be my guest and have some

faeryofblackstone  asked:

Hey, deary, if you're still doing them, could I get a poetry energy reading. 😄💕

A house of endless halls
Doors that lead to the abyss
Some don’t even open
Yet they have no locks
Despite it being crowded
A silent rule keeps a polite hush
Over the thousands of house guests
The front gate is adorned
With worn and aged banners
“Come, bring your wounds and tired bones”
“Rest and be healed, for all are welcome here”
And they do
They come from far and wide
To the never ending manor
Where they know a warm hearthfire
A cozy bed and hot meals
Await them

Knowing my fat ass if I were Belle I would have tried a hell of a lot harder to eat all those foods during Be Our Guest

I mean look at this shit 

Bitch just grabbed a cherry 

“Try the grey stuff it’s delicious” Bitch please pass me the fork 

This scene is visually stunning, but my drunk ass would have climbed the table for some champagne  

Don’t even get me started with the live action version I MEAN LOOK AT THIS

Originally posted by olicity-i-believe-in-you

In summary I would basically look like this throughout the song 

Lines that should definitely have been in the new BATB movie:

Belle: I don’t know your real name.

Beast: Adam. My name is Adam.

Belle: Nice to meet you, Adam. 

Gif made by @batbedits

P.S. I wish it would be in the movie 😍  Nevertheless, I think the movie is aaaaabsolutely precious, the actors are great, the songs are amazing, and I replay some scenes in my head over and over again 🌹

Reason number 1 why I should be allowed to have a gun in my dorm: some acquaintance of my roommate attempted to rob my roommate at gunpoint, in our dorm room.  This happened an hour ago.

No one was seriously injured, no shots fired, we’re all okay.  But we didn’t have any feasible way to defend ourselves other than literally going fist-to-fist with them, which is what my roommate did (and won, what a fucking badass).

But there is a possible future that all five of us–me, my three roommates, and a guest–who were minding our own business could have been shot and killed and we would have been helpless because of the narrative that guns are scary and evil and therefore we non-scary and non-evil people have no legitimate reason to own and carry them.

I want that on the record.  If I had died tonight, it would be completely the fault of the state that I had been a victim, rather than there being a fight on approximately equal footing.

Fuck your gun control.

4

This is my go-to food to make when we have surprise guests over at the house and have to come up with something quick and delicious that everyone would enjoy. If you don’t have chicken, any other meat including pork, beef or sausages would do just fine. You can also go vegetarian by omitting the meat and adding more vegetables such as sweet potatoes, eggplants and mushrooms, too. There are dozens of different brands of these curry mixes from Japan and Korea. Any brand you can find at the grocery store works with this recipe, some might be sweeter or spicier than others. My favorite part of this dish is the potato, how it gets soft and it deliciously thickens the curry sauce. It’s one of my comfort food growing up.

The Only Exception (Part 1)

Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3,442

Warnings: language, fluff, wishful thinking, hot firemen, sarcasm, cynicism, bad jokes

A/N: Okay, so I saw a movie a long long time ago that was terrible, but it inspired the ‘bad’’ love advice and the firemen. I’ve been dying to have fireman!Bucky in one of my AUs.

And yes, the title comes from the Paramore song. I felt like it’s how reader feels throughout. Hope you guys like it. I had some writer’s block, and some house guests, so this is a little late being posted.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 -

Originally posted by 8bit-arc-reactor

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BTS’s reaction to you starting a diet:

Jin: “But I wanted you to be a special guest on Eat Jin,” your boyfriend pouts (an impressive feat with his mouth full of food). He’s very against the idea of you going on a diet – who’s going to help him clear up all the food he can’t manage?

You raise an eyebrow, while he swallows and asks – “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“Just a little…” You reach across the table separating the two of you, and wipe some sauce from the corner of his lips, before popping your finger in your mouth.

Jin chuckles, “Isn’t eating that sauce against your diet?”

“It’s just sauce.”

“Sauce that’s high in fat and salt!”

“This is why you’re a rubbish boyfriend - making me break my diet. For shame!” You poke your tongue out at him.

