be brave enough to break your own heart

transcript of the speech i gave at Vassar’s black baccalaureate service

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, and the Vassar class of 2017.
Just saying that aloud made me feel old. Class of 2017? Most of y'all were born after dark-skinned Aunt Viv left the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That’s wild.

I want to first thank you for allowing me to be a part of such a special moment in your lives. I am honored, privileged, and a bit in disbelief that you asked me of all people to give this address. I try not to have feelings, and I’m going to do my best not to cry today, but no promises.

I’m here to stand in the gap between you and your parents and guardians and any other elders in your lives that you stopped listening to because you thought they were wack and out of touch. I remember being in your shoes not TOO long ago, and it is my fervent prayer that something that I say here today will help you avoid some of the mess I went through.
To be honest I’m a little nervous, but I figured there was no way could this be worse than when Betsy DeVos went down to Bethune-Cookman, so let’s get started.

As you transition to life after Vassar the changes will be both inevitable and swift, so I’d like to begin by giving you some well-intentioned advice and warning you about the continued process of becoming an adult.

Keep reading

Lies and Family Ties

Dean X Reader; Mary tells Dean that the reader cheated on him to stop him finding out about her (Mary) stealing from Ramiel.

Originally posted by soluscheese

Knocking on the door of the bunker, you shift on your heels outside of the place you used to call home. Palms sweaty, heart racing and you’re sure that you can smell the nervousness radiating from you.

The door opens, your now ex-boyfriend looking anything but jolly to see you on his doorstep. “Sorry, I already gave all my change to the homeless guy down the street.”

“I’m just here to get the rest of my stuff, then you’ll be clear of me for good.” Standing up straight, arms crossed against your chest, you hold your head up high, refusing to feel belittled by the man who tossed you away so easily.

He runs his tongue across his bottom lip arrogantly, a sarcastic smile on his face as he pulls open the door, inviting you inside begrudgingly. “Make it quick. Don’t take anything you didn’t pay for.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” you spit, striding past him angrily, the ache in your soul becoming even more prominent from being this close to Dean, yet knowing he’s no longer yours.

You pass Sam and Castiel in the kitchen, ignoring their judgemental gazes as you head to Dean’s room, to a bed that used to hold two bodies, not one.

Pushing all the memories within these walls away, you grab your suitcase from under the bed, flipping back the lid and throwing your belongings inside. You wanted to be out of this place as swiftly as you could be, your presence clearly unwanted.

“I’m surprised you had the nerve to show up here.” You look back over your shoulder, Mary leaning smugly against the door frame, your attention moving back to your suitcase. She was the reason you were packing in the first place, the lies she told Dean being the very statements to sever the ribbons of your relationship.

“Yeah? I’m surprised you’ve got the nerve to still be here.” you hiss, a bubble of laughter leaving her lips as she pushes you closer and closer to the edge, anger bubbling inside you. “Aren’t you afraid your web of lies will unravel?”

“Don’t be silly, sweetheart, my webs are perfectly crafted. My son will always believe his dear mommy over some worthless bitch.” Now it’s your turn to laugh, not a slither of humour in your tone. You skim your fingers over the white frame on the beside, the besotted couple grinning at the camera.

If someone had told you then, that just months down the line Mary would be alive and kicking, and she would be the very thing to rip your lover from your arms, you would’ve laughed in their face.

“You know what,” you spin around, your glare harsh enough to wound as you stare at the poisonous bitch in front of you. “I hope your boys never find out who you really are. It’d break them to know their mother almost killed their best friend.”

“Not only are you working for the British, but you disturbed the Prince of Hell, stole from him and then stood in silence as Castiel’s life drained from his eyes.”

Her expression turns colder as you taunt her, her lip quivering in anger, not being able to take the truth you’re dealing out. She makes her way towards you, fists clenching, as you speak aloud all the damage that she’s done. “Shut your mouth.”

You shake your head, standing up against her, refusing to cower under her wrath. “If you were my mom, I’d be wishing you’d have stayed on the ceiling.”

Smack! Your head sharply twists to the side as her hand makes contact with your cheek, smugness running through your veins with the knowledge that your words have hit home. “If you ever tell anybody about me stealing from Ramiel, I’ll cut your heart out.”

“She doesn’t need to tell me anything.” Mary jumps at the sound of the voice, your fingers rubbing your cheek, trying to soothe the sting. Dean enters the room, coming to stand by your side, his mother lost for words.

“Sweetheart, let me explain…” She trails off, the level of vexation in Dean’s eyes enough to shut her up. Her eyes move to you as you watch the scene unfold. “You little bitch-”

Dean pushes her back as she lunges for you, his broad figure standing protectively in front of your own, your heart clenching, hoping that maybe there is something left to salvage.

“I want you out of here, now. Don’t bother coming back.” Dean warns, the ice chill in his voice something you’d been faced with a few minutes before. Mary weighs up her options, before backing out of the room resentfully, a vengeful twinkle in her eyes.

Once she’s gone, you turn back to the task at hand, shoving your final few things into your suitcase, ignoring Dean’s burning stare on your back. You move around in silence, him not being brave enough to break it, and you wanting to hear an apology before anything else.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You freeze at the question, Dean’s voice timid as it should be. Throwing the shirt in your grasp onto the bed, you turn to face the older brother, not being able to believe his arrogance.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t remember you giving me a chance to say anything when you believed your mom’s bullshit lies over me.” He looks down at the floor as you scold him, your eyes beginning to glaze over with due to frustration.

“I’m sorry-” you cut him off with a scoff, his emerald eyes as glassy as your own as he lifts them upwards to meet you. You want nothing more than to wrap your arms around him, tell him that everything is forgiven and you can go back to how it used to be.

