bby amy

I have this hc about Feuilly that he always wears warm, autumn-y turtle neck sweaters and because he’s generally a very laid back person who likes cozy clothes and atmospheres, people don’t question it. When it’s summer and they want to go bathing/swimming together, Feuilly always says that he’s too busy with his jobs and everyone believes him because Feuilly doesn’t really lie, right? And no one thinks that it’s his sweaters’ fault, anyways. Sometimes they joke about them, say that the turtle necks will kill Feuilly with heat one day, and he just smiles and never really replies.

But one day some Ami catches him before taking a shower/changing his clothes and sees that he has old cuts and scars all over his torso, burns of cigarette marks like stains trailing up his collar bone and neck, memories from when he was in abusive care homes or with adoptive parents who he luckily could escape from eventually.

And they realise that Feuilly is not just wearing those turtle neck sweaters because he has a good fashion sense but also to flee the nightmares that still haunt him, nightmares of a childhood that never really was a childhood, still, even after almost six years. That the heat is sometimes maybe insufferable but it’s nothing compared to the dark fear of constantly being confronted with the pain of having to explain all those scars.

They tell no one, maybe not even Feuilly himself, but whenever someone is now making jokes about the turtle necks, they either quickly change the subject or straightforwardly tell them to leave Feuilly alone. And Feuilly, even though he doesn’t know why or doesn’t quite understand where this is suddenly coming from, is probably happier than he has ever been.

So seeing Root as an agent for Samaritan, which is where I always thought she would have wound up without The Machine, has given me a lot of clarity. It really demonstrated that even though she would have lived if Harold had never built The Machine, she wouldn’t have been our Root. Her journey was a tragic one and one that I wish had a different ending, but it was the journey she was meant to take. AU/Samaritan Root shows us that. Her life would have been far more tragic had she never learned to value humanity, or met Shaw, or created this family with her, Bear and the boys. And if Root was faced with that choice…die too soon but after enjoying life in a way she never had before with people she loved, or living on as someone who thinks all people are just bad code and maintaining no personal or familial relationships…there is absolutely not one single part of me that believes she wouldn’t have chosen Shaw, The Machine, and the guys. She was so happy before she died and I fully believe that was worth everything to her, even if it meant she had to leave them all before she really wanted to. She even told Harold right before she died that she wouldn’t change anything that led them to that point, and this episode just reinforces those words. Without The Machine and all the events that occurred after it’s creation, we would’ve never had our perky psycho, not the one we’ve all come to know and love so much. Witnessing what Root would have become without Her, or who she would have continued being as it were, just brought this sense of peace to me, like I can finally accept what happened to her. That might change tomorrow, but I’m going to savor it while I can.