Perhaps the biggest fan of the song [about Matthews] is Maple Leafs forward Mitch Marner. Both live close to each other and drive to practice and games together. “It’s pretty funny,” Matthews said. “Mitch starts playing the song on the drive on the way to the rink. It’s pretty cool.”
Entschuldige falls es bereits gefragt wurde (Ich bin so unaufmerksam), aber wie kamt ihr auf das Konzept von CY-BEAST lvl1?
Ich schreibe und rappe sehr, sehr viel; Einfach des Rappens wegen. Mir macht’s übertrieben Bock abgefahrene Flows auszuprobieren, an Reimen zu schrauben, mir dumme Wortspiele auszudenken und im Allgemeinen liebe ich einfach das Gefühl, wenn ich gerade einen Lauf habe und über einen Beat sprinte. Über die Zeit hat’s sich ergeben, dass ich mich dabei in den sich selbst überschätzenden, rotzfrechen Beastyboy verwandle, weil ein überheblicher und gleichzeitig lustiger Text deutlich schneller auf’s Blatt kommt, als einer, in dem ich wirklich etwas ausdrücken möchte, was ich fühle. Das Konzept hinter dem Tape ist also eigentlich nur, dass ich ein Ventil für meine Raplust bekomme und mich austoben kann. Selbiges gilt auch auf der instrumentalen Ebene. Mary und ich sind die ganze Zeit nur am rumspielen, haha.
Dick blinked himself awake. Then he blinked again, just to watch the colors swirl.
“Hey buddy, how you feelin’?”
Someone was talking. Dick tilted his head, even though it was very heavy, to the right. Oh, there they were. Dick smiled at the man sitting on a chair by his bed. He was wearing a…
“Hat,” he supplied, feeling proud when the man laughed, dragging a hand down his face.
“Yeah, you probably feel pretty amazing right now, don’t you?”
Dick did feel pretty amazing.
“I feel,” he started, but then there was a door, and it was opening, and an actual angel appeared.
“Ah, you’re awake. About time, Dickhead, pretty sure Baby Bat was about to stage a revolution.”
Dick didn’t care about anything but this guy’s face, even when the man paused and just met his eyes for a long while. Not long enough.
“Why are you– why’s he staring at me like that?”
“Beats me, man.” Shush, hat. Angel was talking. “He’s on some serious drugs.”
Irritated, Dick flapped his hand (more like flopped it) at the man in the hat, shushing him. He wanted to touch that white spot in the hair. It looked soft.
“Are you soft?”
He had to know, it was vital.
Hat was laughing again but Dick let him. Hat didn’t matter. Angel looked good (he looked bewildered). He wasn’t answering Dick’s question though, so he tried to reach for the white but his arms weren’t long enough.
He expressed his displeasure (he whined like a toddler) and tried in vain to reach Angel who sat down heavily on the other chair in the room, immediately to Dick’s left. This meant that Dick could now reach his leg. It was a good leg.
“I like your leg.”
Angel’s mouth was hanging open so Dick smiled at him. Hat chose this moment to fall off the chair and Dick’s head was so heavy but he still managed to turn it to look. He couldn’t see Hat anymore and got worried.
“Hat?!” He tried to sit up but everything was too heavy. A freckled arm held up the hat, waving it where he could see it, so he calmed down. Hat was okay. “He’s okay.”
“He sure sounds like it,” Angel remarked grumpily, almost too quiet to be heard over Hat’s gasping laughter.
“Oh man, I’m never letting you live this down, Dick.”
Hat was getting up, but Dick had fingers. He had… a lot of them. Several. Many.
“Aight, I can’t handle this. I’m gonna let the rest of the Batclan know that he’s awake, you’ll stay with him, right? Right. Bye, Dick!”
Hat was gone, but Angel was still sitting with him. Dick smiled besottedly at him.
“Are you gonna be here forever?” was what he tried to say but he started coughing in the middle of it. Man, his throat was dry.
A straw was in front of his face. He crossed his eyes to try to look at it but decided to put it in his mouth instead. The water felt good on his dry throat, and he made sure to tell Angel about it. Did Angel have a name?
