bean crock

Tyler Posey had the day off from work, but you did not. You were such a loving boyfriend that he decided to greet you with something special when you got home. You were the first relationship that didn’t scold him for breaking wind. Countless numbers of men and women would walk out and never return the minute they smelled his brew. But you… your cock twitched at the smallest mention of him having gas. He could fart for hours and you didn’t mind.

“First up, I need to let these beans simmer in this crock pot.” It was a gigantic crock pot that could easily feed 8 people with left overs. Beans and chili powers simmered for hours in that pot while he prepared the rest of the meal. “This Broccoli & Chicken Cheddar Bake is sure to give me gas…” Tyler made it many times before at home for him and the Teen Wolf crew… just a small slice made him into a wind machine, however the entire 9x9 casserole dish was gonna destroy his insides… all in the name of love he thought. “Finally, spicy peppers, juicy steak, hot hot HOT curry sauce… better add some extra cauliflower and garlic to give it a kick…” Tyler was about to settle in for the meal of a lifetime.

The first spoonful of beans entered his mouth. Not just any spoon, but one of those big serving spoons. If he was gonna finish this meal in time to greet his boyfriend at the door with a gift of gas he’d need to eat quick. He chugged some of his 2 liter coke and started to work on the casserole. The hotness burned his mouth as he danced the food from one side of his mouth to the other. Perhaps he should have let it cool.

A bite of steak… a chug of coke… a big spoon of beans… a piece of casserole… another chug of coke, this time he made sure to swallow as much air as he could with each sip. The curry and peppers made his stomach rumble… but he LOVED the stuff. He thought he should have made more of that.

Two hours later Tyler was polishing off the last of the beans. The steak and veggies were gone, as was the casserole. He started on a second 2 liter as the other one had gotten stale. He walked to the freezer and pulled out a half gallon of ice cream. His stomach was bloated and the pain was nauseating. But his baby deserved every last batch of gas he could muster up. He shoveled the ice cream into his mouth and drank the 2 Liter as quickly as possible. He heard a car pull up. “Perfect” he thought. Tyler stood right at the door and waited to hear your footsteps. An SBD exited his ass that lasted 5 seconds. DAMN it stunk! He stopped it abruptly to save up for the main event. Tyler sat on the counter top right in front of the door as he awaited you to find your keys.

You walked into a foul odor that HAD to be a fart cloud. Tyler was bloated and sitting half naked on the counter top. Your heartbeat began to race and you smiled. “Good evening baby… OH!… FUCK!!!” He grabbed his swollen tummy and leaned to one side ripping a fart that lasted well over two minutes. Your eyes widened as he began to dramatically waft the smell into your nose. “That wasn’t bad for an appetizer… but come a little closer for the main course…” Tyler signaled you closer and you almost tripped quickly running to him. He grabbed your pants waist and unzipped you to pull out your rock hard cock. Placing it on the counter top he sat down on it and ripped another fart. His sinister smile stared you down as you began to orgasm from the never ending vibration of his gas attack. You shot your load right on the counter top as he stroked the back of your head and kissed you on the lips.

“PHEEEEW!” Tyler mocked you and grabbed you by your tie to lead you to the bedroom. From there he chained you to the post after stripping you of your clothes.He walked out of the room and came back with some more ice cream. He stripped off his underwear and sat his huge smooth bubblebutt right on top of your face. “Lick deep” was all he told you. You did. Your cock was coming back to life as your tongue went deep inside Tyler’s asshole. A fart shot out just as ripe as the previous ones. It was twenty seconds long, but it was the smallest one of the day. “I better not smell anything baby… this was all for you.” Tyler grinded his ass right on your face and ripped another one. You sniffed and sniffed, and swallowed as much gas as you could. His asshole swallowed even more of your tongue as you began to massage his hole with your taste buds. As he sat up your tongue slipped out and you found out his next tactic… a gas mask! “Wear this now baby…” Tyler strapped the mask to your face and connected his ass to the other end. A loud fart shot right out of the blue and the long stream of gas made it’s way to your face. Over a minute of flatulence became your only air supply as you screamed and moaned with pleasure. “Hush baby! I know what’ll make you feel better.” Tyler climbed on top of you with his ass mooning you. He caressed your cock with his fingers and slowly place his lips over your rock hard member. He was giving you a blow job while gassing you to death. You shot your load instantly as he swallowed the cum. He took another huge spoonful of ice cream and began to start again. The gas exited his ass almost too frequently. You thought the tube was gonna burst it was so pressurized from the amount of air he ripped into it.

