basically it's the same as the actual story just with more drugs

the ‘no longer human’ (2010) that you probably haven’t seen (and nakahara chuuya’s significant role in dazai osamu’s life)

You read that right. ‘Ningen shikkaku’, or as we know it, ‘No Longer Human’ had a movie that came out on 2010, directed by Genjiro Arato and starring Toma Ikuta as Oba Yozo (and to a lesser extent, Dazai Osamu). 

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Go Go ‘Power Rangers’ (2017 Review)

Is this good? Is this bad? Will my inner-child allow me to judge this appropriately?

“Power Rangers” is a reboot of the classic 1990s action-packed children’s show “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,” which in turn is based on the Japanese tokusatsu “Super Sentai Series.” It’s directed by Dean Israelite and stars a cast of young actors, as well as Bryan Cranston, Bill Hader and Elizabeth Banks. The film is set in the small, fictional town of Angel Grove, where local high school students Jason Scott, Kimberly Hart and Billy Cranston (Dacre Montgomery, Naomi Scott and RJ Cyler, respectively) are all caught up in detention. Through a series of shenanigans, they come across Trini and Zack (Becky G and Ludi Lin, respectively) as they all discover an ancient, otherworldly construct. It’s there where they meet Zordon (Cranston) and his robot assistant Alpha 5 (voiced by Hader), and attain the responsibility of becoming a powerful team known as the Power Rangers, and to stop the destruction of an ancient, powerful witch known as Rita Repulsa (Banks). 

This is the absolute perfect “what if” movie. The answer to “what if they remade ‘Power Rangers’ for adults” question. This is the film we asked for, albeit cautiously. We really owe it to franchises such as the “Transformers” series, because without them, this film would be seen as an impossible reach.

Being a millennial, I was very much a child when “Power Rangers” had its long television run, and I stayed true through each incarnation, from “Mighty Morphin” to “Lightspeed Rescue,” and considered myself a retired fan after “Dino Thunder” (I was already in middle school at the time). So yes, shameful as it is, I know my shit. As you can see, I want this to be good. But was it?

Yes. Surprisingly, it was pretty good. It’s not shockingly “I thought this was going to be shit but it ended up being amazingly amazing” good. It’s just good.

Here’s one thing that the film does better than the TV show: the acting. In a great departure from the “Saved by the Bell” mood that the 90s actors gave us, we now have grounded, realistic, rebellious teenagers. These new actors fit the “teenagers with attitude” description way better than the 90s actors ever did. You have Montgomery as Jason, playing the rebel who ends up having to deal with the most responsibility. Scott plays Kimberly, the girl who does a good job of not just being the obligatory female casting, or the fighting damsel-in-distress, unlike the original. The dialogue between these two is usually filled with charm, whether its casual banter or a proclamation of their contempt for Angel Grove. 

But they do something different with the rest of the cast, which helps to modernize them. Cyler as Billy provides the humor and keeps the grittiness from ever getting lower and lower. Of the five teenagers, he is the one with the most charisma But he also serves to represent autistic teens everywhere. Yes, unlike the television counterpart, they made the Blue Ranger autistic, which is a pretty bold and commendable step for something based off a children’s property.

To keep the ball rolling, they then make Becky G’s Trini represent lesbians and confused, oppressed teenagers everywhere. Okay, this film had me at shedding light on autism, but encouraging more LGBT representation? Hats off to you, Lionsgate and Saban. Despite this, I found Becky G’s performance to be slightly annoying until about halfway through the movie, when they developed her much more, and gave her a more integral role in the plot. 

While I praised the rest of the cast, I’d have to drop the axe on Ludi Lin as Zack, the Black Ranger.  Compared to all these convincing performances, Lin’s is absolutely haphazard. The way he is introduced is to set up how much of a cocky outsider he is, so naturally he’s by himself. He then starts speaking to himself, which is one of my absolute biggest pet peeves in a movie. I despise movie moments where normal-functioning people start speaking or quipping to themselves, the only sensible reason being that the writers assume the audience is too dumb to know what the character is thinking. I get it if a character has schizophrenia or another mental illness, or if the words are limited to comedic inner-banter, but not in this case. He’s someone with decent social-competence and no reason to quarrel with himself, other than provide exposition to the audience.

But like Trini, I did find him to be much less annoying when he opened up. They gave him a pretty touching backstory with his own troubles, and they make his motivations really apparent. And just to keep the ball rolling, he’s also the most foreign one of the group, being bilingual, unlike the original black ranger. Now that I think about it, many of the Power Ranger series’ casts don’t feature any overtly foreign characters, apart from maybe of an alien race. 

That is precisely why this casting works. Whether or not you find these characters annoying, you can’t doubt that they’re there for a good reason, and you might even warm up to them as the movie progresses. They also help to introduce bouts of political correctness, but they aren’t preachy or condescending about it (which is really the only good way to go about political correctness). They represent people of various colors, mental states and social capabilities, showing (but not telling) that everyone is capable of extraordinary things as long as they have camaraderie.

I can’t say much about Cranston as Zordon. It’s a great homage, seeing as how Cranston has actually been a part of “Power Rangers” since the original television show, where he voiced many of the villains they face. I do love his voice-work here, and while it took some getting used to, I ended up really liking how they presented him. Rather than a chubby, floating head in a tube, they made him manifest into a wall, kind of like one of those pinpression toys. Not to mention they could have easily made him a one-dimensional character. But they went above and beyond to give him his own arc, his own set of feelings and doubts, and a world of lore behind him.

If you thought Alpha 5 was annoying in the television show, then you can rest your worries because Bill Hader fixed him up good. The original’s voice was so high-pitched and screechy; basically in typical 90s fashion (or how the 90s thought Aliens would sound like). This time, he just kind of does the same thing he did as Fear from “Inside Out,” except less screaming. His design had me slightly worried but I got used to it.

Now, Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa has me split down the middle. On the one hand, I do like that at least ONE person in this entire film is trying to recall the absurdity and campiness of the original series. At the same time, I found her to be over-the-top, and incredibly outlandish compared to the rest of the grounded cast. She is guilty of overacting here, which is both a blessing and a curse. The prosthetics on her are amazing though, from both start to finish. She starts out as an outright horror character, which is something I didn’t expect to see even in the gritty version of a children’s property. 

If you kept up with me for this long, you know that a recurring theme here is that this film takes several risks that are rather uncharacteristic of a children’s property. Sure, there are hints of silliness to try and match the youthful appeal of the original, but they also throw in more mature bits of humor, about things such as drug tests and jacking off a cow (no joke). Me personally, I welcome these jokes. If anything, this is much more of a film for the adults who grew up watching “Power Rangers,” rather than children. The maturity really shines through in the form of character development and chemistry.

I must say that if you are bringing a child to watch this, keep in mind there will be mild swearing, and several mature jokes.

A common criticism (ad nauseam, pretty much) is that this film is a forced collision between two different movies. Two thirds of the movie is essentially the origin story, which focuses mainly on character development. At the same time, this is the section that appeals to the audience the most, whether you’re fans of the original or not. No one comes into anything titled “Power Rangers” and expects to feel for the characters. But through one particular scene where all the characters develop a kinship, we develop a peculiar attachment to each of them. It was at this moment that I’m glad these people are the ones I’m spending five more movies with (Yup, that’s right).

But when it sticks to the original, it definitely sticks, and that’s where the last third of the movie comes in. If you’re looking for cool looking suits fighting monsters with martial arts and gymnastics, you will get it. If you’re looking for giant robot dinosaurs battling another giant monster, you will get it. And MOST OF ALL, if you want to, at least once, hear the iconic theme song, you will get it. In all it’s pure, epic goodness.

But this is where I have to defend my appreciation for this movie, because many people will come in accusing me of being “blinded by nostalgia.” Despite having these borrowed features from the original show, there is really nothing nostalgic about it. The action here is far better than most of the show’s episodes. There is no silliness to be had apart from what would be silly by realistic standards (as opposed to having two obligatory bully characters).

Even some elements taken from the show are vastly different. Case in point: Rita, who in this film is actually getting shit done by herself rather than sitting up in some moon tower yelling at everyone.

Even the formula of the show is broken up here. Back then, everything was so fast-paced to where every time a new series was brought in, the new team of Power Rangers would unrealistically form intimate familial connection and extraordinary abilities within 20 minutes. This film actually shows you that the Power Rangers had to train for this, both physically and mentally. They didn’t just have these abilities bestowed upon them as a result of the plot rushing it together. You see them work for it, which is something I really appreciated about it.

I had to bring that up because many of the people who didn’t like this film will be quick to see reactions like mine and guilt me for “nostalgia.” But that “tone difference” that they’re faulting this for is the reason why you can’t pin nostalgia on this. All that means is that everything I liked about this film has been on its own merits, maybe (at most) perpetuated by quick little homages to the original. 

I suppose before I wrap this up I should mention one more thing. Not really a problem, but more like something I wish happened: I wish they played the theme song more. It was wonderful hearing the iconic theme song, perfectly borrowed from the 1995 film, and at the height of its “Power Ranger-ness.” But I felt that if they really were gonna throw it in there, they should have totally owned it and at least left it playing for a bit longer. If not that, then at least make an instrumental cover to play in the background during the climax, rather than GODDAMN KANYE.

This is a film that has fans and critics alike split down the middle, but it’s pretty clear that everyone who hates it is hating it for the same two reasons: (1) It has a massive tone-clash towards the end, and (2) It caters way too much toward product promotion for Krispy Kreme donuts. I do agree with the latter, make no mistake. But when I hear people complain about this tone-clash, it reminds me of people who complained about the “slow parts” of every other superhero film, whether it’s “Captain America: Civil War,” or “Batman v Superman.” Apart from being a “Power Rangers” movie, this is also an origin story film. And for something as ridiculous as “Power Rangers,” it definitely requires a slow initiation process. To get us going on a six-movie deal, the creators will have to help casual viewers acclimate to the premise, because chances are the naysayers are the ones who skipped out on this franchise as children, and therefore missed their window of opportunity. Ironic how a movie based on a children’s property requires a mature level of patience from the audience.

