batfinger

Just thinkin’ about Batfinger

Remember when he came up with elaborate plan to get Sansa out of King’s Landing, in which she got implicated for murder, and then decided to turn around and write to Roose fucking Bolton (who gets all his power from House Lannister) that he’s got undesirable #1 and hey let’s marry her to your son (who btw is ONLY a “Bolton” because of a decree from King Tommen AKA the second House Bolton goes against the throne, Ramsay’s back to being a bastard). Why? Because…“revenge.”

Remember when Batfinger said he was a gambling man who thought Stannis was going to win against Roose? But then he just plunked Sansa down in Winterfell anyway, because otherwise how could he possibly get Carol to agree to let him take troops there? It’s not as if she’s completely uninformed about what’s going on in the North, or that Batfinger could have just invaded after the battle anyway and then later been like, “they were plotting treason, Carol!” But like, apparently this plan was foolproof, it’s just that he didn’t do background research on Ramsay. Who would, amirite? It’s not like there was a trail of flayed bodies leading up to Winterfell.

Remember when Batfinger was “summoned” back to King’s Landing by Carol who then had literally nothing to tell him? And he negotiated a deal to become Warden of the North iff he kills Sansa? Which is so clearly what he wants to do and everything…

And then remember when Batfinger, after getting that deal from Carol, turns around and helps Olenna frame Carol for treason, making literally everything he just did completely moot?

I don’t really have a point; I’m just wondering how D&D possibly rationalized this to themselves. Because “chaos is a ladder”? They’re just too enamored with their own bullshit to even write a coherent plot.

Remember when Batfinger invented sex?

I really feel like we don’t talk about this scene enough.

Literally THIRTY SECONDS of Batfinger walking around the brothel set looking nostalgic while sad music plays.

Batfinger: I’m sorry about the locale.

Dowager Countess!Olenna: No, you’re not.

BF: It felt like the safest place.

DC: Not for your clientele, clearly.

BF: It was an establishment like no other. The sheer range of appetites catered to; desires that didn’t even exist until we invented them.

DC: You’ve always been rather impressed with yourself, haven’t you?

This should have also been in our “most meta line” category.

Really, between her and Bronn we didn’t need to do any work at all.

9

Hi guys, sorry for the long hiatus, RL can be a bitch sometimes
‘Well, love has got disorders
And work has got demands’
Without further ado, here is the Batfinger Evil-gloating special. Enjoy!
(See  http://theculturalvacuum.tumblr.com/post/116816249708/the-book-snob-glossary for Batfinger’s origin story)

anonymous asked:

I don't understand why "chaos is a ladder" become so popular when refering to the game of thrones.

I DON’T EITHER.

I have a theory that it’s a concept that people think sounds smart? But the second you actually think about it, it just falls apart.

And the way it was delivered was just SO over-the-top and hacktacular. Ahh Batfinger, never change.

Actually, that reminds me, re: ‘Middlefinger’ vs. ‘Batfinger.’

‘Batfinger’ has been a fandom name for awhile, because of the way his voice and accent changes all the time and how it sounds just as terrible as Christian Bale’s Batman voice. Which you might argue is the most interesting thing about Show!Finger’s character. Plus this season kind of strengthened that with his magical teleportation powers.

But ‘Middlefinger’ is just absolutely hilarious to me, with both the rhyme and how the character’s existence is pretty much D&D giving us a giant middle finger with how illogically he’s used (or his horrible and out of place info-dumps).

The most compelling reasoning for sticking with Batfinger was this:

“I always sing the Goldfinder tune in my head when I read Batfinger and it doesn’t work with Middlefinger”

And that reasoning cracks me up. Most seemed to favor the switch though. But I got an anon that I think settles the debate:

Anonymous said:
batfinger is the one who can teleport across westeros and makes elaborate “schemes” while middlefinger is the one that is constantly backstabbing and abandoning people for no real reason.

It’s amazing how suddenly many of D&D’s characters make total sense when you pretend they’re at least two people combined, lol.

anonymous asked:

I don't understand why Littlefinger helped to sell Cersei to the Faith. Didn't he got a deal to become Warden of the North from her? What's the worth of the word of an imprisoned person? Even if he betted on Stannis winning the battle for Winterhell (and eventually sitting on the Iron Throne?), the latest conspiracies of Littlefinger feel like a mess

It’s very tempting to Honeypot stuff for Batfinger to try to make sense out of all his actions, because he does seem to be working against himself all the time.

