beasty eyes

Mom Adopts a “Dog”

So y’all keep blowing up my notes with the various Family Lore stories I’ve been telling, so I guess I should tell one on my parents now.

My Mother’s Father was part of the United Auto Worker’s Union, and during the 50′s and 60′s, was on strike a lot. My point is, grandpa got himself an entirely deserved reputation for being a sucker who loved animals, so people would dump thier pets on him. Hence, my mother grew up in a house with pets such as Picket the one-eyed tomcat, Tweety the Bald canary, Dummy the cat, Stupid Son of Dummy, Spooky Garbage Dog and Chiquita the Tarantula.  Eventually Grandma put her foot down when Grandpa brought home Gerta the Saint Bernard.

I say all this because it provides some context for how the following occured.

Mom and Dad had just moved in together (my parents dated for six years and were engaged for 13 days, driving everyone on both sides insane), and unfortunately, My mother’s German Shepherd, Cops, has just passed away due to bone cancer.  After mourning for a bit, Mom and Dad decided to get a dog together, as a couple.  

For context, my father had never owned a dog in his life.  His mother had ‘Pretty Bird” the budgie as a child but parrots are alien life forms, not pets.

So they go to the Palo Alto Animal shelter to adopt.  The year was 1987, and at the time, Palo Alto was… not a great place.  Lots of drugs, gangs and poor civic managment.  Mom told me that she learned to identify different types of gunfire while living there. They get there, and mom explains that she’s always had a preference for Big Dogs, and the guy’s face lights up.  Oh Yes, he says, We have a Big Dog.  For expirienced owners, yep, adoptable today, here we’ll give you a discount even-

Somehow my parents were not suspicious about this.

They were shown to the Animal in question, a Gorgeous blue-sable beastie with pretty golden eyes who immediately pressed herself against the fence and gave them the best PUH-LEEEEEEASE TAKE ME HOME puppy eyes 100lbs of canine can do.  Mom and Dad fall in love instantly.  They sign all the paperwork and take her home for $10, and name her “Mazel” as in “Mazel Tov.”

Within the hour, it becomes clear that something is amiss.

Cops had lived with his kibble stored in a plastic garbage can in the garage for six years without incident.  Mazel figured out how to open doors and got the locking lid off the can in six minutes, horking down about four pounds of the stuff before my mother notices that it’s been weirdly quiet.  Most dogs bark at or chase squirrels.  Mazel stalked and caught one the second day, presenting it to my mother like an offering.  Mazel knew all her commands but would clearly stop to consider before obeying, and trained my dad to give her good treats within a week.  The locks on the side-yard gate were undone, and she took a stroll around the neighborhood, but always retuned home for dinner.

After a week of gradually realizing that Mazel was smarter than most of the professors my mom worked with, they took her to the Vet for a routine checkup.

Dr. Hamada walked into the exam room, dropped the clip-board and said “Where the HELL did you get a Wolf?”

After a bit of prodding and a very-angry-dr.hamada-calling-the-pound, they determined Mazel was a high-content hybrid, probably with a husky, but was going to be a lil shit her entire life.  OK, said Hamada, I don’t like destroying animals and you’ve got a lot of expirience with dogs, so I’m okay with letting you keep her, but you should keep her away from small children because her Prey Drive could kick in.

Two years later, mom got pregnant with me.

Mazel noticed instantly, and reacted by digging a large hole in the yard and catching even more squirrels for mom, because she needed the protein or something.  That what you do when the Alpha Bitch is preggers, right?  Dig a den and ply her with food?  On the advice of my grandmother, my mom stayed overnight at the hospital once I was delivered, and dad went home with a shirt that had moms and my scent on it.  Mazel spent the whole night puzzling over it.

The next morning, when mom came home with me, there was the sudden and instantaneous recognition of PUPPY!!!!!! :D:D:D!!!!! PUUUUUUUPPY!!!!!!  and Mazel turned into the most aggressively maternal being I’ve ever met.  Playing with me on the blanket, sitting under my chair at meals (I was a messy eater), sleeping under my crib, teaching me to walk by letting me hang onto her fur and shuffle around.

Dr. Hamada thought mom was a madwoman, until he saw me holding Mazel’s mouth open and sticking my face in so i could look at her teeth.  He gave up when my mom announced she was pregnant with my sister.

