basically all the things i fear

Ghost Rider #5 (Venomized Variant Cover)

I’ve spent most of the past year working on my upcoming creator-owned comic series, Paklis, which I won’t be making any money off until it’s published. And to stay focused, I’ve been turning down all work-for-hire. So, I’ve basically just been living off savings, which is okay. I saved it exactly for this purpose. But it is stressful to watch funds dwindle as I work on a project that a big part of me fears people wont like. 

Anyway, immediately following the election I had a moment of weakness and I excepted 2 paying cover jobs– and this is one of them. Hahaha

The nice thing about this job was that I got to chose who I Venomized. So yeah, I chose Ghost Rider. You know, because it’s the obvious right choice.

Fantasy AU in which Grantaire is the Crown Prince of his kingdom and fears the day he must ascend to the throne. His family came into power after an uprising which overthrew the previous king, judged cruel, unfair and unfit to rule. But the idea of power and kingly responsibility scares Grantaire to his core.

Every year on the anniversary of the uprising, a royal procession is organised. Except this time, amongst the cheers, Grantaire can hear shouts, seemingly coming from everywhere:

“Usurper!” “Murder!” “Throne stealer!”

His carriage is attacked by rebels and pandemonium breaks out. All Grantaire can make out between the clash of the swords is the handsome face of his assailant, his features made sharp with cold anger. His sword is knocked to the ground, and Grantaire waits for the final blow. But it never comes. His attacker spares his life, giving him one last icy glance.

Now that the seed of doubt has been planted in Grantaire’s mind, he starts doing his research, only to discover that history has been rewritten, document falsified, reports burnt. His father did not save the kingdom. He seized it by force. And killed every member of the previous royal family, all but one who managed to escape. A young boy.

Prince Enjolras.

nymag.com
25 Famous Women on Dealing With Anxiety and Depression
Advice from Kerry Washington, J.K. Rowling, Miley Cyrus and more.

“I’ve basically been an anxious person all my life. I have suffered from anxiety, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I’ve dealt with depression. I’ve been dealing with it for a very long time, for most of my life. I was an anxious kid and I’m still kind of an anxious adult. I wish somebody had told me that it’s okay to be anxious, that you don’t have to fight it. That, in fact, fighting it is the thing that makes it worse. That pushing it away is really what it is — it’s the fear of fear. And that, you know, it’s okay to be depressed. And also … that it’s not a romantic thing. You don’t have to be depressed. You don’t have to suffer with it. You can get help. You can reach out … When you face anxiety, when you realize what it is, when you understand that it’s just this false alarm in your body, then you can work with it. Then you can overcome it.” - Mara Wilson

Just an in-general hi

Hey guys, it’s 3AM and I can’t sleep.

As I’m sure you guys know, I’m an American and shit just went horrendously south for us. It’s been a real struggle to, well, do anything, really. With each day new horrors pop up and honestly, I’ve been struggling to even creep out of bed every day. Basically, I’m freaked the fuck out.

I know that I’m coming from a place of privilege, and while I’m LGBT and take medication for severe anxiety (which is not liking this AT ALL, lmao), I know that for millions of people, “lowkey oppression” just went into beast mode. The things that I fear are not the same things people have actively happening to them every day. I need to gather my strength to go to battle.

What I’m getting at is, I’m sorry I’ve personally been quiet. I’m trying to bury myself in working on Hollow, and reblogging the few happy Homestuck things I can here. ( @pinklikeme is a hellscape, though, I’m so sorry. I absolutely don’t blame you if you want to drop me for a while.)

Just. Please know that I love you all, all of you. I will step in to intervene in any way I can, and I’ll fight as hard as I’m able. I love you, I love you.

This is all I’ll say about this here, and I’ll double down on making @saccharinesylph a happy place to hang out and take refuge in.

Everyone, take care of yourselves, take care of one another. 

A Father’s Comfort

I blame @meldy-arts for this…after the episode we kind of freaked out together and then I got this idea and I just needed to write it…because angst followed by space family comfort/fluff is just one of my favorite things <33

I realized I haven’t always posted summaries of my drabbled recently, at least I think I have? Anyways, this is basically aftermath of all that happened, particularly Ezra and Sabine having nightmares and their space dad comforting them because that’s what Kanan does <33

I totally didn’t listen to “I Am Moana” the whole time I was writing this I don’t know what you are talking about…

Fic below the cut because of spoilers!

