recently generated a dwarf fortress world and went to start an adventurer but the only options were human and elf. confused, i decided to investigate the history of the world through legends mode. i learned that

-dwarves went extinct towards the dawn of time
-almost every character was a were-tapir
-there was a blind forgotten beast named Gabe
-a goblin who lived to be 3 years old was deemed by the game to be one of the most important people in this world’s history
-several artifacts were made by a great necromancer who lived before the dawn of time who was also an actual giraffe
-did i mention everyone was a fucking were-tapir

So let us get the elephant out of the room dealt with now...

Okay I get how you all think Hang the Fool is suddenly this racist fic. Not even bothering to read into symbology put behind words. The fact you won’t even respect the fact the author was pressured into rewriting a lot just to appease you pitchfork wielding people. This is her first fic. We all had that first fic where we messed up big time. Where we did stupid shit and assumed something morally grey. The author changed things for you and apologized yet you still crucify her. Every action behind the bad guy Gabe thing was foreshadowing how bad he had been brainwashed by Talon. The noose was symbology as is calling Gabe a beast. Or calling Hanzo a dragon. You are amateur writers if you have never used the concept of symbology or foreshadowing. The scene where Hanzo yells at McCree while he has a panic attack caused you issues? They were on the run for their lives. Panic attack or not I can see where Hanzo was coming from and that was a place of fear. He was acting out of fear and concern to get the man he loved as far away from the ghosts of his past. And McCree ran off on a suicide mission without much to go off on so he was far from innocent in all of this.

tldr: grow the fuck up. This is a fanfic and let people like what they want. And please actually stop acting like children who whine at everything that is supposedly politically incorrect to you. I’ve seen poc on both sides of the argument so this is not a crusade to fight. You make the fandom more toxic so kindly either read the changes made for you before you bitch and complain or kindly shut your trap.

I apologize on behalf of the asshats to @arcanebarrage Sam you are a gem and keep being such a sweetheart and be perfectly okay to say fuck you to the haters. You earned it, lovely

Like a virgin

Based on this request: Request: Reader, TFW + Gabe are on a hunt and find out too late that it’s a dragon when the reader is kidnapped. The reader then has to explain to a confused Gabriel after he rescues her that despite being raunchy occasionally and joking about sex topics with the boys that she has little experience and is still a virgin. And maybe in the end he decides to mend that ;) Thank you!

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 1182

Author: Cars

Dragons were lore, unheard of, simply impossible. You and the Winchesters hadn’t even thought of the possibility of it being Puff the magic dragon. Sam had come up with the most logical explanation for the strange disappearances. A pagan. They seemed to like to chow on virgins. You all needed some inside expertise.

“No way in hell are we calling that ass hat.” Dean said sternly.
“He knows way more about pagans than us, give him a chance.” You argued.
“He killed me like 1000 times.” He yelled
“I’ll get him to send you a fruit basket, but right now people are dying.” You said crossing your arms. After that Dean agreed. You loved including Gabriel on hunts, he always added a comedic touch that lightened the mood. Sam and Dean on the other hand did not. Apparently him killing Dean a shit ton was not a way to the Winchesters heart. You had been there for tv land however, but you weren’t the kind to hold a grudge.
“Alright (Y/n), start praying.” Sam urged. “Why me?” You retorted.
“Because we said so. Also you are the one who suggested.” Dean said with a smug grin.
You rolled your eyes and sat on the bed. “Oh Gabriel, for thou art the sexiest angel there is. I call upon thee for guidance and wisdom. So if thou could get thy angelic and heavenly ass here, it would be greatly appreciated.” You said looking up at the ceiling. At first there was nothing then..

“Jeez sugar, next time you should try getting on your knees.” Gabriel said with the signature smirk. You rolled your eyes. “You couldn’t handle it, big boy,” you spat. He chuckled softly and looked to the boys. “Muttonheads, to what do I owe the honor?” Gabe asked. Both Dean and Sam rolled their eyes, they were clearly unamused by him. Gabriel tapped his foot as he waited for a response. I groaned at their ignorance. I carefully explained the situation at hand. He nodded and rubbed his chin. “Well this could be any Pagan. Virgins are very popular on the menu with them. ” Gabe said rubbing his temples. 

Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Great idea (Y/n), he was a big help,” he said. This time it was Gabriel who rolled his eyes. “Look, ” the archangel started, “How about we all go out and look for anything pagany. Symbols, tokens, etc. I go with sweetness, and you with gigantor.” Dean was hesitant but then a call came in. Another victim except this one  escaped. “Alright, Sam and I will go check this out, you two go look at the crime scenes again.” Dean ordered. You nodded and grabbed your badge and gun. Gabe scoffed.
“Come on, I’m all the protection you need.” He said. You rolled your eyes and headed out the door.

Once at the scene you two found nothing out of the ordinary. “Are you three sure it’s not just some crazy old dude who likes young women?” Gabe asked. “No human can lift a two ton car.” He nodded. “Fair point.” He replied. Suddenly your phone buzzed, startling the both of you. Gabe watched as your eyes skimmed over the text. “That son of bitch left these claw marks, took her gold chastity ring.” You explained. You watched as his brow furrowed. “I think I know what this is, and this isn’t going to be easy.” He said seriously. It was rare when Gabe was serious, so you knew this was now joking matter.  Almost on cue a large flapping of wings was heard. “That’s impossible there is no one else here.” Gabriel muttered. Then it hit him. “Are you a virgin?” He asked surprising shocked. You turned red and cleared your throat. “What’s going on?” You asked. He turned and looked at you, “Dragons,” he stated. He pushed you behind him, and shielded you with his arm.  It was pitch black in the parking lot, only illuminated by a street light a few meters away.  The both of you were standing alert. “You got my back right?” He asked jokingly. “I rather have your front. It’s where all the good stuff is. ” you replied as you slowly reached for your gun.
You felt a pair of strong arms grab you and at first you swore it was Gabriel. It was only until you heard his screams and shouts that you realized the truth. You had been taken by Piff, and not the comedian.

Gabriel ran a had through his hair. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. He couldn’t believe they had taken you. He quickly made his way back to the motel. “There you are, ” Sam said relived, “I’ve been trying (Y/n)’s phone for thirty minutes. Where is she” Gabriel bit his lip before speaking, “What we are dealing with is a dragon. They took her.” He admitted. Both brothers were furious. “You let them take her?” They would shout, or “How could you be so reckless?” The archangel tried to shut them out, but they were right.
He huffed out and took away their ability to speak. “I know I screwed up, but I know how to get her back,” he said. Gabriel snapped his fingers and a sword appeared in his hands. “Excalibur. Yes the real deal. It’s one of the only swords in human existence that can kill a dragon.” He explained.  Dean looked towards his brother in astonishment.

All three of your boys were on a mission. They were getting you back. Dean and Sam would distract and most likely kill the scaled beast, while Gabe would set you and the others free. It didn’t take him long to find the young women clawing to get out of their cage. Gabriel used his super strength to rip up the door. One by one he lifted the girls out, but you were no where to be seen. He panicked. It felt as if his world was crashing down. All the powers and rage was a deadly thing. He flashed to before Sam could kill the last one. Gabe grabbed the beast by the shoulder so hard it cracked.
“Where is she?” He snarled. The dragon laughed, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Gabriel was practically glowing with rage. “You tell me where she is or so help me! You will wish i would have let them run you threw.” He snarled, and the dragon yelled in pain.
But once again he let out a hardy laugh, “The virgin is our sacrifice. She will be the mother of all!”

“Sacred Guardian Beast” by Gabe Tomoiaga

Instagram: @gabetomoiaga