary, for once, wasn’t a white savior but she did tell off imogen herondale and everything she said was truthful and correct without it falling into her usual trap of ostentatious and performative idealism. i love that maia was unafraid to beat up the shadowhunters, including jace. i love that she comforted simon and that she held jace accountable for his actions. i love that clary did too. i love that meliorn wasn’t villainized, that instead he got to help raphael and isabelle out. i love that jace apologized to maia wholeheartedly. i love that jace realized that he’s not cut out to be the leader of the institute and that he gave the position to whom it rightfully belongs to - his brother and parabatai, alec. i love that alec apologized to magnus completely sincerely and understood what magnus was trying to teach him. 

i love that they all came together as a group, as a family, to listen to simon sing, and i love that simon dedicated his song to all downworlders. 

A few weeks ago, I pretty much begged you all to put aside your issues with Corbyn and vote Labour anyway. I explained that Theresa May was confident of an increased majority in the Commons and that it was vital to ensure that Labour isn’t wiped out altogether.

Since then, a number of new facts have become clear:

(1) Jeremy Corbyn is a much better politician than many of us expected and frankly, it won’t be a hardship for me to vote for a party led by him. For all the fuck-ups, disappointments and problems over the last 18 months, he is by far the most convincing human being out of all the party leaders.

(2) Theresa May is shit. Not just shit in the sense that all Tories are shit - that kind of narrow self-interested completely unsympathetic way. She’s also downright fucking incompetent, in a way that is completely unprecedented. She doesn’t know what her policies are from one week to the next. She can’t handle a Paxman interview or a debate with Corbyn. Even Cameron managed to get something from EU negotiations. She will get us nothing.

(3) Tim Farron is not someone that any left or centre-left voter should be willing to support. He is homophobic, pro-life and pro-fox hunting. He will make a deal with anyone because that’s all the Liberal Democrats can ever aspire to. If they genuinely cared about British voters and not their own careers, they would get out of the fucking way.

(4) Whilst a Tory victory is still looking very likely, Theresa May might not be getting the massively increased majority she was hoping for, because of her aforementioned shitness.

So in light of these new facts… I am still telling you to vote Labour UNLESS you are absolutely sure that another party has a better chance of beating the Tories in your area. Don’t bother with those pointless apps or charts going around to determine this - go to Wikipedia, type in the name of your constituency and check out who came first and second in 2015. This will tell you who you need to vote for to do most damage to the Tories. In the majority of places in England and Wales, that means voting Labour.

People are watching these election debates tonight and saying “oh Tim Farron came off better than I thought” and “Caroline Lucas is good isn’t she?” It doesn’t matter, because those parties don’t matter in the vast majority of constituencies. We cannot let this useless fish turd of a woman continue with a bigger majority, just because we wished Corbyn had spent less time making jam and more time taking the EU referendum seriously.

Get out there on 8th June and vote Labour. Please.

So a demon is possessing the body of my rogue’s adoptive-brother. She obviously doesn’t want to hurt him, but she doesn’t want him to hurt the rest of the party.

Rogue: Well that leaves one person. I stab myself in the stomach.
Everyone else: WHAT THE FUCK.

The DM laughs a bit, making some rolls as I get yelled at for stabbing myself.
Fighter: “The fuck is that going to accomplish-”
DM: The demon seems frazzled for a moment before rushing over to [rogue’s] side and using a cure spell on her.
Demon: “The fuck was that?! How did you do that?!”
Rogue: “You’re possessing my older brother. Unless you got rid of him completely, I doubt he’s suddenly going to become passive rather than fussing and obsessing over me when I’m injured.”
Demon: “Well-”
Rogue: “Try your luck at killing me. See how that does over in my brother’s body.”
Demon: “Bullshit! I’ll deal with you and your gross sibling love later-”
Rogue: I stab myself again.
DM: *More rolls* He returns and heals you again.
Rogue: “Thanks for the healing.”
Demon: “Quit it, can’t you see I’m trying to kill people!”
Rogue: I stab myself again.
Demon: “STOP THAT YOU FUCK!”
Rogue: “NEVER. TEENAGE REBELLION!”

My confused party takes this as permission to attack him, knocking him out pretty quickly while he’s distracted with me.

Fighter: “…what just happened?”
Wizard: “Familial bonding.”

TL;DR: Rogue beats demon possessing her brother by distracting him and tricking him into healing her from brotherly instinct.

(Note: anything in quotations is in character, if not, it’s ooc)

  reasons why everybody should appreciate russel - 

  • he’s been through a lot of shit but still manages to be as kind as he can be
  • was exorcised and put into a coma and came out with a positive attitude 
  • was expelled from school for ‘excessive possession’ 
  • extremely talented in making beats and playing the drums 
  • he’s very kind when he can be and has an extremely low comforting voice
  • he joined the gorillaz after murdoc kidnapped him
  • he thinks everything has a value of life and calls animals his buddy or comrade 
  • he BROKE muds nose in five places for being a dick
  • was possessed by his friends spirits from a drive by shooting he was involved in
  • pretends to be a video game character with noodle 
  • in phase 1 he did all he could to translate noodle’s japanese and basically raised her 
  • he ate an entire day worth of catering 
  • he said before that he would like to wear diamante shoes like dorthy from the wizard of oz
  • he calls his band mates out on their shit 
  • he makes people laugh 
  • in phase 3 he ate a lot of radioactive fish / algae and turned into a soft giant 
  • he saved 2d from being eaten by a fucking whale  
  • he became a cities great attraction
  • DAD FRIEND
  • he loves fezzes, video games, making beats, taxidermy, and food
  • he’s tired
  • soft belly 
  • HE’S SO UNDERAPPRECIATED 
Top 9 Most Fight-Able Characters in Mystic Messenger

(ranked by the likelihood of winning from least to most likely)

9. “Mary” Vanderwood, Secret Agent Murdermonster

Result: A swift and painful death

Are you shitting me? You’ll be goddamn eviscerated on the spot. Not to mention nobody will ever find your body. This is completely fucking unadvisable. DO NOT DO THIS unless you have a DEATH WISH and want to disappear from the world completely. Vanderwood is not to be messed with. They’ve killed many a worthy foe, and you will not be one of them. There’s not much else to say here. I don’t care who you are, you should not challenge Vanderwood. Say your prayers, fucker

8. Unknown/Saeran Choi, Total Edgelord

Result: Utter defeat, probably followed by torture + imprisonment

I don’t think you need me to tell you that this kid is fucking off his rocker. Let’s be real, he’s probably killed a few people, and he enjoyed every minute of it. You can bet your ass he’ll likely torture you after defeating you, too. And you know, some of you sick fucks will probably enjoy the whole damn ordeal. You’re probably the only ones who’d WANT to fight him just to have him fucking step on you. Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got what you wanted. He still beats your ass. The only reason Vanderwood beats him in this ranking is because it’s possible he’d keep you alive for fun, and some of you would enjoy that, so at least it’s a fuckin victory for somebody. Fuck.