As I said before, if you came into this wanting to see colored suits, martial arts, explosions and giant robots, you will get it. If you’re dragged into this film but appreciate elements like character development and chemistry, you will get that too. As someone who enjoys both, I actually would go so far as to say I loved this movie. I don’t care if I’m alone on this, but I can comfortably say that I loved the “Power Rangers” movie.

panzerfluch  asked:

Tell us about the Palace of Justice siege.

Ah yes, La Toma del Palacio de Justicia, on the 6th of November 1985, the moment where Colombia finally realized it had become a failed state.

The Palace of Justice was basically the main hub of the Supreme Court, where all the cases from around the country got archived, and the big cases were tackled, and for this reason, Pablo Escobar, using the guerrilla group M-19, ordered its destruction, as he knew the government wanted to extradite him to the US, something he deeply feared throughout his terror drug campaign.

The M-19, a group far more powerful than the FARC cunts in its heyday, but that was much more benign (they didn’t use landmines, for example) and actually willing to help the people (mom admires them as they made her hometown, forgotten by the government, safe), was more than happy to help, as they wanted to humiliate the government of Colombia in the most grandiose way possible: By using the supreme court judges, which would be taken hostage, to judge the president of Colombia of the time, Belisario Betancur, for crimes against his people. 

The plan initially went wonderfully, as an assault team consisting of 35 guerrillas broke into the building, after taking advantage of a recent change in its security, in which specially-selected policemen were replaced by private security guards, and with help from inside in the form of the building’s cafeteria workers, whom stored and hid weapons and ammo for weeks before the attack, where they secured the palace’s only entry and underground garage. 

But the Colombian government, tired of the M-19 pulling this crap every time they felt like it (a few years before they had taken the entire Dominican Republic embassy, and successfully negotiated a ceasefire and escape to Cuba, leaving the government completely ridiculed), decided to reject all negotiations attempts, and just launched an all-out, hasty, completely disorganized counterattack, where every armed member of the government available, from the Presidential Guard, taken directly from the presidential palace itself just a few yards away, to normal policemen, used to dealing with petty thugs, which lead to a lot of initial chaos, casualties among the government forces, and a complete breakdown in communications between the entrenched M-19 members and the president. 

Among many crazy stories, a couple of patrolmen later recounted that they had been given a single Uzi SMG for both, and told to recon the entrance to the underground garage, where they were welcomed by a hail of machine gun fire coming from a well-entrenched guerrilla female commando manning an M60.

It got so desperate, policemen were literally thrown from helicopters onto the rooftop of the Palace, in a pointless attempt at breaking into the building from there.

Most of them didn’t survive, and notice how the first policeman broke his leg in the fall.

It was an entire clusterfuck, and then it got worse when the Army send in armor, the baptism of fire in Colombia of the recently acquired Engesa EE-9 Cascabel and EE-11 Urutu Brazilian-made armored vehicles, basically relieving the surviving police units, and turning the operation completely to the Army’s control.

The “tanks” broke in, supported by infantry, and floor by floor they took back the palace, killing every M-19 member that engaged them while rescuing hostages, but at the same time ensuring the survivors, among them the commander of the operation, wouldn’t surrender, where they hid in the 4th floor’s bathroom, with all 11 supreme court judges they had taken hostage, fighting until the last man. 

As night fell, the tanks retreated, and while the army reorganized, the Palace caught fire, something that to this day remains a mystery, but since sniper fire kept coming from the brazing inferno, firefighters were unable to approach it, so the army vehicles opened fire directly onto it, where shortly thereafter the siege ended with the dead of the remaining defenders and all 11 judges. 

The Palace was completely destroyed, all 35 guerrilla commandos were killed, alongside many policemen, soldiers, all 11 supreme court judges and a few more hostages, and the hellfire that consumed it all ensure Pablo’s extradition would never happen. 

And just a week later, the Nevado del Ruíz volcano erupted, completely destroying the mountain town of Armero, and killing 25,000 people in an instant, sending the country into a spiral of chaos, leading to the rise of Pablo Escobar’s terror campaign, an all-out war against the state, and specially the police, that left thousands dead and the country in shambles, its core completely broken. 

1985 marked the time in which Colombia sunk the lowest since the 1000 Day War and the subsequent loss of Panama, and only until the presidency of Alvaro Uribe Velez in 2002 it would begin to recover. 

Six Times Voltage Inc Tugged at my Heartstrings

I’ve been playing Voltage games for about four years now, and I have to say, there were moments in certain routes that made me Feel Things™. Generally, Voltage games aren’t really known for being cynical or overly emotional. Heck, their games, while having some mature content, mostly have an optimistic feel to them. However, there were some moments in particular that stood out to me—those scenes were written powerfully enough to shake me to the core.

I have to admit, it was difficult for me to select a few moments from hundreds of routes, but I tried my best to narrow it down as much as I could.

Disclaimer:

  • I limited it to one character per game to avoid repetition.
  • I haven’t played every Voltage game (or route for that matter). The moments I’ve chosen only come from the games I’ve played.
  • I didn’t include SLBP because I only started getting into it recently (plus I don’t know too much about the other lords to make solid conclusions about them lmao).
  • This is all my personal opinion, so that means you probably won’t share the same views as I do, which is cool (I’d actually appreciate it if you told me what your favorite moments were :D).

Anyhow, let’s begin! (long post below):


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Ever since President Annoying Orange von GrabbyHands came into office, there’s been a lot of chatter about Orwell, and 1984, and whether this or that is Orwellian. Amazon was actually sold out of copies of 1984 for a few days after Kellyanne Conway said that falsehoods being spread by the administration were “Alternative Facts.”

So today I want to talk about 1984, what “Orwellian” actually means, and how Orwell explores the impact of language on thought and dissent with NewSpeak in his novel. And, at the end, we will look at how these concepts do and don’t apply to today’s political climate


Transcript below:

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First Half of 2017 Fic Rec

A compilation of some of the fics that I’ve enjoyed this year [with little glimpses into the stories and comments about them, do check them out to see the actual summaries and do support the authors if you enjoy them as well 💕]:

  • trndsttrs of seoul by chimint || yoonmin, namjin || t || wip
    chatfic; jimin is a cinnamon roll and yoongi is whipped™.
    (literally the cutest thing ever, i reread it every day. jungkook calls yoonmin ‘dadgi’ and ‘jimom’ respectively (which is so fcking cute nghhh) and namjoon is the captain of the ship and they all ship ym - all concepts i am 100% up for. something to brighten up your day ^^)
  • The Songbird and the Sea by Misster Maia || yoonmin || bg taekook, namjin || m || wip || tw violence/graphic content
    pirate au with magic; pink-haired jimin with the blessing of the canary finds himself on the infamous pirate ship agust, with its even more infamous captain, min yoongi aka the black fox of the east.
    (the writing is amazing! i froth at the mouth waiting for this to update as it does very frequently! i am trash for both pirates and magic so wow, what greatness. a little slow burn, but with a reasonable pacing. also daegu bros are sort of actually bros here so plus points.)
  • Seven Days (Or The One Where Min Yoongi Asks Out Park Jimin Because Of A Girl) by minyoongayashell || yoonmin || bg taekook, namjin || m || wip || tw sexual content (but like, no actual sex)
    seven days au; jimin is called “cheot-nal ye” or “first day yes”. basically he’s famous at school for agreeing to date the first person who asks him out on the first day of the week - 100% of the time, he breaks off the relationship at the end of the week and the cycle repeats itself. now, yoongi hates this girl in class and she wants to ask jimin out. naturally, he has to beat her to it.
    (the manga was such a sweet thing and the fic gets me so excited. i don’t read a lot of high school aus, but this one is special! it’s not updated very frequently, but it’s definitely worth a read.)
  • Bullet Boy by sugamins || yoonmin || e || tw homophobia/sexual content || wip || tw references to drug use/depression
    in which yoongi’s an underground rapper and jimin collabs with other rappers to break into the scene and flash forward into the future, they are caught up in a ‘scandal the likes of which the industry has never seen before.’
    (the writing is so amazing, wow, it’s only on the first chapter but the author makes it feel so promising. i kid you not, i actually messaged them and fangirled embarrassingly bc I am that kind of person. also ! underground yoonmin !)
  • Hiraeth by haruguk || taekook, yoonmin, platonic yoonkook || not rated but probably e || 100k || tw sexual content/graphic content/drug abuse/mental instability/psychosis || tw referenced child abuse/cheating/alcohol abuse/self-harm (basically a lot of warnings!)
    diary of an oxygen thief au; perfect fratboy jeongguk gets off of breaking hearts, but he can’t quite do the same to kim taehyung. “hurt people hurt people.” read the warnings carefully!
    (basically this fic broke my heart time and time again and everyone has probably already read this but i still must rec it bc it is that good.)
  • tats'n'thots by Death_Impala || taekook || bg yoonmin || not rated but probably m || 12k || tw sexual content
    tattoo artist au; taehyung to jeongguk: “I feel inspired, and I want to work with you, so how about this: let me tattoo you in any way I want, free of charge – with your input of course.” also, bottom jk. c:
    (i am trash for the using-your-body-as-a-canvas trope and similarly, or even more so, for bottom bby jk. :’) this fic is a blessing. taekook and art obviously belong in the same sentence.)
  • Idiosyncratic by jiminsfw || taekook || e || 19k || tw sexual content/knots/ruts/usual abo things
    a/b/o au; taehyung and jungkook are an alpha/alpha couple, and no one thinks that alpha/alpha couples can last. involves ruts and switching and so much emotion.
    (this was a particularly interesting read bc it took me forever to find a fic with alpha/alpha taekook! alpha/alpha taekook nghhh it’s just the cutest thing, a little sad, but ultimately very fluffy.)
  • Mileage May Vary by rix || taekook || e || wip || tw sexual content/age difference/strip clubs/recreational drug use
    “Jeongguk is a stripper with a penchant for trouble. Taehyung is curious.” taehyung is nine years older than jk, who has a prince albert btw. bottom jk as always. sort of soft sugar daddy tae? but not really.
    (once again i am trash for bottom jk. and all of rix’s fics are so good ;A; the quality just gets better and better. also, tae is once-divorced, heads up. in rix’s words, nothing really happens but still, it’s so enjoyable. <3)
  • spring day by Bangtanbananas || yoonmin, taekook, namjin || e || 70.9k || tw violence/graphic content/sexual content/mpreg/heats/usual abo things
    wolf au; only 5% (i think) of wolves find their fated mates (but most wolves believe they don’t actually exist bc soulmates?), and although jimin dreamt of finding his when he was a pup, he didn’t actually expect to in the mysterious alpha from the mountains.
    (i crave shit like this bc wolves + a/b/o + pack dynamics is just - c: omega jm and alpha yg, yes please. seokjin is the real mvp.)
  • half feral, but just right by themelonlord || yoonmin, platonic jikook || e || wip || tw discrimination/bullying/graphic content (but not really)/probably sexual content || tw referenced child abuse
    a/b/o au; in a world where alphas are considered little more than rabid animals, yoongi’s just trying to scrape by and achieve his dreams. but then he meets omega park jimin and his pseudo little brother, young alpha jeon jeongguk.
    (yoonmin with their son /dongsaeng jjk is evidently my absolute favourite thing. :’) i was dreaming about an au where the alphas are victimised for a change a week before i discovered this fic and i wanted to cry bc it was better than i could ever imagine it to be.)
  • These Lyrics Will Write Themselves by PrettyBoyKiller || yoonmin, taekook, namjin || t || wip || tw sexual content/cyberbullying/eating disorders || tw referenced homophobia
    sugar daddy au gone wrong sort of? jimin starts off as bulletproof ent’s co-director min yoongi’s nonsexual sugar baby, then eventually becomes an important part of both yoongi’s life and the lives of everyone around him.
    (again this is something that everyone’s probably already reading but i cannot leave it out of my list. it’s a very nontraditional way of showing sugar babies in terms of fanfic, with a gentle, natural progression of things, and you’ll surely grow to love all of the artists yg has under his label the way jm does.)

