basically... the internet

Every alt-right space on the internet basically has four rules:

  1. Free speech is the most important thing in the world, and we are all about free speech.
  2. “SJWs” and anyone pushing “SJW” rhetoric will be banned.
  3. We are against safe spaces.
  4. Anyone who disagrees with us is not allowed in our space, which is for us to discuss our views without being bashed by the opposition.

They think they’re the smartest people on earth, but somehow miss the incredible irony.

You know how in action movies the main guy is always like “Yeah I’ve got a contact here in Uzbekistan that owes me a favor” for no discernible reason but it occurred to me that like that’s basically what internet friends are like if I was in that situation I’d be like “Yeah don’t worry leave it to me. I’ve got a mutual in the Netherlands whose selfie I reblogged one time.”

May the gods bless whoever’s idea it was to put the line “I am both frightened and aroused” in Wonder Woman because WHAT KIND OF PERFECTLY APPLICABLE SHIT IS THAT?! (Also it’s like they were quoting the Internet, basically.)

So through the years it’s become a necessity for the Batfam to get good at distracting large groups of civilians so that other members can sneak off and change or so that no one really notices that ‘hey Red Robin and Spoiler just left and now Tim Drake and that blonde chick are entering the room all disheveled-like’. 

So I headcanon that, even though it’s not anything official, they all have signature ploys that they use whenever there’s a need for them to distract a large group of civilians from whatever nonsense is going on.

Bruce: Bruce usually just becomes ‘Brucie’ and knocks something over/falls off of whatever he’s on/trips/laughs really loudly at ‘a joke he just remembered’.  Legends are still told about the time Bruce Wayne knocked over six (6) priceless vases at a charity auction in the span of twenty minutes.

Dick: Dick usually leaps atop whatever table/furniture is around and loudly announcing his intentions to start a boy-band to honor his heroes Britney Spears/Bruno Mars.  Every time this happens the Internet basically shuts down for a few hours.  Sometimes he signs a song if extra distracting is needed (usually ‘Circus’ or ‘Uptown Funk’) and every time the name of his band is different.  Notable band names include Titans of Pop, Dick’s Dicks, and The Scaly Panties.

Barbara: okay, we all know that Babs is totally an activist for a number of causes.  So she usually either ends up roasting whatever Republican congressmen happens to be nearby (happens mostly at Bruce’s galas) or starting random mobs of protests based on whatever she’s feeling particularly passionate about at the moment. 

Jason: Jason has the advantage of being Legally Dead, so he doesn’t have to worry about ruining his reputation or civilian ID.  Jason also has the advantage of being a Relentless Shit, so usually he either starts spewing the most ridiculous conspiracies about Batman (fun fact- Jason was the one who first spilled the beans that Batman and Bruce Wayne had a torrid ten-year-long love affair) or he lets everyone in on the secret Wayne gossip he just dug up.  Nothing harmful, mostly stuff about Dick getting drunk and marrying a goat, Tim Drake being a cyborg, Damian Wayne actually being six and not ten. 

Duke: Duke really tries his best to be good in his civilian ID.  He’s usually the one pointing out the window and yelling ‘WAS THAT BATMAN?!?!?’ while Bruce and the others sneak off in the other directions.  One time though, there was an emergency and he just couldn’t think of anything to do.  And that’s the story of the time Duke Thomas re-enacted forty-five minutes of the first Lord of the Rings movie (perfectly, as witnesses will attest) to stop Riddler and the Penguin from killing hostages at a Wayne family gala. 

Cass: Cass dances.  Sometimes it’s elegant ballet, and she’ll take different partners in the crowd until everyone is clapping and laughing and hoping that the Princess of Gotham picks them next.  Sometimes it’s hypnotizing break-dancing that usually ends up in a huge crowd with everyone straining to take video.  Several of her impromptu performances have made it online, and she already has curious letters coming from Julliard and the Joffrey Academy of Dance.

Tim: while Tim isn’t quite a meme yet, his ability to do the weirdest shit while sleep-deprived is something that everyone in Gotham is deeply aware of.  There is no predicting what Tim will do if he has to distract people.  Some of his past stunts have included him singing both parts of ‘Fuck You’ from Holy Musical B@man, reciting the entire Gettysburg Address while trying to cram seven strawberries in his mouth, and starting a food fight at one of the Wayne Foundation charity events.

