batman coffee

  • Jason: Woah, Timmy, you look...
  • Tim: TIRED? I DO NOT LOOK FUCKING TIRED OK?!?! I TOOK A NAP OF 30 MINUTES. THE FACT THAT I CALLED SUPERMAN MOM BEFORE BLACKING OUT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, OK?!?!
  • Jason: I was gonna say you look stupid, Damian drew a fake mustache and boobs all over your face while you were taking that nap.
  • Tim: ... and tHAT'S WHY I DON'T SLEEP!
How to Make Coffee - a guide by Tim Drake

*Warning: Do not drink unless you don’t mind accumulating major medical issues and probably brain damage. When drinking this coffee, use caution, and pray it does not burn through your esophagus and devour you from the inside out. Do not drink if you are younger than 15 years old, have any health problems (besides no spleen. I don’t have one and I drink this anyway so it should be fine, but if you’re a normal person with no spleen then I wouldn’t recommend this, just in case), take medication, are pregnant, have a low caffeine tolerance, are not a hardened vigilante, know Alfred and might tell him about this semi-fatal cup of coffee I drink regularly, or wish to live a long life* 

*Side effects include: Either a good caffeine boost for the day or a coma. There is no in between. 


Ingredients

• Extremely strong Death Wish coffee grounds 

• Redbull 

• Splenda 

• A few flakes of salt (to ensure you’re bitter enough to face the world) 

• Tequila 

• Three drops of hot sauce (to strengthen your pain tolerance) 

• A few caffeine tablets (for maximum caffeination) 

• Love 

Directions

• Make a pot of coffee with the grounds and Redbull instead of water 

• Pour into a large mug (for best results, invest in a giant mug that fits multiple cups of coffee to enhance the experience) 

• Take everything else and mix it all in until the coffee looks just a little poisonous (I assure you it’s not as deadly as it looks. I drink this twice a day and I turned out alright) 

• **Do not add milk (this coffee must be black as your soul)** 

• Try not to die 

~Guys, guuuys...

I’ve just learnt that Ben Affleck:

- has taught himself Arabic

- speaks Spanish and French too

- is so good at doing impressions that when he did one to Morgan Freeman, it was so accurate Freeman told him, “You ever do that again, I’ll kill you”

- won $356,000 by winning the California State Poker Championships in June 2004 - defeating some of the best poker players in the world in the process

- filmed four movies simultaneously in 2001: Pearl Harbor, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Changing Lanes, and The Sum of All Fears 

- began an intense two-hour a day workout regime the day after he was cast as Batman

- received a lifetime ban from playing blackjack at the Las Vegas’ Hard Rock Casino due to his ‘counting cards’ skills


Which tells me:

1. He’s fucking smart. I mean, he can pick up/learn languages pretty well (one of which is Arabic, Damian are you listening and he majored in Middle Eastern Affairs in college) and he is a boss at poker/blackjack.

2. He’s a workaholic. Look, I’ve never made a film (or even a short video) in my entire life, but he did 4 in one year at the same time and I bet he’s done similar workloads throughout his career. Also, see: two-hour a day workout regime for more evidence.

3. He can do good enough impressions to freak the fuck out of God™.


Ergo

= Ben Affleck is well on his way to being Ultimate Batman

All Hail the mighty Bat!

Originally posted by ageofsuperheroes

(edit: someone didn’t like my previous gif-use due to literal-Superman-bashing, and I agreed. Sorry, I didn’t see Supes little face on the wee gif-screen. Here’s some batfleck just being the best Bat he can)

ignore me creepy internet researching the fuck out of him to get my hands on this info. i needed it to defend myself from absolutely no one. fucking fight me

audreycritter  asked:

I'm on mobile, and I don't know if this is where you usually take prompts, but I'll request Tim and Bruce. Bonus points if it includes the line, "One of us is going to have to sleep eventually."

