Shoutout to team Woof for getting me through the days. Dad has been back in hospital since Saturday and is really not well at all, there’s still a blockage in the bile duct (despite the surgery to remove the stone?!) so he was readmitted. Terrible jaundice but wow it’s been an awakening for us all.
Last night I got quite teary, as he said how “grateful” he was for me and proud, too. Also how sorry he was for the last few months, he admitted he’s been “really down and angry” and confessed how physically unwell he’s get for “well over a year.” He just didn’t want to cause a “fuss” when I was unwell too 😖 that only motivates me, I want to be strong for both of us now.
Which involves action. Talking doesn’t change, just as dad learnt, so after CBT i was in the hospital shop and thought “fuck you” to anorexia. All these foods I would never “allow” myself… but why? Would I say others couldn’t have it? So I picked up a few things that jumped out and used to be Sophie favourites. These eat natural bars were my favourite in IP so they are back on that list for afternoon snack.
Yesterday I had this strange sense of… just do it? I wasn’t planning to fortisip but just grabbed it and downed it on one. Gave insulin after and that was that. The world didn’t end.
After dinner I grabbed a mini moo chocolate that had been sat there for months and ate it on the way to the hospital (visiting dad).
Today in CBT I cried, properly cried, and said “I just want the nutrition, I WANT the nutrition in me. It’s getting it in.” So calorie density is the answer.
The F word is going to have to Eff off, because in order to turn this round I can’t avoid it. Safety safe isn’t going to cut it.
R said that she DOES believe CBT is the right treatment for me and sees huge progress in my mental state. My physical state needs to catch up and allow me to move further forward.
It’s time to be brave Soph. It’s time to be brave.
It’s dawning on me just how genuinely difficult it is to figure out if an FMA character is good or bad when they’re introduced.
And this is because literally 90% of them debut by trying to beat the shit out of Ed. Seriously. If you tally up every good/ally character at the end and divide them into “tried to beat up Ed in their introductory episode” and “did not try to beat up Ed”, I’m willing to bet the first category is larger.
A list of eventually “good” characters who were introduced by assaulting Edward Elric:
Winry Rockbell (manga introduction)
The Entire Briggs Mountain Army
I made a helpful collage
Extra fun fact, the series Big Bad, Father, is introduced to Ed by healing Ed’s wounds. Ed and Al spend at least five minutes of that episode thinking “Maybe this dude isn’t so bad” which honestly I understand when you consider 2/3 of the people Ed meets typically try to kill him.
This [year] has been the first time I’ve ever actually had time to fall in love, properly… The catalyst of taking a year off was also the fact that-my partner-she quit her job, in New York, which she’s now got back in London. We were just basically like ‘let’s both quit our jobs and let’s have a year of forming a tight bond and a relationship’. So we went travelling and spent every day, for a year, together. You really know whether you’re going to be with someone when your in a country that’s kind of intense. And you’re using bottles of water to shower each other, and there’s not really much food-you really feel you’re meant to be with someone at points like that… We’re very, very strong. I’ve never been happier, I’ve never been more comfortable, I’ve never been more inspired. I just feel like everything’s fallen into place because I’ve given it the time to fall into place.
some days i remember how Envy killing Hughes eventually led to Ed beating Pride, and i’m like, damn that’s some good progression
Hughes snoops around for information
Envy kills him
Roy leads a personal hunt to find Hughes’ murderer
Envy frames Maria Ross to cover his tracks
Ed sees Roy “kill” Maria and is sent (read: kidnapped) to take a vacation to the Xerxes ruins, where he learns Maria is not, in fact, dead
Ed sees half of the Xerxes Human Transmutation circle at the ruins
Later on, Ed, Envy and Ling end up in Glutton’s stomach
Ed figures out how to escape because the other half of the Xerxes circle is in Gluttony’s stomach
Ed has to use the souls in Envy’s philosopher’s stone to pay the toll
which means Ed learned how it feels to use human life
Ed later uses this knowledge to save his own life when he’s impaled by the beam; he remembers how it feels to use human life as an energy source and uses his own life force in the same way to patch up his wound
Later on, Pride tries to take over Ed’s body, but Ed forces himself into Pride’s philosopher’s stone, thanks to all the knowledge he gained before (human transmutation, using souls, using himself like a philosopher’s stone), and (with Kimblee’s help) finally beats Pride
I can’t help but think the guards beating Ed gave him horrible flashback to his childhood! That hit me when I watched the scene. We have never seen Ed geting beaten like that, when cops and Strange’s men has taken care of him they have just surrounded him and held him or pushed him forward to walk. Which just makes me believe he hasn’t been beaten like that since he left home, which was a long time ago. Now we saw Ed looking at the guards and he had no time to react before he was down on the floor getting beaten and screaming! I think that this exact scenario has happened to Ed too many times, lying helpless on the floor screaming and begging his father to stop the beating but it didn’t stop, it felt like it would never stop. And I just can’t see how this could do anything else but bring all those terrible memories back.
Then the dialogue with Oswald. Oswald says he is happy that Ed got beaten up and the look on Ed’s face is just ugh.
Ofc there are tons of emotions right there and then for the whole situation too. But Oswald basically said Ed deserved to get beaten up and I can imagine that’s exactly what his father has told him every time it happened…
I hope this was a glance of more to come. I hope that we get to dive into Ed’s background and childhood in season 4 because there is so much to make on that! Sad and hurtful yes but that’s Gotham.