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“The Grand Budapest Hotel” sentence meme
  • What happened in the end?
  • The beginning of the end of the end of the beginning has begun.
  • You can’t blame someone for their basic lack of moral fiber.
  • There’s really no point in doing anything in life, because it’s all over in the blink of an eye — and the next thing you know, rigor mortis sets in.
  • Don’t make excuses for me. I owe you my life.
  • Is he flirting with you?
  • To him who has often told the tales of others, many tales will be told.
  • Rudeness is merely the expression of fear.
  • Even at the thought of her name, I’m unable to control my emotions.
  • The plot “thickens”, as they say. Why, by the way? Is it a soup metaphor?
  • How’s that supposed to make me feel?
  • It will be my pleasure and, indeed, my privilege to tell you my story. Such as it is.
  • What a bloody idiot I am. Pathetic fool. Goddamn selfish bastard.
  • Holy fuck! What’s the meaning of this shit?
  • You see? There are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity.
  • I ruined the surprise, I suppose.
  • What’s troubling you? Are you weeping?
  • The most dreadful and unattractive person only needs to be loved, and they will open up like a flower.
  • Who’d they kill this time?
  • It’s not that I don’t “like” it. I’m physically repulsed.
  • Well, I suppose I’d better take back everything I just said. 
  • That doesn’t mean I’m not going to throttle the little swamp rat.
  • I suppose you’d call that a draw.
  • That fucking faggot!
  • The requirements were always the same. They had to be rich, insecure, vain, superficial, blonde, needy.
  • You sick, pathetic creep. I hate you.
  • We’ll just have to wing it, I suppose.
  • Did he just throw my cat out the window?
  • It’s not a very flattering portrait, I’m afraid. I was once considered a great beauty.
  • I’m going to blast your candy-ass once and for all right now!
  • I go to bed with all my friends.
  • You filthy, goddamn, pock-marked, fascist asshole!
  • She’s my girlfriend. You can’t just buy her things.
  • It reminded her of me. It will remind me of her. Always.
  • I suppose this is to be expected back in… where do you come from, again?
  • There’s a poem, but we might want to go ahead and start on the soup since it’s forty-six stanzas.
  • I’m afraid that’s me, darling.
  • I thought I was supposed to be a fucking faggot.
  • It’s a masterpiece. The rest of this shit is worthless junk.
  • When you find yourself in a place like this, you must never be a candy-ass.

I think a lot of people cling to the thin “don’t curse because it’ll come back to you!!!!” logic because it enables inaction. It gives a moral rightness to not actually doing anything active with your skills. I think it’s a subconscious thing mostly, enabled by the fear of failure.

But really, plenty of curses are spells like “you understand the true depth of the suffering you cause” or “you are prevented from success until you stop being a shit” which is not really a cut and dry thing for “rule of three,” an extremely basic and unnuanced effect, to apply to in very coherent ways. In the end all that would happen is that I’d be held to the same standards I hold others to, which I already do.

Mafia Boss (G-Dragon Scenario) - Part 1

Here it is, people~ ^^ Since there were quite a few who wanted the Mafia Boss drabble to be turned into a series, I have granted your wish haha. Basically, this is the extended version of that drabble. Hope you’ll like it, lovelies! Enjoy~

WARNING! Those who don’t handle violence and strong language well, be ware. This is not, I repeat not, a series suited for young and sensitive readers.

All characters in this series, aside from the members of BIGBANG, are fictional. Any resemblance to real life people, in name or otherwise, are purely coincidental.

Summary: Finding out that the man you loved was a feared mafia boss was the last thing you had expected.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Part 16] [Part 17] [Part 18] [Part 19] [Part 20] [Part 21] [Part 22] [Part 23] [Part 24] [Part 25] [Part 26] [Part 27] [Part 28] [Part 29] [Part 30] [Part 31] [Part 32] [Part 33 - Coming Soon]

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fic: borderline (keep pushing me) - kate stewart/osgood

fandom: doctor who

rating: again with the pg

summary: kind of a second piece to the other one i wrote.  that’s basically it.  some low-level flirting and a lot of awkwardness

***

Kate’s on the phone when Osgood slides around the door to her office and stands uncertainly inside.  She could hear Kate’s voice from outside - that stentorian, brook-no-dissent tone with all those clipped words that make people tremble in fear.  

Osgood used to tremble in fear, too, back when she was Kate’s assistant with delusions of grandeur.  Now those delusions have turned into reality, Osgood rather appreciates Kate’s no-nonsense approach to…well, everything.  She’d rather that than be mollycoddled into complacency about the dangers around them everywhere they look..  And everywhere they don’t look.

