Because I don’t want to imagine my life without you in it.
at the end, when she tells Alex she needs her in her life, it’s almost a
plead. A plead for Alex to see that she does care for her, a plead for
her to understand that even if she can’t offer what Alex wants, she
still can’t bear the thought of not having her in her life.
then she is so hopefully, but also scared. Afraid that her friendship
is not enough for Alex, that she herself is not enough for Alex. And she
is afraid Alex is just going to go without telling her anything, that
her feelings mean so little they don’t even deserve an answer.
Alex is just torn, and she needs those extra seconds it takes her to
walk towards the door to process everything Maggie said. She is torn because she doesn’t want to imagine her life without Maggie either, without this amazing woman who has been so good to her, but Maggie’s words have her heart fluttering in her chest again and that was exactly what she wanted to prevent.
the fight was already lost, she can’t say no to Maggie. So she says
yes, even if she doesn’t know yet how she is going to survive being
around Maggie and not falling, even more, for her. And she says yes
because she hears Maggie too, and maybe Alex needs a girlfriend, but
Maggie needs a friend and she is going to be the best of friends even if it kills her.
Maggie is so relieved when she hears Alex invitation to pool.
She wants to beam, she wants to jump around, she wants to hug Alex, but
she doesn’t. Cause she knows this is hard for Alex, and she is so
grateful she is willing to let her be part of her life that she doesn’t
want to push it too fast, too soon.
So her smile is restrained,
but it’s there. Because she is genuinely happy, and even if she knows it
will be hard, she knows there may be more pain in the future for both
of them, at least they are both willing to try, and that’s a good start.
That small, quick smile that Maggie can’t control. Because she didn’t mean to let it out. She is on a mission, she needs to make Alex listen to her, but as soon as she sees her, Maggie’s brain short circuits for a second and she can only bask in the happiness of seeing Alex again. That half a second smile is the most natural, open, vulnerable smile I’ve seen from Maggie.
Is not her usual teasing smile, is not the understanding smile she gives Alex when she needs it, that smile is just for Maggie herself, that smile is just because seeing Alex makes her happy.
And her eyes, they are looking at Alex so softly, so full of love. Really Alex, who can you not see it.