be the poet

here’s to the losers
to the outcasts
the odd ones out
the weirdos
to the dreamers
the lovers
here’s to the ones who are afraid
but still face their fears
the ones who fight back
the ones who turn their anxieties into adventures
here’s to the leaders
the loudmouths 
the artists
the badasses
the cautious 
the hesitant  
the sensitive
here’s to the abused
the abandoned 
the bullied
to the ones who have been beaten
but are not broken
here’s to the ones who have lost
and lost
and lost
but still continue to move forward

here’s to the losers
may we find it in ourselves to be as brave and strong as they are

(cc, 2017)

I’ve always said someone can but they can’t

No one can get what I’m feeling inside

It’s my inside, not yours, not yours

It’s not a piercing knife to my chest, no

I’m like a candle, slowly killing itself

I am warm, I am at peace, I am burning, I am ending

I’m like a pond that’s been shattered by stones

Tsunamis taking every part of me that cannot swim

I am drowning inside my own candlestick body

You don’t understand. You don’t understand. You don’t understand

i used to fill my veins
with whatever i was told
put their ink
to mix with my blood
hang their writings
on my walls
take their words
and make them my world
i used to live my life
by not living at all.
—  not anymore.

it’s a mystery to me how a lot of people are so scared of losing control. all i’m scared of is having to be in control all the time, of never being able to give power out of my hands. of finding my fists forever clenched and my knuckles whitened, my fingers forever grabbing and reaching for every last scrap of self-restraint they can close around. muscles sore, the insides of my cheeks bitten, feet tapping to a rhythm only i can hear. forever wishing i could simply lose myself. to get so entirely lost that i can’t recall what it is like to keep a hold on myself, my feelings, the words i don’t have to reconsider before they slip past my lips. to get lost beneath the glow of neon lights, the beat dropping as the colours change from red to blue to green and i feel dizzy and can’t keep the waves of roaring laughter in. to get lost and say what’s been on my mind, say it for everyone to hear, scream it from the rooftops, paint it all over the walls. to get lost and don’t think of what will happen, of what other people will think if i did the unspeakable. to get lost and not care. to lose control. to feel it slip through my fingers and enjoy the weightlessness that comes with being free, to shove it away from me as far as i can. a lot of people might say it’s a good thing - not slipping up. taking care of yourself. they might say getting lost is not worth it because in the end you’ll have to consider the consequences. what about me, you ask me? well, i wouldn’t know. i am in control.

control / n.j.

silence isn't a virtue

silence isn’t a virtue
but sometimes it is
when you yell at
your daughter about
how much you wish
she wasn’t born
knowing that those
words are going to
give her issues
enough for a lifetime
and some more

silence isn’t a virtue
but sometimes it is
when you praise 
your son even when
he is full of failure
in front of your 
daughter with medals
around her neck
and trophies by her 
bedside dying to
hear how proud you
are of her

“another horoscope tells me that
the war is over, that it is okay
to breathe a little heavier, deeper
because there isn’t an enemy around
to hide from who is looking
for my breath in the cold air
or listening to the near panting,
the sound of my heart crawling
up my throat to escape the war zone

supposedly, I’ve won and no one cares 
how or why or when only that
I am home. does it matter that
home no longer feels safe?
there are monsters around every corner,
trust me, I know. I’ve seen them lurking
behind the shadows of my mind.

is it still a victory if I can’t sleep
through the night? because it feels
like losing a battle over and over,
every time my eyes flash open
and go to the door, to the window
looking for things that don’t exist

define winning for me. define home.
define victory and what it means
to have earned it because I still
don’t know and everyday I wake up
to put on another armor,
pick up another sword- how do you stop
fighting when fighting is all
you have ever known?”

- Gemini contradicts This Weeks Horoscope || O.L.