Hours went by, you started shooting blanks… you were light headed… you woke up with a headache… “GOOD MORNING BABY!!!” Tyler burst into the room with more steak, curry, and vegetables with some scramble and deviled eggs. “I’m so gassy today! Won’t you sniff it up for me!” You moaned in pain as your cock had a mind of it’s own. You tongue fit snuggly into Tyler’s hole as he gassed you out just as bad as last night… FUCK you had the perfect boyfriend… and so did he.

3

Slow Cooker White Bean & Spinach Soup

Serves 6-8 (Makes 9 cups)
Original credit goes to Budget Bytes

4 cloves garlic
1 onion
1/2lb (~4) carrots
4 stalks celery
1lb dry navy beans
1 bay leaf
1 tsp dried rosemary
½ tsp dried thyme
½ tsp paprika
freshly cracked black pepper (15-20 cranks of a mill)
1-½ tsp (or less) of salt, to taste
5 oz spinach (frozen chopped, thawed)

Mince garlic and chop veggies. Add to slow cooker. Rinse beans and add to slow cooker along with the bay leaf, rosemary, thyme, paprika, and pepper. Add 6 cups of water to the slow cooker and stir to combine. Cook on low for 8 hours. After 8 hours, stir and mash beans slightly. Add spinach and salt, tasting after each ½ tsp is added. Allow spinach to cool and serve. (Preferably with a crusty bread.)

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It’s so delicious! @authenticpandas, this is the soup I was telling you about it. It will make your home smell better than it ever has. Guaranteed.

white mom: I made a mexican dish, it’s ground hamburger meat, bell peppers, Kraft cheddar cheese and Mexican beans in a crock pot served over tomato rice it’s delish I love introducing my children to ethnic foods

Dal Makhani

This recipe was passed to me from an Indian friend, and is ridiculously easy and cheap to prepare! Traditionally this dish is prepared in a pressure cooker with the addition of many spices, but a crock pot and curry powder keep things simple. The cream at the end makes the texture a little creamier, but it can be omitted for a fully vegan/dairy free recipe. It does take a lot of time to cook everything down, but the results are worth it.

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup red, black, or brown dried lentils*, soaked overnight
  • 1 cup dried kidney beans**, soaked overnight
  • 1 10-12 oz bag frozen spinach
  • 1 16 oz can crushed tomatoes
  • 2-3 cups of water (chicken stock is also good but not veggie/vegan)
  • 2 carrots, diced
  • 2-3 tablespoons curry powder
  • 1 cup heavy cream (optional)
  • ~½ cup rice (I like basmati) per serving

Supplies:

  • 4.5 qt or larger crock pot
  • a spoon to stir with
  • a can opener

Steps:

Place all lentils/beans in bottom of crock pot, top with crushed tomatoes, followed by frozen spinach and carrots. Add enough water or stock to fully cover everything. Add curry powder, and stir it all together. Cover with lid, and set on high for at least 10 hours.

Once you are ready to serve, prepare your rice either on stovetop or in a rice cooker. I recommend around ½ cup dry rice per person per serving. Open up the crock pot, and whisk in heavy cream, if desired. Whisking helps break down the lentils even further and get them all nice and creamy. Ladle into bowl over rice, and enjoy!

Notes:
* I have the most success with the lentils listed above, especially red lentils (well, they’re actually pink.) I’ve been able to locate them in my local Arab and Indian markets very cheaply. You can use the french green lentils sold in many grocery stores, but they will stay a bit firmer and won’t cook down like the others will.

**Kidney beans need to be fully cooked, as they carry a very dangerous toxin. Normally it is recommended to boil them for 10-20 minutes before soaking to destroy this toxin. This recipe keeps them under high heat for a very long time, and they’ve always turned out fully cooked for me without boiling beforehand. YMMV, but please be aware!!