Right now he’s… 

  1. Working with the Vale Lords. I’m not sure what he’s doing for them, but he seems to think he controls their military assets. 
  2. Working with Sansa to work with Stannis and make her “wardeness” of the North. 
  3. Working with the Boltons to make an alliance with Sansa so she can control them… somehow and by extension he can and thus control the North. 
  4. Throwing Sansa under the bus by working with Carol and using the Vale forces to take the North for himself. 
  5. Working with Olenna to use the Faith Taliban to take down Carol. 

I’m sure I’m missing one.

You can argue that 5 was just to cover his own ass because of the whole regicide thing that Olenna has on him (that she would never use…) but the first four suggest that he really wants the North… for some reason. But yes, every person he’s working with, he is also working against. 

Like, he’s trying to make sure that he comes out on top no matter who wins, right? But, like, he’s working with everyone against all the other people he’s also working with so…. 

“Chaos is a Laddah.” Like, I think that’s “the point”. The show isn’t trying to show up Batfingers “plans” as much as it’s trying to show us that he’s a sneaky sneak. Which we already knew.

Let’s talk about the King’s Landing plot in 5x06

So. After spending 3 days in very much needed discussion, I want to take the task of picking apart the King’s Landing plotline. Because the more I think about it the less sense it makes.

1. The Sparrows (the Faith Militant, the Faith Taliban, what have you) are able to burst into brothels to arrest clients engaging in homosexual intercourse. They are able to smash merchandise. They are able to arrest the HEIR of Highgarden based on a rumor that he might enjoy the company of men. According to Lancel it’s a “new” King’s Landing from which the godless have fled. But Batfinger, the most prominent brothel owner, says “the Queen is waiting,” and that’s that? Let’s be honest: they thought of the “we both peddle dreams” line and wanted to use it. Who needs logic?


2. Carol summoned Batfinger and had “urgent” need of him. This is what she told Qyburn in 5x03. Yet all she did was go, “hey you’re still loyal, right?” At the time I thought she wanted Batfinger because she would get him to help her set up Marg. And you know what, given that Olyvar works for Batfinger, isn’t that what should have happened? I feel like there was a missing scene where Batfinger convinces him to testify (and Carol asked for Marg to get thrown in or something) because otherwise wasn’t it a little too convenient? And why would Olyvar testify against Loras?

I already talked about why Batfinger was stupid in my recap or my musings or something, but I’ll reiterate. For one, he trusted a raven to tell Roose Bolton that he had the #1 fugitive in Westeros (which is idiotic for numerous reasons), but he couldn’t trust a raven to King’s Landing to tell Carol about it? Or did he want to be there in person to suggest the Vale Lords? Because he probably could have included all of that in a letter. Secondly, Carol clearly isn’t fact-checking. She thought Batfinger was still in the Eyrie (and he knew this). So what’s to stop him from say, not sending Sansa to Winterfell, but just telling Carol the Boltons are having this wedding and can he send the Vale Lords? Or how about this: why doesn’t he just not say anything, and send the Vale Lords to clean up after the Boltons vs. Stannis and claim Winterfell no matter what? Because literally the only way this plot makes sense is if Batfinger legitimately wants to kill Sansa at the end of all of this. Maybe I am super mis-reading everything, but that happens to be the one thing I am sure he wouldn’t do.

So…Batfinger was down in King’s Landing because they wanted Sansa to be alone in Winterfell. That’s what happened. We can agree, right?

3. Olenna marches in and demands that her family’s heir be released, and Carol is all “you’re bluffing, you don’t want war again.” And then Olenna seems to agree with that sentiment. So…seriously? There really wouldn’t be a repercussion against the Lannisters (or the Sparrows) for arresting the Heir to Highgarden? If the Tyrells won’t go to war over the future of their House, what will they go to war for? And WHY was Olenna brought back other than to talk about shit and tarts? Oh wait…that is why.

4. Clearly Olyvar told the High Sparrow about being with Loras and Marg knowing ahead of times, because that’s how the High Sparrow knew to ask those questions. Does that mean the High Sparrow is Carol’s lackey? Because wtf would he gain from arresting the Queen and pissing her off? He didn’t have to question her; it was a clear perjury trap. So what was his beef with her? Or is it that she tolerates gay people so therefore she must go…ya know…the worst crime and all.

 5. It is total he-said-she-said, especially for whether Marg ever witnessed anything because it’s not like she has a birthmark that can be discussed. Even more, it’s 2-1 he-said-she-said where we have the word of the Queen and the Heir of Highgarden vs. a random squire/sex worker. Why would anyone believe him?

6. Squires see their knights naked. Even if they didn’t, no one bothered to check for the birthmark before carting everyone away.

7. This is where aging up Tommen doesn’t really work. He just sat there.

At least it wasn’t as actively insulting to our intelligence as Dorne?