bb spock



Star Trek K/S Sentinel AU 1/?

With no title, of course. 

Planet Vulcan, Stardate 2238.57

Spock understood that his mother was not Vulcan, and could not be held accountable for her obvious sadness when he came home from school to find her sitting at the table with her hands pressed to her face. He was a child and therefore did not have perfect control of his emotions either, though no less so than his classmates, of that he was positive. He had cried when the shatarr he’d tried to make into a pet had died, so the posture was not unfamiliar to him.

His mother did not look up as he approached, so Spock was left hovering at the table uncertainly. He reached out hesitantly to put a hand on hers. She had removed her gloves at some point, and her skin was soft and pinkish-pale under his fingertips. He felt the sucking depths of her sadness at once, felt it under his own breastbone as though it were his own sadness.

Spock’s breath caught in a sniffle, and then he was crying as well, fat, hot tears streaking down his face. Full-blooded Vulcans did not cry – it was an inefficient waste of resources on a desert world – but Spock was not, as his classmates were so fond of reminding him, a full-blooded Vulcan.

Uncurling from her slumped posture, his mother wrapped him up in her arms and pulled him forward so she could rest her cheek on the top of his head. The embrace was not appropriate, even among close family, and the heat of their bodies quickly made it stiflingly uncomfortable, but she held onto him with the desperate strength born by her grief. Spock sobbed against her chest, and she into his hair, though he still didn’t understand why they were crying.

A rustle of movement drew them apart. Spock looked up to see his father standing in the doorway, tall and severe as ever, his face – of course – emotionless as he surveyed the scene before him. Spock’s mother sat back and let go of Spock’s shoulders. She took a moment to drag her thumbs over Spock’s cheeks, wiping away the hot rivers of saline still leaking freely from his eyes. Brushing her hands off on her robes where they fell over her knees, she repeated the gesture on herself, and then patted gently at her cheeks. She set a hand back on Spock’s shoulder, her thumb resting just above the collar of his school uniform, as though she sought to feel his pulse.

“Husband,” she greeted.

Spock felt a pang of embarrassment rippling through his mother’s grief, though she did not apologize or voice her discomfort at Sarek’s arrival. It was plain to Spock that she had meant to take her grief somewhere private, but had ‘lost track’ of the passage of time. Spock took his gaze away from her swollen eyes and looked up to his father.

“Wife,” Sarek said after a moment. He transferred his dark eyes to Spock, though he did not immediately express his disappointment over Spock’s unwarranted display of emotion. Instead, he looked back to Spock’s mother and observed, “You are… upset.”

The word had no direct translation in modern Vulcan. The closest would be that she was emotionally compromised, but that was not sufficient to express the depth of her grief. Spock approved of his father’s use of the Common vocabulary in this instance.

Spock’s mother took her left hand away from his shoulder and curled it together with her right, setting them both in her lap. Her back straightened. “My mother has died,” she explained, though her words were partially obscured by a hitch in her breath, and she started to cry again. These tears were quiet, slow and thin as they trailed over her cheeks and disappeared under the curve of her jaw.

After a long moment, Sarek crossed to the table and held out his hand, first two fingers extended. “I grieve with thee,” he said solemnly, and then surprised Spock by placing his other hand on his shoulder. It was a gesture of comfort that had not been offered to him since he began primary school.

Far more surprising and unsettling than his mother’s sadness was the sudden swelling of his father’s grief. He did not make a sound, and certainly he spared no moisture in the expression of his grief, but it was just as deep, and far darker – crushing, hot like the sand of the Fire Plains of Raal. It took Spock’s breath away. Even as his mother reached out to run her two fingers over Sarek’s, Spock unthinkingly reached up to cover his father’s hand with his own. He couldn’t understand what he was doing, but he wanted to cool that hot flash of grief.

Sarek jerked his hand away sharply, head tilted to look down at Spock. “What were you doing?”

“You are sad,” Spock answered, simply. “I meant only to assist.”

“Peculiar,” Sarek said. He transferred his attention back to his wife and said, “I will arrange transport back to Earth so that you may pay your respects in the human custom.”

He left without waiting for Spock’s mother’s agreement, his hand held stiffly at his side. Spock knew that there would be a discussion later on Spock’s apparent transgression, though he could not understand what he had done wrong. It was the Vulcan way to strictly control emotion. It was also the Vulcan way to accept aid where it was necessary and warranted. To deny the need for assistance was illogical and a matter only of pride, which – Spock had been assured – Vulcan’s did not cultivate.

“Thank you, Spock,” his mother said into the ensuing silence. “I know embraces are not logical, but your mother really needed the hug.”

Spock tipped his head. “You are human. Humans require physical contact to maintain a state of psychological and emotional balance, is that not so, Mother?” This was the reason his father had given him when explaining why he engaged in significantly more physical contact with Spock’s mother than a Vulcan normally would, even in the confines of the private home.