Jin sighs. “Ah well, I guess if you’re on a diet now, that means more food for me. And I was going to order that ice-cream you like for the next episode of Eat Jin as well…”

That’s playing dirty! “You wouldn’t!” you scoff, knowing full well that he will, and that when you ask for a lick, just the tiniest taste – he’ll offer you the whole scoop - your favourite flavour too - and boom! there goes your diet, and all your good intentions. The worst part is – you won’t mind, because Jin’s kisses will taste that extra bit sweeter seeped in vanilla and strawberry ice-cream.

Originally posted by jeonsshi


Yoongi: Yoongi can tell something’s up. You’re being extremely quiet, and you haven’t touched any of the pizza on your plate. Jostled up beside your talkative friends, you’re like a lone grey cloud in the middle of a blue June sky.

Yoongi finishes off the crumbs on his own plate, then stands. “Well, I guess I’ll go wash up,” he says, “Y/N, do you wanna come help?”

You scrunch your nose at him, but follow him to the kitchen anyway, away from the busy chatter of your friends.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Yoongi asks, when the two of you are out of earshot.

You fiddle with a loose strand on your sweater. “Nothing’s wrong.” There’s a moment of hesitation, and you pull at the thread a little harder, twisting it around your finger. “I just don’t want to eat too since I’ve -” The last part is mumbled.

“You’ve what?”

“…I’ve started dieting.” Your cheeks turn pink.

“Dieting?” Yoongi repeats, “Why?”

“I need to lose some weight.”

He shakes his head. “That’s simply not true. You’re the perfect weight, and I don’t want to hear you saying otherwise. I like you the way you are now.” He gives your arm a gentle poke. “I like this part.” He pokes your stomach. “And this part.” He moves up to your nose. “And this part. I like all of it. It’s all perfect.”

You blush, and bat his hand away. “Yeah, yeah… don’t get all mushy.” But when you go back to join your friends, Yoongi’s happy to see you tucking into a fat slice of pizza.

Originally posted by bangtannoonas


Hosoek: “Ugh…” That’s a sound you haven’t heard from Hoseok in a while – the sound he makes when he knows he’s fighting a losing battle against you. But he won’t give up without a fight - oh no! He’ll see a smile break through that perfected pout of yours, even if it means bringing out the big guns! An exaggerated eye-roll and a funny face secures his victory, and you can’t cap the laughter that fizzes up inside you - this is definitely the best way to deal with a couple’s quarrel.

“Stop that,” you bash playfully at his chest, and he bends over in feigned pain –

“Wow, Y/N, you’re so mean to me! And when I’m trying to help you out as well!”

It’s your turn to roll your eyes. “Hoseok, you stopping me from dieting isn’t going to help anything. I need to take better care of my health. You should be supporting this.”

He straightens up, straightens his face, and fixes you with a serious look. “Okay, I’ll support you – but only if you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

“I’m doing it to get healthier!”

“And you know that-”

“- that I’m completely gorgeous, with the perfect body, and that I don’t need to diet at all, and that you’re lucky to have me.”

He catches your face in his hands, palms pressing your cheeks softly, before he plunges in for a kiss. “Damn right.”

Originally posted by hoseokayo


Namjoon: “You dieting? Good one, babe.” Namjoon’s dimples deepen, his smile erupting into a fully-fledged laugh.

And then he realises you’re not joking. And his face falls. “Wait, really? You’re dieting? Why?” His mind kicks into overdrive, wondering, worrying about what could have caused this sudden decision. Before, you would have happily helped him finish off pizzas or ice-cream sundaes, but now you’re talking about empty calories and cutting carbs.

“I need to fix my figure,” you tell him, brow wrinkling into a frown.

Namjoon looks you up and down. “Babe…”

“What?”

His eyes trace your body a second time. “Babe.”

“What?” you demand again.

He shakes his head. “You do not need to get in shape. Your body is so sexy.”

“Sexy?” Your nose crinkles. “You think I’m sexy?”

“Unbelievably sexy.”

You consider this for a moment. Then – “Well… I guess if you think so, maybe I’m okay.”

“No, not just okay, but-”

“Sexy, right?” You finish his sentence for him, a glint in your eyes.

“Right! Sexy.” He purrs the word.

“Say it one more time.”

“Only if you promise to stop this talk of dieting.”

