be my toilet paper

anonymous asked:


Not really. My goal today was a modest goal: to remember to pick up some toilet paper on my way home. Nailed it! :D

So over the 1 and a half years living alone in the Netherlands, I have:

  • lost my wallet
  • broken my toilet
  • missed trains so many fricking times
  • got homesick
  • cried because I feel lonely
  • gotten really sick in the middle of the night and panicking because I didn’t know what to do and there’s no one who can help me
  • almost got hit by a tram
  • gotten into a fight with my best friend
  • got my house robbed and lost my ipod, laptop, ereader, and money
  • got my house flooded and couldn’t live in there for more than a week

But I also have: - fallen in love - laughed so hard my stomach hurts - gotten in a bar - became good friends with people I am now so comfortable with that I can fart in front of them without being judged - learned what it’s like to work from 9 to 5 for real - gotten my first salary - traveled around Europe - kissed someone I adore - tried weed

I don’t know if the bad things outweigh the good ones, or vice versa. But I guess now I understand what it means when people say that life is a rollercoaster. Sometimes there are just some ups and some downs. I’m so thankful of 2016, it taught me a lot of things. And 2017 didn’t really start well, but I hope that tho I experience quite a lot of bad (some even may say unlucky or even cursed) experiences, I’ll learn from them and become a better person 💖

DM: Alright you guys get one roll for a weird thing

Me: I want a pitbull to follow me around *rolls an 11*

DM: No

Dude to my left: I want to ejaculate on command!

Everyone starts dying for about five minutes until the DM can reel us back in. He rolls a 7 and doesn’t get his ability.


DM: The top hat sprouts legs and starts crawling around and snarling in the bathroom. He dodges the toilet paper thrown at him.

Dude to my left(ooc): See?! This the perfect time to start ejaculating on command! 

DM: *Sighs* okay… who thinks he should have the ability to.. ejaculate on command.

Everyone: *snickers and raises their hand*

Dude on my left(ooc): *rolls and gets a 12* Hell yeah!! 

He ended up getting to ejaculate on command, but I offered my drink to the guy controlling the demon hat and thats how we defeated it. 

- b&b -

- requested: you’re sick & Shawn takes care of you -

My throat burns and scratches as I cough into my fisted hand. I quickly remove the covers from my body and run barefoot out of bed down the hall of the hotel room to the bathroom. Lifting up the seat, I throw up into the toilet for a minute.

“Baby, you okay?” Shawn’s gentle voice asks as he comes to the doorway.

“Stop,” I hold my hand up. “It’s stinks in here.”

Shawn walks into the bathroom and holds my hair. His large hand rubs up and down my back as I puke into the toilet bowl again. I cough out what was in my mouth and flush the toilet. He lets go of my hair to grab some toilet paper before he wipes my mouth and then tosses it into the trash can.

“You’re gonna get sick,” I tell him as I wipe away my teary eyes; they always got watery whenever I threw up and I hated it completely.

“That’s fine. I don’t have another show until two weeks. That’s enough time for me to get better.” Shawn replies. “Here, lets get you up.” He grabs me from under my arms and helps me stand up. He kisses the top of my head and carries me in his arms out the bathroom and back to the bedroom. Shawn sets me down on the bed and I get under the covers.

“So much for getting to experience Spain, huh?” I ask him. “Take a lot of pictures for me, please.”

“I’m not going out.” He says.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re sick. I’m staying in and taking care of you today.”

“Shawn,” I groan, “I’m fine.” As much as I wanted to convince him that I was okay being with myself, I go into another cough fit.

“You really are a terrible actress, you know that?” He replies.

“Your fans are looking forward to meeting up with you today. I don’t want you to disappoint them. Please, go out and meet them.” I plead.

“Is that what you want?” He asks me.

“More than anything.” I smile.

“Alright, fine.” Shawn playfully rolls his eyes. He leans down and kisses my forehead before grabbing his jacket and putting his shoes on. “Call the front desk if you need anything.”

“I will.” I reply.

“I love you!” Shawn calls out to me as he walks out.
“I love you, too!” I reply, followed by a weak cough.

I reach over to the bedside table and grab my phone. I check my notifications and reply to a few texts I had for about ten minutes.

The front door opens and I sit up in bed. Shawn walks back in the room with a brown paper bag held carefully in his hands.

“I told you to go hang with your fans!” I say through my raspy voice.

“I did!” Shawn replies as he walks over. “I hung out with them to and from the little cafe across the street. I took pictures, signed some stuff, and came back.”

“You sneaky son of a… You found a loophole, didn’t you?” I smile.

Shawn gives me a small, yet cute and innocent smile. He walks on over and sets the paper bag on the bedside table besides me. “Scoot over,” he says. I scoot over on the other side and he sits down on the spot where I was previously.

He unravels the bag and takes out a styrofoam bowl, a packet of crackers, and a plastic spoon. “I bought you soup.”

“If I weren’t so sick and didn’t have vomit breath, I would kiss you so much right now,” I say.

Shawn smiles and I wrap my arms around him torso as burry my head in the side of his arm. “I love you so much right now!”