This is officially my favourite thing I have ever written. Thank you so much for the prompt :D

They’re at a stalemate, have been for days now. All because Bruce had dared to suggest Tim stop drinking coffee and get some sleep. A reasonable suggestion, Alfred had assured him, since Tim is, after all, only fourteen years old and much too dependant on caffeine to keep him going than anyone should be. Unfortunately, Tim hadn’t seen it that way.

No. Tim had slowly lowered his newly-filled coffee cup from his lips and stared at him until Bruce had shifted uncomfortably. Then he had smiled sweetly and asked mildly, “Are you going to take your own advice?”

And that’s where Bruce went wrong, Alfred was quick to point out six hours later when he came down to invite them up for breakfast. Because he should have just said yes, poured his own coffee down the sink and gone to catch a few hours sleep between his thousand-thread-count sheets. But he didn’t. Because Bruce is a grown adult dammit. And more than that; Bruce is the goddamn Batman. He couldn’t just give in to the sass of a teenager, even if that teenager is a sleep-deprived, more-caffeine-than-blood Robin. 

His second mistake had been saying something of that effect to Tim, who had rolled his eyes and taken another gulp of coffee before stating that he wouldn’t stop drinking coffee, nor would he sleep, until Bruce did so as well.

So here they are.

Three days later.

And Bruce is beginning to regret his entire life.

(“Nothing new there,” the painfully Jason-like voice in his head snorts.

Bruce reminds himself hallucinations are normal after forty-eight to seventy-two hours with no sleep.)

“One of us is going to have to sleep eventually,” Bruce sighs. He runs a hand through his hair, looking sidelong at Tim’s equally mussed locks.

Tim takes a pointed sip of his lukewarm coffee. “I vote you.“ 

From somewhere in the depths of the Cave, Alfred sighs and mutters something about stubborn fools. Followed a moment later by a louder rumination about good role models. Bruce chooses to chalk that one up to auditory hallucinations; Alfred generally prefers to give useful yet sarcastic advice to his face.

"Don’t you have school?” he wonders in Tim’s direction, sure the boy had vanished form the cave for several hours each day but not entirely sure that’s where he’d gone. “Don’t your teachers ever question why you look so exhausted?”

The teen glances up from the case files he’s poring over to give Bruce a flat stare - he wears the expression so often Bruce is beginning to think it’s just his resting face. (You know, if he ever rested.) “Yes. And I tell them it’s because the hours I should be spent sleeping are spent running across Gotham’s rooftops in tights,” he deadpans.

Bruce blinks.

Tim blinks.

Alfred sighs. Bruce knows it’s definitely real this time because he’s suddenly standing behind them with a tray “More coffee, sirs?” he offers drily. “Or have you seen sense yet?”

Tim takes a mug and sniffs it warily, nose crinkling in disgust before he hastily sets it back on the tray. “That isn’t coffee, Alfred, it’s decaf.” He sounds so outraged that Bruce laughs. It may or may not be a touch hysterical.

“I’ll have you know, Master Timothy, that you’ve been drinking decaf for the last two days.”

“Hah!” Bruce points a mocking finger at his young partner. “Alfred wins.”

“I wasn’t aware I was even playing,” Alfred comments over Tim’s indignant, “You’ve been drinking it too!”

That makes Bruce pause, his sleep-deprived mind working over the facts of the Case of the Decaf Coffee. He frowns into his near-empty mug as realisation washes over him. “We both lost,” he tells the unfaithful liquid. It ripples ambiguously.

“I’ll just get a blanket then,” Alfred is saying, “Perhaps a pillow as well…”

And when Bruce looks up, blinking sluggishly, several minutes have passed and Tim is fast asleep, as though the very suggestion that his bloodstream had no caffeine in it was enough to knock him out, head cushioned on his folded arms, an errant sticky note stuck to his ear. Bruce reaches out to poke him just to be sure he isn’t foxing, but his hand doesn’t quite make it, flopping onto the table and brushing Tim’s fingers with his own. Then his eyes slide shut and he too is asleep.

