battery operated toy


It’s Picnic Bunny, swilling back carrot juice like the furry pink lush he is! This dapper vintage battery operated Easter Bunny toy sits on a tin litho base - a log with adorable bunnies peeking out. He holds a bottle of carrot juice in one hand and an Easter egg “cup” in the other.

For more photos and details, visit Aquamarine Dream Vintage - you can find Picnic Bunny at the following URL.

The Audit

**Long story short, I found my old fic LJ/archive from 2005, and decided this absolutely needed to be posted.  It’s ridiciously bad, so much so that I found it hilarious.**

Author: PiecesofScully (in 2005)
Rating: R
Timeline: Unclear

Scully set the phone down in its cradle, a look of complete confusion spreading across her face.

“Who was it?” Mulder asked, as he typed on the computer. His eyes were still glued to the screen, and his fingers pressed rapidly against the keys on the key board.

“The accounting office. They said they need to speak with you about questionable purchases with a bureau credit card.”

“I’m being audited?”

“Sure sounds like it.”

Mulder continued typing for a few seconds, unphased by the news of a surprise audit….until it hit him.

“Oh….shit…” he muttered under his breath. He stood quickly, grabbed his jacket, and headed towards the door.


He stopped suddenly and turned back to Scully.

“Do you want me to come along?” She asked, sitting at the desk with her reading glasses on.

He shook his head. “Nah, I’ve got it. You stay here, and maybe we could go grab some lunch afterwards.”

Scully nodded, accepting the offer, and Mulder left the office, speed walking to the elevator.

How do I explain this one? He thought to himself as he pressed the ‘up’ button. Sorry, Mr. Accounting Man, Agent Scully and I were in need of a good humping and my credit card was declined, so I used the bureau’s card instead.

The doors opened and he stepped inside shaking his head. As the doors closed, all was silent except for the dull clank of shifting gears and one word being muttered over and over again.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…”


“Agent Mulder, I’ll start from the beginning. I’m going to need you to explain every purchase on the date of May 26th, 2000.” Mulder nods, his hand quickly wiping a bead of sweat that had escaped his hairline and began a quick slide towards his nose.

The young, squirley looking accountant shuffled through his notes and pulled out the sheet of paper he’d been searching for.

“$76.56 was spent at a restaurant called La Fleur, which is located in Sterling, Maine.” The accounting agent glanced at Mulder, waiting for his explanation, but the agent just stared back offering nothing of the sort.  “$76.56 is a lot to spend on a dinner, especially when I have documents saying that you and Agent Scully were on vacation, not investigating a case.“

Mulder cleared his throat. "Well, yeah, we were on vacation, but a case fell into our laps almost as soon as we’d arrived. We were hungry from driving all day, so we stopped at the only restaurant that was open and accepted credit cards.”

“I have no record of a case file being processed on the date of May 26th.”

“I have yet to finish the report, actually.”

“But $76.56, Agent?”

Mulder shrugged. “The food was expensive.”

The accountant nodded, then exhaled a long sigh. “I’ll say.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*One month ago*

Mulder finished the last bite of his chocolate desert, just as Scully had finished hers. The server must have been watching them closely, because just as Scully set her fork down, the bill was slipped onto the table. 

Scully smiled at Mulder, a lazily wide grin. Either she was a little tipsy from those 2 glasses of wine, or those oysters were finally kicking in.

He slipped his credit card into the small leather pocket of the folder, and the waitress took it away.

“You wanna head back to our room after this?” Mulder asked, reaching across the table to take her hand in his.

Scully shook her head. “Actually there is a store across the street I wanted to browse in first. Maybe get a little something for tonight.”

His eyes glowed with excitement. He’d seen the store she was referencing when they’d pulled into the restaurant’s parking area. It was a lingerie/sex-toy store. Naughty Time something or other.

“I’ll go see what’s keeping the waitress with the receipt.” He brushed a kiss on her temple, and walked to the front counter.


Their waitress turned to him, his credit card in her hand. “I’m sorry, sir, but your card has been declined.”

