bbc: doing it right

today in french we were doing an exercise on adjective forms and some of the sentences said things like “boys prefer pretty girls,” “girls prefer muscular boys,” etc. and my 40 yr old straight married professor makes an awkward face and says “ok, wow these just got weirdly heteronormative. how about you fill in the blank with whatever noun-adjective combination you want, as long as it follows correct grammar”

and the answers that we came up with were amazing.

  • girls don’t prefer boys, girls prefer (fast) cars and money 
  • boys prefer beautiful barbecues
  • girls prefer annoying cats
  • boys prefer 75 large plastic dinosaurs
  • and of course: pretty girls prefer pretty girls 

so remember kids, heteronormativity doesn’t belong in the classroom but 75 large plastic dinosaurs do.

Real talk thought, it’s so amazing to see Jake opening up little by little and finding out that Holt and Kevin are their role model couple makes his character development ten times better. Because he and Amy both look up to this man professionally and has been proved before in so many occasions but the fact that his personal life, his marriage, also inspires Jake and helps him to understand what a healthy, mature and equal relationship looks like it’s so important and it can be reflected in the way he cares and loves Amy because, against what he may say, he does see Holt as a father figure, the one he never got to have. And the fact that this relationship is LGTB+ and is not once seen odd or strange, but just as one of the many aspects Jake (and also Amy) admire about their mentor really makes me so damn hopeful and happy.

I didn’t know it was Fat Tuesday but I had two packs of fruit snacks, a snickers bar, a large bowl of creamy potato bacon soup with a hunk of bread the size of my skull, a large latte, half a pound of pasta smothered in tomato sauce and covered in melted pepper jack cheese, and a glass of wine, so I guess I knew it was Fat Tuesday

10

Gotta love the diversity of the voice actors in Rebels

Also, of course, good old Freddie Jr.

This newbie shadowing me for the day came in 30 minutes later than me and left 2 hours earlier saying she needed food and a nap and to meet a friend

And after I invited her to watch my meeting with a parent, she spent way too much time slowly calculating the distance from my meeting…to her home…to her friend’s place…and debating whether or not she’d have time to come with me before navigating all that…and ultimately decided to leave 90 mins before the meeting anyway because all the thinking was so exhausting lol

Today I sat at a desk doing nothing for 5 full minutes and I was just starting to feel guilty about it, but then a nearby fax machine started beeping, and that gave me at least another 3 solid minutes where I could sit there waiting for the machine to finish its business and count it as a semi-productive use of time.

Because while faxing anything in this day and age is definitely NOT an appropriate use of time, waiting to make sure that a confidential faxed document gets handed to the right person IS a decent use of time.

Turned out it was fax machine spam.

Often times people will say “you don’t fight with your fiancé. You need fights for it to be a good relationship”.

I disagree. My past relationships were nothing but fights. Especially my last one, it was nothing but screaming and crying. It was me leaving for days because I couldn’t stand it anymore. It was argument after argument and I consider it one of the worst relationships I’ve ever had. My relationship in high school was nothing but arguments. How it lasted as long as it did was beyond me, but it was a miserable 1 year and 3 months (plus the 3 months of back and fourthness that followed). Neither were good relationships. Neither were productive. Neither were healthy. Both of them were toxic, draining, and depressing.

“But if you don’t fight, then how do you know he cares about you?”

I get it. Arguements show concern. It’s valid, I respect it. But it isn’t the only way to show concerns. And it definitely isn’t healthy.

We don’t really argue. Sure, we have disagreed. We have been irritated at each other. There has been times where I’ve walked away from a conversation because if I didn’t, I would say something I regret. I’ve had to bite my tongue. I’ve snapped before. Yes, it happens. This might be my best relationship yet, but it has bumps.

The biggest thing about it though is that we talk and that we don’t invalidate how each other feels. We bring our concerns up. We talk until we reach a compromise. We talk until we find a solution to the problem. We don’t yell. We don’t name call. We don’t tear each other down. We don’t point fingers. We simply just talk.

And guess what? I’m happy with my relationship with him. I’ve got everything I could ask for with him. I never knew I would ever find someone who respected me until I found him. It’s beyond healthy. It is the most non toxic relationship I’ve ever had.

Think about that next time you tell me we need to argue to care about eachother. Arguements have never lead me anywhere positive in the past. Civil talking and consideration has. Just some food for thought.