new!

  • Laugh and I Love You by ifisayhiyousayoops || jinkook || bg vmin || e || 21.9k || tw sexual content
    canonverse; seokjin and jungkook are just - so domestic and codependent. literally it. the softest slice-of-life on this side of the internet.
    (jinkook has always been my guilty pleasure and i love them. bratty btm bby jk is basically my religion? i’m this fic is so well written! it’s very gentle and sweet and wow. i love love.)
  • The Letter Thief by d4wndust || yoonmin || bg taekook || t || 21.9k || tw depression/character death || tw referenced suicide attempt (proceed with caution kind of story)
    chatfic; “Park Jimin says his goodbyes through a text, but to a wrong number. | Min Yoongi makes Park Jimin live a little longer and Park Jimin makes Min Yoongi start living.”
    (ngl i was sort of apprehensive before reading it, but anon rec’d it so i read it at 2 am, and i don’t regret it? it made me cry, a lot, and it was pretty sad. and i don’t know how accurate/sensitive its representation of depression was in the text but yeah, i cried like an infant so it deserves a mention. but please please remember to proceed with caution!)
  • time follows you (and fades) by thebestofme || yoonmin || bg taekook || t || 17k
    hogwarts au; half-veela jimin finds himself in slytherin house and falling for slytherin prince, min yoongi. alternatively, jimin is so pretty and yoongi just wants to love him.
    (slytherin yoonmin! yoongi is such a sweetheart and he has a pet kneazle named holly. :’) jeongguk is also adorable, i’m so weak. the first part is in jm’s pov and the second one’s in yg’s, so you literally get two sides of the story. i am trash for hogwarts aus and i’ve probably read all of them, and this one is such a gem!)
  • Once Upon A Dream by yururin || yoonmin || t || 17k
    “soulmates AU where you can see a glimpse of your past life on the eve of your 18th birthday and Jimin dreams of a forbidden Joseon era love story with an upperclassman Min Yoongi, popular basketball player in uni, 18384/10 out of his reach”
    (what is sin - it doesn’t exist. this entire thing is so soft and cute and pure. a great pick-me-up!)
  • glub glub glub by rabbitme || yoonmin || g || 6.7k
    sort of chat fic that begins with jimin and yoongi missing each other.
    (such purity. i love love. basically ym travelling, together and apart. ot7 interaction is something to look forward to, as well. it’s so fluffy, please read this and be blessed.)
  • The Boy in the Music Box by Misster Maia || yoonmin || bg namjin, taekook || t || 52.5k || tw referenced abuse
    yoongi is a college kid with a dysfunctional circadian rhythm and whose grandmother claims to have been a legitimate magician/fortune teller in her time and forces yoongi to take home a music box. inside the music box is a ballerino - only, yoongi wakes up one late-evening-early-morning and finds the wooden ballerino missing, with a pretty boy named jimin in its place.
    (where do i start with this? i must say - i love love. yg falls hard and fast, it’s not even a spoiler. jm has many secrets. angsty but overall very pure. the fluff can make you cry, tbh. yg’s grandmother calls him yoonyoon, what more do you need. did i mention i love love?)
  • light side of the moon by themelonlord || yoonmin, namjin, taekook, 95line || e || 80.8k || tw brief graphic content (blood)/sexual content
    wolf au; jimin moves into a quiet town and befriends kim taehyung, who subsequently changes his life.
    (it is such a lovely story, very pure, very gentle, with filth. :’) nothing really happens; it’s just a story about a boy who finds himself loving a man who can turn into a wolf. the ot7 is strong in this one. highly recommended if 95line and puppy piles make you smile.)
  • King of My Heart by wanderment || taekook || t || 17.7k
    jeon jeongguk is the youngest son of the king of korea. taehyung is a friend of a friend - and a fan, but don’t let jeongguk know that. yet.
    (a very wholesome and pure fic. they’re all rich college kids in this; minus namjin who are jk’s bodyguards. it feels short when you read it, but definitely very enjoyable. it’ll make you smile.)
  • Movie Night by Misster Maia || yoonmin || e || 8k || tw sexual content
    the boys want to watch a horror movie and jimin needs a distraction. it’s a good thing yoongi’s such a great boyfriend.
    (pure, unadulterated, unapologetic smut. i figured i needed at least one on my list and this one does not disappoint. kinks include exhibitionism, praise kink, hyung kink, overstimulation, and dirty talk. also, jimin has a nipple piercing, bless.)
  • The Victorious V and his Vast, Venturesome Heart by aprofessorstale || taekook, yoonmin || e || wip || tw sexual content/identity crises? canonverse; taehyung is in love with love. jimin doesn’t believe in it.
    (this is probably one of the best non-aus i’ve read in forever. it’s very introspective, incredibly heavy when it comes to discussions of sexuality and identity. it is very well-written and the author had captured their personalities well, while sticking to a timeline mostly following reality. (basically everything happens post-ynwa era) taekook are complicated and as are yoonmin, and while the story isn’t over yet, it is definitely worth the read. nam2seok are the resident straights and they deserve to be loved. on that note! yg is demisexual, rejoice.)
  • I Wrote This For You by chikichikichuu || yoonmin, taekook || bg namjin || t || wip || tw referenced depression/self-harm
    the “cliffhanging heartbreaking motherfucking breakthrough debut novel” you will not read this story frustrates jungkook enough for him to send an aggressive e-mail to his newly proclaimed favourite author, min yoongi. (or, yoonmin through jungkook’s eyes. painful, yet worth it. taekook are relationship goals, basically, and everything is seemingly lovely until it isn’t. it hasn’t been updated since february ::) but it’s the kind of story that you can’t stop thinking about. suffer with me. <3)

[as of 170613]