(They find out several hours later - at a more reasonable hour of the morning - that not only did Alfred win, he cheated. The last mugs of coffee were laced with a mild sedative. Bruce can’t even bring himself to be more than a little irritated because at least Tim finally slept.)

Bruce Wayne Imagine

Request: “Could you do a coffee shop scenario? where the reader bumps into bruce or something?”

When you forget your wallet, Bruce being the kind gentleman that he is, pays for your coffee.

“No no no, crap…” You muttered to yourself. 

Your fingers rummaged through the rubbish in your hand bag, the objects colliding with each other, making a soft clattering sound as you tried to find your wallet, which was so obviously not there. 

But you still had hope. That maybe, hopefully, it was there. Somewhere. But no. You awkwardly, and slowly, looked up, and briefly turned around to peer at the ever growing line behind you. You smiled politely and in defeat towards the cashier.

“I’m really, really, sorry, but i’ve forgotten my card.” You slowly stepped out of the way, “Don’t worry about the coffee.”

With your head down, you made your way to the corner of the coffee shop, sitting yourself down. You leaned back, and closed your eyes. You breathed in, and out, with no particular reason, maybe it was to keep your already stressed body somewhat calm. You leaned your elbows on the table, your hands rubbing your temples. 

Why today, did everything just seem to not work for you?

And then, a soft aroma of roasting coffee beans hit your nostrils. It didn’t surprise you, this was a coffee shop after all. But it was when you could feel the steam brush your face, that you opened your eyes. Your eyes were met with a coffee cup. Surprised, you looked up slowly, mouth slowly agape at the person sitting in front of you across the wooden table. You sat up straight, clearing your throat as the man before you smiled kindly.

You looked back at your cup, and at his in his hand. Your brows crossed, ‘Is this for me?’ You thought to yourself.

“Flat white with one sugar?” The man asked. You continued to focus on him, as if he was some sort of alien.

“I hope i got it right. My memory isn’t that reliable, but it’s what i remember hearing you order, before…you know…”

“I couldn’t pay?” You finished. The man lifted his coffee in agreement before taking a sip.

“W-why-?”

“Coffee, like water, is an essential part of my day, and seeing a lady like yourself without it-“ He shook his head, “I simply couldn’t let it happen.”

“How heroic.” You smiled,

“Nice, or kind would have been another word to use, but ‘heroic’ is fine too.” He smirked.

And you laughed quietly, smiling wide at the charming man.

“How much was it? I’d like to pay you back when i can-“

“No need.” He interrupted, holding up his hand.

“No really, i can’t let you-“

“Honestly,” He interrupted again, with a soft deep voice, “ You don’t have to.”

You sat back, in disbelief.

“But…” He picked up, and you smirked to yourself. “If you would like to pay me back with another coffee,” he stood up, his chair dragging along the wood as did. He took out a card from his pocket and placed it on the table, but you had yet to look at it, as his eyes captivated yours, “Feel free to drop by my office down the road.” And then with a smile and a quick nod, he walked off.

Down the Road? That’s- You sat up, and reached for his business card in a flash.

‘Wayne Enterprises’

“You’re kidding me…” You then let out a breath and dropped in your seat. You ran your hands through your hair, and laughed.

You’d just met, the one and only, Bruce Wayne.


-so……hey guys lol

Cappuccino for Batman (Destiel)

Cas works at a coffee place and just wants to know Dean’s real name because he’s cute but there he is scrawling “batman” onto his cup. 

Originally posted by deadpools-girlfriend


“What’s a Cappuccino?” the man who walked in asked the behemoth trailing behind him. “It’s like espresso with milk and foam.”

They came in everyday together and talked for about an hour then left. Cas thought it sounded like ideas for Dungeons and Dragons or something. The shorter one caught his attention first, the way he walked in with a natural confidence. And obviously because he was hot as hell.