7. Jaehee Kang, Smarter than the CEO

Result: Total annihilation + jail time

Do you see this face? This is the face of someone who has been repressing violent urges for fucking years for the sake of keeping her job. If she could snap Jumin’s neck, she would in a heartbeat. You do not want to give her a justifiable reason to unleash that utter fucking rage on your sorry ass. Did you forget she has a black belt in judo? She could beat my ass. She could beat your ass. She could beat anyone’s ass. I don’t care WHO you think you are. And after the fight? She’ll report you to the proper authorities, pick up a cup of coffee, and finish her daily tasks like nothing fucking happened. What a wild bitch. I fucking love her to death, tbh. And you know what? How dare you challenge her. She deals with enough shit in her life. I hope she beats your ass with a righteous fucking fury. Have fun in jail, dipshit.

6. God 707, Meme Lord Supreme

Result: Depends on your approach, but probably a failure

Honestly Seven’s about as fucking predictable as a lunch box full of wasps. What am I even supposed to say here? He’d probably imitate that shitty ass vine meme the first time you punch him and say “I can’t believe you’ve done this”, complete with a British accent, but when you keep hitting, it’ll confuse him. The element of surprise is probably your best bet, but you also have no fucking clue what he’ll do. He might beat the shit out of you. He might scamper away on his scrawny ass legs and proceed to hack into everything you once loved or held dear. He might lay down on the ground and let you kick the shit out of him. In the end, it depends on his mood. Is that reliable at all? Absolutely fucking not. So go for it, but I literally have no idea how it’s gonna turn out for you.

5. Zen/Hyun Ryu, A God Among Men

Result: You have a good chance of winning, but at what cost?

OK BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND LISTEN THE FUCK UP. Why is Zen higher up on the list, Nani??? you ask me, pouting, clutching your Zen body pillow(s) in agony. Zen had a bad past!! He’s not easy to fight, he was such a bad boy!! v//w//v He’s so tough and strong and he’s our knight in shining armor! Hey!! Good for you! But GUESS FUCKING WHAT!! If you’re female, he’ll probably forfeit to you immediately, unlike the barbarians before him on this list, so technically he’s easier to fight! He’d probably LET you beat the shit out of him if it made you feel better. It’s not even a fucking question of who would win if a woman challenged him, so we’re gonna move on.
Now, if you’re a GUY, he’d be more willing to square up, and my advice is go for his face. Pretty boy doesn’t like messing up his pretty mug, and if you play dirty, he’ll get scared real quick. His ponytail is a disadvantage for him, so yank it real hard. You have a better chance of beating him with perseverance, but if you let him get the upper hand, you’re deceased because he’s probably a heavy hitter. Also, you will incur the wrath of all his fangirls, and probably the angels above, and you will spend the rest of your life MISERABLE AND CURSED, so proceed with caution. If you can get away with it without anyone knowing your identity, you’re golden. Good luck, but also, why? do you even want to??

4. Jumin Han, Mistah Trussfund Kid (The CEO)

Result: Instant win, but your life will be RUINED

Honestly, I think certain RFA members would actually be very glad if someone handed Jumin’s ass to him, but good fucking luck accomplishing that without having your entire life destroyed. On a purely physical level, Jumin is no competition. He may be the tallest motherfucker around, but he’s never fought anyone before in his LIFE. You’d probably only have an issue here if you were short as shit, and even then, go for the knees, amirite? He’ll fall like a fucking oak tree, and then you can rip him a new one while he’s down. Easy peasy, right? WRONG. He’s got a horde of like 50 bodyguards that you have to sneak past or defeat first or something. And if you somehow make it to Jumin first, they’ll swarm your ass after you first start swinging and have you incapacitated in a few seconds. Are those first few swings worth it? Maybe. But he’s gonna sue your ass for everything you own. The whole world will know your name. If you don’t get jail time, you’ll wish you had. It will be an easier life than trying to live in the public. Zen and Jaehee might love you forever, though, so maybe they can pull a few favors for ya. You better pray they do. Good fuckin luck out there, champ.

3. Yoosung Kim, Small Child

Result: Victory, but with a catch

Look into this child’s eyes. Look me in the eyes. Tell me that Yoosung isn’t a fucking pansy. You can’t, can you? It’s because Yoosung is a fucking pansy. This kid would be down for the count after exactly one (1) punch. He might enjoy it a little too, which’ll be awkward as shit for both of you. HOWEVER. If you trigger his Yandere side, which is bullshit but whatever, he might put up more of a fight. How do you do this, you may ask? Insult Rika. or MC. (Probably Rika tho). Something inside him will snap, and then he’ll be trickier to handle. He’ll probably play dirty when he’s like this, so expect to get shanked or bitten or something. It doesn’t change the fact that his scrawny ass can’t fight for shit, so you’ll still probably win, but not without a few injuries yourself. Hurting Yoosung is probably the moral equivalent to kicking a puppy. If you can be ok with yourself after that, then I mean, go for it.

2. Rika, the Antichrist

Result: Certain victory, but extremely dangerous

Look, maybe I should’ve put her lower on the list considering she’s got an entire cult following her every order. But, honest to God, you would be morally obligated to fight her. Please beat the shit out of her. Physically, her scrawny ass could do nothing to stop you. She’s ruined the lives of her friends, as well as countless other people, because of her deranged and, quite frankly, selfish desires. Basically, she’s a little bitch. I don’t know how you’ll do it, but god damn, you’ll be everyone’s hero. The downside to this is that she might sick Saeran on you, which is gonna be a pain in your ass, and Yoosung might hate you forever, but I think you can live with that, right? Do us all a favor. Fight Rika.

