batman suit

bruce wayne maintains a presence on all conspiracy theory boards with the screen name BruceWayneIsTheBatman and all his posts have titles like “BRUCE WAINE IS BAT-MAN INDISPUTABLE PROOF” and it’s just a picture of Bruce Wayne from the back next to a picture of Batman from behind and they both have the contours of their butt drawn on in a shitty MSPaint red line (note: Bruce is in a suit and Batman has a cape, neither of their butts are clearly discernible) and the quote “THE BUTTS MATCH!!! THE FACTS DON’T LIE!!!!!” and he makes at least three of these posts a day, and “Bruce Wayne is the Batman” becomes a meme a la “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” and he gets asked about it on a talk show and he laughs uproariously at the idea and Stephen Colbert just HAPPENS to have a batman mask under the desk and they do a bit together where Bruce Wayne puts on the mask and walks around saying things like “excuse me, bank robbers, can I perhaps offer you some money to stop you robbing this bank?” and “I say, cease and desist your criminal behavior or I’ll have my butler ask you to leave” and the audience is LOSING THEIR MINDS laughing at the idea of this pampered rich guy taking on the Joker on a bi-weekly basis and then anyone who suggests “Bruce Wayne is Batman” in earnest gets met with mocking “oh man do the butts match” comments

So I was googling stuff for an idea for my story, and I wanted a visual of the knights of the round table, and I found one that looked kind of cartoonish but pretty normal-looking. Then I saw in the lower left-hand corner:

I don’t want context for this. It’s better this way.

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Have I told you about Little Blue Penguins/Fairy Penguins before? Cause you totally should know about them, they are the smallest penguins, they are from New Zealand and they are literally blue

Anyways, so I learned today’s his birthday, so here are some celebratory penguins! Happy Birthday Murderous Bird!!

It’s exam week and I am tired. Instead of coherent content, please enjoy this list of random dialogue that I currently have no context for:



Damian listened thoughtfully until Tim got to the end. “So basically we need your help. Any questions?”

“Yes,” Damian decided, after a few seconds of silence.

“Shoot.”

“When did I give you the impression that I cared?”

“Oh come on.”

“What was my mistake?”

“We’re on a timeline here.”

“No, really,” Damian asked, raising his hands in an exaggerated gesture of confusion. “Where did I go wrong?”


“I’m confused,” Duke told him. “Red Hood Jason or Trophy Case Jason?”

For some reason, Tim didn’t seem to understand the question. He pointed across the cave, to where Hood was sorting through medical supplies. “Jason.”

“So not the Robin that died.”

Tim pointed again, slower this time. “Jason.”

“That’s… the same person?”

“Yeah.”

“He didn’t actually die?”

“Oh boy,” said Tim, biting at his lip. “No, he was definitely dead.”

Was?”

“Short-term. You really didn’t know?”

“It’s not an uncommon name?” Duke could hear the panic in his own voice, but he didn’t feel inclined to check it. “Why would I assume that one person… came back from the dead?? Instead of assuming there are two people named Jason?”

“Oh boy,” Tim repeated. He turned to Damian, who Duke suddenly noticed was smiling in a very unsettling sort of way. “You didn’t tell him?”

Damian shook his head. The smile became downright maniacal. 

Tell me what??”


“It’s a family meeting,” Dick told him. “You have to stay.”

Jason collapsed back into his armchair, glaring. “You know sometimes I think I never actually came back to life? I just died and went to hell.” He crossed his arms. “Because honestly? This could be hell.”

“Stop being dramatic.”

Jason threw him a look that clearly communicated ‘when hell freezes over’ in the most dramatic way possible, or at least that was the goal.

Dick turned away, rolling his eyes. He seemed to get the message. There, Jason thought. Nailed it. He felt better.


“What’s the holdup?” Tim asked, settling onto the couch next to Cass. “Something wrong?”

Dick shrugged. “Bruce says he has an announcement.”

“We have a new sibling?” Tim guessed.

“What? No.” Dick frowned, probably running the odds just to be sure. “Not that I’m aware of, anyway.”

“You had to think about it,” Tim noted, and then turned to face the door as Bruce finally made his entrance.

“I have an announcement.”

“We have a new sibling?”

“What?” Bruce asked. “No.” His eyes flicked upward for half a second, and then he continued, decisive. “No, you don’t.”

“See?” Tim asked. “He had to think about it.”


“I thought you were against this plan,” Duke said.

Damian nodded. “I am, but Todd and I reached an agreement.”

“Yeah?”

“Simple bet,” Damian confirmed. “If it works, I have to go to Drake’s birthday party, but if Todd dies again, I get to put ‘Damian told him so’ on his new headstone.”

“Oh,” Duke told him. “That sounds… fair.”

Damian leaned back against the wall, smirking. “I like my chances.”

[scene break]

At that point, Duke became pretty sure that the plan wasn’t going to work. He looked from Jason, up on the rooftop, to Damian, who was calmly punching numbers into his phone. “Uh. Shouldn’t we go help him?”

Damian raised a finger in a give-me-a-second kind of gesture while he put his phone to his ear. “Hello, Elliot Funeral Home? How much do you charge for gravestones? Midrange. I see. Very reasonable.”

“Damian!”

“Fine,” Damian sighed. “Thank you,” he told his phone. “I’ll be in touch.”


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