I’m making living with a Wolfdog sound awesome, but it did come with some drawbacks:

  • Mazel did have to be muzzled at the vets, because she had Opinions about having things stuck up her butt.
  • HAIR.  One of my chores growing up was to brush her out every week and I’d frequently end up with more hair than animal.
  • the only way we could reliably get her to stay in the yard was with an overhead tether with a STEEL cable, which she chewed through anyway.
  • Do you like waking up by being hit in the face with half a dead animal? No? Wolfdogs may not be for you.
  • More than capable of opening the fridge and eating everything if you’re not watching
  • Will get into everything if not otherwise occupied.  Including eating your tax forms.
  • Howls along with sirens at 4 AM.

PROS of growing up with a wolfdog, as a small child in the 90′s

  • I was afforded a degree of freedom normally associated with a pokemon trianer. It was no big deal for me and my sister to walk three miles through my not-really-good neighborhood to the Froyo if I took Mazel with us. People tended to leave us alone when we had 100lbs of overprotective Apex Predator following us around.
  • WINNING at Pet Day at school.  There wasn’t actually a compettion but Billy’s hamster sucks in comparison to an animal that is perfectly willing to demonstrate how she can snap an oak branch in half on command.
  • PTA moms losing their shit because Mazel would walk down the block by herself to come pick ups up from school.
  • Grew up associating the word “Bitch” with teeth and the willingness to rip an asshole’s face off for being rude.  Never changed the definition.
  • Learned the I-Own-This Strut and Murder-Stare from the absolute best.

When she was 17, Mom and Dad decided to add another room on to the house.  They rigged up the overhead tether so she could be outside but not underfoot for the contruction guys.  One morning, mom came out to notice them all milling in the side yard entrance, muttering worriedly.  When mom asked what was wrong, one of them explained that Carlos forgot to bring the Hamburger.  What do you need a hamburger for?  Asked mom, and they pointed down the side yard to where Mazel was sitting, doing her best Viscious Alpha Bitch Stare.

Apparently they’d never realized that she was on the VERY end of her tether there and couldn’t actually get to them, and had been scamming them for a big mac a day for a month.  Mom had my six-year-old sister pull her away to show she wasn’t dangerous and tired her best not to laugh but kind of failed.

Mazel ended up living to be 19 and a half, and except for some minor arthritis, remarkably hale until the day she passed away in her hole in the back yard while taking a nap.  I maintain that Death had to wait until she was sleeping to get a crack at her, or she would’ve taken his scythe for a chew toy.

Hellsing Headcanon Time!!!: scary movies
  • The following was made possible by viewers like you~
  • Horror movie time! That's right Halloween might be over but horror movies will always provide us the crappy gore effects we crave! Everyone is in place! Lights camera action!
  • Alucard: "master I could kill these humans much more efficiently. They aren't even using the flag poles for impalement. These contemporary killers have no class, Master! Allow me to demonstrate the proper technique!" (Deepest regrets to the families of the live studio audience)
  • Integra: *thinking* do I have another report to file tonight? Probably...Walter is going to be on my ass about it. Oh that is a lot of blood...hmm. Shouldn't there be more?
  • Seras: oh my god! Walter she's going into the basement! No, no! Run over him again with the car! Keep your clothes on! If you have sex you'll die! Oh my god Waaaaaallllter!
  • Walter: Miss Victoria would you please let go of my arm? *starts discussing with Alucard how he would kill all the cast off and how much better it would be* oh dear that was a poor slice to the throat. You'll have to aim higher than that!
  • Pip: haha get wrekt.
  • Anderson and Maxwell: *refused to attend because heathens*
  • the major: he's asleep
  • Dok: she has a beautiful anatomy! I'd love to run some tests.
  • Heinkel and Yumie: *loudly giving instructions on how to beat down the beastie*
  • The captain: *eye brow raises slightly during the short lived sex scene*

anonymous asked:

OMG "I just told you I liked you but now I’m shy and say “never mind, forget it” and why are you looking at me like that?" perc'ahlia

Vex has been all morning in the courtyard of Whitestone castle with Trinket, spending quality time with and talking to her faithful companion. She feels awful for neglecting him of late, what with the end of the world looming, and so is resolved to spend time, while they have it, with her boon companion.