Mulder stood there, stunned. “That’s impossible. Could you run it through again?”

“Of course, sir.”  She slid his card through the machine again, and after a short pause and a quiet beep, she shook her head. “Declined again, sir. Perhaps you have another card you’d like to try.”

Mulder pulled out his wallet and searched the card slots. License, library card, blood donor card, bureau credit card….bureau credit card…. He paused for a moment, then hurriedly handed her the bureau credit card. She took it with a large smile on her face, then passed him his receipt to sign when it was approved.

“All set, sir. Have a lovely evening.”

Mulder nodded, and walked back to Scully. She stood, allowing Mulder to help her with her jacket.

“Everything ok?” She asked.

He linked his fingers with hers. “Everything is great.”


“Ok,” the accountant said. “So, next comes the fun stuff.”

Mulder’s eyebrow pulled a 'Scully’ and rose. The accountant shrugged, then shuffled his papers.

“The next purchase on the list was $26.25 at a grocery store, also located in Maine. Now, because you and Agent Scully had already eaten quite an expensive dinner, I was ordered by my supervisor to look into the items that were purchased in this store. Those items are,” he paused to look closer at the receipt. “…whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and a 4 pack of AA batteries.”

“I know what this looks like-”

"Fraternizing is strictly prohibited, Agent Mulder.”

“I realize that Agent,” he glanced at the younger agent’s tag, “Smooter. But that was for the case we were working on.”

“Really?” Smooter asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “What was this case you two were investigating exactly?”

Mulder sat back in his chair, a cocky grin on his face. “That’s classified.”

“Interesting. Well, I’ll tell my 'super’ that, and he can take this matter to….AD Kersh is it? Yes, he can take it up with AD Kersh if you’d prefer.”

“Fine, Fine!! I’ll explain.” Mulder rubbed his eyes, then leaned forward in his seat to get closer to the accountant. “You know we investigate the paranormal right?”

“Yes, I am aware of that.”

“Well, this case falls under that category as well. You see…” Mulder licked his lips then cracked his fingers, attempting to buy some time, “We were called by a source we have in Maine. He’d said he’d been hearing some strange stories about young men that had gone missing.”

“The point, Agent Mulder.”

“I’m getting there. Well, these young men had happened to go missing while…camping….in the woods. We needed the batteries for our flash lights.”

“The bureau’s flash lights take D batteries.”

Mulder nodded.  "Imagine our surprise when we got to the woods and discovered that. Luckily, one of the flash lights still had enough power to aid us on our journey.“

"And what about the whipped cream and chocolate syrup?”

“It was rumored that whatever was taking these men had something of a sweet tooth. So, Agent Scully and I bought those because they were cheap. We were in a hurry and didn’t have time to be choosy and search for specific candy bars or whatever.”

Smooter nodded rapidly, seemingly eating up every bit of Mulder’s story.

“So, Agent Scully and I high tailed it into the woods with only one working flashlight, and sunday toppings.”

~~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The disappointment of being at a grocery store and not a sex toy store must have been written all over his face, because Scully nuzzled his neck and whispered, “I have big plans for us tonight. Trust me.”

Mulder nodded, shooting her a smile, and followed her closely through the store. His spirits lifted after seeing her grab a can of whipped cream, a bottle of chocolate syrup, and a pack of batteries. “Scully, why the batteries?”

She smiled at him deviously. “Just trust me Mulder.”

That look could make any man go weak in the knees, cause his heart to skip a few beats, and claim temporary insanity. Which is what must have happened because before he knew it, he was whipping out that bureau credit card again.


“Okay, agent, there’s one last purchase I have to question. There was a $45.15 purchase made at a Naughty Time Novelty. I am extremely curious to see how this plays into everything. Now, because the store wouldn’t give out the list of what was purchased, I need to ask you what was purchased and for what reason.”

Mulder chewed on his lip then sighed. “We walked out of Meijer and we were talking intensely about the case. So intensely, actually, that we both didn’t realize that we’d just walked through a huge swarm of bees. Agent Scully felt something on her pant leg and swatted it off, not realizing it was a bee, and then it stung her finger. She wears this ring that she got from her mother years ago, and that was the finger that happened to get stung. It started swelling almost instantly.”