“It’s… I’m Jason, Dickie.” Jason. Jason was smiling a little and Dick was in love, he was sure of it.
“Are we dating?” he asked, and Jason’s face turned red. It reminded Dick of the colors he’d seen when he first blinked. “There are a lot of colors, Jason.”
“Damn you, Roy, leaving me alone with this…”
Jason sighed, covering his face and Dick didn’t like that so he pouted. This time Jason was close enough that he could touch his hair. Startled, Jason jerked his head up from where he’d buried his face in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.
“You’re very pretty, Jason. I like you.” He grabbed his hand. It felt rough but he liked it anyway, even though he wasn’t sure why. He felt sleepy again. “I’d give you anything…”
“Go the fuck to sleep, Dick.”
He liked the way Jason said his name so fondly, and drifted off with a smile on his face.
When Dick awoke again everything felt much less floaty. He gave a pained groan and lifted a hand to rub at the bridge of his nose. Damn, but his head ached.
“Are you with us?”
Blinking against the fluorescent lights, he looked to his left where he found Barbara peering at him over her glasses. There was a computer resting on her lap and a mug of tea, still steaming faintly with heat, on the table beside his bed. He recognized the room as one of the surgery recovery rooms at the manor.
He opened his mouth to give an affirmative but only a dry croak came out. Setting her laptop aside, Barbara leaned over to grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge built into the side table. She put a straw in and he smiled gratefully at her when she placed it within sipping distance. Once he didn’t feel like his throat was made of sandpaper he replied,
“Yeah, I’m with you. What happened?”
Babs put a finger over her mouth, giving a meaningful glance to the window opposite her. When Dick looked over, he found Damian sleeping curled up on the window sill, mouth slightly open and looking his age for once. Dick sent him a fond look before turning back to a softly smiling Babs.
“You got hit by some debris and had to go through surgery. Nothing major, by our standards. The doc’ll go over what you’re not allowed to do for a few weeks,” Babs explained in a quiet voice. Dick was about to ask her to elaborate when the door opened and Roy entered.
“The Hat is back!” he proclaimed with a grin, making Damian jerk awake with a startled noise. “Whoops, sorry, kiddo.”
“Tt. Your voice is grating, Harper.”
Damian gave him a solemn nod and Dick tried his best to return it without giving in to the urge to coo at how cute his little brother was, all flustered and trying to hide it.
“Grayson. It is good to see you awake, and in full command of your sensibilities. I shall inform Pennyworth.”
With that Damian left the room, leaving Dick mildly befuddled.
He was not reassured by Roy’s answering grin. Quite the opposite. Barbara laughed and picked up her computer again, tapping away.
“Well, you see… when a certain love struck bird is on a rather high dose of painkillers…”
As Roy laid out Dick’s drug addled antics he had to struggle not to just roll off of the bed and straight out the window. He had hit on Jay? And like a complete idiot, too! Great! Fantastic!
“Ugh,” he groaned. “That’s it, I’m never gonna be able to look him in the eyes ever again.”
“Probably not, yeah,” Roy said, cheerfully. Dick groaned and shoved his head underneath the pillow, praying it would be enough to choke him to death.
If Jason came by the manor while Dick was bedridden he didn’t deign to visit, and for that Dick was glad. Maybe they’d be able to laugh the incident off, but as more time had passed, the blurry half hour he’d spent alone with Jason had come into focus.
He had been deeply embarrassing, and stupidly obvious, if one knew how to look. And Dick wasn’t confident that he could act like he hadn’t meant every single word he’d said.
“I’d give you anything…”
Yeah, no. Dick grimaced. That one would be hard to explain away, wouldn’t it? He pushed it out of his mind for later contemplation, preferably scheduled for never, and got off the elevator when it stopped on his floor. Fumbling his apartment keys a little, he tried to focus on deciding which prepared meal (supplied by Alfred, of course) he’d heat up that night.
