Normal Horoscope:

Aries: All symphonies, whether they be harmonious or discordant, will end.

Taurus: Even the prettiest roses have thorns, some things are worth the nicks and scratches aren’t they?

Gemini: You best is all anyone can ask for, but that doesn’t seem to stop them does it? Nod, smile, agree, then do whateverthefuck you were gonna do anyway.

Cancer: Rome wasn’t built in a day and a lot of the people building it had second thoughts over whether it was going to be a nice place to hang out or not. Give yourself time, you have plenty.

Leo: Bravery is a rare thing, but it can often be substituted for a combination of stupidity, stubbornness, and sheer blind luck. 

Virgo: Just because there is enough dead skin in your mattress to build a second you doesn’t mean you should. That would be fucking weird.

Libra: The stars think you’re a pretty cool cat. Print out this horoscope as an official certificate of coolness.

Scorpio: A rolling stone gathers no moss, and with modern technology you can buy moss by the pound for like 39.99 a bag. 

Ophiuchus: Everything you know is probably wrong, but that won’t really change anything about the world so there’s no reason to worry.

Sagittarius: The stars know you’re having a hard time. Just know that the world can only hit you one day at a time. Try not to let thoughts of tomorrow ruin today. It’ll be here when it gets here.

Capricorn: Today I gave myself a second degree burn by spilling throat coat tea on my hand. What may soothe one problem may cause redness, blisters, and rashes for another.

Aquarius: Tonight is the perfect night to take tasteful nudes under cover of the starlight and never show them to anyone but yourself. The stars shine for nobody, but they are still beautiful.

Pisces: The problem with setting yourself on fire to keep others warm isn’t that it hurts. Its that eventually, you burn out.

instagram

If you stepped anywhere near the internet this week you’ve probably seen the remixes of Pastor Shirley Caesar’s “Hold My Mule.” It’s basically the Thanksgiving anthem that you never knew you needed. And now there’s a Beyoncé version, vegan version and Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity version.

follow @the-movemnt

6

The most simple food becomes a luxury when you’ve walked far. Hot beans, roasted bread and a steaming cup of tea. Soaked, then frozen gloves and forgotten matchsticks are some things I advice against though. 

2

“can I borrow your phone?”
“yeah sure hang on.”

Espresso Mug Cake


Yields 2 mug cakes

The things you’ll need

Ingredients
  • 2 tablespoons butter, melted
  • 2 tablespoons milk
  • 1 egg, room temperature
  • 2 tablespoons espresso powder
  • 5 tablespoons self rising flour
  • Pinch of salt
  • 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 tablespoon brown sugar
  • ¼ cup mini semi sweet chocolate chips
Equipment
  • Small mixing bowl
  • Whisk
  • Spoon
  • Rubber spatula
  • 2 microwaveable mugs
Decoration
  • Whipped cream in decorating bag fitted with #809 tip
  • Espresso beans

Let’s get started!

  1. In a small bowl, whisk together flour, espresso powder, salt, and sugars.
  2. Whisk the egg, milk, vanilla and coconute oil until smooth.
  3. Stir in chocolate chips.
  4. Divide evenly into 2 mugs and microwave on high for about 1 minute. If cake is not set, microwave in intervals of 10 seconds until fully cooked.

Time to decorate!

  1. Once mug cakes are completely cooled, pipe a dollop of whipped cream in the center of each cake and then top with an espresso bean.