“Agent Scully has an allergy to bee stings?”

“Uh…yeah…So we ran into the nearest store, which just happened to be that novely store. We explained what happened to the girl at the counter and she grabbed a large bottle of….lubricant….and poured the contents all over Scully’s swollen finger. After a few tries, we got it off. Cindy, the girl at the counter, then took a mint flavored lubricant and spread it on the bee sting, insisting it would take down the swelling.”

“Did it work?”

“Well, we can’t say for sure. We put ice on it when we got back to the motel, so it could have been the ice that did the trick.”

“But where does the $45.15 come in?”

“We had to pay for the lubricant.” Smooter’s jaw dropped. “They were jumbo sized bottles.”

The accountant sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mulder eagerly followed Scully to the showcase of battery operated toys. There were so many different sizes and colors, different shapes and gadgets. There was one gadget that was blue, and it had two rubber rings connected by a small battery pack.

“That’s a 'for him’ toy. One loop goes around the penis and the other goes around 'the boys’. It vibrates.”

Cindy clearly knew her products.  Mulder just stared at the blue rubber contraption. Visions of using it and it cutting off circulation and 'it’ possibly falling off invaded his thoughts. “No, thanks,” he said with a shrug. “We’re here for her.“ He pointed to Scully.

He was surprised to see the excitement spread across her face.  Her eyes even had a twinkle in them.  

"Um,” she pointed to one of the hundreds of vibrators spread showcased along the wall, “could i see that one?”

Cindy pulled it from it’s case and handed it to Scully. “That’s The Dolphin. It’s a huge hit because it’s so pretty.”

Mulder studied the toy in Scully’s hands. It was pretty. The first 1 ½ inches were a tart blue rubber, then the next 3 inches were white pearls that traveled around the girth of the toy, and then more blue rubber. Scully passed it from hand to hand as if testing the weight, then ran her finger along the 3 inch rubber dolphin that seemed like it was about to soar off the dildo.

“What’s that for?” Mulder asked, pointing to the dolphin’s beak.

“It’s the clitoral stimulator,” Scully answered matter of factly.

“I’d suggest that you purchase some lubricant if you do get a toy. We have flavored ones such as peppermint and strawberry. And we have others for special purposes, such as 'Like a Virgin’, which tightens the vaginal muscles, and a few that make him last longer. I’d suggest the peppermint flavored lube. It’s great, and a real fan favorite.”

Scully smiled. “Wonderful. We’ll take that and The Dolphin.”

Mulder stared for a moment, as if in shock. The entire moment was so surreal, like a wet dream come true, buying sex toys and flavored lube with Scully. At the register, he eagerly passed the girl the bureau’s credit card.


“That is…incredible. So after all of this, did you solve the case?”

Mulder shook his head, and sat back in his chair. “No. It remains unsolved.”

They both sat in silence, Smooter amazed by the story, and Mulder amazed that he believed the story. Thank god he was new to the bureau.

“I’ll write my report and submit it to my super, and I suggest you do the same.”

Mulder muttered ‘yeah’ and stood. "We done here?”

“Yes, Agent Mulder. All through.”

Mulder turned and walked out of the office without another word.


Mulder walked into his office to see Scully still sitting at the computer.

“Finally,” she said, standing.  “I was about to go solo to lunch, you were taking so long." 

"Are you done with the computer, Scully?”

“Yeah, you need it when we get back?”

“Uh, yeah. I’ve got a case report to write up.”

“Which one?” She asked. “I thought we were all caught up…”

“I’ll explain it at lunch. Let’s go.”

The End.