“Deal.”

“Sexy.”

Originally posted by myloveseokjin


Jimin: “But I bought all these biscuits for you!” Jimin gazes at the plate of cream-coated cookies in distress, then back up at you, his eyebrows furrowing. This isn’t how he imagined you accepting his date-night gift.

You grin sheepishly. “Sorry… I forgot to tell you I was starting a diet.”

“Can’t you leave it till tomorrow?”

Your mouth pops open in mock horror. “That would be cheating!”

“In all seriousness though, dieting’s no fun. Trust me, I’ve tried it before, and it didn’t make me any happier, or healthier.” Jimin’s mouth pulls down at the corners a little, before his usual smile returns. “Come on. Just one… they’re really tasty. Just take one.” As he says this, he picks up a cookie, and bites into it slowly, never breaking eye-contact with you. It’s a challenge. (Eat one! I dare you!)

You give in. Of course you do. It’s Jimin. Leaning towards him, you kiss some of the crumbs off the corner of his mouth, then, with the taste of sugar fresh on your tongue, you concede, “Maybe one or two couldn’t hurt.” A smug grin paints itself across Jimin’s face as you reach for the plate.

Tomorrow. You can start your diet tomorrow…

Or the day after that…

Originally posted by sugakookie


Taehyung: Taehyung doesn’t understand it. To him, you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on – you’re prettier than diamonds, and stardust, and wildflowers, and sunsets, and the pictures of waterfalls they stick on travel brochures. In short - you’re perfection personified. So, Taehyung can’t wrap his head around the idea of you dieting because you’re (quote) ‘so disgusting’.

It’s eating him up, knowing that you’re unhappy, and not knowing how he can fix it. All he can do is smile, and promise you that the voice in your head is lying to you. “But I never lie, Y/N. Not to you. Not about this.”

Still, your lips stay down-turned, eyes dull, not properly seeing him through your tears.

“Y/N…”

You wipe you eyes.

“Y/N, look at me.”

You blink a few times, and look up.

“Smile.”

You do. Despite all the negative thoughts that are bubbling around you, you manage to smile, and that’s all Taehyung needs to smile too.

“There, right there, that’s what perfection looks like.” He frames your face with his fingers, then slips his hands on down to your shoulders, looping around you and pulling you close.

Originally posted by bangtannoonas


Jungkook: “You’re what?” Jungkook cocks his head at you, looking like a confused puppy across the café table.

“Dieting…” you say past a mouthful of lettuce leaves, “Quit looking at me like that. I’m not speaking an alien language. D-i-e-t-i-n-g. Dieting.”

His head remains fixed in place, tilted to one side, the corners of his eyes scrunching up.

“Stop it!” You throw a napkin at him, which misses its target and floats down to the floor. You’re laughing, and he eventually breaks his gaze to chuckle as well.

“Okay, but seriously, why are you dieting?” His arms stretch across the table, reaching for your wrists as you bring another forkful of salad to your mouth.

A shrug is his answer. “I’ve just been feeling… I don’t know… ugly lately.”

“You don’t look ugly lately.”

Your eyes trail up to his. “You’re just saying that because you’re my boyfriend - you have to say nice things.”

“No way!” He leans further over the table, cupping your face in his hands, “Listen, if you want to diet for your health – fine. But I don’t ever want you thinking you’re ugly, because -  honestly! cross my heart and hope to die! - you are-” (he leans forward and kisses you) “- gorgeous.”

Originally posted by bwibelle


! none of the gifs are mine !

anonymous asked:

I could use some cheering up and as an idea I was wondering if you could do the batfamily as 'things you've done' or something like that? If you feel like it, there's no pressure. Thank you for being around, your crack tag helped me a lot last night :)

bruce: got downstairs, realized my mom had guests, stared at them, immediately went upstairs again without a word as my mom kept yelling after me to come down

dick: every time i open the fridge at 4am thinking i’m silent but wake up the entire neighborhood because i remembered we have leftover food

barbara: i used to be an ultra fast reader in elementary school to the point my teachers never believed me when i’d finish assigned passages for reading in half the time compared to the other kids, so i once wrote a report on the text i had finished reading at the same amount others were done reading the assignment. added “you’re sometimes rude :)” in a corner for the teacher