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Needed You {Kylo Ren x Reader}

Request~ Kylo Ren having one of his temper tantrums and all of a sudden hugging the reader then kissing the reader!

A/N~ Okay so I kinda changed this up a little. It still follows the basic gist of the request but its probably not what you were expecting. I hope yall enjoy  it anyway! Im sorry if this is trash im still trying to get back into the flow of things. Thank you all for reading and don’t be afraid to send in some requests of your own! much love! ❤︎

Warnings: Choking, and Crylo Ren


It wasn’t unusual to be called to random locations on Starkiller for ‘Undisclosed Purposes’. Other officers would cringe in fear at those words knowing that whomever received them would likely never be heard from again. You on the other hand couldn’t wait until the next time you’d be summoned, because typically it ended with the commander’s lips on you, and not always in a chastely manor.

You were wandering down the corridors with your data pad opening files and sending them off to their designated destinations. You had nearly all the files cleared and were working on the last one when the screen notified you of a new message. Putting the current task on hold, you switched over to your message board. ‘From: Lieutenant Gilwen’ the screen said with the date and time stamp underneath. The name wasn’t familiar. You hardly ever received messages from lieutenants. Most of the time they came from your supervisor or the increasingly frequent ones from Kylo Ren. Part of you hoped it would have been the latter. 

You tapped the message and it opened revealing fewer words then you had expected. The message simply read “Your presence is required in Sector C-19 Room 147 for Undisclosed Purposes”

‘Undisclosed Purposes.’  you read again. The only one to ever send that to you was Kylo, so why would a lieutenant you’d never heard of before request you for such reasons? You start off in the direction of sector C-19 confused about the contents of the message. Various reasons played in your head of what it could mean. What if its something bad? What if they were finally doing away with you? You pushed those thoughts from your mind. They couldn’t possibly be getting rid of you. You’d done nothing wrong. Well, nothing anyone knew about. Your relationship with Kylo wasn’t exactly following the guidelines but no one knew about that. Right?

As you neared room 147 you found the halls becoming less populated only a couple stormtroopers lingered and even they were working their way in the opposite direction. With every step you took the atmosphere seemed to get thicker, heavier. It almost made it hard to breath. Ignoring it you moved closer to 147. The corridor was eerily quiet not a soul in sight. A feeling of unease creeped up your spine. 

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“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ~Maya Angelou •

Today people are standing together to fight for an issue that effects us all. They are screaming for little voices, they are telling people that when things aren’t right, we must change them. It is important. There are people terrified of what recent decisions mean for them, terrified to show the world there beautiful selfs in fear of hate. People scared that their basic rights will be taken away.
And though I am unable to march today, I stand with everyone that does.

Nasty women make history. 💪🏻 22:01:17

tagged by @teapartyspider and @crustofjustice
COUNTRIES I’VE LIVED IN: burger country
FAVE FANDOM: none they’re all awful especially the ones on tumblr
LANGUAGES YOU SPEAK: inglese
FAVORITE FILM OF 2016: Deadpool
LAST ARTICLE I READ: idk I consume so much media on a daily basis probably something video game related
SHUFFLE YOUR MUSIC LIBRARY AND PUT THE FIRST THREE SONGS HERE:
Piano man
Kids with guns
Do I wanna know
LAST THING YOU BOUGHT ONLINE: headphones
ANY PHOBIAS OR FEARS: someone breaking into my house, although maybe that’s less of a phobia as it is a basic concern
HOW WOULD YOUR FRIENDS DESCRIBE YOU:
Awkward bundle of joy
HOW WOULD YOUR ENEMIES DESCRIBE YOU:
Probably something bad
WHO WOULD YOU TAKE A BULLET FOR:
A cute girl
IF YOU HAD MONEY TO SPARE WHAT WOULD YOU BUY FIRST: bideo game

@lady-dainty I’ll tag you so plz leave spider alone she is small

anonymous asked:

When u write characters who are poc/trans/basically any minority you aren't how do u feel about potentially misrepresenting them? Like im chinese and I feel like I cant write anything aside from that because different cultures are so complex and idk?

i think you have to try as hard as you can to learn about the things you think that you don’t know about others. research, read people’s blogs and articles, ask people directly, etc, etc. ultimately, every person is human - we all love, hate, fear, etc - and you should bear that in mind primarily when writing all your characters. don’t just shove them into a category, as if they’re a completely different species. however, there are undoubtedly experiences that only people from certain walks of life go through, and if you don’t think you know enough about that to write a convincing, rounded character, you need to RESEARCH. for example, when I wrote Charlie Spring, i watched an entire documentary series about young adults living in a psychiatric hospital (alongside many other sorts of research!) because i simply did not know what it was like to suffer from a mental illness of that severity. 

you also have to accept with grace that you may, sometimes, get it wrong. and when that happens, you need to be open to the criticism, accept it and learn from it, rather than retaliate back and insist that you’ve done nothing wrong.