Let’s talk about Will and Riley

AKA BlueSki 

AKA The Love Story of the Century


- Literally the first moment they meet they’re all smiles for each other. She asks “Where am I?” in this breathless way, a huge grin stretched across her face, and Will replies with the only thing he can say - “Chicago. North side.” because his synapses are shooting off every which way like fireworks and literally the only words he can get out are the most basic of facts. He is utterly mesmerized and so is she. She’s not scared, even though she should probably be at least freaked out, and he’s no longer sniffing around the church like a crazed detective. The others in their cluster always seem to have this little freak-out moment when they first see each other but Will and Riley never really did. It was like insta-peace.
-  Let’s not forget the second (third?) time they visit, when Will asks Riley where she is and she just gazes at him and says, “I’m home,” with this dopey dazed smile. Of course she means she’s in Iceland but you KNOW what she’s thinking. She’s with him now. She’s home. 
-  They’re kissing and touching effortlessly after visiting only a couple times and are obviously giddy. They can’t get enough. They fall into this easy happy rhythm of touching and smiling whenever they’re together and it’s beautiful.
- Their pull toward each other is so strong that Jonas and Yrsa pick up on it right away - like Sensates not even in Will and Riley’s cluster can basically FEEL how strong their bond is even though they can’t actually feel it.
- It’s so strong that when Will finds out she’s in some weird high-security Icelandic hospital he’s like OBVIOUSLY I’LL GO GET HER and throws his entire life away, the one he’s worked so hard for, to move heaven and earth to get himself to Iceland - ICELAND - and to physically pull her out of danger. He would die for her, and he nearly does when he knocks himself unconscious with drugs in that ambulance, and this is the first time he’s even been in the same room with her.
- She takes care of him - of course she does - and somehow through the running from Whispers and the heroin and his constant unconsciousness and her constant fear they fall deeply in love. It’s not this in-their-bones thing that pulled them together - no, it’s the old fashioned, homo sapiens kind of love. The one that grows around the annoyances of domesticity and long hours spent together with nothing to do. -  He’s ill - she cares for him, down to feeding and shaving and getting him some laxatives, for God’s sake. (Can you truly love someone without worrying about their bowels?) She’s patient, because she knows that he’s ill because he’s trying to save her, their whole cluster, and God, what greater love is that than the one he’s just thrown away everything he’s ever known for?
-  They kiss more. They touch almost constantly, having discovered the addiction of skin-on-skin for comfort, for reassurance. Riley is the big spoon. He reaches for her, clinging to her hand, her thigh, like the lifeline she is. She keeps him grounded. She is a tiny, fierce protector, and he is a suffering, dogged champion for her survival. Emotions run high and the nightmares are terrifying and their comfort for each other is everything. -  Of course they have sex. How could they not? They NEED each other. They’re only human (with some slight differences) and their skin feels so delicious when pressed against each other and they’re twisted up in each other anyway. He knows her body’s every want and need, and she embodies her role as comforter, letting him take the lead, meeting him in the middle. He wants to know her in every way possible, and kisses her everywhere, mapping her body and her pleasure. If he doesn’t believe in anything else, he believes in Riley Blue and her body and its perfection, the way it seems like it was made to mold to his. If he can’t do anything else for her, he can at least make her moan his name and beg him for release. He’ll give it to her, as much as he can. 
- She wants to make him happy in the same desperate, driving way that he wants to bring her pleasure. Maybe it’s candles and a bathtub for two or maybe it’s ice-skating or a phone to call his dad, who she knows that he loves almost as much as he loves her. It’s hard, their circumstances being what they are, but Riley wants to be everything he needs, even in ways he would never expect her to.
- When they reach a strategic turning point, when Will decides it’s time for action, Riley is stuck to his side like glue. She knew he would come through for her, for all seven of them, but it was hard not to let her mind wander to the worst-case scenario all these months. She’s pictured Will overdosing, seizing in her arms, the scrambling efforts she’d make to save his life, more times than she wants to admit even to herself. She knew he’d come through for them, but it was hard to keep from worrying he wouldn’t. When you’ve lost one love of your life already, you want to steel yourself when the situation seems imminent again. But he wants to make a bold move, and he’s all energy and hope, so she cuts his hair for him, makes the man in the mirror look like he did the last time he saved the day. She runs her fingertips through the short hairs on the back of his head, remembers the last time he saved her, and thinks, God, I love this man.
 - He said it to her on the grassy hill in Iceland, and of course they’ve known it since they first laid eyes on each other, but here at the club Riley is in her element, powerful. In this moment she’s the hero, the one who can save the day, and he’s a big reason she feels that way, so she tells him. “I love you.” It’s the first time she’s said the words, and even though he knew how she felt, the relief of hearing her say them hits him like a ton of bricks. He reels back, tears in his eyes, and reassures her, “I love you.” They’re terrified, but they’ve just made each other invincible.
- They’re on blockers now, so they’re together in body but not in their minds, as they have been constantly for the past several months. He tells her he loves her, and she smiles, and they kiss, but they know it doesn’t feel the same, it’s not bone-deep all-consuming bliss like it was at first. Neither of them really cares. She jokes that this is how old couples feel when they kiss, and he says being an old couple sounds good to him, and hell if they aren’t just as happy, even if it feels different, being together now. 
- She has to go to Chicago, and she has to do it alone, and he is going INSANE. She is small and timid and she’s not Sun Bak, she can’t kill a man with a punch. She’s not Wolfgang, with his guns and disregard for his own safety, hell, she’s not even Capheus - she can’t even drive.  All this time, she’s been the one holding him together, and the moment she leaves Will falls apart because he can’t be the one to protect her. 
- He confesses, while going quietly mad without her by his side, “I’ve never loved anyone - anyone - the way I love you.” Riley could probably say the same to him, but it wouldn’t be entirely true. The truth is that she loved a man enough to tie her life to his, all those years back, enough that it almost killed her when he died. Will knows this, and he’s not jealous. Riley promises she’ll come back to him, and that’s enough for them both. 
- When his father dies, she feels his pain coursing through her body like it’s her own, even though it’s not. Instead of sinking into the depths of his grief with him, she shoulders the burden for him, tries to make it lighter and easier just by being there, and it works, as much as it can. It really does. She never thought she’d put herself through that kind of grief again, but for Will, it feels like a privilege. 
- When she comes back to Will - of course she was going to come back to him, like she promised - she sees him ready to fight. He pulled himself up all on his own, without her. She did what she had to do in Chicago all on her own, without him. Yet shen he sees her in that doorway his face shows his complete and utter relief that she’s here, the sinking feeling of satisfaction inside him that she’s back where she belongs. He tells her, “Welcome home,” and for the first time since she first decided that he was her home, she grins like their whole lives are laid out ahead of them and filled with sunshine and possibility. Maybe they are. 
- It’s like from the moment they first saw each other their existences, their essences, their every cell started to twist and twine around each other until they genuinely can’t discern where one ends and the other begins. Riley says “I didn’t understand the word ‘presence’ until we were together.” in 2x10 and that’s because when they’re together, physically together, it’s like she is him and he is her in this way that is wholly defining but defies description. When one is strong, the other is strong, and when one is weak, the other is even stronger.
Most importantly, the psycellium brought them together, but it’s not what’s keeping them together.  Not even close. Their love is epic because it exists, steadfast, on every single level, and that kind of love can’t be broken. 

A Few Things I Learned Watching a Hedge Fund Manager Lose $4 Billion on One Trade

Maybe you also followed this story. Or maybe not. But basically a really big hedge fund manager, one of those guys who people quote and probably talk about at Harvard Business School, placed a super big bet on this company called Valeant.

Valeant is a pharmaceutical company trying to cure problems with skin and infectious diseases. They actually also own Bausch Lomb so that means they have a giant eye care business.

This hedge fund manager made a bet that Valeant would keep growing their business, diversifying, and acquiring. He once even called them the next “Berkshire Hathaway.”

This thesis turned out to be wrong. Like really wrong. The company crashed. People started to call Valeant out for jacking up the prices of their drugs. They also were apparently doing some dicey bookkeeping things. Just Google “Philidor Valeant scandal” if you want to learn more about that.

The end result looked like this:

So what did I learn from this story? Are there any interesting takeaways for you? I think so. And by writing this I hope I won’t make the same mistakes. Maybe now you won’t either. Here are a few things I learned from witnessing one of the worst trades ever:

  • Risk management is everything. No single investment or trade should ever be able to wipe you out. You want to play this game forever. In 2015, this hedge fund manager had $12 billion in assets under management. He poured $4 billion into Valeant. So he essentially risked a third of his clients money on a single outcome.
  • Don’t ever average down! This hedge fund manager did not cut his losses when the stock started to crash. Instead he averaged down. He bought more. Then he played the options market. Just cut your losses if it’s not working anymore. Get out. Paul Tudor Jones said this best:
  • Humility is everything. If you are going to make a trade like this, at least do it quietly. Don’t go on CNBC and tout it. Or promote it. When everyone knows about it on the way up, they’re also going to know about it on the way down. It might make things even worse. The media and people will turn on you for entertainment, clicks, and laughs.
  • Social media is your friend. There are some seriously smart people on social media. The Valeant ($VRX) stream on StockTwits is filled with conversations, charts, and debates at all times. Don’t ignore that. Or even the bloggers. A few investment writers totally nailed it. They’ve been writing about Valeant and its problems for years. To this day it’s free and open on their blogs.
  • It happens to everyone and it will happen to you. No one makes great investments 100% of the time. Everyone gets hit here and there. Even Warren Buffett admits to this. He wrote about it in his latest letter to shareholders. Like that one time:

“I made one particularly egregious error, acquiring Dexter Shoe for $434 million in 1993. Dexter’s value promptly went to zero. The story gets worse: I used stock for the purchase, giving the sellers 25,203 shares of Berkshire that at yearend 2016 were worth more than $6 billion.” — Warren Buffett

  • Narratives are fun, but you also need to see the data yourself. What’s really amazing is how this hedge fund manager lost a ton of money. His brand and skill is being questioned and criticized around the globe. But someone recently showed me something interesting. The following chart shows the price of Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway vs. this hedge fund manager’s company Pershing Square. Yes, by this metric he’s outperforming Buffett! As a spectator, it’s fun to get into big story lines and narratives. But always make sure you corroborate the data:
The Interpol, the FBI and a gunshot

So agents, gunshots, Charles being stupid and Erik worrying

Hope you like it! :)

The whole world is spinning, there is a vague sense of pain on his left shoulder but it doesn’t somehow feel like it’s his own. Actually it kind of feels like it does when he is in someone mind so Charles tries to reach out with his telepathy, but it is not there. He panics, he gets scared, and he does not know what’s going on.

“Charles, you’re going to be okay, you hear me? Don’t panic, please, you’re just going to hurt yourself more.”

Charles opens his eyes, but everything is out of focus, so he closes them again. He recognizes the voice though so he smiles a little.

“Oh you know me Moira, I’m always A-Okay.” This is all he can say before he passes out again.

Charles has been in hospital enough times to know when he is in one, although he has no recollection on how he got there. He peeks under his eyelids and is relieved to find that there are no bright lights in the room. It’s nighttime and Moira is there sleeping in a very uncomfortable looking chair beside his bed.

He lifts his hand to his shoulder, where he can feel some discomfort and when he feels the bandage, he remembers what happened. He got shot. He’s a stupid idiot who is really lucky that he is not hurt even worse. Running into the house without backup could’ve gotten him killed, but he just couldn’t let the suspect to run away again.

He approached the suspect and he is pretty sure that he put him to sleep but the suspect unfortunately fired at the same time and his shoulder was hit. Charles grunts and lets out a sigh. Erik is right about something at least. He is always saying that the protocols that restrict the use of his telepathy on suspects are stupid and…

Erik. Has someone told Erik that he has been shot?

Keep reading

A Crisis of Faith, or, The Why of EMP

Watching The Lying Detective again, it becomes clearer and clearer that we’re in some variation of a dream, a trip, an alibi, Sherlock’s mind palace - some sort of false reality.  There’s plenty of good meta on this: see the EMP masterlist (someone lmk if there’s a more recent list to link to). There was a compelling case for it before TST & TLD, but I resisted, because I didn’t get why they would do this. 

(I’m a bit like John Watson when he gets angry at Sherlock - not interested in the how, but the why.  Plenty of amazing meta writers worked out the how of TJLC, but I had to write a 13k word meta before I could accept the why.)

Anyway, I can deny it no longer, EMP is happening.  But… why?