jason: convinced with a straight face an ultra conservative teacher in high school that the smutty fanfiction she confiscated from the girl sitting next to me and kept showing me during class was in fact part of a book i was planning on publishing

tim: didn’t drink my (gross) antibiotics when i was sick but kept insinsting i had when my mom asked me why i was lying. the following morning i got a spoon, poured some medicine on it and then “dropped” it near the sink. my mom later found it and apologized because “it must have fallen on the floor last night and i didn’t see it”

damian: as a kid visited a family friend’s pet shop during rush hour, went to their backyard, played with some cats and dogs around the place, accidentally stayed too long so i was locked inside for two hours in the middle of the night. bonus: my father hadn’t realized

stephanie: told a very annoying kid of a family friend that children who shout all the time transform into donkeys later in life. he didn’t believe me so the next week they visited, i showed him a googled picture of a man with a literal ass for a head on the laptop. he cried (i laughed)

cassandra: age 13, blatantly told someone i would rip them a new one if they kicked their cat in front of me again. he took a step back

alfred: baked a cake to mask the smell of blood after i had patched up my wounded dog

6

CLOSEUPS ]

After many hours of hard work i have completed my life’s work: the entire Lodge of Sorceresses (guest starring Yennefer).

Yennefer, Triss, Sile (Sheala), Philippa, Keira, Sabrina, Assire, Fringilla, Francesca, Margarita, Ida.


Designs mostly based on existing gowns scoured on the internet. I tried to go with book lore, some of them are very different from their in-game appearances and some not so much.

2

All the LGBT Movies that I have seen, and at least 20 of those were in the span of about a month. Some I loved, some I liked, and some I didn’t like, if you wanna know which ones I recommend, hit my ask box! I also have a list underneath this with ones that I have yet to watch.

So what you are telling me is that IF THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE AND SOME LOGIC HAS BEEN APPLIED (not really but let’s pretend), 1D members will all release solo music in the same month. 

- Liam’s supposed album that is now longer than my entire life and we still don’t know what he’s waiting for since the solo deal and the album have been announced LAST YEAR 

- Niall’s supposed album / other singles since he’s performing as an artist and not a guest at Wango Tango and he can’t really play for 3 minutes and go 

- Harry’s supposed single (+album?) 

- Louis’ supposed featuring in Bebe Rexha’s EP part 2

Can this mean something? Can this all be true so it means they were all waiting for some kind of ‘freedom’ from old contracts / teams that allows them to start their music careers properly in April with official new teams once the old contracts are finally /over/? For EVERYONE? And with everyone i mean stunts, bullshits, crap images, smear campaigns, embargoes, weird silences, mystery, shadiness etc. ? CAN IT BE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE BUT ALSO TRUE? Thanks. 

Human are Space Orcs

So I have decided to try my hand at so human are space orcs Fiction  I lke the Idea that Human ships can be somewhat Brutal in appearance and power and what we may consider normal is insane amounts of power.

“My Hanar we are Detecting something in the Hyperwave, Its 6,000 Teraquin across

That My Subhanar will be are human Guests.

“No Vessel should be producing an impedance wave that size! They may be suffering a failure of their ships Hyperwave generator we must act

No, my Subhanar , Have you ever seen a Human warship in full war panoply?……… No?  When I was Young Natrok aboard my first war vessel  we were ordered by the high Council to observe the Humans attack some Pamri Slavers base,  we took up a position on the outskirts of the system that the Pamri were using as a base,I remember the looks of  worry and fear that crept across Old Malor that ships Hanar Ancestor rest him when the Subhanar, Kalor reported the Humans impedance wave I remember now it was 3 darqaqin across, It was the largest Impedance wave that had even been encountered, not even the Dorgoa's trade barges produce an Impedance wave that size. Old Malor well even he did know what to do so we sat and waited I remember even now fearing what they had sent to deal with these Slavers as their ships got closer we started detecting the wake in Hyperwave it was as large as the impedance wave  . and then their ships Translated from Hyperwave it was was not the thousands we had expected,  it was Seventeen! Seventeen of their vessels the largest wasn’t even one of their vaunted Battlecarriers it was one of the Vessels that they use to deploy ground troops which are as long as are fine War vessel but nothing as close as the size of their largest war vessels. So Rember My young Subhanar Humans build vessels like themselves, raw power first.“

"and the Parmi Slavers? My Hadar what happened when the humans engaged them?” the young Subhadar asked with a tone of slight awe.

