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LEGO BATMAN HEADCANNONS

I had to do it here we go:

  • Before Dick came along, Bruce had never ate any “children” foods (hardly ate anything besides lobster thermidor tbh) like chicken nuggets, mac and cheese etc… So he finally had an excuse to try them and now it’s all he ever eats.
  • Joker is roommates w/ Harley and constantly tries to set her up with some of the other bad girls in town but he always ends up ruining it by squealing too loud when spying on her and her potential date. He blames it on his car.
  • Whenever Dick needs help with his homework Bruce will make him take online tests just to laugh at the dumb names the whole time
  • Alfred was both the mother and father figure for Bruce when he was growing up. Once he almost got into an argument with himself out loud because of his conflicting parental instincts about taking Bruce to the park instead of making him study for a test.
  • On father’s day Dick wrote a really bad heartfelt poem for Bruce and he cried for twenty minutes.
  • If Dick ever almost reveals Batman’s identity to people/talks about going on missions he pauses mid-sentence and starts screaming until they leave.
  • The batfam plays Wii Party (specifically Board Game Island) together on a weekly basis and it’s extremely competitive. I’m talking cheating, pillows thrown and game consoles unplugged. It usually ends in tears and physical fighting.
  • Everyone in Gotham highkey ships Batman and the Joker and it makes for really awkward fights in public (it’s like a sea of fangirls every time they fight it’s crazy).
  • Bruce would sacrifice himself physically/emotionally/mentally/spiritually at any given time if it would make Dick laugh.
  • Speaking of which it’s a tradition for random friends/bystanders to try and make Batman laugh when he’s out doing whatever and it’s only been done twice. Dick broke him once when he interrupted one of Joker’s long monologues during a fight by chucking a traffic cone at his head and it managed to get stuck. The only other time was when Batman and Joker were fighting and Joker was raging about how much he hated him and a little kid just looks up and yells “I THINK YOU NEED SOME WATER BECAUSE YOU’RE THIRSTY AF” and Joker looked so offended and Robin had to take over for Batman because he actually couldn’t stop laughing and didn’t stop talking about it for days.

i can never stop thinking about what the justice league must have thought of dick when they first met him though. like here’s batman, the dark night, who strikes fear into the hearts of both criminals and heroes alike, and with him is a cheery eight-year-old who makes puns and dresses like a traffic light. what must that have been like for them??

Bat Kid Patrol Shenanigans

From sunset to sunrise is a long time. These patrol shenanigans are bound to happen:

•Chicken fights begin on the roof tops of Gotham. Steph on Tim’s back, Cass on Jason’s, Damian on Dick’s, and Duke on Bab’s. When they’re feeling particularly daring(or bored) they have piggy back races from roof top to roof top. The fun evidently ends with someone nearly falls off a roof.
•Someone buys a cake(most likely Steph or Jason) and all eight bat kids find a spot on a secluded roof to wolf down the mammoth of a chocolate cake. Back at the manor, they nearly pass Alfred’s attentive eye till he catches an icing smear across Stephs gloves. Steph is now on a temporary suspension from the cake eating club.
•Girls vs boys dance competitions. The score gets real tough to judge when Dick and Barbara get real into it. We’re talking epic sprinkler and moon walks. Jason nearly fell off the roof he laughed so hard.
•With what each of the bat kids has been through, it’s rare any of them can scare one another, but that doesn’t persuade them from trying. A jump scare or a deranged mask usually gets a laugh. Each kid has tried new and clever ways to get a scream out of one another. No trick has worked till one night someone(no one has stepped up) scared Damian so bad, you could have heard his scream from across the block. It’s safe to say non of the kids have and will ever let him live that one down.
•It’s not a secret that Bruce keeps a close eye on all the kids durning the night, so it has became a well kept secret amongst the bat kids of how to sneak junk food into patrol. The heist mostly consists of two groups, one to distract Bruce and the other to run into a local convenient store and buy a full bag of sugary sweets. Gummies or anything high in sugar was banned from the Wayne house after Tim and Duke went on a sugar high and sang A Whole New World as they swung through the streets.
•Hand stand contests begin on the edge of rooftops during snack brake. Dick always wins. Tim is the first to go down, usually because Jason or Damian knocks his balance off.
•Speaking of snack brake… The kids regularly drop by Micky D’s by taking a walk through the drive threw, where they always get free food.
•And still speaking of snack brake… Slushies on the clock tower is a regular tradition. The bat kids come together as a collective and walk into the nearest gas station to load up on two slushies each(cause, you know, where does one get the energy to run over roof tops and fight bad guys?). But they were caught and banned by Bruce from all gas stations when the security footage was aired on national news tv.
•Jason found two abandoned water guns on the river bank. He than proceeded to spray every member of the bat family(except Selina) with the putrid river water. It didn’t end well for him when he got Babs in the eye. Let’s just say he’ll be feeling it in his nads for a couple of weeks.
•It’s kinda a known secret that the police HQ roof is a hot spot for “bat family sightings.” An Instagram fan page was made by an
anonymous Gothamite, which started an “unofficial competition” amongst the bat kids of who could be featured the most on the page.
•Steph created a snapchat account called the Night Birds. With her smart phone she followed each member of the bat family around, capturing spotlight moments. Some of these moments were of Jason making sarcastic kissing gestures that were directed at Dick; Damian slipping on a rain slick roof and loudly cussing in Arabic as he lands on his butt; Dick doing a perfect pirouette with Cassie(both in their uniforms on top of the clock tower); Dick, Duke, and Tim singing and jigging out to Beyonce’s Single Ladies that Dick had turned up on full volume on his phone on top the police station(an amused Gordon and an unimpressed Batman stand in the background); and Tim and Jason having an overly dramatic sword fight with two katanas they stole from Damian(the next video is of a Red Hood and a Red Robin laughing hysterically as they run from a raging Robin).