Stephanie: Steph is notorious because she really doesn’t have anything to lose.  She’s done everything from creating mosh pits in Gotham’s main road to encouraging people to pick out ‘souvenirs’ (read: Bruce’s property’)  from the gala.  Her favorite distraction though has been the time where she convinced Harley Quinn and a room of three hundred shocked people that she was Bohemian Rhapsody Wayne, Bruce’s lovechild from Texas. 

Damian: the first time Damian had to distract a large crowd, Jason gave him the helpful advice of ‘Just scream.’  And so Damian did.  He screamed for the entire fifteen minutes it took for the entire assembled Batfam to change into costume and bust in through the windows.  Bruce Wayne later told the press that it was ‘a showcasing of modern art, something Damian greatly enjoys’.  Damian’s real showstopping distractions though are his Animal Ratings.  He finds whatever dog/cat/bird/rat is nearest and loudly starts examining/praising it.  Rumor has it that the Gotham elite now smuggle their dogs into Bruce’s parties in the hopes that Damian will give their pooches an 11/10 (which is a joke because that’s the only rating Dami is capable of giving any animal)

Emergency guide for langblrs

I thought i should make this guide with suggestions for people who:

1. Don’t always have internet.
2. Go somewhere where there’s no internet.
3. The internet is slow/barely working in their area.
4. People who want to be prepared.
5. Others that i can’t think of now.

Everything I’m going to say works offline so in case the light went out for a couple of hours and you don’t know what to do to practice your target language, here are some suggestions.


Notes!

You should have a notebook with grammar in it and it doesn’t really matter if you just copy-paste an entire grammar book. (However it would be pretty good if you actually pay attention to what you write otherwise you’ll have to work twice. 1st you copy-paste then you have to figure out what’s important and what isn’t and that takes pretty long time.)

Alternatives

  • Print a book. try to find a place where the printing is cheap. Usually these are small bookshops or so. Take a walk around the town and check out many places or ask friends of yours, maybe one of them knows a place.
  • Buy a book


Print some lists with verbs and their forms. 

I’d suggest you guys to always have a list with irregular verbs. If you have time you can actually make a big poster with their forms and practice them daily (or just look at the poster, after a while you remember what you wrote) or keep it for days with no internet so you can study them.

Alternative: you can download a PDF but if you have no light for hours, your phone/laptop will die pretty soon and you might need them for more important stuff.


Always have books, magazines, comics in your target language. 

Now, it doesn’t matter if they are PDF or physical. My tablet has comics in Danish in case i have no light and i’m bored. It’s pretty handy to have something to read.


Idioms all the way~ 

You might be a beginner so you didn’t really want to learn idioms usually because you think they are “too advanced”, however, it’s no harm to have 2 packs of flashcards at you in case you want to play a game.
I said 2 packs so i should explain why. 1 is in your target language while the other is the translation. Put all the cards with their writing facing the rug/table/book/whatever and turn them 2 at the time. If the translation is the right one for the other card, take them out or leave them with their “face” up, if not, turn them again and turn 2 cards again. 

pro tip: have a list with the pairs since you don’t know the meaning of the idioms.


Dictionaries

You can buy one/download a pdf or use an offline dictionary. I’d recommend using ProDict or BitKnights Ltd. You need internet only for 5 min to download all the content and then your app is good.


Movies/series

Try to have at least 2-3 movies in your laptop or on a flash stick/USB. Now, if you stay  1 month at your grandparents, you might learn the lines of these movies but at least you used your listening skills.


Music

I’m pretty sure 95% of langblrs have at least 1 song in their target language(s) but i’m still going to say this. When you’re bored, these songs will save you, also, singing improves your pronunciation.


Apps that work offline

Pocket - basically, you need internet at first (the app has to download the content and you have to log in) and after, you have to save a few stuff. The app allows you to read articles offline. It saves the page and you can acces it later.

While you are at a computer you “save” the page through the browser’s extention and they will be added to the app from your phone.

50Languages - just like every app i’m going to mention, you need internet only at the beginning. This app has games, audio, vocab. I like it for the fact that the audio is really good. As you guessed, it’s for 50 languages.

Fun Easy Learn - it has a version for words and one for phrases. The app has 7 games and you have to play them all in order to have “learned” the vocab.

Memrise - everyone knows it so i won’t say anything else than the fact that you can download a couple of their courses. (i’m not sure if for ios you can download them but i know that on os you can)

Learn - this app has audio and vocab. The game for “teaching” is more of a way of testing you after you learned the words but it’s still pretty handy.