1. Jihyun Kim/V, aka Flower Angel Sunshine Man

Result: Total Victory, but you’re basically Satan

BEFORE YOU SEND ME ANON HATE, REMEMBER: this is a list based on how likely you are to win. And V? V would let anyone beat him. He probably thinks he deserves it. He might defend himself a little, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you. Your victory would be almost immediate. There is no catch to V. You’d just win. But you’re a fucking monster for it. And you know what? I’ll beat the shit out of you if you hurt this man. So don’t even think about it, asshole.

CCEE: Bob Morley

Edit: updated with more panel things

  • He gets beaten up a lot in the show because he’s good at “selling” the action scenes. 
  • During the scream this season he actually cut his forehead open from wailing on the jail cage. 
  • Mike Beach and Ian Cusick got in a 15 minute long fight over whose side Bellamy should be on when Pike had decided that Kane would be executed. Bob’s comment was that “I’m going to leave… let me know when you decide which one of you is going to be my dad”.
  • Bob also broke part of the set during the Octavia beats the shit out of Bellamy scene in season 3 because he accidentally went too far backwards when reacting to her blows.
  • Said some of his favourite scenes are with Eliza because they are so emotional and that he gets to cry. Also said his favourite scenes are the actions scenes. 
  • He did lament that he didn’t get to learn how to ride a horse like some of his costars, but that he is one of two people who knows how to drive the rover. The rover is stick shift and apparently a piece of crap to drive.
  • Bob Morley said his favourite episode “hasn’t aired yet”, so we got that coming our way this season.

like, notice that as SOON as eleanor was safe & out of the situation, louis removed himself & didn’t lay a hand on that girl. he wasn’t trying to fight he literally just wanted to stop his girl from getting the shit beat out of her which is y’know a good thing. he never hit that ‘fan’ he just pulled her away because nobody else was helping eleanor who was trapped in a corner three against one. fuck you if you think he did the wrong thing. fuck you.

Involved

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: i honestly don’t know if i like this or not but like……..fwb peter

Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5

Originally posted by peterbparkerr

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I don’t know if I’ve talked about this on here before but my favorite thing about The Last of Us is the fact that Ellie, attacked and nearly beaten unconscious by a man who apparently wants to rape, kill, and/or eat her, grabs a machete and just fucking lays into him like she’s chopping down a tree with a dull butter knife.

and, okay, the entire time this fight is going on, we’ve seen Joel making his way to the building they’re fighting in. and the game makes you think, oh great, Scruffy Thirty-Something Action Hero Man is going to show up and save the Small Vulnerable Teenage Girl, how original. except he doesn’t. by the time he gets there the creepy fucker is already dead and Ellie is just getting her frustrations out by relentlessly beating him with the machete like the world’s least appetizing piñata.

and Joel, Gruff Laconic Emotionally-Closed-Off Dude Joel, becomes what? emotional support. he hugs her and tells her everything’s gonna be okay after she’s been through hell and saved her own damn fuckin self thank you very much. I just. I love that so much. inverting tropes is my shit and Ellie is a bamf. thank you.

Drive Safely (Jeff Atkins x Reader)

A/N. JEFF DESERVES BETTER! And because of this, and because I am trash, I rewrote the ending of episode 9 - Clay doesn’t leave, Hannah and Sheri don’t knock over the stop sign, and everyone is safe. I hope you guys like it, and I am more than willing to take requests. Feel free to message me guys. Let’s cry together.

WORD COUNT: 3,420

Alright, enjoy!


The music was blasting, the beer was flowing, and Jessica and Justin were on the verge of procreating on the couch. (Y/n) rolled her eyes at the two sophomores and squeezed through the crowd, balancing the two drinks in her hands as she weaved around the drunk teenagers. She finally made it outside, sucking in a breath of the cooling autumn air and sighing. She was pretty sure Monty had brushed up against her ass. Horny asshole.

She looked around the far less populated, but still crowded, front yard, picking out her boyfriend from the way his poofy hair stood out above everyone else. He was talking to Clay, and as she approached she saw him roll his eyes violently, his whole body swaying with the force of it.

Damn Jensen, she thought with a laugh, you’re gonna break my boyfriend of you and Hannah don’t bang soon.

“Baby, your eyes are gonna get stuck like that.”

Jeff turned, his face changing as he looked at her. He lit up, grinned, and looked her up and down. “Hey babe! Listen, tell Clay he’s being stupid alright?”

She sighed, holding out his drink. “Coke for you, and Clay, you’re being an idiot.”

“I’m leaving.” Clay threw up his hands, exasperated.

“Woah,” (Y/n) lunged forward, catching his arm. Something was obviously wrong, he always played along with her and Jeff, and he was nervous, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “What’s up Clay? You alright?”

“I’m fine.” He shrugged out of her grip. “I just wanna go home alright?”

“Hannah kicked him out of the bedroom.” Jeff said, crossing his arms. “And now Clay’s being a baby and won’t go talk to her about it. Go talk to her Clay.

“Leave him alone,” She elbowed his side. “If Clay is too afraid to–”

“I’m not afraid!” Clay snapped. He looked between the two of them, mouth moving soundlessly, and he growled, spinning on his heel and charging towards the house. “I know what you two assholes are doing!” He shouted over his shoulder, shoving Zach out of the way as he reentered the house, flashing you both the middle finger.

“Wow.” (Y/n) laughed softly, looking up at Jeff and cradling her Palm Bay in both hands. “He is so whipped.”

“Yup.” Jeff wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side. “How’re you doing?”

She tilted her face up, kissing him softly. He smiled against her mouth, teeth catching her bottom lip playfully, and she shivered. But there were too many jocks around to really get into it right now. Damn the jocks. She broke away, taking a sip of her drink to keep from kissing him again. “I’m good. You? Jessica managed to remove her tongue from inside Justin’s mouth long enough to tell me they need more beer, and Sheri’s moving the car so you can get out.”

