I was recently thinking back to who I was a few years ago and I took note of the realizations I had that made life a bit easier on me so I thought I’d share them in case any of you youngins want to take this advice into the new year:
1. You don’t have to know everything. This was the most freeing realization for me. For most of my life, if I didn’t understand or know much about a topic I’d stay silent, just nod and smile, or (even worse) pretend like I knew what I was talking about. Realizing that not knowing everything doesn’t make you an idiot was revolutionary to me. I now feel fine saying “Can you tell me what that means? I actually know nothing about it” and I learn much more that way.
2. You don’t have to argue. If you don’t know much or anything about a topic, or you do and you just don’t feel like fighting or arguing, you super don’t have to! You can say that you don’t know enough about it to comment or just that you don’t feel like fighting/debating right now. I used to let people push me into arguments that I didn’t want to be in and I hated it so much, but now I just say nah and for the most part people are cool with it and just move on.
3. Buy clothes that fit you. This is not a stance on people wearing revealing clothes (which is fine), and it is unattainable for some people thanks to the fashion industry saying a big fuck you to anyone over a size 12, but if possible buy clothes that are the right size. I used to buy clothes that were mediums or size 10s and force myself into them just for the sake of not buying bigger clothes. I can’t stress how fucking absurd that was. Once I realized that hey, I feel really comfortable and look damn good in 1Xs and sometimes 2xs, my life was forever changed. I am much more comfortable now and I look and feel way better.
[If anyone needs suggestions for stores with bigger sizes, Torrid is an amazing but pricey plus size store, but Target and Kohl’s have some reasonably priced, reasonably well done plus size clothing. Also, if you have some money to spare, Dia & Co is one of those subscription box services for clothing for plus size women (only $20 per month) and it’s wonderful. (Seriously, sign up for that if you can. Or ask me questions, I’ll talk all day about Dia.)]
4. Stop passive-aggressively fishing for compliments. Another disclaimer here: some people think posting pictures/selfies or making a post about your accomplishments is fishing for compliments, but I do not agree and that’s not what this is about (pro-selfie forever). This is about what I used to do, which was ask people “How does this look?” with the sole intent of hearing “You look great!”. Instead, I now save that kind of question for when I want an actual answer, like when I really want someone’s opinion and I got comfortable enough with myself to outright say to people “Check out this dress, isn’t it awesome?!” and “I crushed it sculpting these masterpiece eyebrows today.”
None of these will solve all of life’s problems and a lot of this has been said before, but these realizations made me feel freer in life so I thought they may help someone else.
okay I saw a post wondering what Enjolras is canonically Good At? so here we go, it’s actually pretty impressive:
- knows French Revolutionary history inside and out, down to the last detail, like…how… do you know how hard it is to find decent FRev scholarship…how much nerd binging has he done on the subject? All of it. All the reading. He did it
- can keep track of multiple contacts and schedule public events like whoa?? like maybe it’s just my introversion/brain damage talking here but I cannot even imagine having the kind of brain that goes “oh hey how about these NINE RANDOM HUGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE ? I know what their mood and schedule and who would be a good guest speaker and I can line this shit up so it gets taken care of in ONE NIGHT friends and citizens, ALSO perfect internal map of the city so I know where everything’s going “?? Enjolras has that kind of brain , he can do that, frigging how
-generally assessing people’s strengths
- SUPER STEALTH mode and apparently freaky awesome night vision, can sneak through occupied territory at night in places where the lamps are out without getting caught DESPITE probably Glowing with Symbolism
-pretty kickass improv public speaker?
- can keep track of where everyone is and what’s going on in active combat while actually fighting like what is this kid’s freaky physical awareness superpower?? how can I have it
- hits hard enough to break guns can there please be more of Enjolras just punching a gun to death
- can also hold a whole battalion of armed troops at bay with a frigging stick
(And while I realize some of these skills transfer to AU settings better than others I Live In Hope for the Coffeeshop AU that manages to invent a reason for Enjolras to WRECK FRICKING SHOP with a broom handle or something, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER?? WELL **BUZZSAW NOISE AND NOW A TABLE IS IN SPLINTERS** plz consider the potential hilarity )
ALSO BONUS: Things Enjolras is Canonically Bad At: -Getting out of the way of doors before they smack him in his statuesque butt
- man can carry a whole barricade in his head but can’t step forward three inches before a door swings shut
I looked at him and I smiled, raising my glass with John and seeing his friends follow suit.