His mother smiled at him. “It is so, Spock.”

“If that is so, expressing gratitude over the fulfillment of a necessary biological function is not logical,” he pointed out.

(mind the cut)

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“Just the idea that in the background they’re, like, basically ‘I love you. I love you.’..” (star trek 2009 commentary)

star trek idw, starfleet academy #1
<<looks at Spock’s face>>
*cackling intensifies*


So I watched The Devil in the Dark again today and I ended up with five … FIVE PAGES of how slashy the first twenty minutes of this episode is. Are you hot for it yet? Jesus knows I am. Read on, because this shit is juicy.

Earlier in the episode they discuss the possibility that if life exists that is silicon instead of carbon based, their phasers might be ineffective against it. After confronting the creature and using their phasers against it, that theory is confirmed. Even with the two of them using their phasers on the highest setting, they couldn’t kill the creature – it is phaser resistant. Spock knows this.

Kirk instructs his men to attack on sight and throughout the episode, Spock is consumed with the idea that this creature is a life form that should be spared. He can’t stop thinking about it, and he goes to great lengths to argue his case. He forms his theory, asks questions of the miners, sets his tricorder to detect silicone based life, debates Jim on the subject – it is clear that Spock feels very passionate about this issue as a Science Officer. This is important to him on a professional and scientific level, as well as moral. He still maintains his stance, even after one of Jim’s men is killed, and many other miners. He believes it is even worth risking lives, in the event that it is the last of its kind. Jim disagrees.

Spock suggests it may be the last of a race of creatures. As he says: “If so, if it is the only survivor of it’s race, to kill it would be a crime against science.”

Kirk reminds him it is their duty to protect the colony, and Spock is clearly reluctant. Even though Kirk tells him it must die, when they are organizing the search party, Spock actually rebels against Kirk’s orders a little – he suggests to the men that they should try to capture it, at which Kirk gives him a very irate look and says: “Your orders are shoot to kill.” Spock feels so strongly about preserving the horta that he actually dared to change the orders after Kirk had told him privately that the creature had to die!

Kirk even had to reprimand him after as Spock blatantly admitted to trying to go over Kirk’s head on the matter of killing the horta.

Jim tries to get Spock to return to the ship as this is protocol. If the Captain has left the ship, the First Officer should naturally be in charge, and as both are the least expendable crew members, there is no reason the First Officer should needlessly risk their lives as well as the Captain’s on a mission.

Spock’s reaction: I … I beg your pardon sir. (CLEARLY FUCKING FLOORED)

Kirk dishes it exactly as Spock needs it: the reactor is vital to keep going. It is only logical to ensure the First Officer is safe and also his expertise is being put to good use.

Spock is legitimately confrontational about this. He is visibly ruffled.

Kirk: Your scientific knowledge—

Spock: Is not needed there, sir. (Oh ain’t that cute. It’s like he’s allowed to fight with his Captain about this instead of, you know. Following orders. Like a good little First Officer.)

Oh, but it doesn’t stop there. Kirk gets real for a minute and lays it out.

Kirk: Mr. Spock, you are second in command. This will be a dangerous hunt. Either one of us by himself is expendable. Both of us are not.

And then Spock just goes to town on his ass with stats.

Spock: Captain. There are approximately one hundred of us engaged in this search against one creature. The odds against you and I both being killed are 2,228.7 to 1.

Sooo … I love how Jim just flat out said this is going to be dangerous, I don’t want to risk you. And Spock just flings it out. Bitch, I ain’t bein’ left behind if your ass is on the line here.

And might I add after that debate they even take the time out of this bloodthirsty, risky manhunt to flirt with each other:

Kirk: Please, try to stay out of trouble.

Spock: That is always my intention, Captain.

*Smug grinning/eye sex*

These two are ridiculous.

So anyway, against typical protocol, Spock (in his own way) fights with Jim so that he can stay. And WINS. This is not the last time that Spock rebels against typical Starfleet protocol in this episode, never mind how he is also bucking Vulcan tradition and logic in doing so.

This is the second time, one right after the other, that Spock pushes back against Kirk’s orders. It’s almost like he considers him and Kirk equals or something. You know, not a Captain and First Officer (who has no choice but to take direct orders from the Captain) but equals … like you might be in a relationship and you’re bantering with each other instead of working together. Am I crazy?

Literally seconds after this happens the reactor gives out and everyone who isn’t essential has to be beamed aboard the Enterprise because they need all the oxygen they can spare and only have enough supplied for an HOUR. BUT YOU KNOW. Spock gets to stay, because he threw a little tantrum and Spock ALWAYS gets his way. I am cackling as I’m writing this.

So now that the both of them have gotten over freaking out over each other’s safety and who should or should not be allowed to go on this mission, not even missing a beat here, the two head off to look for the horta. Kirk suggests they split up.