He nodded, attention a little too focused on her mouth and not enough on what she was saying. She nudged his side and he sighed, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry. Yeah I’m good. There’s no vodka in this right?” He wiggled the red cup.

She shook her head. “You have practice tomorrow, I figured you wouldn’t want to drink anymore.”

He kissed her temple, pulling her harder against his side until she was drowning in the smell of him. She wrapped her arms around his waist. “Thanks baby.”

“Love you.” She mumbled into his chest. Booze made her sentimental.

“Love you too.” He smiled down at her. “You wanna come?”

She nodded. He slid his hand down her back, giving her ass a quick pat. She smacked his hand, laughing, and he grinned down at her, pulling her towards the car. They settled in, and his hand found her knee, tapping a beat against the side of her leg as he turned on the car and the radio started blasting. He started singing along to some country song that made her roll her eyes, but when he looked at her dramatically, wiggling his eyebrows at her, she was forced to sing along.

“OH AND I’M HIGH ON LOVING YOU, HIGH ON LOVING YOU!” He pointed to her, bobbing his head.

“I’m leaving you.”

“I love you too.” He winked at her as he pulled into the beer store parking lot. “Wait here while I run in?” He asked, getting out of the car.

“No I’ll come.” She reached for her door handle, but Jeff pointed the control at the car and clicked the lock button. The door handle jerked in her hand, but the door stayed closed. “Seriously?” She undid the lock, and he pressed the button again, winking at her. He grabbed the passenger side handle, pressed the button again, and opened the door for her.

“M’lady.” He smiled with a mock-bow.

She rolled her eyes. “You are so lame.”

He leaned forward, pecking her lips. “I love you.”

She sighed, taking his hand as he led her towards the store. “I love you too you big dork.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders again, and her arms slid around his waist as they browsed the store, grabbing a couple six packs and some more coolers. He also grabbed a bag of chips, some candy, and a smoothie that he knew she liked. She kissed him again for that, pressing his back against the freezer. His hands found her ass, her fingers tangled in his hair and played with his earring, and they didn’t stop until he mumbled something about getting frostbite in a place that would stop this from going much further into the sensitive skin of her neck. She laughed, pushing him away and squeezing her legs a little closer together as they walked over to the cash register. He pinched her ass while they waited in line, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her back flush against his chest. As punishment, she rolled her hips backwards, grinding them against his front subtly, making him groan. Served him right, trying to tease her. Little asshole.

He payed fast, practically throwing money at the cashier, grabbed (y/n) around the knees, throwing her over his shoulder. She shrieked, laughing and kicking and smacking his back.

“Put me down you idiot!” She laughed. “What the hell Jeff?” She bumped his stomach with her knee, causing him to grunt.

“Ow.”

“Whoops.” She said sarcastically. “Put me down.”

Don’t move so much babe, I’m gonna drop the beer.” He nudged her hip with his chin, shifting the heavy box between his hands.

“Maybe if you put me down I could help carry stuff.” She rolled her eyes at his antics, but she was blushing and enjoying her lovely view of his ass.

“Just enjoy the view babe.” He teased, approaching the car. “Shit you’re heavy.”

She rolled her eyes. “Thanks honey, I love you too.”

He put the beer on top of the car and put her down, barely giving her a second to adjust to the change in gravity before he had her back pressed against the car door, fingers tunneling into her hair as he kissed her. She laughed against his mouth, running her hands over his chest, and then pushed him away gently.

“Baby,” he groaned, bumping his hips gently against hers.

“We can’t,” she shook her head, breathless. “Gotta take the beer back, then check on Clay and Hannah, drive them home, and then we can go home and–” She ran her tongue over her bottom lip, mind wandering to why exactly they could do when they got home.

His eyes widened when he saw where her mind was going. “Really?” He asked, voice husky.

She nodded. “But we’ve gotta go fast, before I change my mind.”

“Fuck yes.” He lunged forward, gave her one more rough kiss, and then all but forced her into the car. He grinned as he got into the driver’s seat, right hand settling on her thigh. “I’m gonna get you home so fast your head will spin.” He promised, fingers tapping a beat against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. “But after, we’re doing this shit slow.”

She laughed as he jerked the car into gear, peeling out of the parking lot. The tires actually squeaked, and she heard the beer sliding in the back seat.

“Slow down Jeff!” She laughed, grabbing the door handle for support as he took a sharp turn. “You know we have to be alive to–”

Something hit the floor, glass clinking, and she swore, twisting in her seat. Jeff slowed down considerably, both because they were approaching a busier street and because she was undoing her seatbelt.

“What are you doing?”

“The beer’s gonna fall.” She shrugged.

“Don’t worry about it, put your seatbelt on.” He looked down at her as she twisted in the seat, climbing over the plastic space between the two seats to reach the back. “Seriously babe. It’s not safe for you to be doing that. Crap.” He twisted the wheel violently to make the turn onto a backroad as they drew closer to Jessica’s house.

“Shit!” she swore. “Jeff keep your eyes on the road.”

“Maybe if you stayed in your seat you wouldn’t be bumping around back there.” He shot a look at her, getting an eyeful of her jean-clad ass. “Why am I complaining again?” He turned his attention back to the road.

“It’s fine.” She groaned, twisting back into her seat, the box of drinks in her hands. “See? I got it.” She smiled at him.

“So flexible.” He winked at her, slowing down at the intersection. “Come on baby put your seatbelt on.”

“Alright alright,” she nodded, balancing the box of beer onto the dashboard and twisting to put on her seatbelt. “You’re such a mom Jeff you know that?”

“Come on you love it.” He looked at her in the mirror as he sped up again. “But I mean, I prefer being called–”

Everything happened really fast. One second he was making an innuendo, the next another car sped through the intersection, slamming into the back of the car. They fishtailed, cars sliding on the wet asphalt, and (y/n) screamed. Jeff spun the wheel, slamming on the brakes, as the car slid towards the concrete barrier. They both jerked forward, (y/n) slamming into Jeff’s outstretched arm. The beer slid off the dashboard and slammed into (y/n)’s legs. The car slid to a stop, and they both sat there, panting.

