bb gunning

Humans are terrifying: Resistance to Damage and Small Arms

What if aliens’ weapons are nowhere near lethal to us, just painful? Like, either they use energy weapons that at worst cause slight burns or perhaps growths under prolonged exposure, or their kinetic-kill weapons are comparable to BB/air guns, paintballs, or airsoft pellets? And despite their likely larger frame, they lack the muscle density we have, so either they can’t swing/stab their melee weapons hard enough to damage us, or their weapons are made out of such inferior material that they just shatter or fold, or bounce off our skin altogether? What if they have to use ship-grade or anti-vehicular weapons against us?

What if we’re the Space Badgers?

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Commander’s Log, 2e.455.6789

They just. Keep. Coming.

My unit has been entrenched in the Ghûrzáan Mountains on [Ophii Beta 1-6b-Theta], the third moon in orbit around the massive gas giant, for [three days]. We started with 10,000 of the finest the Grand Army had to offer. In the [two weeks] since the humans arrived, that number has been pruned and has dwindled to a meager 2,300. They landed with 6,000, and have only lost 153. They essentially have the moon already, but we are holding out the best we can. Gods above, we hope rescue arrives soon.

They are so much smaller than us! How? How is it possible that they have this level of durability? One ‘Praivet’ as they called the warrior, but a lowly grunt(!!!), stood against MY ENTIRE THIRD ARMORED DIVISION, taking about 70 souls and 13 of my finest heavy assault vehicles with it to the After. A gods-blessed TANK ROUND traveling at [320 meters/second] only killed the human because it struck it in the head and severed its central nervous ganglion, through sheer force alone. Upon examination, and despite hairline fractures and heavy bruising, the human’s bones and flesh were INTACT. Our normal small-arms fire bounce off of their skin and our energy weapons hardly singe their clothes. Our melee weapons can’t even penetrate their suits, much less their flesh.

Their weapons and armor are absolute madness. Iron-base armors, with heavy metal weaves and supplication, and carbon-nanotube weave in a graphene substrate. Their bullet-proof garments are made out of simple CLOTH. They use titanium… for LIGHT plating. Their rifles weigh three times the weight of our light anti-tank weaponry, and fire with about 130 times the force. Their bullets, accelerated to about a thousandth of the speed of light, almost compare with the delivered force of our anti-tank missiles.

They are made out of carbon-, nitrogen-, and hydrogen-based sugars and proteins. Their blood has iron in it. They breathe OXYGEN. Their bones are strengthened with calcium. THEY ARE PREDATORY AND CONTAIN LETHAL MICRO-ORGANSIMS INSIDE THEIR ORGANS AND ON THEIR SKIN.

They can move almost effortlessly in our preferred environment. They can punch with enough force to rupture your insides. They can tear your limb off and use it as a club. They routinely stand off one to tens with our own forces.

We need rescue. Before there is no one left to rescue.

Dear gods, they found us. If anyone from the Illustrious Empire of the Vhârashjeenzi discover these records, this is my one and final warning: Do not engage humanity, as I did. They cannot be stopped. They will prove to be our ruin.

Commander Vhûna-Zhini out.

Submission by @bartwelchii

Everybody knows if Kurt smiles, it light up the fucking room because he usually doesn’t. I don’t know if he’s really unhappy or if he doesn’t know to be happy. When we’d shoot BB guns in the backyard or throw rocks at cars from the roof of the house or shoot out the window at the lottery building with a BB gun when we were trying to quite smoking and we had nothing better to do, you’d seen the laughing, funny, ha-ha-ha Kurt come into play, which a lot of people don’t see.” - Dave Grohl