“You weren’t sorry when you kicked me out in the pouring rain and called me a dirty whore.” The dam breaks, you cursing yourself as you turn your back on Dean, your fingers roughly swiping away the fallen tears.

You zip up your suitcase, thankful you’ll be alone in a few minutes and able to sob to your hearts content without prying eyes. “What are you doing? Don’t go.”

“What does it look like I’m doing, Dean?” you sniffle, grasping the handle of the case and holding the heavy object to your side. “I want you to be happy, and if that means me leaving, then so be it.”

You shove past the older Winchester, your chin quivering as you somehow hold in your cries. You let out a shaky breath as a hand grabs your arm, Dean’s warm touch stopping you in your tracks.

“Stay. All I want is for you to stay.” he pleads, his throat thick with emotion. You turn your head, his glassy eyes meeting your own, a desperate look on his face.

After what feels like hours of silence, you make your decision. “Five minutes. Let’s see how well you do.”

A/N - Thanks for all the support on my last Dean imagine, it was incredibleeeeeeee!!! Feel free to request :) now, gif before the imagine, or after??? Let me know! X

You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.
—  from Dear Sugar
You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.
—  Dear Sugar

“Be brave enough to break your own heart.” - Cheryl Strayed. I don’t normally post about my personal life, but I just encountered a little bit of heartbreak on my journey and needed to remind myself of this: I should be sad, but I should also be really fucking PROUD of myself for having the courage to be vulnerable with someone. For taking risks and putting myself out there, over and over again. For always believing in love. Bravery comes in many different forms; showing someone your soft spots can be just as terrifying as bungee jumping off of a cliff. There is so much strength, not weakness, in telling someone that you love them. I don’t think we take the time recognize that often enough. So for anyone out there who is currently nursing a broken heart: it gets better, you’re a badass, and I’m proud of you!

So I was thinking about John Mitchell this morning

Why, you ask? God knows. I was minding my own business drinking tea when BAM, meta ponderings. But that happens a lot so I don’t really question it. One particular scene and line popped into my head, from near the end of series 2 in the confrontation between scary!Mitchell and Kemp. They throw things around about good and evil and their respective justifications etc and then Mitchell kind of shakes his head and is like “Look at us. Covered in other people’s blood and talking about morality.” And this is such a fascinating line to me. It reflects not only his implicit recognition of his own guilt, even at one of his least rational points, but is also a salient element of the show’s narrative attitude toward Mitchell himself.

One of the reasons I absolutely adore Mitchell’s arc is that I have never seen another show that so thoroughly condemns (understands, but condemns) the moral failings of one of its main heroes. And it’s not an armchair condemnation either (look guys, he did bad stuff, that’s wrong): it involves real, honest consequences and because of that it breaks your heart. 

This show is brave enough to put a fan favorite character into a psychological disintegration due to certain devastating choices he makes. They do not treat him as a fun, root-worthy anti-hero who does shady shit and might feel guilty but is generally able to keep on keeping on with his questionable activities. John Mitchell backs himself into a corner and destroys himself in a terrible, wonderful symphony of DON’T DO THE THING bad decisions. Being Human acknowledges that there are some things you can’t easily bounce back from, and they require one of their most beloved characters to pay the moral debt that he incurs. They don’t sugar-coat it. He done fucked up. 

Which brings me back to that line. The show is both sympathetic toward him (let’s face it, most of us adore that man) and realistically critical of him. We know his good sides, hear his justifications and dilemmas, we understand his “morality” if you will,  but this story makes no bones about the fact that Mitchell is “covered in other people’s blood.” Our beautiful cinnamon roll is a murderous cinnamon roll. And he has to face the consequences of that, and that’s part of what makes his arc so fucking powerful and painful and great. 

I have a lot of feelings now thanks brain

How the Signs Break Your Heart
  • Aries: Demanding too much too fast and expecting you to keep up.
  • Taurus: Fighting you over something insignificant and refusing to admit they're wrong to the point where they'd go to the ends of the earth to protect their opinion.
  • Gemini: Never letting on to what they're going to do next and when they finally decide, you're not a part of it at all.
  • Cancer: Being changeable and making it look like they don't care then getting upset when you leave.
  • Leo: Never sharing the control in a relationship and becoming bossy.
  • Virgo: They try to fix you when you're fine and start you on a guilt trip when you tell them no thanks.
  • Libra: Believing anything and everything they're told then other thinking it all and making a brash decision they'll regret.
  • Scorpio: Not letting on to how they feel and always acting like everything is perfectly fine even when its not.
  • Sagittarius: Constantly shifting directions, wearing down themselves and anyone brave enough to follow.
  • Capricorn: Being pessimistic af even when they have absolutely no reason to be.
  • Aquarius: Seeming unemotional and not caring when they undoubtedly care a lot.
  • Pisces: Allowing themselves to get walked on then blame everyone around them for their own problems.

ramblings2rumblings  asked:

If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?

Dear World,

Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than someone lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.

You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.

Don’t do drugs.

There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve  issues, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.

 a lot of people will immediately X you out as a romantic partner for reason superficial reasons. That’s okay. You don’t need those people. By stepping aside, they’ve done you a favor. Because what you’ve got left after the fools have departed are the old souls and the true hearts. Those are the uber-cool sparkle rocket mind blowers we’re after. Those are the people worthy of your love.

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue.

Sometime in your life you will doubt your self worth and a stranger will offer you a gift but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.

Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.

Laugh all the time.

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty  jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading  and wondering about sex,life, and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.

If someone you love does something or gives you something don’t say mean things or look at it with disgust.  That could be the last gift the give you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.

Say thank you.

Just say Thank you all the time!