Jeff swallowed, looking over at (y/n) who was staring at him with wide eyes. She didn’t seem aware of the sticky beer splashed across her chest, stomach and lap, or the metal can balancing on her knee. Her knuckles were white, wrapped around the armrest of the door, and all the blood had rushed from her face. He lowered his arm, resting his hand on her knee. He tightened his grip on her thigh until his hand stopped shaking.

“A-are you,” Jeff swallowed, “Are you okay?”

She nodded, still looking at him with wide eyes.

“You sure?” He looked down at the beer in her lap. “Babe you’re covered in beer.”

She nodded again. “Baby, did you–” she ran a shaky hand through her hair, “did you just soccer mom me?”

“What?” He laughed, a sharp, nervous bark, but it was enough. They both started breathing again. She closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the headrest, and he started running his thumb over her thigh, his other hand releasing a death grip he didn’t realize he had on the doorknob. “Holy fuck. Are you okay?”

She blinked, running her hand through her hand again. “I um, no. My legs really fucking hurt.”

“Seriously?” Jeff put the car in park and took off his seatbelt, turning in his seat. “Shit what’s wrong?”

“Nothing I just– oh my god!” She pointed at the window and Jeff jumped, twisting in his seat. His heart skipped a beat when he saw an old man tap on the glass of his window. He swallowed, turning to look at (y/n), who shrugged, eyes like saucers. He turned back to the window, keeping his hand on her leg.

“Um, hi?” He rolled down the window.

“Are you alright?” The old man asked, looking onto the car with a face full of concern. “I’m so sorry! I was on the phone, I wasn’t looking, I- I’m so sorry. Are you two okay?” He leaned forward to get a closer look at (y/n), making Jeff’s grip tighten on her thigh. “Are you okay honey?”

(Y/n) nodded shakily. “Are- are you okay sir?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me sweetheart. Are you sure you two are alright?” The old man was practically shaking as he looked between the two of them, wringing phone between his hands in guilt. He reminded Jeff of his own granddad. “We should call 911.”

Jeff shook his head. His seventeen year old girlfriend was probably still a little buzzed, and he wasn’t sure what his blood alcohol content was. He knew he was okay to drive, and that he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he didn’t want to risk it. “We’re okay. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, listen I- I dented the back of your car. I should pay for the damage.” The man reached for his wallet. “I can–”

“That’s okay.” Jeff interrupted, but the man wouldn’t be stopped.

“Give me your home number at least. I’ll get in touch with your parents, we’ll figure this out.”

The man wouldn’t take no for an answer, and Jeff eventually gave in. The two swapped contact information, and Jeff called his parents, explaining what had happened and letting the man talk to them. Jeff turned his attention back to his girlfriend, who was sitting quietly in the passenger seat.

“Are you okay?” He asked, half inside the car, leaning over the driver’s seat to look at her. “You’ve got glass and crap on you.”

“I’m fine.” She nodded.

He couldn’t tear his eyes off the glass littering her lap, the drying beer and streaks of blood from where the glass had cut her up. “Baby–”

“I promise I’m okay.” She nodded again. “My eyes are up here Jeff.” He chuckled softly, more to humour her than anything else, and tore his eyes up to meet hers. They were wide and shiny with nervous tears, and he reached out and took her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I love you.” He said quietly, trying to put as much meaning as he could into the three words they had been tossing around casually all night. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” She gave him a watery smile, squeezing his hand. “I’m okay. I promise.”


Four hours later, after the cops and ETM had cleared them to go home, and (y/n)’s parents had taken her home to pick up some stuff, she was in his room, lying on his bed. Their parents had allowed them to have a sleepover, the first one they knew about, after what had happened. It wasn’t even a dangerous accident, but everyone was freaked out. (Y/n)’s parents approved of him, and while her dad was obviously not thrilled by the sleepover, all four parents had agreed that the two of them needed this. And while Jeff wanted to convince everyone that he was fine and that nothing was wrong, he wasn’t going to argue with a parent-approved night spent with his girlfriend.

At first (y/n) had stood hesitantly in his doorway, her hands playing nervously with the strap of her duffel bag. “I um, I know we had… other plans for tonight, but,” she sighed.

“Hey,” He laughed softly, getting off the bed and walking over to her, pulling her into a hug with his right arm. His left shoulder was sore from the jerk of his seat belt. “You’re on a crapton of pain killers because of your legs, and I’ve got a sore shoulder, plus, you know, we almost died earlier, so get in my bed and cuddle with me.”

She smiled. “You’re not upset we’re not gonna do anything else?”

“My parents are in the other room with their ears to the door probably, so we weren’t gonna get much done anyway.” He shrugged. When she rolled his eyes and smacked his chest he pulled her tighter against his side and kissed the top of her head. “It’s fine baby. I just wanna hold you.”

“You’re perfect.” She mumbled, looking up at him and smiling. “I love you Jeff.”

He leaned forward and kissed her gently, sliding both arms around her waist and pulling her tight against him, ignoring the twinge of pain through his shoulder. Her hands slid up his stomach, grabbing fistfuls of the loose t-shirt he was wearing and tugging his closer. He felt her shiver against him and pulled away, looking down in concern. Her bottom lip quivered and his eyebrows drew together. “What’s wrong beautiful?”

“I–” Her voice cracked, and tears spilled out of her eyes. She hid her forehead in his chest. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, “I just, I–” her breath hitched. “I just can’t shake this feeling that something really bad just happened.”

“Why?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and holding her close. “Baby we’re fine. Everything’s okay.”

“I know but– but–” she shuddered, a sob slipping free as she slid her arms around his waist.

Jeff walked backwards, pulling her with him until they reached the bed. He sat down, tugging her into his lap, and wrapped his arms around her waist. She buried her face in the space where his neck met his shoulder and cried.

“We’re okay,” he said quietly, running his fingers up and down her spine. “We’re both fine. My shoulder’s gonna be sore for a couple weeks, and you’re gonna be kinda bruised, and probably not be able to wear shorts for a while, which now that I think about it is actually pretty terrible I take back everything I just said this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to us.”

She laughed, sniffling, and wiped her eyes. “Shut up dummy.”

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. “See? We’re okay.”