He’d been released from his forced bed rest only three days previous, and was feeling a little lonely in his empty apartment. Damian had been not-so-subtly suggesting he get a pet for months before his surgery and had only gotten less subtle while Dick was confined to the manor. Or at least that was how Dick had chosen to interpret the fact that more often than not he’d woken up to Alfred the cat purring on his chest.
Still, the fact remained that Dick lived alone, and he kept such unreliable hours, what with his Nightwing persona taking up most of his nights, that having a pet would be selfish and careless. In fact, it was because of their shared lifestyle that he’d never suggested that Jason get a pet even if Dick thought it would be good for him and oh damn it, there he went, thinking about Jason again.
With a sigh, he placed his keys in their usual spot beside the door before toeing out of his shoes. He hung up his jacket, and moved toward the kitchen, not noticing at first that there was someone reclining on his couch in spite of having turned the lights on when he entered.
Dick spun around so fast he was distantly afraid he’d just reopened his wounds. Jason was sitting up, sans helmet and domino, and raising an eyebrow in incredulity.
“What if I’d been an axe murderer?”
“Did you come in through the window in civvies?” was what came out of Dick’s mouth.
Jason shrugged dismissively.
“No one saw. Probably.”
He was putting on an air of nonchalance. Most people wouldn’t have been able to tell, but Dick had been trained in body language from a young age, by the very same man who had trained Jason to control his. Jason was faking, covering something up.
Dick latched onto that mystery with something akin to desperation, anything to distract him from his mind blaring alarms about how Jason looked so good it was criminal, and oh, wouldn’t he look just delicious in handcuffs? Stupid brain, being stupid and unhelpful.
“So, what brings you here, Little Wing? Something you need?”
And now Jason was also being uncooperative by having the audacity to blush. Adorable. Utterly inconvenient.
“Actually, I wanted to talk. About, you know…” Uh-oh. Involuntarily, Dick tensed as if to prepare for an attack. “I was talking to Babs about it, and then I talked to Roy, and, you know, they said things…”
Dick did not know. What the hell? The adrenaline ebbed away, leaving him mostly confused.
“Do you actually like my leg? Legs? Even when not on drugs?“
Jason scratched his head, looking equal parts confused and embarrassed. It worked for him though, and was that a hint of hopefulness he detected? Could it be? Emboldened, Dick couldn’t help but blurt out,
“Yes!” Well, alright. Time to face the music. “I like, uh, all of you. Actually.”
Timidly, he shifted his weight from foot to foot. What if he’d misread the situation? What if Roy was gonna pop out with a hidden camera any second, and his confession would go viral, open for mockery across the world?
Jason was staring at him. The moment stretched on, until Jason’s face broke into a grin. Was this going to be the hidden camera reveal? Dick tried to subtly check behind the couch. Could that shadow be someone hiding there?
“Dickie…” Jason’s awestruck voice drew his eyes back to his fellow vigilante. “I like all of you, too.”
Oh. Dick’s worries melted away as swiftly as they’d come. He started to grin, and Jason let out a delighted laugh, stepping closer.
“Well, besides your absurd love affair with that awful cereal, but I’m willing to overlook that.”
“Very big of you,” Dick laughed, wrapping one arm around Jason’s neck, pulling his head down into a soft kiss.
Jason laughed into the kiss and Dick felt like he was full of bubbles, like the world had been dull and gray, but now it was full of swirling colors.
Wrote this on mobile, in bed, it’s almost 1 am, will clean up tomorrow!
Edited to add: it is now tomorrow and I’ve posted it on AO3 here.
Warning! This chapter deals with self-harm and attempted suicide, read at your own risk. I also want to just make a little side note; there will be a “face reveal” for Flug and how I describe his face is just how I picture it. Alright, thanks! Enjoy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Flug was tired of this. He was tired of the abuse. He was tired of the hits and the screams. He was tired of his shitty life. He just wanted to end.
That’s when he got the idea. He could end it. He had plenty of reasons why he wanted to and he had an entire laboratory full of weapons he could use. A sad grin made its way to Flug’s face as stood up from the bathroom floor and walked into his lab. Walking to the door, he slammed it shut and locked.