Here’s my best guess (and, not coincidentally, my greatest hope): EMP is happening because they want to get even more metafictional.

I haven’t watched all of Moffat’s Doctor Who episodes. In fact, they used to annoy me – Moffat uses the sci-fi setting to set up really fantastical plot twists. In Sherlock, Moffat’s plots are bounded by reality, plausibility, science. Or, well, they were.

To be fair to Mofftiss, BBC Sherlock is still bounded by plausibility.  They’ve gone to the trouble to present multiple in-universe mechanisms for us to be watching a false reality.  Interestingly, these are all introduced in the second series.  We get drug-induced dream sequences in ASiB.  We get drug-induced hallucinations and memory-altering substances and the mind palace in THoB.  We also, in Series 2, get the first truly metafictional storylines: Irene Adler and the destructiveness of love; Henry Knight haunted by his own story, a distorted truth; and of course, Moriarty, telling Sherlock’s story all wrong.

Prior to Series 4, I thought this was more or less the limits of their metafictionality. Sure, they’ll throw in a lot of imagery and symbolism, but they wouldn’t go further than that, would they?

Of course they would.  They ended Series 2 with a character called The Storyteller writing Sherlock to death.  That was half a show ago.  They had go somewhere after that.

But where exactly are they going?

Keep reading

FIC REC

If you are a fandom hoe just like me and enjoy reading boyxboy smut greatly, then you are in the right place. This a master list of rec of my favorite pieces I have come across. I will be updating frequently for you guys. I hope you enjoy cuties :-)


Markjinson (mark + jackson + jinyoung)

Baby, I Love Your Company by jaekyu

Summary: Mark’s in a frat. So is Jackson. They might be a Thing. But also there’s Jinyoung.

Chapter: 1/1

Why I am recommending: One of my favorite fics of all time (which says a lot because I read a lot of fics). This fic literally has everything, drama and plot, smut, fluff, angst, I have no complaints. It’s so hot but so cute at the same time. A must read for everyone, read this if you want to live a happy and healthy life.

Jinson (jinyoung + jackson)

Jinyoung’s Peach by ohbutter

Summary: Jackson has pretty much wanted to fuck Jinyoung to the moon and back for as long as he has existed.

Additional tags: tease!jinyoung

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: Teasing jinyoung and desperate jackson is the best thing that has ever happened to me. One of the hottest fics I have ever read, I love god. 

Jinmark (jinyoung + mark)

Keep Reading by jagseun

Summary: Mark wanted Jinyoung to read to him.

Additional tags: reading aloud, smut, riding, pwp

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: One of the most unique story lines I have ever seen and it was absolutely genius (and hot).

So, What Are You Wearing? by jagseun

Summary: Mark lived in LA, Jinyoung lived in Seoul. They had a healthy long-distance relationship but sometimes meeting once every couple of months was just not enough.

Additional tags: phone sex, masturbation, dom!jinyoung, sub!mark, humor

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: This is so adorable yet so hot. You wont really understand that unless you read it. So read it. 

2jae (jaebum + youngjae)

Sideways by gesuotome

Summary: Youngjae and Jaebum are both tired from work which means its time for same lazy sex.

Additional tags: frottage, smut

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: Lazy sex is the best sex.

Markson (mark + jackson)

Sudden Urges by cffn

Summary: Mark feels the feels and Jackson is the target. Results are steamy.

Additional tags: bathroom sex, pwp

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: Steamy hot markson bathroom sex, it doesn’t get any better than that. 

Full Hands, Full Heart by moonlightlov

Summary: Mark knows it’s just a friend helping a friend, but he can’t help wanting more.

Additional tags: handjobs, angst, fluff, smut, canon!verse

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: Cute, cute, cute, cute.

Jaetuan (jaebum + mark)

Answer It by eny

Summary: Mark and Jaebum are getting it on and then get interrupted by a phone call. Jaebum makes Mark answer it.

Additional tags: anal fingering, humor, gay sex, phone sex (kind of?)

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: Why isnt jb and mark a thing? This fic was so hot and there needs to be more jaetuan in this world. I am so glad someone decided to write a fic like this, it is beyond hot and I demand a part 2 asap. 

OT7

Everyone Love’s Yugyeom by ffairyy

Summary: It’s literally what the title says… Yugyeom getting fucked loved by the rest of Got7.

Additional tags: group sex, pwp, whiny!yugyeom, orgasm control, anal sex (duh)

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: One of the only ot7 fics I actually like, Not much to say, just read it and you will understand my obession, Your welcome. 

Yoonmin (yoongi + jimin)

All This Devotion Rushing Out To Me by fatal

Summary: Jimin falls apart between the strain in his arms and Yoongi’s mouth ghosting over his skin.

Additional tags: bondage, blindfolds, dirty talk, praise kink, pain kink, begging, overstimulation, sex toys, alternate universe, pwp

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: This is art. This if life. This is the good life.

Love Literally by Incadence

Summary: When Jimin said he wanted a dildo for his birthday, he didn’t mean that he actually wanted a dildo for his birthday.

Additional tags: vibrators, sex toys, masturbation

Chapters: 1/1

Word count: 2.7K

Why I am recommending: This fic is just really naughty and hot so that’s why I like it lol im going to hell. Some dom!yoongi and sub!jimin to brighten up your day.

어둠 속을 밝혀줘 (Light Up The Darkness) by sungmin

SummaryConfidence is sexy. Jimin’s sure of that. And frankly, Jimin is never more confident than when he’s grinding on a stranger and can feel shaky breath on his neck, when he can practically feel the heat pulsing from the other person as they get increasingly more rules up. He loves being in control and having people under his finger, turning and shooting them a cheeky smirk, biting his lip and playing coy. It’s more exciting when they play along.When they grab him and go with the flow.Which is exactly why when he spots a guy leaning up against the bar in an expensive looking outfit and a drink in his hand, Jimin can’t help himself.

Additional tags: pwp, au, rapper!yoongi, dancer!jimin

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: The defiintion of a hot, steamy, sexy, teasing sugar daddy, tension building fic with alot of kinks and dirty talk and wow I just love this fic and you will too I promise. 

→ Can I, Hyung? by Heukhaneul

Summary: Jimin swallows for the first time, Yoongi rewards him.

Additional tags: rimming, porn without plot

Chapters 1/1

Word count: 3.1K

Why I am recommending: So much dirty talking and teasing and grinding and yes this is a gift from heaven bless up. Any Yoonmin fan would die over this fic. 

Feel So Hot On Your Lap (Let Me Ride You Out) by Heukhaneul

Summary: Yoongi wasn’t expecting to wake up under these circumstances; if anything, he didn’t expect to be woken up for another few hours considering it was his day off of work.(But, it seems like Jimin had other things planned.)

Additional tags: blow jobs, morning sex, riding

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: Let’s just say after I read this, I considered myself a new person. 

Sekai (sehun + kai)

Nothing But Summer by GinForInk

Summary: While lifeguarding on the beach, Sehun has to deal with the obnoxious guys from his class who think they can skimboard. One is Kris, who he’s had a crush on for years. Another is cute, flirty Jongin, who might be just what he needs to get over him.

Additional tags: alternate universe, public sex, lifeguard sehun, comeplay, lap dance, morning sex, first time, minor drug use

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: This fic basically saved my life. It has a little bit of everything and that’s what I love about it. It has fluff, angst, smut and the plot is really good too. Even if you don’t ship Sekai, this is a must read for literally every exo-l.

Baekyeol (baekhyun + chanyeol)

Good Boy by xingmyeons

Summary: The worst part is that Baekhyun just wants Chanyeol to get really rough with him. He’s wanted it right from the start, and it doesn’t make sense, because Chanyeol’s always been so gentle and sweet, and yet all Baekhyun wants to do is his boyfriend to fuck him up.

Additional tags: shameless smut, breathplay, crossdressing, hairpulling, light dom/sub, orgasm denial

Chapter: 1/1

Why I am recommending: One word. Wow. This fic is pretty kink but not too much to the point where it’s overwhelming. If you like dom chanyeol, you need to this read to lengthen your life span. 

→Your Glasses Are Fogging by callme_cutie

Summary: Just a story about two friends who move from casually jerking it together from time to time to jerking each other almost every night, to casual blowjobs until somehow feelings get involved.

Additional tags: alternate universe, mutual masturbation, hand/blow jobs, smut, pwp

Chapter: 1/1

Why I am recommending: Cute and unique story line and some nice smut, what else can I ask for. 

Wonhui (wonwoo + junhui)

Introduction to Theology by Gwanshim

Summary: Wonwoo doesn’t really want to deal with Junhui in the middle of their Theology 101 class, but Junhui is being annoyingly persistent and Wonwoo has never been good at denying him anything.(The porny University AU where Junhui is thirsty as fuck and Wonwoo gives in too easily.)

Additional tags: alternate universe, public hand jobs, over stimulation, dirty talk, public blow jobs

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: This fic is the reason why every single time I see wonwoo and jun together, I get all hot and bothered - in a good way though.

Meanie (mingyu + wonwoo)

Behind These Metaphors (I Want You Literally) by Coupsd

Summary: Wonwoo doesn’t know how his favourite regular ended up on his bed… or why he’s asking him to stay.(Or, that weed dealer AU where everything is confusing.)

Additional tags: alternative universe, drug use, oral, floor sex, drug induced sex, masturbation, bare backing

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: Hands down one of the best meanie one shots I ever read, you would be dumb not to give this work of art a chance!!

Jeongcheol (seungcheol + jeonghan)

Alone Again by Loserhoshi

Summary: They finally have time alone and they intend to make use of it.

Additional tags: porn without plot, riding, dom!seungcheol, sub!jeonghan

Chapters: 1/1

Why I am recommending: I have never read some really good smut but just enough fluff so it is not overwhelming but smooth in a way?? I don’t know, this is art okay?

Book review — Stranger Than Fanfiction

After loving Chris Colfer’s Land of Stories series, I picked up his latest book without a second thought. What a fool I was.

You know how “don’t write a self-insert” is such a common writing advice that it has people arguing against it, and not unreasonably so, on the grounds that any character one writes has an element of oneself, and desperately trying to avoid that only results in trite, flat characters because you have no real experience to ground them in?