Trinket looks up, sniffs at the air. “Percy,” he says, in the grumbling bear-speak she’s magically learned to decipher. “Coming here.”

Vex turns, and indeed Percy is approaching across the courtyard, carrying something that looks intriguingly like an arrow in his hands. Vex grins, nearly skipping over to Percy, who has clearly spent most of the morning in his workshop.

“Is that for me?” she asks, before he can even say a hello.

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2

Fish Eye Lens v. Beastie Boys

I just wanted to add a few things to the Beastie Boys post from before. Above you can see a direct reference to Check Your Head, the Beastie Boy’s third album, and also one of my personal favorites.

As far as the music videos go, Shake Your Rump (off Paul’s Boutique) is easily the most fish-eye’d video da boys have made, considering the core of the video is them shouting at several cameras on a roof, each more bulbous than the last. Check it out here.

Not in the bestiaries.

Or mostly, mermaid!Dean. Because of this AU prompt list. Also because pathsofpassion told me to. Sort of.

***

“But whaling, Cas,” Gabriel wheedled, as they cast the net out.

Castiel didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. He just gave his brother a Look.

“Harpoons!” Gabriel went on, cheerfully ignoring the Look. “A whole flotilla of guys, battling God’s mightiest fishes together! Tails the size of houses slamming down into the water, shattering boats and limbs, but not ours because God loves us and you’re too much of a spoilsport to steer close in! Victory, and the sharks going wild for us, and riches from the lords at the monastery to last us a month! And girls, brother dearest, don’t forget the girls.”

“I hadn’t forgotten them,” Castiel said mildly. “You mentioned them two minutes ago. I don’t think Jo appreciated it.”

“Jo never appreciates me.”

“Damn right,” said that lady, up at the tiller. “Maybe if you noticed I’m actually a girl sometime—”

“You’re not a girl,” said Gabriel, with dubious gallantry, tying off his end of the net. “You’re an angel. An angel in fine breeches. Girls need wooing. You need terrified supplicants.”

“I have three knives.”

“You know I’m right. Cas, I’m right aren’t I?”

“Gabriel,” Castiel sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t gabber on while we’re casting. The net’s caught over something again.”

Gabriel leaned precariously over the side and poked at the tangle of strands where they vanished, taut and quivering, into the water. His sharp eyes crinkled at the edges as he squinted into the bubbly green depths.

“Not caught over, little bro. Something’s caught in.”

“We only just threw it,” Castiel objected, but not very hard, because now he could feel it too. Years of knowing the song of the ropes, and even of the timbers under his knees when the boat had weight behind her. There was something tangled down there: not a school of fish, but a single living creature. And—

The boat lurched.

Whatever it was, it was big. And it was strong. And it was fighting.

“You had to tempt the sea,” Castiel grumbled, as they hauled, and strained, and grunted, and the little boat tipped perilously backward.

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Malora oneshot - Can you take me to see the sky?

Yes I’m here with another Malora. This ship is crushing my feels.
I’m here to remember, also, to be strong against the spammers! Don’t let them put us down. Block them and just ship our beautiful ladies! <3

Title: Can you take me to see the sky?
Pairing: Malora
Plot: Aurora would have asked it every day and Maleficent knew she wouldn’t have been willing to stop until she got what she wanted.

Again, sorry for my bad english. Enjoy! 

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8tracks.com
Thunderclaps
Team Instinct is ignored. Team Instinct keeps to the shadows. Team Instinct hatches a plan. Team Instinct executes the Plan. Team Instinct rules the Region. It's simple, really.

And the path you take might be your own, but tonight, you walk on streets of gold

Team Instinct is ignored. Team Instinct keeps to the shadows. Team Instinct hatches a plan. Team Instinct executes the Plan. Team Instinct rules the Region.

It’s simple, really.

Team Valor

Team Mystic

Tracklist:

Thunderstruck, AC/DC/ Caught in a Dream, Alice Cooper/ Fight For Your Right, Beastie Boys/ Eye of the Tiger, Survivor/ Call Me Lightning, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts/ Feel Good Inc, Gorillaz/ Thunderclaps, The Horrors/ Monsters, Electric President/ How Long?, How to Destroy Angels/ Streets of Gold, 3OH!3