beaarthur

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(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZywC__nsnQ)

We love the X-Files here at Stay Golden!

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Remembering the hilarious Bea Arthur (May 13, 1922 ~ April 25, 2009).  “The Man In The Moon Is A Lady” ~ Jerry Herman tribute show [Video]

Totally channeling my girl, Bea Arthur, which explains why I’m feeling so fierce these days. I dare the clerk at the corner store to tell me I can’t bring my dog in or for Verizon to tell me I’ve exceeded my data charges. i DARE them.

Bea Arthur played Dorothy Zbornak on a little show called “The Goiden Girls.” And by little show, I mean only THE BEST SHOW EVER THAT BASICALLY RAISED ME IN LIEU OF ACTUAL PARENTS. So if you’ve ever asked yourself why I’m so mordantly witty…

or why I can’t help but raise an eyebrow when met with bullshit…

…I guess you could say I get it from my surrogate TV mama. Love you, Bea. 

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LOL poor rose #beaarthur #bettywhite #ruemcclanahan #thegoldengirls #tvshow #comedy #bestshow #the80s #80sshow #tvlegends

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A Visit from Little Sven S03E09

I absolutely had to write about this episode because I can relate SO much to Blanche. Having also had a love affair with a swedish man, I feel like I can speak with some authority, not only on Blanche’s outfits, but her state of mind as well… 

Sophia actually makes the first notable statement in this episode, with a nightgown that I am POSITIVE that Urban Outfitters is selling right now and calling “Navajo” something and being sued. Some hipster is wearing this with leggings and wedge sneakers right the fuck now, they need to know that Sophia Petrillo was the original hipster…

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Sophia was trying to convince Dorothy to let her get a new drivers license because she feels old because hers is expired, I’m not really sure how that would make you feel less old…maybe its like if the license expires a few years in the future she thinks she will live to see that date? who can say…

Blanche comes in in a get up that would make Chelsea from Teen Mom 2 die twice. 

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Leopard print deep V blouse shirt thing!! So hot right now. Is it two pieces? No idea. 

But the best part is when Rose comes in with a cake she has purchased at the “Get it while its Hot” Bakery. She wanted to get a cake for her cousin Sven (aka The hot swede) who is visiting. Blanche of course knows the bakery by name and Dorothy has never seen a dong so big in her life. Rose thought it was the shape of Florida. 

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Dorothy’s outfit is disappointingly normal. 

Enter, the Swede. 

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Look at that guy. His pants barely fit, and he has like 3 different colors of hair. But for some reason he is the hunkiest Swede that the 80s have ever seen. I feel strangely attracted to him. Good enough for Blanche, good enough for me…

Sven settles in and we fast forward to the next day and some stellar looks. 

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Sophia is wearing her go to rubber chicken yellow color- which always reminds me of those terry cloth socks they give you on airplanes for some reason. But honestly, Blanche’s outfit isn’t all that bad, I mean that in a relative sense. I honestly think Kim Kardashian would totally wear this like, today. Just a light pink matchy poo top and..slacks? 

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Dorothy is rocking some geometry and shit. Its like the collar, has another collar, on top of other triangles. Its like her tribute to MC Escher or something. I dig it. Also her shoulder pads look broader to accommodate the second collar. Nice one. 

ANd then there is the SWEDE

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I’m pretty sure, seeing as I dated a Swede, that this is the national outfit of Sweden. Yellow turtleneck and a very wintery sweater. Its pretty much the equivalent of singing the Swedish national anthem or going to IKEA. Trust me, I know. 

Oh somewhere in this scene Rose gets called into work and Blanche agrees to take The Swede for the day and uses it to her advantage to get back at some guy who keeps fucking her over.

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Blanche takes Sven to a restaurant where she knows fuckface will be and really switches it up by accessorizing her Kim Kardashian look with a matching over coat SAME COLOR and a neatly placed scarf OVER ONE SHOULDER. Does that even keep you warm? How does that even stay on? I still don’t get how they find all this matching shit. 

Oh yeah and here is fuckface:

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Look at that smug, ascot wearing dick scrape. Who is that? His daughter? She looks way young. Yellow was really big this year huh? He has a receding hairline, he is nothing compared to the Swede, ugh. Moving on. 

Blanche makes sure fuckface sees her kissing Sven and everything goes as planned. Except the Swede falls in love with Blanche because he has never been with anyone… ever. Or Blanche is just so much woman, something like that. Either way, thats not how it went down with me, but its cool. 

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Later on Sven confesses his love to Blanche, and shows us his pleats. 

But then, shit gets real for Blanche. 

Rose gets pissed because Sven is supposed to be entering into an arranged marriage with some swedish broad. So somehow, someone arranges for his bride to come to Miami and release him from the grips of Blanche so they can return to Sweden together and make happy little blonde swedish nationals.

Enter the lean mean swedish machine:

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Homegirl kinda has it goin’ on. That belt is pretty fierce. And besides her satelite bangs, I have zero complaints…And same goes for Sven. I also enjoy Rose’s little house on the prairie robe. 

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I mean look at the man, he is dumbfounded. Taken aback by her 1985 hotness. And his sweater is fucking fabulous, but not as fab as his mustard turtleneck. 

Blanche was planning on cutting The Swede lose but once she saw this shit go down she was super bummed. But its ok, becuse she is wearing my FAVORITE of the Golden Girls nightgowns. I like to call this one “Easter Curtains” or as an alternate “Midnight Sherbert”. I imagine its what you would wear while riding a unicorn. 