“What would you like today?” the barista asked when he walked up to the counter. Cas was amazed at how he hadn’t noticed before, but the man had the prettiest greenish hazel eyes, so easy to get lost in. He also had the cutest freckles dotting his features.

Sounding unsure and slightly squinting his eyes he replied “Um…can I get a cappuccino?”

“Of course, what’s your name?” Cas looked up through his eyelashes ready to write today’s alias on his cup. Sometimes he wished the guy would just tell him his real name but then he wouldn’t get to see his accomplished expression.

“Batman” he said with that trademark chuckle and grin. This time he even added a wink which made Cas smile.

He put down the cup and told the man he’d call him up. As he was about to take out his wallet Cas said this one was on the house and winked at ‘Batman,’ surprising him. He even surprised himself.

He went back to his usual seat by the window where the moose had taken out his laptop. ‘Batman’ glanced back at him, but quickly turned when Cas looked up.

“Cappuccino for Batman,” he called a few minutes later. When he reached out to pick up the drink he slipped Cas the ripped out corner of a page with a ten digit number on it and a name.

-Dean ;)

Desperate (Part 1) - Jason Todd x Reader

Anon asked: Can I request some angst with jason x reader, where they are both young, she’s a college student, but she ends up pregnant and doesnt know what to do

A/N: As I mentioned before, this is going to be long so it’s going to be divided in parts, unless you wanted to end like this. Hope you like it! If not, let me know so that I can rewrite/correct it.

Words: 1909



You and Jason had been dating for less than a year, you two first met when you were on a bar, stressed out from exams and all the stuff you had to do in college, and some random drunk dude started hitting on you. You obviously weren’t interested but the guy didn’t seem to understand that.

“She is not into you, you jackass” a stranger said holding the guy by his shirt’s collar, clearly annoyed with the situation.

“Yo bro, chill” he said calmly letting go of the stranger’s hold “Can’t you see it? She’s just playing hard to get” he giggled putting his arm on the other boy’s shoulder.

“I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.” Jason commented exasperated and grabbed the guy’s arm throwing him to the ground effortlessly but was enough to knock him out. “Don’t touch me.” He whispered clenching his jaw.

-

From that day, you two became friends and later on, a couple.

Your sex life was pretty active but you were always sure you used protection. Well.. at least you thought you did…

You were now on a coffee shop nearby your apartment when you started feeling very dizzy. You got up but lost your balance and you fell but a man that was passing by caught you before your body could hit the ground.

“Are you alright miss?” he asked in a worried tone.

“I-“ you looked around putting your hand on your forehead “I’m fine.. It was just a sudden migraine, thank you” you smiled weakly at the stranger and continued your way to the bathroom.

You locked the door and looked at your reflection in the mirror. You looked more pale than usual and your hands were shaking. 

“I’m sick.” You murmured washing your face with cold water. “No, (Y/N) you’re not. You have exams in a week. You can’t be sick now.”

You took a deep breath trying to make the dizziness go away, but it was useless. That’s when it got worse. You felt a strange taste on your mouth and you knew exactly what that taste was: you were about to throw up. You rushed to the toilet and put your hair in a quick and messy ponytail before it started.

About 15 minutes later, you finally left the coffee shop and went home. That wasn’t normal, you barely remembered the last time you were sick. It must’ve been, what, 10 years ago? Being sick or not, you were feeling tired so you decided to get some rest before getting back to studying.You fell asleep quite quickly but your nap didn’t last long. You woke up feeling the need to throw up again. This time, a headache came with it. 

“Great” you said after cleaning your mouth and leaning against the bathroom wall. You held your head in your hands as your eyes started to get watery. 

You hated that feeling. Knowing that something was wrong. But your biggest concern was college. You needed to study.You slowly got up and went to your living room where all of your books were. You sit down and looked at them trying to get the courage to start doing something productive. You really weren’t in the mood to study, but you knew you needed to. 

As you were having a mental fight with yourself discussing whether or not you should go to bed, someone knocked on your door.You sighed not wanting to get up. You eventually did and walked to the front door and opened it.