She nodded, wiping her eyes. “Yeah. I’m sorry, I just, I can’t imagine losing you.”

“Well you’re not going to, so problem solved.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m not going anywhere okay baby? And I promise I’m gonna drive safer, and I’m never gonna scare you like this any more okay?”

“It wasn’t your fault.” She shook her head, wiggling out of his lap and lying down. She grabbed his snuggle-pillow and wrapped her arms around it. “It was just scary you know? I thought we were gonna hit the concrete, and I could just see it, I could see smoke, and, and blood, and you weren’t moving, and–” her eyes welled up with tears again.

Jeff lay down on his side, propping himself up on his arm. “Come here.”

She moved forward so he could wrap his arm around her waist. “I’m sorry,” she shrugged, sniffling again, “I’m okay, I’ll be fine. I just want you to hold me.”

“Well that I can do.” Jeff smiled softly, laying down on his back. “Oh wait, hang on a second.” She moved back, giving him room to sit up. He tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it across the room, then winked at her. She snorted and he wiggled his eyebrows. “How much does this make you feel better?” He asked, flexing his chest and arms.

She laughed softly. “Much better. Thank you baby.”

He lay back down, kissing the tip of her nose, and patted his chest. “Come here to me honey.” He dropped his voice and wiggled his eyebrows again. (Y/n) giggled and rested her head on top of his chest, sliding her hands around his waist and hooking one leg over both of his. He wrapped his arms around her back, one hand reaching up to play with the ends of her hair while the other rubbed soothing circles against her hip. He kissed the top of her head.

“I love you Jeff Atkins.” (Y/n) mumbled sleepily.

He hummed, his chest rumbling. “I love you too beautiful. So much. And I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

tobiltop  asked:

What's the Beyonce news I seem to have missed?

jay-z’s new album came out and in it he said he was a straight up dog that went for bey as soon as she was 18 (he’s like 12 years older than her lmao) and then cheated on her throughout their relationship. cheated so many times. and that shit was so stressful on bey that his bullshit was the cause of multiple miscarriages and stillbirths.

I’m gonna murder him lmao why are black men always such a disappointment!!! he’s got beyonce!!!!!! fucking BEYONCE!!!! as his WIFE!!!!!!!! AND HE’S GONNA BE A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT TO HER I’M REALLY GONNA BEAT HIS ASS. FUCK ALL THE SHIT I SAID BACK WHEN LEMONADE CAME OUT BEY PLEASE LEAVE HIM.

I LOVE THE NEW OMAKE AND ITS UNEXPECTED KACCHAKO VIBES

Like the way Bakugou turns around and is ready to beat the shit out of whoever is behind him

And is shook when he sees it’s Uraraka (he still swears at her cuz that’s just who he is, but still)

^^ Also the fact that Uraraka knows Bakugou’s looking for Midoriya without him having to say so

AND THE FACT THAT SHE CAN SENSE HIS FUCKING BAKURAGE AURA

(I guess it’s pretty hard to miss but SHHHH LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT)

Bakugou can’t hurt her with his stank attitude:

BECAUSE

SHE AIN’T GOING ANYWHERE Y’ALL

AND SHE CALLS HIM COOL:

(Note that the speech bubbles have a black background, which usually happens in manga when those words are important to someone.)

AND I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYONE ELSE STRAIGHT UP TELLING BAKUGOU TO HIS FACE THAT THEY THINK HE’S COOL (It’s probably happened before like with Kirishima or somebody but I seriously can’t remember it happening).

AND THIS:

SHE UNDERSTANDS HIM

AND HER GENUINE, CARING EYES

AND HIS FACE AS SHE’S TALKING TO HIM

SHOOK AF

And after the whole thing’s over, she’s all like,

And even though he’s perpetually an angry shit, her words still made Bakugou calm down:

These two are just -

GAH

I won’t curse without proper cause.

I won’t curse my ex partners just because we broke up.

But that ex who lied to me for years about who she was and when I called her out for cat-fishing me she called me homophobic? Your ass is cursed.

I won’t curse mean teachers who are mean on the surface but are cool people once you get to know them.

But that teacher who abused her students physically, sexually, mentally, verbally, and emotionally? Yeah get wrecked bitch.

I won’t curse that annoying girl who used to bully me behind my back because frankly her life is shit enough without me adding to it.

But those bullies who beat me down, physically assaulting me because of my hairstyle? Enjoy your illnesses, babes.

I won’t curse people I mildly dislike. I won’t curse people who simply annoy me. I won’t curse people “just because”. I need a reason. A proper cause. Differing opinions, stupidity and ignorance, and annoyance do not count as proper cause. Starting riots that destroy cities? Being bigoted and laughing away those that call you out? Harassing me/my family to no end? Those are proper causes. Those can warrant a curse.

“Like what you see?”(MATURE)

“…but I was thinking, maybe we should-Hello, the earth is calling Y/N. Anyone home?” Justin waved his hands in front of Y/N’s face. She quickly focused her eyes on his face. “Mhm?” she mumbled.

“Where did I lose you?” he asked curiously, wondering what was on her mind. They were discussing which movie they’re going to watch.

“Um, you were saying something about, um, the girl on the train? You said you would like to watch it, since you liked the book so much.” she spoke unsurely, wondering if he even spoke of that. She knows they had that conversation few days ago, but did he mentioned it today, she wasn’t certain.

As a respond he giggled. She joined him, she loved when he would giggle, his eyes would nearly shut, his smile would grow so big and the sound was just like an angel was laughing.

“So I’ve lost you like three days ago. I didn’t even mentioned it today. FYI I was telling you about this new movie “Don’t Breath”, but now I’m very interested what was on your mind.” His smile grew even wider, he looked like he caught her in some kind of embarrassing action, and he actually did, without even knowing. She could feel hotness spreading around her face, she knew she looked as red as a tomato. She buried her face into her palms.

That made Justin giggle even more. “Oh don’t tell me that you were picturing me naked?” he wiggled his eyebrows. He knew it would make her blush even more, and he just couldn’t resist but tease her. “You know, you could’ve just asked, I would even put a show for you.”

She immediately lifted her head up and yelled giggling “NO” her cheeks were dark red. She once again covered her face.

