Remember how I said list-making Hannah would be back soon? HERE SHE IS MY DUDES !!! Last night I went to a party with my best, best gals and dressed like an idiot and danced in my fav velvet boots. It was so, so lovely and reminded me who I am: someone who doesn’t settle for mediocrity and has lots of love to give and lots of people who love her in return.
Since my race is next week (a week from today!!!!) I couldn’t drink, but I danced so much and had fun drinking water with my lovely lady April haha.
Here are some lil moments I’m holding onto:
Before the party, Taylor and I went to see our friend in an improv show. We go to nearly every one and it’s such a good ritual to have. Last night I realized I knew 1/3 or so of the audience, and it reminded me that I’m really making a life here. I’ve come so, so far in 2 years.
Also went to a music fest downtown put on by our college radio station with Taylor, Rachel, Em, and a few others and me and Emily (of course) danced like idiots — ESPECIALLY to the house music.
A-Punk by Vampire Weekend was playing as we left so Em and I just started FLAILING and doing this little jog/run dance.
Also she helped me pick out my outfit and we went and got iced coffee (and in my case a matcha latte) and I made her pasta for dinner with vegan sausage, mushrooms, and onions ah
At the party, there were these two girls who kept telling me MULTIPLE times how good I looked as if it was of the utmost importance for me to understand their sincerity. It totally made my night
This happened a lot with a lot of different girls and I just love girls so much and girls who support each other I could burst
DANCING WITH MY LADIES. THAT’S ALL I EVER NEED.
Also having a girl gang is like ????? What is better?????
At one point during the party, me and my friend Nic jacked the aux and it was a BLAST
My friend Jack and I played Kanye’s “The New Workout Plan” and did all the essential workout moves while singing every word (cue: DUMBBELL ARM MOTIONS). It was something out of Georgia Nicholson.
At another point during the party, my friend braced me by the shoulders and looked at me VERY INTENTLY to tell me how happy he was that we’re friends and it was so PURE.
After the party I took a few people home and Nic rode behind us on his bike and I didn’t know how to get outta the neighborhood so I drove really slow next to his bike while he navigated me. All the windows were down and we were listening to the College Dropout.
That’s all I got for now, lovelies. Megan might come see me today but otherwise I’m cooking all day for a cookout I have later with a student org I’m in. I feel so lovely and whole because I’m realizing that I’m not a broken person. I haven’t failed. I haven’t isolated everyone in my life or scared them away with my mental illness like my ex-friends who bullied me in high school said I would.
I’ve made a life here and there are so many people who love me.
Sending you all love and resilience. If I can be okay, you can too.
All my love always, H xx
p.s. the song for today’s overcast Sunday morning with a cookbook and my big ol cup of coffee is “Beach Comber” by Real Estate