“Hi babe” your boyfriend said smiling and leaned to give you a kiss but you stopped him making him raise an eyebrow, confused.

“Not today Todd.” You told him as he entered your place closing the door behind him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly while sitting on your couch.

“I-I think I’m sick.” you did the same.He placed his hand on your forehead checking your temperature.

“You don’t have a fever.” he informed.

“No, but my head hurts. Like, a lot.”

“It’s probably just a headache, don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not. I almost passed out earlier.”

An alarm rang on Jason’s head when he realized that something serious was going on.

“What? Have you been eating well? Did you drink enough water the past days? Maybe your jeans are too tight, I-“

“Stop right there” you interrupted him giggling slightly “No, my jeans are not too tight Jason.” You shook your head.

“Then what is it?” he crossed his arms.

“I-I honestly don’t know. But I need an aspirin.” You went to the kitchen but came back to the living room when you noticed you didn’t have any. “I ran out of aspirins.” You sighed grabbing your jacket.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Jason got up.

“Hm, the pharmacy?”

“No, you’re sick. I’ll go. You should stay here and rest.”

“I did that right before you arrived.” You rolled your eyes “Besides, I can still walk and talk, so I guess I’m pretty capable of buying a box of aspirins.”

“I don’t care. You’re staying.” He walked towards the appartment door.

“Neither do I.I’m going.” You walked out as soon as he opened it and started running outside the building.

“No-(Y/N) come back here!” he closed the door and ran after you.

You knew he was faster than you, so he would catch you in a blink, but you weren’t giving up. As expected, he reached you in a few seconds.

“(Y/N), this isn’t a game, you’re sick, you need to-“

“What? Go home, cook, clean and take care of the kids? No thanks.” You said as you started walking again.

“Wha-I-“ you laughed quietly leaving him speechless.

You both made your way to the pharmacy and when you got there, there was a big queue so you had to wait a long time. Some time later, Jason got bored and sit on one of the sofas and started going through a few magazines that were there.

“Good afternoon, what can I help you with?” a nice girl greeted you smiling.

“Hi, I will need a box of aspirins, please.” You smiled back. 

The girl turned to the shelves behind her but she couldn’t seem to find what you wanted. She excused herself and entered a room on the back of the building.

You looked at the shelves and a bright pink box caught your attention. A pregancy test. For some reason, you couldn’t stop looking at it. It was like your mind was trying to tell you something. You thought about what had happened to you earlier that day and flashbacks of a night a week before crossed your mind.The last time you had slept with your boyfriend, Jason, well, most of the night was spent doing something else than sleeping. That was it. 

“I’m pregnant.” You thought alarmed. “No, no, no. I can’t be. I-I, we-“

“Here you go.” The girl came back and handed you what you asked for. “Anything else?”

You looked at the pink box again and then at Jason, that was still paying attention to some magazine. You thought about it for a second. There was only one way to find out.

“I’ll have that pregnancy test.” You pointed whispering.The girl noticed you looked at Jason and smiled. 

“Want to make it a surprise, ah?” she gave you the box.

“Yeah, sure” you faked a laugh and payed leaving the building.

As soon as you got home, you took one of the aspirins and went to the bathroom taking the pregnancy test with you.You were more nervous than you’ve ever been. Not even exams were this nerve racking.

You took it out of the box and followed the instructions that came with it. 5 minutes, that was all the time you had till you could know the result. Those minutes seemed like long ass hours. You looked at your watch, 6 minutes had passed. You rested your head against the wall and just looked blankly to the ceiling. 7 minutes. You couldn’t wait any longer. 

You finally calmed yourself down and looked at the test in your hands: Positive. Your hands started shaking and a tear rolled down your cheek.You were pregnant. What were you going to do?! You couldn’t be pregnant. 

“Maybe it’s a mistake, maybe I did something wrong.” “Ugh shut up (Y/N). You know you didn’t. You know it’s true, you just don’t want it to be.”