Wrong Number


Author Ladyoftheteaandblood

Fluffy oneshot Tom and OC

I can’t tell you how annoying it is to have to change your bloody mobile phone number. All the texting people with 

“Hi it’s Megan, this is my new number” and the texts back

 “Who?” All the explaining and shit, as to the why, you did it.
Anyway it’s done now and the reason I had to do it, may just have fallen off a cliff!
What I wasn’t prepared for was weird texts from unknown person, which started the day after I got it.
“Hi so bloody bored can I come home now?”
I ignored the first one and let it pass; some poor sod texting away had hit a wrong number. Two hours later the next one came in,
“Shit, if I’m asked one more time how a guy from England can play a guy from  America, I will have to kill someone, somebody please ask me something new”
Again I ignored it, strange person would work it out when they had no reply. Five hours later and late at night
“Hey you ignoring me, have I upset you?”
This time I felt I should answer it seemed mean not to,
“Hi you are texting the wrong number, I have no idea who you are” send
“OK what did I do this time” came the reply

Keep reading

Paladins & Cats

I’m copy-pasting this Skype message I sent to Ali earlier.

Listen. I want everyone to have a cat that represents their lion.

  • Yellow is the fattest Maine Coone to ever exist and Hunk loves her. She sits on his shoulders and curls herself around his neck with her tail to keep him warm. Also she rolls all over his clothes and sheds on them because she thinks he isn’t keeping warm enough. There is always cat hair on his stuff. She sleeps next to him every night and tries to give him baths by licking his hair and face. Has an underbite.
  • Blue is a Siamese. She’s very vocal and Lance answers her in a baby voice whenever she meows at him. She is so spoiled. She has her own big fluffy bed and a ridiculous array of grooming tools and she loves water. She has bath time with Lance so she can get her fur cleaned. Lance talks to her a lot and she talks back. She is his sweet baby girl. She kneads on him when he gets anxious to calm him down.
  • Red is a Japanese/Korean bobtail and she is. So angry. All the time. She is generally tolerant of the other cats but the only people she likes are Keith and Lance. If she’s sitting in Keith’s lap and someone who isn’t Lance tries to touch him she will hiss at them. One time Shiro got too close and she swatted at him. Tried to clean her owner’s hair once, got a bunch of really long hairs stuck in her mouth, never did it again. She likes to be warm and sleeps on the windowsills when it’s sunny. If it’s cold or rainy she curls up with Keith or Blue.
  • Green is a Scottish Fold. Chill science cat. Sits in Pidge’s lap while they work, likes to watch all the colours on the screen. Inquisitive and sometimes knocks things over by accident. Really likes to play, Pidge gets her battery operated toys bc those are her favourite. Also really loves those balls where there’s a treat inside and she has to figure out how to get it, Pidge has fun watching her bc she won’t give up until she has her prize.
  • Black is a tuxedo cat. She’s kind of an old gal but she’s been with her owner forever. She’s low maintenance which is good for Shiro. She sits with him when he has flashback episodes until it’s over and lets him cuddle her if he needs to. Likes to sit on him and purr like a big cozy heating pad. Gives him kitty kisses and nips his nose sometimes. Always at his side.

Voltron is the cat stack they make when they’re all curled up sleeping together.

Texting yet again

fluffy nonsense from Ladyoftheteaandblood.

Alternative Tom is texting Conny again while away, sending picture to help his cause.

  “Conny my love, I’m so Tired”

“Well who’s fault is that? we partied till 3am the night before you left. My feet still hurt from the dancing. next time listen to me and go to bed”

“I’m listening Darling but my angel of the dance floor, how could I miss an opportunity to see you shine at the ‘Cha Cha Slide’”

“I seem to remember your Macarana was something to behold, and your limbo dancing left many a girl with the urge to use battery operated toys, when under the influence of alcohol” 

“I simply wanted to fill the world with joy and love, as I explained to you at the time, my sweet”

“See, I remember you saying something about beating bloody Quinto at all cost, in a very drunken slur, just before you feel over and smacked the back of your head”

“With My bestist innocent face on’, I tell you I am not guilty of these charges. When have you known me to be a competitive bunny?”

“Half the reason Im in  love with you, is the fact you are a giant dork, who when under the evil grasp of Satan’s water cannot for the life of him say NO to a challenge. And who’s happy smiling face at these moments, has me wanting to take him upstairs and see to his every carnal need  more than ever.”