Flug gently walked over to his small bed that he had in the corner of his lab, which he barely used as Black Hat made him work without sleep constantly, and sat down. He needed to think about this carefully. How was he going to do this? Should he make a mess or try to go out as clean as possible?
He didn’t know. Sure throughout his life, he had been plenty depressed and full of anxiety, but this is the first time he really was going to do something this drastic.
Just then, a knock on his door snapped him out of his thoughts. His eyes widened thinking it might be Black Hat back for another round at him but his nerves were calmed as he heard the gentle scratches of 5.0.5.
Flug sighed and stood up and walked over to the door opening it. “Can I help you 5.0.5?” He asked peeking out the door. If he was going to miss anyone, it would probably be 5.0.5, he really was like a giant teddy bear.
5.0.5 gently tilted his head as he looked at Flug, he could sense something was wrong with him but he just figured that he was just tired, like always. 5.0.5 gently pointed at the clock showing Flug that it was dinner time.
Flug was honestly just about to say no to going to dinner, but he was afraid Black Hat might be mad at him for missing it so he reluctantly went. Though, with what he was planning, he didn’t’ have much of an appetite.
The two of them walked down the hall and entered the dining room where a long table that would normally sit about 30 people sat Black Hat and Demencia. Black Hat sitting at the head as always and Demencia on his right.
“There you two are,” Black Hat mumbled, “Took you long enough.”
“S-Sorry S-sir.” Flug stuttered out before walking to his normal seat on Black Hat’s left with 5.0.5 next to Demencia.
Black Hat only grunted and Flug looked down at his lap. He wanted to be unsure about the whole thing, he wanted to think that Black Hat would change and take Flug into his arms and tell him he was sorry, for everything.
But he couldn’t deny reality anymore. Flug was only Black Hat’s toy.
Once again he was snapped out of his thoughts as a plate was set in front of him with food on it. He gently picked up his fork and picked at his food. He really wasn’t hungry and even the little nibbles that he took made him feel sick.
“Something wrong Doctor?” Black Hat’s whisper made him look up. Black Hat looked at him with a neutral face but with a hint of gentleness in his eyes.
Flug shrugged and continued to pick at his food. “Not too hungry.” He mumbled back.
“Are you sure that’s-” Black Hat reached his hand out to place on Flug’s shoulder but Flug only flinched away making Black Hat slowly pull his hand away.
“I’m fine…” Flug insisted once again before shoving a large piece of meat into his mouth and swallowing it almost having to hold back any puke that may try to surface.
Black Hat was silent before going back to his own food leaving Flug with his thoughts. Flug was still having an inner debate whether he should do it or not but the side telling him to do it was winning. His eyes scanned his plate and noticed the untouched knife next to an empty glass of water he had been drinking. Glancing up at the others at the table, he felt relief as they were distracted before he quickly snatched the knife and slide it into his inner lab coat pocket.
“I-I think…I"m g-going to get b-back to work, s-sir.” Flug stuttered standing up taking his plate and walking away before anyone could get a word out.
He rushed to his room and slammed the door shut locking it. Taking the plate in his hands, he quickly threw it away into the trash and sat down on his bed. His hand trembled softly as he took the knife out of his pocket. He was going to do it. He was tired of the games. He was tired of Black Hat beating the shit out of him one minute then acting like he cared the next. He couldn’t take it anymore.
But if he was gonna die, he was gonna do things his way. He took a breath and stood up taking off his lab coat and folded it neatly. He set it down on his desk then walked back to his bed laying down. He took a deep breath and brought his hands up and took off his brown paper bag from his head.
It was an odd sensation, the air against his pale face, but he wasn’t going to back down now. He set his bag down on his nightstand and gently ran his hands over his face gently wincing as he felt the bruises and cuts from Black Hat’s beatings. His arms were also coated with bruises. His brown hair was a mess and his eyes were lifeless and looked gray.
He sighed and his arms fell to his sides. His hand quickly found the knife and he lifted his left wrist. He took a deep breath and lifted the blade to his skin and put pressure down cutting into the skin choking out as pain entered his system as blood started to flow out of the open cut on his wrist.