Guess who disagrees with the captain. Again. This time Jim gets his way, but Spock literally just stands there watching Jim go down his separate tunnel like a dog that got told to stay. He doesn’t even budge until Jim disappears from his line of vision.

Then Kirk contacts Spock via communicator and the pair keep this going because you know.

Ok bae, we staying on the phone the whole time because I worry.

Then the horta starts knocking shit over and then there is that hysterical moment:

Spock: Captain. *Gettin’ worried* Are you alright? *Panicking* JIM! *Starts marching* JIM!!

I’m sorry. Is a Vulcan bawling at the top of his lungs right now and starting to run? Because that’s a pretty … human thing to do. When you care about somebody that you think might be hurt. Just a thought.

Kirk: Yes, Mr. Spock, alright.

THAT LOOK. Oh my God, the look on Spock’s face. He visibly reels. It’s like he’s consumed with relief and stricken at the same time. It like he just realized it: Oh fuck. I’m so totally in love with Jim Kirk that I just did a Vulcan equivalent to flailing and having a panic attack. Shit.

“I find it extremely disquieting that your roof chose that particular moment to collapse. Please proceed with extreme caution. I shall quicken my pace.”


Did a Vulcan just confess out loud to feeling “extremely disquieted?”

Extreme is a pretty um … extreme word to use, for Vulcan emotions. Am I right or am I right or am I right. 

“So Jim I might have just shit my pants because I almost lost you there and don’t move a fucking finger because I’m coming, bb.”

Now Spock is good and worked up. He’s breathing hard and he’s got to get to Jim because for a minute there, he thought something terrible had happened to Jim, and clearly that had fucked him up. I think it’s one of the first moments he realizes what it would feel like if something bad did happen to Jim, and he’s surprised by how poorly he would have handled it. It’s as if in that moment, he realizes that he might not be able to keep it together if something were to happen to Jim because he’s allowed himself to feel too much for him. That’s it, Spock. You went and fell in love with Jim Kirk, now here are the consequences.

Oh, but it doesn’t end there.

No my friends, my favourite part of this episode hasn’t even HAPPENED YET.

I mean, this shit is ALL ONE  MOMENT AFTER THE OTHER, but we’re still not done here. Because as if Spock never suffered enough emotional exposure/embarrassment this episode, the best is yet to come.

Spock: Captain. I’ve just read some fresh signs. The creature is in this area. Take a life form reading.

Kirk: It’s not necessary Mr. Spock I know exactly where the creature is.

Spock: Where, Captain?

Kirk: Ten feet away from me.

Spock: Kill it, Captain! Quickly!

Kirk: It’s not making any threatening moves, Spock.

Spock: You don’t dare take the chance, Captain! Kill it!

Kirk: I thought you were the one who wanted it kept alive. Captured, if possible.

Spock: Jim. Your life is in danger. You can’t take the risk. (Oh we’ve switched over to Jim now. Shit’s getting personal.)

Kirk: It seems to be waiting.

Spock: I remind you it is a proven killer. I’m on my way.



So … this WHOLE FUCKING EPISODE, Spock has walked the border of insubordination just to keep this horta alive. He has made it clear that although unfortunate, he feels that preserving the last of a species is vital enough to risk the lives of everyone on the colony PLUS Jim’s men. He thinks it is worth the risk for every life but one.


He is throwing away something he feels intensely passionate about for something that he clearly has more passion for.

His Captain.

He tries to convince Jim to kill it THREE TIMES. He is pretty much yelling at him over the communicator.


And Jim is all Oh, about a half hour ago this thing was important enough for my men to risk their lives for and now you be tellin’ me to squat this thing like a fly?

AND I mean, Kirk was set on killing this thing from the get-go. What happened? Just as a cherry on top of this syrupy slash sundae, Jim is going against his own beliefs – risking his own life – and disregarding his OWN FUCKING ORDERS – because he thought it would upset Spock and knows it is important to him.


If that isn’t love, then … well, fuck you, you’re wrong. It’s love.

It’s Goddamn love.

Just ask Gene Roddenberry. There was sufficient enough love for that, he said.

NO FUCKING JOKE. Sufficient? How about every orifice on my body is choked to the brim and smothering in the love from JUST THIS EPISODE?

These two are ridiculous and this is just twenty minutes of a fucking episode, oh for fuck’s sake *throws papers* I’m done. I’m done. If you don’t believe me you haven’t been watching Star Trek TOS, you’ve put something else on by accident. Is your TV backwards? Are you blindfolded while wearing earplugs? JESUS. This shit was WRITTEN BY SOMEBODY, it didn’t just come out of thin air.

Excuse me.

I believe I require a change of pants.

Good day, sir.


Spock will never admit it but he absolutely adores it when the people he loves stroke his ears…

in fact, since the early stages of their relationship Nyota has realized that it has a calming and comforting effect on him when she does that