Yeah, well this book reminds you why it’s a common advice in the first place. Oh, but don’t worry, it also does so much more wrong! It’s like a massive clusterfuck of “why do you waste my time so?” Really, this could have had its own snark. You’ve been warned.

Also, I’ll be spoiling stuff, because a huge amount of what makes the book infuriating rather than mediocre is in its ending. Beware.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hi, could you do headcanons where Neil was raised to replace the butcher before being sold to the ravens? Thank You

I feel like a lot of this is going to be badass!Neil. I couldn’t figure out if you wanted “Neil in the Ravens as the Butcher’s heir” or “Neil is sold but his mother still takes him away” so I went with the latter. I tried the former, but there were too many details that I couldn’t quite work out.

  • ok so lets assume nathan didnt go into debt yet when neil is ten
  • lets say he goes into debt say… six years later
  • neil - except hes nathaniel here - learns more about fighting with knives
  • hes used some skills on people by now
  • id say he sort of knows kevin and riko bc he goes with his father occasionally
  • (i still think he would know ichirou a little better but you know)
  • so nathaniel is prepared to take over as the butcher when hes say eighteen
  • hes not fully prepared, but hes definitely a lot better with knives and shit
  • but then nathan loses a bunch of money
  • now nathaniel is sixteen, so he knows the consequences of this
  • he fully expects to be sold
  • and he is
  • but then he isnt
  • because his mother tells him that theyre leaving and theyre leaving now and he doesnt argue as she sneaks them out of the mansion
  • they run for a few years
  • nathaniel (who is stephen and has brown eyes and blond hair) knows french and german and japanese by the time his mother dies two years later
  • but hes still the butchers son and he was raised to fight so he gets away with dirty tricks
  • when david wymack finds “neil josten” hes a little bit jaded, a little bit subdued, and a lot angry

Keep reading

Every Nancy Drew PC game ranked from worst to best.

So! Ever since I completed the tedious undertaking of ranking all the Nancy Drew suspects, I’ve had people asking me to do a comprehensive ranking of the games themselves (like two people, but that still counts as people). And if you trawl my tumblr, you can see I have been promising to do that exact thing since 2012! So here it is, finally.

Standard disclaimer applies: these are my opinions and my opinions only. They’re completely subjective and based on my own personal likes and dislikes. There are games I hate that I know people love, and games I adore that I know people can’t stand (lots of them, even!). I in no way claim this ranking as definitive. You do you.

Oh, and Dossier games aren’t included, and spoilers for everything, obviously.

Edit, June 2015: As I’ll update this every time a new game comes out, expect changes to occur. I’ll add some liner notes at the bottom of the ranking to justify these adjustments.

With that out of the way? LEGGO BITCHES.



 

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anonymous asked:

Can you recommend some good reylo fics?

Ok, sweet anon- apologies for the delay. Last week was garbage, and not in a good, “the millennium falcon is garbage” kinda way.

Here is my current Top Ten Recs- by no means an end-all, just a collection of fics that I’ve found personally moving for one reason or another. Some of the selections are also fairly newer to help it stand apart from my past fic rec posts. Story ratings range the full spectrum.

Ask by PoorQueequeg
—->Dark!Reylo at its absolute finest. My god. How to describe this fic? It’s less about plot and really about experiencing it. This story is pure emotion. I’ve often told PQ that I wish I could just glue this story all over me because I have a desperate need to absorb it into my skin. Just…click it and read it, ok? It’s only 6 chapters.

Before The Saber Swings by WaterlilyRose  
—->Hi. Are you having a good day? Thinking it might be *too* good and you want to just weep in an inconsolable ball in the corner instead? Read this fic. If SW were more realistic and not the story of hope that it were, this might be the bittersweet ultimate fate of Ben Solo. Ben/Kylo is arrested and preparing for trial and each chapter is a series of visits from Rey as they get closer before Fate greets the both of them. Read this.

Emergence by Tasogareban   
—->Once you’re done feeling absolutely fucking miserable from that last one, READ THIS ONE. Kylo is predatory, chasing Rey in her dreams but at the same time Rey can’t remember that she chases him in his as well- a side effect of their bond. Basically chapter 9 knocked me on my ass for THREE SOLID DAYS and every chapter after that till the end is just…your relationships are lacking, ok?? Everything in your life is lacking compared to what’s in this fic. Read this, feel the mystique of reylo, and feel a bit better about things.

Charcoal by luvkurai   
—-> “Charcoal” is Dark!Reylo in modern AU form. Again, your relationships are lacking, but goddamn Kylo is dangerous. Beautifully dangerous. And you and Rey both want more. Do you hear me, @luvkurai ?? MORE PLEASE!! *ahem* Kylo is a dark and broody artist and Rey is an engineering student who wanders into one of his exhibitions and stares uncomfortably long at a painting he wishes he’d never brought.

City Lights by TearoomSaloon   
—-> “City Lights” was the story I found whilst on a really miserable work trip and spent my only free morning binge reading and finally starting to feel a little better about things in general. This story is amazing and beautifully written and me gushing about it on tumblr managed to pull its author actively into the fandom here as well. *cackle* Description doesn’t do this story justice- just know that it’s worth reading and you should READ IT. Have I ever led any of you astray? No? I thought so.

Here With Me by LikeMmmCookies   
—-> I love this story because it’s an original take on Rey and Ben’s child. The story starts out with a little boy and his mother, arms full of indian food, running smack dab into a guy in a fancy suit shouting angrily into his phone only for him to be her ex, and then he notices….that kid looks exactly like him. Their son is a trip and a half- a fantastically formed character getting into all sorts of mischief and you should DEFINITELY give this a go.

It’s Better If We Just Pretend by Ellensama   
—-> I’m not into Matt fics, but I’m into this fic, because in truth it’s really not a “true” matt fic? Or…I don’t know. You know the drill- Rey is undercover with her force signature hidden, but Kylo’s desperate to get some breathing room after his failures on Starkiller. Apparently his philosophies in life aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, and this is his way of hiding. Teamed together with him having no idea who she really is, Rey has to teach him how to actually be a technician to save his cover and he starts to fall not for her, but for her persona, and things get too serious. Fate starts intervening. There are things to weep over in this fic. It’s ok, because we’re all weeping with you.

Until the wilderness cried aloud (and their souls stretched tight across the skies) by ElixirBB 
—-> This….is a really intense story. Rey grew up in an incredibly abusive orphanage run by Plutt and she and the other girls only had each other to survive. When the place gets busted, Rey is taken to her grandfather and moves in across the street from the Solos and the black sheep of the family, Ben. Rey is constantly remembering the others she spent her childhood with while finding her way with Ben, the only person he seems to calm down for. Then a bunch of shit hits the fan. Argh….this fic….guys…if you haven’t read this one yet…do yourself a favor. It’s very unique and WORTH IT.  

Where Soul Meets Body by UndergroundValentine   
—-> This is a series I’ve linked to- in other words the chapters were published separately, and are composed of the now infamous desire is the drug of the bourgeoisie, as well as does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?, and its very recent conclusion while your heart beats in mine. This fic is based on the movie “Indecent Proposal” but you don’t need to have seen it to read it (I haven’t seen it) and I believe it deviates fairly heavily, at least towards the end, anyway. Rey’s unnamed husband loses everything they own in a bad gambling move, and the only way to save themselves is let the winner’s friend, who’s taken an interest in saving them, have one night with his wife. They both get more than they ever bargained for. This fic is so deep. So, so deep. Gahhh. Emotions, ok?? EMOTIONS!!!

Spotlight by on_my_toes   
—-> OK, so this is by the author of the infamous Nine Lives and still in its early stages but worth getting into. on_my_toes has a habit of taking fairly standard fic cliches and turning them on their head and ripping out their guts. Here, Rey has amnesia and wakes up to discover that she’s been, for the past few years, the wife of movie star Ben Solo but there’s more to it than meets the eye. Contracts, a suspicious PA, kidnappings, protection rackets, people getting the shit beat out of them. Is any of it even real? What is even fucking happening??!! Dive into this and suffer with the rest of us (and read Nine Lives while you’re at it!)


Since this has reached ten, I want to give a bonus shout-out to Never Tell Me The Odds by AquaWolfGirl featuring a Ben Solo completely devoid of the force, and Lascivious Weapons by CoraRiley where Whore House Rey catches the eye of Kylo Ren but something seems disconcertingly familiar about her.

Read all of these!!!!

anonymous asked:

If ur down for that Disney MM AU I wouldn't have any complaints 😉😉 (AS IN I'D BE SO HYPED) But I mean, no pressure man

(a/n i had over 50+ requests to do this but i wasn’t feeling 100% inspired so i apologise in advance but i hope it’s not too bad??)