He couldn’t stop the tears that filled his eyes as he let out sobs and cried letting the blood flow from his wrist. He shakily put the knife in the other hand and did the same thing to his other hand before dropping the knife onto the floor. Sobs escaped his lips as he laid on his bed in his own blood before his world went dark.
Black Hat watched as Flug left. Something was up with him. More than usual. He understood that the scientist was full of anxiety and stress, but this looks like something more. And he was determined to find out what.
Was it him…? Black Hat bit his lip softly, he knew that he had been a little…rough…on Flug, but sometimes he just couldn’t help it. He was never good at holding his temper. Black Hat gently sighed and stood up walking into the kitchen putting his plate into the sink. He needed to talk to Flug.
He nodded to himself and made his way down to Flug’s lab and tried to push the door open only to find it locked.
“Flug?” Black Hat called out but got no answer. “Flug open the door.”
Black Hat tried the door once more before pressing his ear to the door and his eye widened hearing soft whimpers.
He quickly smashed the door open and he burst inside his eyes getting even wider as he saw Flug laying on his bed and in a pool of his own blood. “F-Flug!” Black Hat cried out and ran over. Flug was very pale and was only making weak noises letting Black Hat know he was still alive but almost dead.
Black Hat quickly looked around and grabbed some cloth and quickly wrapped them around Flug’s wrists to stop the bleeding. Then placing his hands on Flug’s wounds, he healed him leaving two scars in the cuts place.
Black Hat panted quietly and his hands shook softly. He then gently lifted up and picked Flug up taking him out of his lab and to Black Hat’s own room.
Black Hat changed Flug out of his bloody clothes and into something more comfortable before laying him down on his bed and crawling in with him holding him tight “Please…Don’t leave me.” Black Hat whispered before closing his eyes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flug wanted darkness. He wanted freedom from the pain. He thought he finally escaped. So why was he waking up?
His eyes gently fluttered open slightly before shooting open all the way. He gasped and sat up looking around. “No no no no no no no no…” He stuttered out looking down at his wrists and seeing healing scars. Why couldn’t things go his way for once?! Why couldn’t he just die!?
Tears filled his eyes as he let out sobs curling into a small ball before a voice snapped him to attention.
“Flug?” Black Hat asked sitting up and gently taking his wrists into his hands gently looking at the crying scientist. “Flug its okay, you’re okay.”
The scientist was only filled with rage as he yelled at Black Hat, tears in his eyes. “Why couldn’t you let me die?! Do you enjoy torturing me!? Y-You really are the evilest man in the world!” Flug sobbed.
Black Hat was taken back by this. He blinked and gently reached out to comfort Flug. “Flug…wh-” He was easily cut off by Flug slapping his hand away.
“Don’t you dare! Don’t your dare ask ‘What did I do?’ Cause you know exactly what you did!” Flug pulled off his shirt and Black Hat’s eyes widened. So many bruises… And he caused them all.
He was so wrapped up in making sure Flug was okay he didn’t notice the bruises.
“I-I"m sick and tired of the abuse! I-I’ve lived my entire life being abused and I"m drawing the line! I-I’m sick of it!” Flug shouted before he broke down curling into a ball and sobbing.
Black Hat was honestly disgusted…with himself.
He turned his smart little Flug into a suicidal mess. HE did this. It was HIS fault.
“Flug…” Black Hat whispered gently wrapped his arms around him. Flug struggled but Black Hat wouldn’t let go and only stroked his back and held his close shushing him.
“Flug…there is no excuse for what I’ve done…I’ve hurt the ONLY good thing that I allowed in my life…” He sighed and held Flug tighter. “I know I"m the worst with my temper…but that is no excuse for what I"ve done to you…Nothing will ever make it up…I didn’t want to be one of the monsters you were afraid of anymore….but instead, I only put more fear…I-I"m sorry…” Black Hat looked like he was about to cry himself.
Flug gently looked up at Black Hat as he spoke. More tears streamed down his face. Black Hat looked at him with soft eyes and kissed him softly rubbing his back and petting his hair. Flug gently kissed back and sniffed.