Things the Batfam forgot to tell Duke when he joined

Whenever any member of the Batfam mentions “that time I was dead,” they aren’t kidding.

Just because you haven’t seen Tim in days doesn’t mean he isn’t there. The same applies to Cass, for entirely different reasons.

If the Red Hood ever breaks into the Manor and tries to hold you hostage, don’t worry about it–the guns aren’t loaded, that’s just Jason doing a bit. That’s how he asks Bruce for money.

Bruce actually has THREE biological children. If a tall Damian suddenly appears in the Cave, he is from the future and can be trusted, and will occasionally bring back future snacks. Don’t try to attack him: he is stronger than you. Beware the girl: she is from an alternate universe and may attempt to introduce you to tv shows that don’t exist. You will be very disappointed.

If Christopher Kent gives you his armor and tells you that it can help you fly, he is lying. He is Kryptonian, and the thrusters are for show.

The guy in red eating your cookies on Christmas Eve is NOT Santa. That is Barry Allen. Do not get between him and food; you will regret it.

Do you think Bruce ever just forgets how many children he has? Like, okay, he has the six children he’s adopted, five sons and a daughter, but then there’s Terry, and the two Helenas, and is Barbara his daugher-in-law, he distinctly remembers going to the wedding but it may have been wiped from history for all he knows, how the fuck does Stephanie fit into it, which one of his sons is Starfire with at the moment, and then there’s Selina’s adopted kids–Holly and Karon–and she keeps calling the cats her children, like that isn’t confusing, and just WAIT FUCK HE FORGOT ABOUT HARPER

Point is, everyone thinks he only takes 3-hour sleeps because he needs the time to be both Bruce Wayne and Batman. Truth is, he needs all that extra time to keep track of all of his children.

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favorite DCU relationships → Batman x Joker

Oh, you… You just couldn’t let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren’t you? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.