Yoosung

  • Crossover: Kristoff from Frozen
  • both innocent smalls with weird hobbies and lil weird friends
  • can you guys not see yoosung befriending a snowman and having a pet reindeer called sven is this not him??
  • like kristoff he’s a loner (sorry bby) but has a loving heart, is harmless, innocent and protective
  • hates the spotlight just wants a normal life n stuff get all that away from me
  • but maybe having a girlfriend to cuddle wouldn’t be so bad
  • lives by the quote ’reindeer games are better than people’
  • spends a lot of his time talking to his snowman and making snow angels what even is work does he even care??
  • meets you after you accidentally knock his snowman over
  • he’s about to fight you
  • ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ
  • oh god shit she’s a royal princess
  • (/(エ)\)
  • freezes up because he’s just a small town boy who likes the snow and games too much and you’re a freaking princess bye sven i’m dead now lol
  • but you apologise and help him rebuild olaf and holy shit she’s actually pretty why is my heart racing i’m not tired i’ve barely moved
  • damn it i really need to use that gym membership
  • ends up loving ur quirky self because you’re so down to earth
  • regular secret meetings happen
  • he makes ice sculptures for you because he can’t really give you anything else and he’s always so embarrassed because i should be giving her crystals
  • not an ice sculpture of a fucking ds get ur shit together yoosung
  • but you don’t mind that in the slightest because you’re in love with the innocent smol child who tries his best to make you happy
  • tries his best to be a gentleman ie offering his arm for you hold and gives you his jacket even if you’re already wearing one
  • definitely asks if he can kiss you for the first time
  • then he has a panic attack because shit am i a prince now???
  • wait NO will i turn into a frog omg omg
  • no yoosung thats not how it works
  • reads books with princes in them so he can be more like them
  • fails terribly when he tries to practice sword fighting and overstretches his arm so you gotta send him some medical supplies


Zen

  • Crossover: Flynn Rider from Tangled (right RIGHT??)
  • both flynn and zen both dreamed of having an audacious lifestyle in the future after having a pretty plain childhood and both go by different aliases
  • both ventured out on their own to try do what they love (honestly chertiz did u base zen off him)
  • in this crossover though zen is a thief and all he wants is money and freedom far away from everyone and everything
  • even though he’s a thief all the girls still like him can’t blame them though
  • meets you and tries to take ur shit i mean what even is etiquette (and the law)
  • very surprised when someone as cute as you knocks him out with a frying pan shit girl okay damn most people try kiss me or kill me
  • when you first meet him you’re kinda taken aback like why is he so arrogant and an all rounded cunt (… but why is he so cute?)
  • but you decide to escape with him because why the hell NOT
  • makes you help him take down every ‘wanted’ poster of him because it doesn’t really capture him
  • fgs my eyebrows are thicker than this why can’t they just work with me here
  • he definitely does the smoulder look thing that flynn does thinking he looks ‘cute’
  • give me that look one more time and i’ll actually rip out your spleen
  • idk what that is but I’m guessing I probably need it
  • when you save him from getting killed using the saucepan he’s kinda moved oh god someone cares for me??
  • also stares at his reflection in the saucepan
  • overtime he develops feelings for u because you’re so headstrong and I don’t really want to be alone anymore??
  • protects you with his life he doesn’t care about his own you’re the only thing he sees!!
  • gives up his dangerous lifestyle to be with you
  • very very cliche first kiss
  • in which he’s hurt trying to protect you but wakes up sayin a cheesy pickup line and bam he kisses you
  • that saucepan is with you till the day you guys d i e
  • i need to make a whole other post of husband!zen that’s going up too much space can you guys IMAGINE

Jaehee

  • Crossover: Mulan
  • a shy bean before working for jumin then she changes into a persistent headstrong woman (thanks tfk)
  • she isn’t royalty but she might as well be
  • she isn’t boastful but whatever she does she just brushes it off like it was no big deal
  • “oh what i saved China?” “yeah i needed to do that at some point”
  • everyone respects her including you since the camp started accepting girls because of her (YES BITCH)
  • but having the hots for a legend is tiring
  • being expectedly shit at the activities she gives you one to one help in which you almost pass out
  • she’s super serious at first but you swear you can see her lips twitch when you make a lame joke
  • one day you’re being picked on by some male trainees and she literally whoops their ass okay my wife in shining armor but you feel useless because why i can’t i be like jaehee i’m weak
  • the most loving person ever like she only shows her tough side to not disappoint her family
  • she confides in you about her past and how she wasn’t good enough and she didn’t want to let her family down so she did what she wanted and look where she’s at now (a independent strong mf i know)
  • after than day she’s never been the same again around you and you can see her smile a lil more and be a bit of a klutz while training you to be a badass
  • she sighs a LOT while you’re training because wow you’re bad but you’re lucky you’re hella cute mc
  • realising she has feelings for you she’d most likely distance herself from you but still make sure you’re training
  • when you get injured however she becomes a MOM and literally doesn’t stop taking care of you please be safe, please rest please drink be healthy
  • she cares about you a lot - just as much as she cares about her family
  •  your needs come before hers in her mind
  • sneaks extra food in for you but NEVER lets you off any rules
  • first kiss was before you went off to fight and she gives you a kiss for good luck and you may have already died right then and there
  • and she’s blushing crimson too because woah son that was unplanned
  • so you both stare at each other for a while and just slowly move off
  • by the end of your experience at camp you’re that intimidating couple but on weekends just snuggle up watching action movies and she’s criticising the fighting scenes under her breath
  • “ you use the left foot you imbecile”
  • “block the swing with your face - god damn it”
  • “you deserved to die anyway”

Jumin

  • Crossover: The Beast
  • i literally live for this crossover
  • overprotective closed off cold bear who doesn’t change until he can learn how to love
  • tries to capture your love with fear (his good bad ending) because what are emotions?
  • literally the worst first meeting ever
  • he’s cold closed off and mean and you’re just a smol royal who reads i mean why would you engage with him???
  • you hear stories about him being bitter and negative and he’s SO spoiled (trust fund kid strikes again)
  • he doesn’t talk to anyone and doesn’t smile he’s the scariest yet hottest thing ever?
  • the first time you meet him is when you’re sent there for dinner and you wander off to find books but whoops theres his room
  • he literally gives you the most menacing look and you basically shit yourself and you start crying
  • get OUT
  • smacks himself because that was unintentional i’m sorry i didn’t expect tears no
  • but you’re long gone
  • investigates screaming because shut the hell up I want silence
  • sees you being attacked and he miraculously saves you because remember this is disney
  • brushes off thanks saying that you need to be home before it gets dark
  • but you’re locked in the gardens
  • forced to spend the night outside with him and he doesn’t really talk much as expected but you try your best i guess
  • “I hope you’re okay?”
  • silence
  • “aaalright”
  • you pull out a book to start reading meanwhile he’s confused?
  • he’s made you cry, sent you out at night so you got attacked, ignored you and ur still asking if he's 
  • okay do they ..care about me?? (nods furiously)
  • he feels guilty about earlier so he glances you about a thousand times before muttering a few words under his breath
  • “oh.. i’ve read that book”
  • its the first thing he’s ever said to you and you try not to make a big deal out of it and just encourage him to talk more
  • he talks a bit more but every so often stops himself because he’s scared but damn it feels good to just rant
  • you realise he cowers away from people because he’s full of insecurity and has been neglected :(((
  • the next day when people see you together just talking amongst yourselves they think you’ve drugged him some or some shit where is the real jumin
  • he smiles for the first time infront of everyone and some maids literally choke on their food because wtf when did he have feelings that weren’t anger what whAT
  • over time he opens himself up to you and you become his rock
  • tries his best to care you but is super bad at expressing himself
  • so before your first kiss he’s probably looking at you really coldly and ur a bit like oh shit what have I don-
  • cuts you off and just pins you to the wall before kissing you
  • i didn’t know that was coming but i appreciate mate it thanks

Saeyoung (707)

  • Crossover: Peter Pan
  • they both have the happiest exterior but have really emotional sides to them that they try to bury
  • both dorks who everyone envieS
  • because how? do? you? do? that?
  • he probably pranks everyone (jumin) and flies away super fast because he still wants to live
  • exaggerates his happiness so people don’t have to worry about him :((
  • is in the 'lost boys clubs’ which is for lonely people whom he considers family
  • true meaning of carefree spirit
  • doesn’t grow up physically or mentally
  • flies over your house randomly one day and sees a cute person sleeping (according to the laws of disney this is cute and not creepy)
  • he sees papers on your desk and the crease lines on your forehead and he makes it his mission to cheer you up
  • wakes you up by tapping at your window
  • he falls in love with the fact you’re about to snap his neck damn lil mama feisty
  • normally you’re scared of strangers but he hasred hair and a neon green top and hat on
  • the only crime he’s capable committing is a fashion one
  • not to mention he flies
  • instant friendship over chips n dr pepper yes yes yes
  • makes the most dramatic entrances and exits by flipping in and out every single time like I feel sick watching you
  • after a while you see through his cheery facade and you learn about his past but desperately tries to cover it up
  • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? 
  • It’s very time consuming ahhah h a h      a                h
  • no saeyoung shut up just be serious
  • talk about what no no nothing’s wrong
  • he finally opens up to you after a few dates and confides in you and you meet the real saeyoung
  • convinced you don’t like him anymore no cunt shut up
  • first kiss starts off as innocent
  • like you’re probably playing tag or something and you end up tripping and just smashing your lips against his
  • literally freaks out so much that he topples over the boat or something thank the gods he flies
  • the type to make out with you until you can’t breathe because lol
  • made you wear a green hat instead of a veil and you still want to kill him
  • 50 years later and he’s still flipping around and making jokes like seriously he will never leave ur side 

hope u liked it more than i did (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ

8

子様のプロポーズSeason 2 - Be my Princess 2
LOVE JOKER - アンフェアな恋のはじまり
An Unfair beginning of Love Event

This event marks the beginning of love between MC and the princes from Lex Orb, although they all have a common theme they are each handled differently. As with my experience following Mikhail’s route, it is clear that the Lex Orb members routes are going to unfold in several events. This is the beginning of love. 

I have compiled a summary to each prince below the cut. (note: I did not finish Lucio’s route, if anyone is inclined to add to it, please do, thank you!) Enjoy! 

(summary spoiler under the cut)

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A witness protection AU set in the States, yeah? Like…

When Harry wakes up in the hospital he’s told that he’s been in a coma for four weeks. He sleeps a lot – has to ask what happened to him several times a day, until the fog starts to clear in his mind another few days along the line. He got shot, outside the building of his flat. Is told by middle-aged officers that the noise he heard before he passed out wasn’t a fucking car backfiring because it’s two thousand fucking sixteen, but an earlier shot piercing through someone’s skull. His bullet hit him in the middle of the chest – not aimed as precisely as the first one had been since it was taken in the middle of a hasty getaway – a shot meant to take out the witness Harry didn’t know he had become. Harry’s lucky to be alive, apparently.

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CLEAR! - a basic guide to writing a code blue

We’ve all seen it. Our sweet and naive protagonist, Dr. DoeEyes, is on the first day of her rotation. She’s rounding on a handsome young man who’s in the hospital through no fault of his own, and as they’re making flirty banter about his puppy rescue organization he suddenly frowns and puts a hand to his chest, his voice trailing off.