“To the Revolution!” He yelled and I repeated it along with Lafayette, Hercules and Alexander. The bar was so full of energy and light that nobody even paid attention to us although you had to be careful about who you talked around because if you talk around the wrong people- specifically British soldiers and loyalists- you had the possibility of having a target put on your back. Considering that they were wearing soldier uniforms the chance of being recognized as Revolutionaries was pretty high so shouting hardly raised your chances of being shot.
“You guys promise to be careful, right?” I asked them, sipping my drink. They laughed and shook their heads.
“We gotta get the job done, no matter the costs.” Alex said, his eyes wide with excitement.
“I know you guys can’t promise anything. Especially since you are probably drunk off your asses by know but… try to stay alive.”
“Yeah.” John said and he grabbed my hand and pressed a kiss to it. “Anything for you.” I rolled my eyes but my smile stayed the same.
Underneath the smile I was worried that he would die. That he would die without his dreams being fulfilled and he would leave me behind. He looked at me again and he looked at me softly.
“I promise. I’ll do everything in my power to stay alive.”
But I will gladly join the fight
I stared at him and he looked back at me. We weren’t sure how to say goodbye, knowing that this could be the last time we ever see each other. It could be the last kiss, the last time he holds my hand.
But we couldn’t afford to think like that.
“I’ll see you soon.” He told me, hugging me tightly.
“I’m going to miss you a lot, Jacky.” I said, my voice breaking.
“Y/N… I love you. If this is the last time-”
“It’s not. You’re strong enough to stay alive. I believe in you, yeah?”
“Okay. But I am serious. If this is the last time I ever see you… I want to remember the words you say to me today forever.”
“John Laurens I love you more than you can ever imagine and I look forward to the day that you come home so we can start a family- a life together.”
“We could get a place to Alexander and- who am I kidding he is never gonna find a wife. But we can live next to Alex and you can help me write essays against slavery.”
“And I can wake up at four am to drag you to sleep.”
“Oh trust me I can do a lot better than four am.”
“Yeah you forget that I was your girlfriend when you stayed up an entire week that one time.”
“No I didn’t. And I believe it is time for me to depart. I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”
“I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”
And when our children tell our story
“Eliza you’re pregnant too?” I smiled, laughing a bit. She looked at me and hugged me tightly.
“Oh! Oh god I can’t even imagine a mini Alexander and a mini Laurens running around.”
“Look out world, they are going to blow us all away.” I told her and she nodded.
“Agreed. I can’t wait for Alexander to get home. Not knowing whether he is going to make it through the next battle or not is quite stressful.”
“Ha, tell me about it! John is going to South Carolina to try and convince legislature their to approve the all black regiment he wants to form.”
“He should be safe then, shouldn’t he?”
“Yes but I am worried about the British coming from the sea.”
“Ah, I see. Your children are going to be so proud of him for doing this- for following his dream and setting how many men free because of this?”
“3000. And Alexander- he is being asked to lead soldiers into battle? Your children are going to be so proud of him when he gets back. And I promise you Eliza, he will come back.”
“Thank you for assuring me and I promise you that John will come back as well.”
“Thank you Eliza but I do not think I will be totally reassured until he comes home and shows me that he is okay.”
“I understand what you mean.”
On Tuesday the 27th, my son was killed in a gunfight against British troops retreating from South Carolina. The war was already over. As you know, John dreamed of emancipating and recruiting 3000 men for the first all-black military regiment. His dream of freedom for these men dies with him.
They’ll tell the story of tonight
I put my child down and grabbed the letter, a smile on my face.
I expected to see John’s handwriting, assuring me that he was okay. It was a handwriting that I had only seen in letters directed to John- his father’s handwriting.
I frowned slightly and I started looking over the words.
He couldn’t be…
I flipped the letter over, searching desperately for some kind of sign that this was a joke. It had to be a joke.
I went out of the nursery and I opened the door to his office and I started looking at all the papers scattered around everywhere.
All of the work it was incomplete and I had the urge to straighten the papers out and start writing, I couldn’t seem to move. This was the only trace of his dreams left alive.
I have no doubt that Alexander will continue the work but… his dream of freedom for the men he tried so hard to get freed died with him, on August 27th. His dream did- Hamilton’s didn’t.
I heard a knock on the front door and I closed the door to the office again, still in shock. Eliza was waiting at the door and she hugged me tightly and I started crying.
“I’m so sorry.” She said gently and she patted my back.
We know that Utena is lying in her coffin here, but it isn’t shown at all during her interaction with Dios - I guess this would mean that the whole scene actually takes place within it in a literal as well as a metaphorical sense. Possibly, the reason that Dios saw her in the first place was because both he and Anthy were likewise trapped in their own coffins already.