bat sock

Bruce & J Valentines Headcanons

how do you guys think Batsy and J would celebrate Valentines Day because I think it’d go down kinda like this:

- Bruce hasn’t seen J in like a month because the clown has been in Arkham again, but two days before Valentines Joker, Ivy, and Harley escaped from the asylum

- Joker hasn’t been sighted or heard from but Harley’s been seen raiding anywhere that sells fireworks

- Bruce has been super Stressed trying to find out what his clown bf is up to but whenever he’s close there’s always a bunch of thugs there to distract him, so Bruce assumes J is pissed at him for something

- He’s pretty down too because he secretly had a fancy dinner planned but he doesn’t know if thats possible now that J is pissed/missing

- Bruce wakes up on Valentines day to find his dumb clown boyfriend sat on his lap grinning like an idiot

- did I mention the dumb clown is wearing nothing but one of Brucies giant sweaters and heart-covered boxers because thats a thing

- Anyway Bruce is naturally like “how the Fuck did you get in here?” and joker’s just like “Alfie let me in!!!!!” and Bruce feels like he should be pissed at Alfred but dammit his boyfriend’s cute when he’s excited

- Alfred brings up a breakfast of heart shaped pancakes like an hour later and Bruce has his suspicions that the butler has been helping to plan this for a while

- they spend the morning watching cheesy movies and fucking or whatever before its time to go to the restaurant (with J in some fancy ass purple suit that Bruce bought him but unfortunately a lot of makeup as he’s, y’know, a wanted murderer)

- the press are like “Mr Wayne who is that mysterious man you are with are you discussing business plans? haha there’s no way Bruce Wayne is anything but straight :)”

- to which Bruce becomes a blushing mess and J starts screaming about “I’M HIS BOYFRIEND YOU DUMB FUCKS!” and “SHOVE YOUR HETERONORMATIVITY UP YOUR ASSES”

- The two are left alone after that and the date is v cute. J bought - actually bought, not stole (Bruce is proud) - his bf some snazzy cuff-links and bat patterned socks, Bruce got J the previously mentioned suit and a sparkly green wristwatch

- Yea its going great until joker gets a phone call, excuses himself, and then a MASSIVE FUCKING CRASH IS HEARD FROM OUTSIDE

- so it turns out Joker had Harley and Ivy steal a load of fireworks and different colours roses to make what is basically a parade exclaiming his love for Batsy

- Bruce kinda stands there dumbstruck as his smug-ass boyfriend (now in his normal green hair and less fancy suit) is carried along on a bed of roses, waving and blowing kisses

- The bat-signal goes up, only for the commissioner to find its been vandalised to spell out “JOKER <3 BATSY 4EVER”

- Bruce would be impresses and touched by the effort if it didn’t mean cutting the date short to get into the bat-suit and put his dumb clown in handcuffs (it wasn’t hard though, at this point the joker is more than a little tipsy and giggling at his boyfriends exasperated expression)

- Bruce isn’t so pissed off that he would send J back to Arkham though, so after driving for about five minuted he stops the car and tells the clown to go back to the manor whilst Batman tells Gordon that “the joker stole the batmobile and escaped, and is likely half way to freedom by now”

- Bruce gets back to the manor to give J a Stern Talking To which is definitely not what happens when he find his bf sat on his bed, half asleep and watching another dumb rom-com

SO THATS VALENTINES DAY

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LOOK AT THIS DEMON CHILD AND HIS LIL SMILE HE IS SO HAPPY THAT HE MADE HIS BOYFRIEND LAUGH AND ITS A BIG DEAL BC AT FIRST JONATHAN WAS STAND-OFFISH AND DIDNT EVEN BAT AN EYELASH AT SOCK BUT EVENTUALLY JONATHAN STARTED OPENING UP AND ACTUALLY TALKING TO HIM UP TO <b><i>UP TO THIS FUCKING POINT RIGHT HERE</i></b> AND SOCK IS SO HAPPY LOOK AT HIS LITTLE NERVOUS SMILE UG h