You were just a college student, how could you take care of a baby? You had so much to worry about already.You started crying, trying to contain your sobs so that Jason wouldn’t hear them, but that boy had the hearing of a bat. (ah the puns)

“(Y/N)?” he called “Is everything ok?” 

You covered your mouth with your hand in an attempt to stay quiet.“Y-yes” you tried to speak but failed.

“(Y/N), are you crying?” he knocked on the bathroom door and tried to open it, but it was locked. “(Y/N) open the door.” 

You couldn’t stop crying, this time, you didn’t care if he heard you or not, he would end up knowing anyways. You got up and unlocked the door going back to your previous position on the floor. Jason entered the bathroom and kneeled next to you, a concerned look on his face.

“Babe, talk to me” he spoke in a calm voice trying to calm you down and hugged you when he noticed it wasn’t working.

“The-The s-sink.” You whispered.

He frowned looking at you as if your face had the answers to his questions. He then got up and looked at the sink. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped as soon as he saw the pregnancy test. His back was facing you so you couldn’t see his expression and that only made you stress more.

“J-Jay?” His fists clenched the sink hard and he wasn’t moving at all. As he wasn’t answering you, you walked to him placing your hand on his shoulder. He stood quiet and still, still looking at the test.

“I-“ he started “Is it mine?” he questioned coldly as he turned to face you.It was like someone had stabbed you in the heart.

“Of course it’s yours! Wha-“ tears kept streaming down your face “We’re dating Jay.. Who else could be the father?” you tried not to storm at him, that would not help at all. You were pretty hurt though. Your boyfriend just asked you if the baby was his, that’s not something you can digest easily.

“I-You’re right, I’m sorry. I-I just don’t.. know what to think.” He looked at the mirror and you saw his eyes more shinny than usual: he was about to cry.

“Me neither.” You sit on the toilet staring at your feet. “I have college, exams are next week, I-“ you couldn’t finish your sentence.

“Excuse me.” Your boyfriend cleaned the tears under his eyes and got out of the bathroom.

“J-Jason?” you raised your head watching him go. You heard your front door closing. 

Great, he left. Your whole world got destroyed and fell at your feet. How could he do that? How could he leave like that? Without saying a thing? He was your boyfriend! It was his fault too! But he just walked away, he left. Left you alone in that bathroom, crying your heart out, desperate.   

Headcanon #5 (Part 2)

Bruce’s Morning Routine:

*wakes up after only 3 hours of sleep*
*breaks the clock*
“All right, Bruce. Another day, another random body pain.“

-Worrying misc. bone cracking.

-Looks in the mirror and only sees messiness and disorder.

-Hops in the shower only to fall asleep again under the spray for 43 minutes until Alfred comes to wake him up.

-Grumpy and doesn’t talk much until he gets his coffee and manages to get a few sit-ups in.

-

Submitted by Anonymous

2

04 | 05 | 2017

Day : 2/100

This is the third time I am writing this post, because Tumblr was not in the mood yesterday to get it posted.

I am still sitting under the floral duvet and this time with no music in my ears and at an hour too early in the morning for one who slept a little too late last night.

Yesterday was a mental break ( ~down~ ) that I needed. I also happened to have watched The Dark Knight and doodle out an impending plan for my bullet journal.
This day was a brilliance of a kind.

Imagine if you will the Scarecrow pulling off some heist and there are hostages and everything is chaos and this young person breaks down crying (before Jonathan even gets a chance to fear gas them) not because they find themselves in this horrible position but because it’s finals week and they studied so hard and didn’t get proper sleep in days and their bloodstream is 90% coffee and 10% energy drinks by now and they will miss the exam because of this, and Jonathan is about to tell them to get it together when they mention the name of their professor and Jonathan recognices a former, in his opinion completely inept colleague and that’s the story of how Jonathan Crane dropped everything and drove a psychology major back to university while ranting about those idiots ruining his students.