bathing ducks

anonymous asked:

In deathly hallow's epilogue they made Draco look so old even though he's only supposed to be around 37? I honestly think Draco would have tons of skincare products bc why not lol and Astoria may roll her eyes as she watches Draco apply an avocado face mask but Draco always says "I'm the reason scorpius has such healthy skin, Astoria. It's the malfoy baby soft skin and you know it." And Astoria rolls her eyes again, laughs, and walks away bc her husband is such a dork

Avocado mask omg. All I’m imagining now is Astoria walking in to find both her husband and her tiny four year old son smothered in the stuff. Scorpius is positively beaming. He’s hanging out with his dad and they’ve got food on their faces. Food! He usually gets in trouble for that but not todaaaay!

(Also, Draco explaining that you can’t talk otherwise the mask will crack and it won’t work and you can see Scorpius is bursting to speak but he doesn’t. If you don’t think Draco uses this tactic for a quiet half hour every so often then you’re wrong.)

This all backfires, of course. Over the next few weeks they find Scorpius trying to put all sorts on his face. Astoria thinks it’s hilarious, Draco just wants to not be on bath duty three times a day. There’s some things not even magic can deal with. Like blueberry stains. Oh his beautiful purple hair…

Me: It makes you smell better.

Ducky:

Me: And you’ll be less itchy.

Ducky:

Me: And actually the wet look is a bit slimming…

Ducky: Then you should hop all the way in, tubby.

Me:

Ducky: I don’t care for baths and it causes me to lash out.

Me: I am aware.

Ducky: Just rinse me, old man.

Me: I love you, Ducky.

Ducky: I love you, Daddy.

2

Three. Legged. Duck.
Those three words are cool enough on their own, but there is so much more.

Before today, I had never touched a duck. After today, I have assisted in the bathing of a duck, and observed the removal of the necrotic phallus of said duck. Poor horn dog couldn’t keep it in his pants and it became prolapsed.

His third leg remains as is. It does not hinder him at all. I think it makes him extra super cool.

Listening to the distant sounds of his soft quacking while cleaning cat cages made me realize I am starting to like exotics.