“So you don’t want me to put on a show for you?” Justin placed his left hand over his chest, pretending he’s hurt. “I am deeply offended, Y/N.”

He couldn’t keep a straight face, not around her. She was just so embarrassed, it was the cutest thing ever. He extended his arms to her. “Come”

She shyly moved from her place on the couch and sat onto his lap. She buried her face into crotch of his neck. He chuckled once again, and so did she. “Now will you tell me what you were thinking about, if it wasn’t me naked?”

She took a deep breath. She had some thoughts on this, and how to explain it to him, without him getting hurt. She moved her face from his neck and looked deeply into his eyes. By now, his face wasn’t all giggly and happy anymore, it was rather serious.

“Y/N, what is it? You’re scaring me.” he looked concerned. She placed her hands on his chest and started playing with the shirts fabric.

“No, no, it’s nothing that serious, you don’t have to be worried. I just. Ugh, I don’t know how to say this. You know I’m not good at this things.” His face lightened up a little bit.

“So you where picturing me naked.”

“No I was not.”

“Well then you were picturing us having sex.” Her cheeks went red once again. “So you were. You know you don’t have to picture something like that when I’m right there.” He got closer to her. She knew where this was leading and she had nothing against it, but it was now or never.

She lightly pushed him back down, and he looked at her confused. He wanted to say something but she cut him off.

“Technically, yes I was picturing us naked, but there was more to it.” Her eyes once more focused on her hands rather than his eyes. He could tell that he was very intrigued by now, and he wanted to know more than just that.

“So what was that more?” his voice became lower. He’s words came out like a little growl, which only sent shivers down her spine. He could feel she tensed above him. “Tell me, baby, what was I doing?”

She was always so shy about this kind of things, and she knew she won’t be able to tell him her fantasy, but she can avoid it by a simple question which should clarify everything.

“What kinks do you have?” now for him, that question came out of nowhere and it shocked him. Justin was staring at her, not sure why she was changing the subject.

“Look, you know I suck at dirty talk. Stop giggling, I wasn’t making a dirty joke.” She lightly punched his shoulder. “You’re not helping.”

“Oh come here my embarrassed baby.” He got closer once again and their lips met for a quick peck. Once they separated she started again. “You have to know one thing, by all of this I am not saying that our sex life is bad, at least not for me. It’s amazing but I just feel like something is missing. So I wanna know what gets you off, what do you like.”

He didn’t know what to say, she caught him off-guard. He observed her and she just couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Fine I’ll start. Um, I like rough sex, and by that I mean everything that goes with it, choking, tying up, ass slapping, blindfolding, and usage of toys. I like it when a man knows how to treat a woman, how to be a dominant but at the same time caring and loving.”

He looked at her like she was someone else, he had no idea where that came from. She was always so shy telling him about her sex dream or simple dirty talk during sex, so it shook him up.

He cleaned his throat and shifted in his sat, he was getting hot from her recent confession. “So that’s what you really like, baby girl? Is that what you want me to do?” Justin got closer to her, she could feel her heart beating faster. She bit her lip and simply nodded.

He placed his left hand on her back and twirled her around so she was laying on the couch and he was hovering her. She separated her legs and wrapped them around his waist. He brought his face closer to hers, but never touching hers.

Suddenly he got up from her, she was confused. He offered her his left arm and she took it. He pulled her of the couch. Their faces met once again, but he didn’t make a move. “Since you like being tied up, I can’t fuck the living shit out of you down here where I can’t tie you up to anything.”

He guided her up to their shared room, and with every step was feeling more and more horny. Once they were inside, Justin pushed her against the bedroom door. She gasped from sudden harshness, but it only made her hornier.

“Tonight I don’t want to hear a sound from you, unless I gave you permission. Understood?” Justin growled into her ear. She felt unexpected heat spreading across her body. She nodded, she wasn’t able to answer his question. But he wasn’t pleased with that.

His left hand found her neck and squeezed it, first, lightly, then adding more force. “Understood?” he inquired loudly. “Yes” she mumbled.

“Yes, what?” he repeated after her.

“Yes, daddy.”

He lighten his grip only to lock his lips with hers. She expected it to be a rough and fast kiss, but he wasn’t hurrying anywhere. It annoyed her, she wanted to feel him, and she wanted him to just take her, without any foreplay. But she knew she wasn’t getting that.

His hands were moving up and down her body, but once hers found the back of his head, he jacked the off and held them up, above her head. It only made her moan into the kiss.

He freed her lips and placed kisses all over her chin. She knew what he was doing, and he knew the exact effect he had on her. “Please, Justin.”

All of the sudden he stopped, his grip became tighter. He looked into her eyes, his voice was low and steady. “I don’t recall giving you a permission to speak. Do that one more time and I will stop.” She bit her lip and tried to hold in a moan.

He freed her hands only to rip her shirt off. She wouldn’t be able to describe how hot and weak it made her when he ripped it, she wanted to moan, all frustrated. He took what remained of the shirt in one hand, while he used his other one to guide her to the bed. When her legs hit the end of the bed, he demanded. “Bra off, lay on your back, hands above your head.”

She listened, but she took the chance to tease him as much as he was teasing her. She slowly reached behind her back, she pretended to be struggling with her bra. He clenched his jaw and stepped closer. He didn’t even warn her, he just ripped it off and pushed her onto bed. She crawled to the top of the bed, she obediently laid on her back placing her hands above her head, meeting the coldness of headboard.

Justin seemed pleased, as he got onto bed, placing his knees on either side of her body, slowly making his way up to her, slowly rolling her shirt in his hands. Once he reached her, his crotch was directly in front of her and she couldn’t help but bite her lip.

“You like what you see?” he asked taking her hands in his and wrapping her shirt around her hands. He continued, never stopping to look down at her. “Now, this will have to work today, but next time, baby girl, you’re gonna be properly handcuffed. I promise you that.” He tighten the knot, making sure it was at the same time tight enough, but not way to tight.

He backed away a little bit, he lowered himself, so his face was at the same height as hers. They looked at each other, and Y/N just couldn’t take it anymore. She just wanted to feel his touch, his lips all over her body, his hands working their way up and down her inner thigh, his tongue circling around her clit, and lastly his dick inside of her.