“Come on, eat it before it gets cold. You’ll feel better after you eat something.” He tells me. I let go of him and sit up as he dips the spoon into the hot soup. He brings the spoon up to my mouth and feeds me.

“I wouldn’t want to enjoy Spain without you,” Shawn says as I chew. “So I’m only leaving this room to bring you food.”

“So is this like my own personal bed and breakfast?” I ask after swallowing the food.

“Yeah,” he smiles. “I’m your personal butler for the time being.”

“Put your maid outfit on. That’ll be hot,” I joke, laughing before going into another coughing fit.

“Less jokes, more eating,” Shawn says to me as he brings another spoonful of soup to my mouth.

Shawn continued to feed me until I finished the whole bowl of soup. After I ate, he called to the front desk for some tea.

“Are you wearing socks?” Shawn asks me.
“No,” I reply.

He gets out of the bed and walks on over to his suitcase. I watch as he pulls out a big and cozy sweater and a pair of his socks before sitting down at my side of the bed.

“Put this on,” he tells me. “You should probably sweat this thing out.”

I pull back the covers as I sit up. He hands me the sweater and I put it on over my shirt as he puts the socks onto my feet. Shawn pinches at my toes before walking out the room. He comes back moments later with an extra blanket and I tie my hair back into a sloppy bun.

“Get up,” Shawn says.
“For what?” I cough.
“Get up, you’ll see.”

I get out of the bed and Shawn removes the covers before lying down the duvet, then the bed sheet, and then the blanket.

“Lie down. I’m rolling you into a burrito.”

I lie down on the side of the bed and Shawn grabs the end of the covers and places them over my waist. He then begins to softly roll my body over and over until I’m snug into a burrito of warmth. My feet stick out of the burrito and I shift my body inside so that I can breath and my feet get warm, too.

“Wait, what if you get cold?” I ask him.

Shawn shrugs his shoulders while his hands are at his hips. “I get cold.” He walks over to me and sits down at the bed. “As of now, you are checked into Shawn’s Bed and Breakfast. Enjoy your stay.”

I weakly laugh as he leans in and places a kiss at my forehead.

This is Gilbert, he’s 9 months old and loves to get into all sorts of shenanigans, like knocking things off bookshelves (that belong to my roommates and are expensive), stealing my food off my plate while I’m eating and apparently tearing all the toilet paper off the roll. He’s an excellent cuddle buddy though. 

Fun times at work

So one thing I love more than anything is to masterbate. I love playing with myself. I love to buy new toys. I love watching porn, the whole nine.

One thing I’ve always wanted to do was masterbate at work or at school. Idk why this is a fantasy but it’s kind of sexy to think of doing something & no one around you has a clue what’s going on.

So today I was especially horny as I haven’t played with myself in over a month. I don’t have any work to do today really so I went to the bathroom that’s usually empty & resolved myself to masterbate. When I first went in there was a girl leaving so I said perfect. This is my chance.

I went to a stall & placed toilet paper on the seat. I pulled my pants down & immediately noticed the wetness on my panties. I pushed my lips apart & placed my fingers against my clit. I was wet af. Like almost gushing. I started rubbing my clit & got into a nice clockwise motion. My legs were trembling & I was into it more than I thought I’d be.

Then someone came in the bathroom. I stopped & listened. I did a courtesy flush so she’d know someone else was in there. She went into the stall next to mine & pee’d. Now I had stopped rubbing my clit because I was super wet so the squishing could be heard easily. Like I really do have that mac & cheese wet wet lmao. But something in me said fuck it & I kept rubbing. & it turned me on more that someone was right there. Once she finished & left out of the bathroom I came hard & cream ran down my hand.

It was hot & I crossed something of my bucket list.

Happy Tuesday! Lol 😏

This is more of a ‘fuck me’ story.

So the retail store I work at has these online coupons the customers and workers can sign up for. Before the cashier hits total, you have to enter the phone number you’ve placed under the OC (online coupon) account. Well, a week ago, my house needed some stuff (toilet paper, air freshener, paper plates, etc.) so I told my mom I’ll get them during my shift. During my break, I went on my phone and clipped so many coupons of the things I needed to buy including one that would take $5 off of any $25 subtotal purchases and also an associate-only coupon that’ll take $5 off of any $15 subtotal purchases.

When it was half an hour from closing time and there hadn’t been any customers for a couple of minutes, the assistant manager allowed me to shop for my stuff. I went around the store, got everything my family needed, and went to the cash register the assistant manager was working on.

My total was $43-48 (can’t remember exactly) and guess what…I forgot to punch in my number. Yup. I completely forgot about the coupons and every single item I bought had a couple for them including the two $5 off coupons which I could’ve happily used! And I didn’t realize that until after I got home. Do you know how much I could’ve saved if I had used those coupons?!

Something similar happened just last night during my shift. I had bought some stuff and I only had about $12 on my card. What I bought ended up being $23 dollars and me being my dumb self forgot about that $5 off $15 subtotal coupon again! It was a good thing I was going to be paid tomorrow (today) because I had to use up my card and the $7 dollars I had in my wallet.

I would like to say that this experience will remind me to use my OC next time I decide to spend big like that, but I know I’m going to forget again.

I’m still salty about last week incident and now I’ve got last night to add to it.