bastards who have ruined my life

One of my goals in life is to become well-known enough to be on panels someday. And when/if that happens, I would like to start a tradition that one person at every event (which allows questions) will ask me, “Quoth the Raven?”

And at every event, I will have something different and snarky that the Raven has said.

“Your decorating sucks, you emo bastard!”

“UGH, who even CARES about this stupid poem anymore?!”


“Thanks for ruining Eighth Grade English for everyone who can’t memorize, jerkwad.”

“Goth girls are going to tattoo me on themselves for centuries because of you…”

“Omg, it’s not Nevermore, it’s PHIL, okay? Fucking PHIL.”

“If you don’t stop moaning over this Lenore chick, I will literally go and get someone’s eyeball to throw at you. Might be hers, might not be. Write a poem about THAT.”

“You gonna share any of that absinthe, or….?”

“Wow, man, your posthumous biographer was a DICK!”

Life goals. Somebody make this happen.