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Its just perfect. The drapery, the colors, its like a celebration of the 80’s all in one pajama set. 

So the lean mean swedish machine takes Sven back to sweden and Blanche remains, butthurt, but we all know she will be at the Hacienda Hut in like 30 minutes announcing that she isn’t wearing underwear. As for me, I suffered a similar fate when it comes to Swedish nationals, but just like Sophia likes to say about Blanche “Sluts just heal faster”. (or LUDER LÄKER SNABBARE! if you’re Swedish) 

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#RockHudson & #BeaArthur #crooning a #duet to a #1970s #play that aired on one of those #varietyshows in th #70s! #Sublime #OMG #drugs #420 #meth #ice #heroin #PCP #AndTheyWonderEhatWasWrongWithOurGeneration #Maude #DorothyZabornak #GoldenGirls #Mame #theatre #gay #camp #wicked #wtf #grass #weed #High #amphetimines amnlynitrate #poppers #love #madness #romantic #kiss (at Anxiously Awaiting Boy George to Be Top 9 Mentor, Wed 25mar15, 8.00/7.00cst)

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Letter to Gorbachev - S03E06

Oh my god you guys right to the good stuff. Who cares about plot with a shirt like this:

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DOROTHY. WHAT IS THIS. Because it APPEARS to be some kind of tunic from the Clergyman Casuals line, in Grape Drink. Do we need to enhance? I think so.

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If there is one thing you can say about Dorothy Zbornak, it’s that she loves an asymmetrical collar. I didn’t think this shirt could get any worse until I noticed the pleats on the shoulders, because everyone loves a good shapeless pleated oversized house coat made of fabric that I think my boyfriend just upholstered a couch with last week.

Let’s check in on Sophia!

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Homegirl is holding down the fort in her traditional Zoey Deschanel is an Old Lady vibe that I am in looooove with. But for real, at what age can I start dressing like this? Is it now? Please someone let me know and I will be first in line at Woolworths.

And Blanche?

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I’m pretty sure she bought this at Cacique and is passing it off as Obi-wan Kenobi Sateen-but-also-metallic-fuck-you-I-defy-categories Daytime Chic.I actually thought it was another showing of her fancy sleepwear, but it’s the middle of the day and this is just how Blanche dresses? Anyway, I can’t even really keep up with the plot because I’m so enamored with the fashion choices, but I guess something about Rose’s girl scout troop is concerned with nuclear war, so naturally the ladies accompany Rose and the girls camping aaaaaaand then this:

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Excuse me, is that a tropical bird on your asymmetrical neck line?? OMG. So last month I went to this dim sum restaurant that I always go to; the wait is really long, so I always spend time in this little Japanese shop next door while I wait. This particular time, there was a new area in the back with all this amazing clothing, and one item was an oversized black and white sweater with a PARROT ON ONE SHOULDER GUYS IT WAS SO GOOD. But it was way too expensive so I didn’t buy it, and when I went back the next time it wasn’t there anymore and it was some kind of phantom tollbooth thing and that is why you should always trust your instincts and BUY IT NOW. So Dorothy, I FEEL YOU SISTER. Rock on with your tropical sweater wearing self! 

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As for Blanche, I am wearing this same outfit right now. Except I didn’t swindle my Pendleton from some burly guy I seduced through the revolving door that leads to my tropical wallpapered bedroom, but these are just minor differences. Oh I also don’t wear mine with lingerie or shoulder pads, but again, minor differences! 

So Rose falls asleep watching TV and has a dream that she is now some kind of major political figure in Russia that will bring peace to the commies or some shit? I don’t know. Oh also I should probably mention that one of Gorbachev’s homies stopped by earlier to talk to Rose about a letter she wrote to Gorbachev earlier. She’s holding a press conference in some winter finery, as only a true Swede can, followed by Blanche:

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Damn girls, ya look good!! But then here comes Dorothy in some hobo chic muppet fur something or other, looking a straight mess:

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Hey girl hey, BANGS, GET THEM. I’m pretty sure if you’re trying to convince them to end the Cold War, this is just going to make the Russians angrier. Rose wakes up and the rest of the ladies are in the living room and GUESS WHAT, SLEEPWEAR!!!!

Dorothy has some mint julep, ribbed for her pleasure, used to be a king size sheet robe thing happening:

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Rose is really laying down a conservative marshmallow peep vibe:

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Sophia has her same ol rubber chicken yellow bathrobe, and Blanche is going for Futuristic Night Time Braille WigWam:

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I asked Sam to sum up what was going on for me because too much fashion, and she said this: “Gorbechev thinks that the Rose that wrote him the letter is a fuckin’ little girl so they’re having some kind of press conference for this little girl to read the letter, but in reality, you know, 60 something Rose wrote the letter and now there’s a fuckin’ dilemma.” The more you fuckin’ know!!! To this press conference, Blanche wears this:

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PEPLUMS AND PENCIL SKIRTS 4 LIFE, BITCH!!! Girl you look fierce, can I order this on ASOS yet?? I’m guessing yes on Blanche’s outfit but no on Dorothy’s:

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Maybe I can get it at Z Gallery? Because at one point in it’s life it was definitely a throw rug. Let’s visit Rose now:

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Excuse me, but is that a paper craft lapel collar on your lavender power suit?? Whatever it is I’m pretty sure I should look into it, because when you wear this, the president will look up your number in the Miami White Pages and call your ass, so peace out, I’m going to punch some holes in the lapels of my pastel sport coats!