“What happened to the Parmi? Well the Humans came for them”

Okay so I’m gonna tag loads of you guys since I’m going to Survival 2 on the 7th - 9th of April and I get to meet some of my problematic faves! I have a gold pass so I’ll be doing a meet and greet with most guests (and if I don’t speak to them then, there will be panels). Are there any questions you want me to ask? The guest list is  Lindsey Morgan, Erica Carra, Zack McGowan, Rhiannon Fish, Dichen Lachman, Nadia Hilker and Tasya Teles. (P.S. Happy selfie night!)

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smooth sailing

He felt still rather like a man waiting for the axeman’s blade to drop; his body had become accustomed to this breakneck coltish pace, and nothing had convinced it yet that the danger had passed. 


some mid-episode-87 percahlia. 1.5k words. gentle pwp guest starring a Very Bad Nautical Joke* and a copious helping of fluff. explicit, but not as explicit as some things i have written! enjoy.

*to fans of patrick o’brian: sorry. you can already guess what joke it is.


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The Diversity of Dan Stevens Fans

As evidenced by the GIFs available when you search Dan Stevens.

Downton Abbey: Matthew Crawley! Why did you have to die? Why??!!! 

Originally posted by parisianlavender

The Guest: Bro! The scene with the grenades in the restaurant? That was some cold shit! 

Originally posted by scuttlebuttstuch

Legion: It’s great, you’re awesome. What’s happening? Do you know? I have a theory…

Originally posted by scuttlebuttstuch

Beauty and the Beast: Oh my heart! Evermore! Growl! Oh! 

Originally posted by gwendoline

Just putting out there that he’s also set to appear as Charles Dickens later this year.  So there’s that too.

I wish people had as much compassion for people with personality disorders as they do for shelter pets. I have a chihuahua I adopted from a shelter. Her name is Kaya and she was mistreated by her previous owners. Whenever she meets new people, she gets hostile. She snarls and barks and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Sometimes someone will make an abrupt movement and she’ll jump so bad that she pees herself. If she has bonded to you, she’ll get more and more distressed the longer you ignore her. Sometimes she gets spiteful and destroys shoes or toilet paper or stuffed animals just to get your attention. All I have to do is explain to my guests that she was abused, and everyone immediately understands that she needs some extra patience and empathy. While we work towards rehabilitating her, everyone understands that she’ll always need some extra attention and love. Why can’t people behave with that same understanding towards people with personality disorders? So many of us act out in ways that seem hostile or explosive because we’re deeply hurt and afraid. Yet, when we inevitably slip up and hurt someone else on our paths to recovery, it seems like no one wants to understand the context. They just want to call us abusers and write us off as toxic.

10

Sam’s SXSW Diary  |  Day 1

Hi! I know some of you may have seen me over on the vansgirls instagram story today— we don’t have to talk about how awk I am at talking at my phone… But anyway! Let me tell you about my first day ever at SXSW!

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I went over to the coffee table to grab some napkins so I could blow my nose but a guest started coming down the hallway and I knew I couldn’t blow my nose there so I switched gears and made it look like I was going to get a cup of coffee, well the joke was on me because apparently he wanted coffee too so he just started standing behind me waiting in line to make his own so I had to make myself a full cup of coffee which sucks because I don’t drink coffee.

I just wanted to blow my nose but now I have a cup of coffee and I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t want to waste it.

If you like standup comedy and awesome butch lesbians who are outspoken about social justice PLEASE listen to Put Your Hands Together, it’s a standup comedy podcast hosted by irl wives Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher (you may have heard the McElroys praising their Seeso show Take My Wife which is also fantastic). The guest comedians vary widely and I’ve discovered some great ones but the highlight of the show for me is always the first 20 minutes or so where it’s just Cameron and Rhea bantering about their home life, ranting about politics, joking about Relatable Lesbian Experiences™, and being generally hilarious, adorable, and awesome.