She moved her head up but he was faster and backed away, only a little bit but enough far so she couldn’t reach him. He smirked at her while she let out a sigh. It seemed like he wasn’t hurrying anywhere, but Y/N was just about to explode. “Ugh, please Justin. Stop teasing.” She whined out.

The sound of her voice made Justin back away. He wiggled his left finger “That’s a no-no. What did I say? Speak one more time and I will stop. Do you really want me to stop? No? Then I will have to get those pretty little mouth occupied, won’t I?”

Justin got off the bed, still not hurrying anywhere. He stood on the left side of the bed, slowly undoing his kaki jeans. He used the opportunity to take his shirt off, shoes and Calvin Klein boxers. Y/N’s eyes never let his out of sight, observing every inch of his body, memorizing the little stuff.

“Like what you see?” Justin inquired. As a respond, she let out a loud moan. “Isn’t it funny that, when you have a permission to talk you don’t, but when you don’t, you do? You like being bad? Trust me I can treat you like a bad girl any time you want.” He growled, slowly getting onto bed, taking the same position as before.

He took his dick into his hand and placed it in front of her mouth. “Suck.” But he didn’t need to tell her twice. She took him into her mouth, as much as she could and started sucking onto it. His mouth felt open, as her eyes never left his eyes. “Fuck, just like that.”

She would gladly go slow and tease him, but she wasn’t able to take it slow. She picked her pace, sucking and licking. He grabbed her hair “So you wanna be a bad girl? Then, don’t suck a dick like a good girl.” With those words he pushed her head all the way to his pubic hair. She gaged at the sudden at the feeling of his whole dick in her mouth.

“That’s right take it all.” He roughly pushed her head back and forth, and every time she could feel the tip of his dick hitting the back of her throat. She could feel her drool all over her neck and chest.

“How selfish of me. You’re here all hot and wet, and all I think about is my pleasure.” He pulled out, heavy breathing.

“Are you wet for me? Or are you dripping?” he asked, slowly backing away so he was placed in between her legs. “Well, let’s find out.”

He harshly pressed his right hand on her pussy, rubbing her clit through her panties. She let out a loud moan of relief, finally feeling his touch. “Ohhoho.” He said excitedly. “Someone is dripping wet.”

He pulled her panties off, lowering his head, and without a warning connecting his lips with her clit. Y/N moaned loudly, throwing her head into the pillow and pushing her hips up. Justin placed his hands around her legs, separating them to get into better position.

“So delicious.” He growled against her, which send shiver all over her body. He pushed his two fingers in, making her moan even louder. He picked his pace with his tongue and fingers action, making her lose her mind.

She was feeling herself getting close, and she knew he felt it to, because he suddenly stopped. She whined because of the sudden feeling of emptiness. He got up and in a matter of second pushed himself into him.

The sudden change from his tongue to his dick made her scream his name out loud. He let out a loud grown. “So Fucking. Tight.” He muttered out with every thrust.

With his left hand he placed her left leg onto his shoulder, lightly hovering over her, his right hand found her right nipple, harshly nibbling onto it.

She was close, she could feel her orgasm growing. “I can feel you clenching around my dick. You wanna come? Well not yet.”

With those words he picked up his speed, and it made it even hared for not to cum. She tugged her nails into the fabric of her shirt. She looked up at Justin, her eyes begging him to let her cum. He moved his hand from her nipple to her neck, griping it tightly.

“Cum for me, baby girl. Cum for daddy.” Nothing more was needed to be say. She felt her walls clenching, and within the second she came hard, all around him, tugging her nails now into her skin, screaming his name.  

“Fuck. You look so hot when you cum.” He hissed out, not slowing his pace, while she was still high from her previous longly waited orgasm.

He stopped only to flip her around. “On all fours.” He demanded, and once again thrusted into her. She was feeling sore, but she didn’t mind, it felt so good to feel him inside her, she wished they could stay like this forever.

He tangled his left hand in her hair, tugging it back so he could appreciate her pretty face. His right hand slapped her each ass cheek twice, making her whimper after every slap.

He could feel himself getting close, so he picked his pace. Y/N wasn’t far away, even though she just finished one orgasm. She pushed her ass more up “Fucking hell Y/N, do that again.”

She pushed her ass up as much as she could, feeling satisfied that she could please him like that. “Are you close baby girl? Yeah? Cum with me, cum with your daddy.”

His thrust became sloppier as both of their orgasms hit them, she could feel his hot seed feeling her inside, and she screamed his name loudly. He growled loudly emptying himself into her.

As the rid their orgasm of, Y/N collapsed on the bed, and Justin on top of her, never pulling his dick out of her. She moved her head so she was facing him and she smiled. They were both breathing heavily.

“That was extraordinary.” Was all she could mumble into the pillow.

“Oh I’m not finished with you just yet.”

Male tennis players still feel the need to downplay Serena Williams.

John McEnroe is promoting his new book and couldn’t resist flapping his gums about Serena Williams, the world’s best tennis player and one of the greatest athletes of all time.

Serena Williams has asked John McEnroe to respect her after he stated the 23-time Grand Slam champion would be “like 700” in the world tennis rankings if she played on the men’s tour.

“If she played the men’s circuit she’d be, like, 700 in the world,” said McEnroe, while promoting his latest memoir But Seriously.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t think Serena is an incredible player, and I suppose anything’s possible; maybe at some point a women’s tennis player can be better than anybody.

"I just haven’t seen that in any other sport, and I haven’t seen it in tennis. If she had to just play the men’s circuit, it would be an entirely different story.”

Williams responded on Monday evening, stating: “Dear John, I adore and respect you but please please keep me out of your statements that are not factually based.

"I’ve never played anyone ranked "there” nor do I have time. Respect me and my privacy as I’m trying to have a baby. Good day sir.“

(cont. Telegraph UK

Tennis is one of those sports where men repeatedly feel the need to say to women "ok you’re good, but you can’t beat me” as if letting her be good on its own is too threatening to your manhood.  I know this isn’t that important and John McEnroe has always been an obnoxious little shit but I do randomly want to make a few points about comparing women’s athletics to men’s athletics.

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