Dr. DoeEyes touches his shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

“I…I don’t feel so good,” says patient Handsome McFlirt, and then his eyes roll back in his head and he slumps over and every alarm in the room is suddenly blaring at top volume. Frantically, Dr. DoeEyes shakes him. He doesn’t wake up. When she glances up at the cardiac monitor, all she sees is a familiar and ominous flat line.

“CODE BLUE!” she screams. “I’VE GOT A CODE BLUE IN HERE!”

Five other doctors rush in with a crash cart, everyone talking at once. The chief resident demands to know what happened, and as Dr. DoeEyes tearfully babbles out the story another doctor grabs the paddles off the crash cart, rubs them together, and bellows, “CLEAR!”

And then the scene ends, because I’ve thrown my ACLS manual through the television

Want to do it better? Here are the basics you need to know!

WHAT THE HELL IS A CODE BLUE, ANYWAY?

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Plot vs. Theme: There is no BBC’s Sherlock without JohnLock

I’ve seen so many people pointing out how the show just doesn’t make any sense without TJLC, and as tinhatters, we instantly agree, but series four just legitimized that theory. That’s what all the confusion, plot holes, OOC moments, and inconsistencies are ultimately about. 

If you think about it, when did the feeling of something’s just not right first happen? Most people would agree that feeling began right after Mary shot Sherlock. 

Enter Extended Mind Palace Theory. 

(Here are some metas on that, in case you haven’t read up on the theory yet. Original Masterpost by @monikakrasnorada @gosherlocked @the-7-percent-solution, EMP is Alive and Thriving, Comprehensive EMP Analysis, The Three Sherlock’s, TST = TLD+ TAB, The Final Problem: Oh Sherlock, You’re Dreaming by @jenna221b)

In my opinion, EMP is still the only theory that could account for all of the fuckery, but also the only theory that simultaneously makes a concrete statement. 

Nothing makes sense without Johnlock. The writers have said over and over again that the point of the show is not the cases. Its John and Sherlock’s relationship. 

EMP may be how the writers are choosing to connect dots that are seemingly unable to be connected, but that isn’t the entire story. EMP is the plot or more specifically the plot device, but Johnlock is the theme and NOTHING makes sense without it. Infact, every time we could have gotten canon Johnlock, but we don’t, things get even more strange. When the theme is ignored, the plot becomes senseless.  

I’m going to break this down into segments of when JohnLock could have gone canon to make this easier to digest. 

1.) What happens after Mary shoots Sherlock? He dies. Of course, he remembers his beloved childhood pet first…*cough* There is no Euros *cough*…but then he dies. What brings him back? His true love for John. (Hello, Princess Bride parallel) 

Okay, JohnLock on track here…but then what happens? Who does Sherlock wake up to- or more importantly, who does he NOT wake up to?

John. John was not shown at Sherlock’s bedside, which is odd because we know he was there in the hospital and we know he cares for Sherlock. If we had been given a scene with John at his bedside, it would not have been unrealistic to have a canon Johnlock moment there. John crying, Sherlock awakening to a kiss on his forehead, the truth comes out. But that’s not what happens. 

 We get Sherlock’s fake ex-girlfriend, Janine there instead. It doesn’t make sense. John should be there, but he isn’t. His replacement is. She has, at this point, already been told that Sherlock isn’t really into her, already conducted multiple interviews, and all of the interviews have already gone to print, none of which include a bi-line about Sherlock having been shot. There’s no Johnlock and the scene doesn’t make any sense.  When the theme is ignored, the plot is senseless.

Then what do we have? 

2.) Watson domestic, where John is very angry and yelling about the entire situation, placing the blame almost entirely on Mary but lashing out at Sherlock too. At first, it feels genuine in a lot ways. John’s anger, Sherlock’s glibness, Mary’s inability to express any kind of emotion. However, that is because the theme of Johnlock is present in the line, “Because you chose her.” We feel the love Sherlock has for John in that moment, and we see the range of emotions that John goes through right afterwards. Its an honest scene up until this point. This is when John could have easily said, “well I’m choosing you now”, or something along those lines, and refused to listen to Mary. Canon Johnlock.

But what happens instead?

Sherlock pushes John back into his wife’s arms because, apparently, he has no reason not to. Mary’s gunshot was “surgery.” It saved his life. She’s just a victim. The innocent wife. The symbol of John’s heterosexuality. Sherlock props up the Watson marriage and then John forgives Mary for shooting Sherlock. He doesn’t read the USB despite his extreme trust issues. He doesn’t burn the correct or the same USB drive that Mary had given him. We are shown that clearly, over and over into the fourth series that he didn’t burn the right copy, but we were never given a resolution to this glaring plot point. When the theme is ignored, the plot is SENSELESS.

3.) Off to Appledore we go.Where John and Sherlock aren’t patted down, Mycroft is well aware that he is being drugged but does nothing to stop it, and CAM tells Sherlock it was very hard to find a pressure point on him, despite having seen a list with seven different pressure points listed when he meets Sherlock in 221 B. Why is it fucky? Because Sherlock and John are risking their lives and reputations to save a women who tried to (and successfully did) kill Sherlock, which doesn’t make a lick of sense. 

There are two Johnlock moments within the scenes of Appledore. One very honest moment, which is followed up by very a realistic plot point, and then we have one Johnlock moment that seems very honest until it is tainted by Mary. Then the resolution of the second Johnlock moment seems genuine at first, but then gets fucky as well.

The first moment is when CAM points out that John is Sherlock’s “damsel in distress”, his pressure point- right before he realistically comes to the conclusion that he has been set up. The second moment is when Sherlock stares at John lovingly and then kills CAM. The loving look makes us think he is doing it for John, but then the line, “tell Mary she’s safe now” tells us that he was actually doing it for both The Watsons. At first it looks like we will have a realistic resolution to Sherlock murdering someone in front of a dozen people. He is sent to solitary confinement for a week before being banished, but then, big brother Mycroft comes in to save the day. Murder, Shmurder! & “That’s not how it happened at all” and so on. In short, it doesn’t make sense because Sherlock killed CAM so the Watsons could be happy and in love with each other. When the theme is ignored, the plot is senseless!  

4.) The Tarmac is an extremely realistic and heart wrenching scene, where no fuckery (aside from Sherlock’s BFF status with Mary) takes place. Why? Because of the presence of Johnlock. You’ll notice that their entire exchange on the tarmac has no other people in frame. Its just the two of them, so its honest. Its so honest that Sherlock nearly tells John how he feels about him…but it isn’t to be. Mary is right out of frame. Its real, but its not enough. Sherlock doesn’t tell John how he feels, Johnlock still isn’t canon, and what happens? Dead Moriarty hacks the entire country and Sherlock has a drugged out gay Victorian fever dream. VERY REALISTIC GUYS!

At this point, after the Tarmac when we have the biggest aborted love confession in the history of television, NOTHING makes sense. I’ll refer you to this list, because the entirety of series four’s insanity is the result of Johnlock not going canon when it should have in series three. The plot holes, inconsistencies, OOC moments, and down-right falsehoods build on top of each other, each one a result of the failure to have John and Sherlock come together when they should have. All of it is an elaborate way of showing that the story doesn’t work without the theme. Without the point. And the whole point is Sherlock and John’s relationship.  

WHEN THE THEME IS IGNORED, THE PLOT IS SENSELESS!

5.) After Mary’s “death” Sherlock went to John to comfort him, but John wouldn’t have him. There’s an opportunity for Johnlock to go canon, but instead, we get a mysterious note we never see or hear of again and more sharks, followed by The Lying detective, which was phenomenal in many respects but still riddled with plot holes and oddities. See aforementioned list. In that episode, we have another opportunity for Johnlock to go canon, probably the most blatant in the entire show aside from the tarmac scene.John and Sherlock share the most beautiful hug in all the land, tears are shed, tender touches are felt and sweet words of comfort are murmured… but no canon JohnLock. 

And what happens? Oh, just normal stuff…like..

John is shot in the head by Sherlock’s psychopathic genius sister who he repressed and has no memory of. Her name is weird and Greek and happens to be the same name of the monster Mycroft created to scare Sherlock as a child. The Wind Monster apparently likes to shoot people with tranq guns then run away, leaving them to hire clowns to attack Mycroft, who updates his Lady Bracknell impression. Sherlock’s secret sister Jigsaw makes him, John and Mycroft run through a maze of mind and murder games that ultimately lead to Sherlock discovering that little sis happened to kill Sherlock’s dog, Redbeard, who was actually a representation of his best friend, Victor Trevor, whose bones John couldn’t ID as human and who also ate out of dog bowls. John gains the ability to remove his foot at will and Sherlock forgets he has a reflection.

WHEN THE THEME IS IGNORED, THE PLOT IS SENSELESS!!!

Basically, The Final Problem is the most purposefully ridiculous piece of fiction ever put to screen. And why is that? Because at this point in the story, without Johnlock, the plot is completely incomprehensible. You can’t have a sound plot without the theme. The theme of romantic Johnlock is so thoroughly buried in lost opportunities at this point, its barely scratching the surface. Deep waters, indeed.  

7.) The ending of TFP is ambiguous though, which tells me that we are not done with our plot device just yet. There has been no resolution to EMP. Something even more fucky is going to happen at the beginning of the lost special (theories about that here, here, and here) something that makes Sherlock break the cycle and do something about his true feelings. This will wake him up, and we will get canon Johnlock at the point that makes the most sense in the timeline. 

When Sherlock wakes up in his hospital bed and finds John sitting at his bedside. That’s when things went wrong. That was the first thing that never made sense. And you know why? Because in his head, Sherlock believes John incapable of loving him the way Sherlock wishes him to. Just like the casual audience believes Sherlock and John are incapable of loving each other the way they actually do.

What we’ve seen from Sherlock getting shot until now, is what the show looks like without canon Johnlock. Its nonsense. Nothing makes sense, no dots connect, too many spinning plates, and no satisfying resolutions. But if we go back to that moment, the moment Sherlock opens his eyes and the first person he sees is John? All will finally be well in the world. 

When the theme is embraced, the dots will connect. The plot will finally make sense.

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