Learn Languages - this app is built to work hand in hand with 50Languages and i just love them? So, you use 50langs for the audio and LearnLanguages tests you for what you know. If you don’t know a certain word or phrase, the app will send you notifications with what you don’t know and its translation. You set the timer (15min, 30min, 1h, 3 h).

If you have words that need to be learned and you don’t know how, Quizlet might be a good option since it has different games and also a flashcards option.

Questions

If you by any chance don’t understand something, write it down. Try to have a notebook or a paper only for questions. When you have internet again, use HiNative or ask a native friend of yours.

I was curious recently about whether or not William Shakespeare had a cat. There’s no way to really know because we don’t know all that much about him, but I was sure someone had at least, you know, looked at the odds. And I was not wrong! Apparently Shakespeare mentions cats 44 times in his known works, usually referring to them negatively, at least according to the internet. 

Basically he constantly talked about how terrible cats are, which has led me to conclude that Shakespeare DEFINITELY had a cat, probably like five of them.

I salute your integrity and patience; your sense of commitment on making sure that your significant other feels secure and will stay significant in your life and relationship as long as it lasts. How you’re adjusting (if you’re in a new relationship) and how well you’ve adjusted (if you’re in a long term one) your daily schedules just to communicate with them. And how you’re incorporating them in everything you do—whether you send them a selfie of you doing your job or drinking coffee—just to make them feel that they are a part of your everyday routine even if they’re miles and miles away.

Being in a relationship is never easy, but when there’s physical distance in between, maintaining one is an altogether different experience. You feel like the world is against you. You have to constantly hear and battle criticisms because long distance relationship is not a real relationship is what they say. So sometimes you’re urged to prove that yes, it is! Because what else could you call yours? You go to your Facebook profile and post screenshots of your Skype dates and tagging your significant other just so you could get people’s whispers of negativity off your back, because your relationship will last and you’re working on it.

Keep reading

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Trump’s new FCC chief is Ajit Pai, and he wants to destroy net neutrality
Donald Trump has elevated Ajit Pai to chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, giving control over the agency to a reliable conservative who’s been opposed to pretty much every big action...
By Jacob Kastrenakes

Just in case y’all needed any more reasons to loathe and despise Donald Trump, he just appointed an FCC chief who is expressly anti-net-neutrality and gives zero shits about the potential of cable companies merging to form a monopoly over both TV and internet.

Best hope social media and regular media/news sites are in the first/basic tier of internet packages, because that’s what’s coming without net neutrality: cable companies will prioritize traffic to certain websites, and websites will have to pay more to make their site prioritized, and we will probably be sold the internet in much the same way we are sold television: in packages and tiers of channels, based on how much you’re willing to pay. Imagine a world where you paying your cable bill no longer gets you access to an open internet, but rather, you must pay extra to get access to certain levels of information on the internet. Imagine people with less money getting a smaller internet, with less information and less access. Because that could be what’s coming.

I will fight, tooth and nail, against this fuckery. Not in my lifetime. Not in my country. Access to information is a right. An open, accessible internet is not something we can compromise on. Net neutrality is a must.

I am 100% convinced that late 1980s/early 1990s romantic fantasy is the aesthetic forerunner of basically all post-ironic Internet media. Like, I was just thinking about that Mercedes Lackey novel where a racecar driver melts a dark elf’s brain by thinking They Might Be Giants lyrics at him really hard, and it struck me: this explains everything.

y'all who watched mindhunter, search on youtube for interviews with the real ed kemper and see how much of an excellent job the actor did portraying him in the show, i already thought he did great but now that i saw the real guy speaking i’m just amazed, the way show-ed talks and even his voice is just the same

3

soooo these are some abandoned panels from an idea i had (or, an idea of someone elses, it’ll make more sense later). i’m not completely ditching it as much as i’m taking a different approach to it, but i had posted the sketch of the first panel a few days ago, so i thought i might as well share it in its (sorta) finished form!

Hogwarts Houses as Supernatural Gifs

for @basic-internet-trash

Gryffindor: “That’s not even a real sword, get on my level”

Originally posted by thejabberwock

Slytherin: “I know it looks bad but everything is going according to plan”

Originally posted by proof-is-in-the-pudding

Ravenclaw: “gUYS I HAVE AN IDEA. THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE!”

Originally posted by frozen-delight

Hufflepuff: “Look at my friends! Love them so much!”

Originally posted by thejabberwock