“You’ve made me all a glow, and Im not back till Sunday, what ever shall I do?”

“Delayed Gratification dear always better!”

Pictures not mine I just played

@anovidelonghi @aggro-femme @abfoster1s @antyc67 @archy3001 @aliceadorno @ancientfinnishgoddess @booksandcatslover @bluegrasscontessa @echantedbytwh @enchantedbyhiddles @feelmyroarrrr @frenchblondgirl @izhunny @damageditem @heathermc13 @larouau12 @lostinspace33 @lolawashere @maevecurrywrites @marveloznerd @mrshiddelston @october-green @ourladybinxthings @oeffsee @peskipixi @prplprincez @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks @servent-alearika @sf0206 @siyoteodiara @tomhiddleston-kikibfairy @tomkurbikston @the-lady-mischief @the-haven-of-fiction @tinaferraldo @tomforachange @neither-blue-nor-green @lordjohnandtom @omnino @kellarter @nuggsmum @mad-about–you


@fairlightswiftly @acebakes @adamcansuckme

[translation] Long Slow Distance of That Summer episode 4

AUDIO by wakoaime

Makoto and Rei’s screaming in panic is gold.  (๑´ㅂ`๑) 

Rei: An abandoned amusement park…it’s so creepy.

Nagisa: AHH!

Rei: eeek! What’s the matter!?

Nagisa: I remember this place! We’ve been to this amusement park before! Right? Makochan! Haru-chan!

Haru: Now that you mention it…

Makoto: I think Couch Sasabe took the whole swimming club here when we were in elementary school…

Haru: I remember there was an indoor leisure pool…

Nagisa: It’s too dark to see anything… but that thing over there, isn’t it a ferris wheel? And a merry-go-round there… imagine music suddenly playing and it just starts moving…

Makoto: Ah! Stop… talking about stuff like that, Nagisa!

Nagisa: hehehe, sorry, sorry.

Haru: The rain… doesn’t look like it’s gonna stop any time soon.
It’s dangerous to move around in this storm.

Rei: I’m sure sensei and Gou-san are worried sick. We should at least let them know that we’re safe… *beep* ugh! There’s no signal…

Haru: Looks like we can’t do anything but wait until the storm dies down.

Nagisa: The wind is getting stronger, even though there’s a roof above the gate, we’d still get wet. Let’s see if can get inside the park!

Makoto: HUH!? We’re… going in there?

Rei: But it’s an abandoned park!

Nagisa: It’ll be fine! There should be an office behind the ticket booth, let’s see if we can go in! C’mon guys, hurry up!

Rei: Wai… Nagisa-kun!

Makoto: Nagisa! Wait up!

Narration: Long Slow Distance of That Summer Episode 4

Keep reading


Max - A Moluccan Cockatoo by Paul.E.M
Some info about Max: * aka Salmon-crested Cocatoo * talkative; loves to talk and squawk * an extremely flirtatious whistler * will be 45 years old next month * loves to cuddle * knows all the tricks in the book to get what he wants, which is usually attention * often gets mistaken for a battery operated toy * likes it when you play music for him, songs like “I’ve got the music in me”. - A special thank you to everyone who shared information about this very special bird.

livingwellisjuicy  asked:

Oh damn! Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of Olake shippers stomping their little feet and gnashing their baby teeth because you just called their idol, Jake a bob (battery operated boyfriend). LMAO

Battery.Operated. Boyfriend ?!

But yeah, Olakers don’t care what I say about them. They stay wedded to mediocrity. 

adult shop

Pasadena, Maryland

(I work at an Adult store, it’s pretty quiet and I spend most of my time watching Youtube videos or surfing the internet. I just had a customer walk in and after 30 minutes of her walking she finally comes up to talk to me)

Me: Hi, how may I help you?

Woman: I’m confused. What do you do with all these toys?

Me: Any thing really. But mostly you just find a hole and stick it in.

Woman: What about this? *holds up a battery operated toy*

Me: Find a hole and stick it in.

Woman: And this one? *battery-less toy*

Me: Find a hole and stick it in, you may start to see a pattern here.