Ranting.

I made myself sick today and have basically been incapacitated for most of the day.

I’m also incredibly sad. The state of the world, the rise of fascism, the fear. I keep naively thinking things might turn out alright and I know that they won’t. This isn’t a story, there is no brave warrior to smite evil and prevail. I fear for my friends, my coworkers, all the people I’ve never met that are going to suffer. Helplessness is weighing me down. I make phone calls but it feels pointless. I’ll keep doing it. I’m not going to stop. But I am afraid.

I also have some family stuff going on that I’m going to have to deal with. And I’m not happy about that either.

Tomorrow will be better, in that I will feel better and I will feel more hope and energy, but the future right now looks bleak.

I wish I had my cat here. I miss him.

I am also strangely touch starved. I keep having daydreams where I’m getting hugged and it’s nice. I want touch, contact.

With luck I will sleep well tonight and feel better in the morning. With luck I’ll be able to write a summary of our trip, and perhaps I’ll be rejuvenated soon.

I’ve been encouraged to share this insight after messaging a fellow Utena author on Fanfiction.net. @gorgeousshutin

After seeing a video of how advertising photographers manipulate their photos to make the image more appealing (i.e. using colored wax instead of syrup), it dawned on me what all the rose duels really mean.

Every character in Utena has their personal fears and desires, even Anthy herself, and how the duels entice people into the destructive cycle is basically leveraging their fears, their neurosis, and manipulating them into believing that if they can ‘rescue’ Anthy from whoever has the bride, they’ll have the power to solve their own life problems and grant their wishes. It’s just like how advertising works to have people pursuing their products - things people could be made to want, but don’t really need. Or on social media, where people feel insecure about how empty and devoid their own lives seem in comparison with all the happy photos of their friends they see.

But as you should already know, this is really an unfulfilling endeavor to fill a personal void from the outside. Would Nanami be truly happy if she has her dream fulfilled of having Touga be hers forever? No. It’s a dream that ends up nowhere, and soon she’d get bored of his one-note everlasting love and devotion for her.

Real fulfillment has to come from within, from embracing life’s difficulties and frustrations and choosing to accept responsibility for one’s own situation and moments as a person. Lest you end up getting duped by someone like Akio or Mikage, who are really like cult leaders who enslave the students of Ohtori, trapping them using their own fears.

One thing that gets to me is those that have the audacity to make fun of those who possess less knowledge than them or are ignorant. Like who are you exactly? What is your level of knowledge? Are you a shaykh-ul-islam I haven’t heard about?

Fear Allāh in all affairs. If you are really concerned about a Muslim not having basic knowledge. Teach him. Actually benefit him. Don’t you see how looking down upon one actually deters them and not motivate them to gain knowledge?

Have humility.

anonymous asked:

Sometimes I think that too, that this is it, that there is nothing after we die and we were nothing before. It seems cruel, but maybe to others it's a blessing. I often thought of how I don't want another life but this one, even if it's not ideal, because I'm "me" and I don't want to lose "me." But then I think, how can I think so deeply and feel so deeply and have certain things in my life connect and not connect, and deja-vu, and have it all mean nothing?

Can’t tell you.  It’s an existential crisis I have always suffered.  I am Sagittarius dominant and since I child I always ask these great philosophical questions of life.  Why are born if to just die?  Some say the basic answer is to make way for the new generation.  

I can fear death and or rationalize reality; If i fear I do nothing with what time I do have.  Someone once told me ever being born is a blessing of itself at the end of the day.  The only problem is if you were never born it would never matter.

I.
There is a difference
between anger and
sadness.

What you did did not
anger me, -
it hurt me.

II.
My biggest fear is not being smart enough.

It would be one thing, -
if I did not try,

but I do.

I try so fucking
hard, -

and I never feel,

I am never enough.

III.
People hurt me.

Most of them do not
mean to, -
but they all eventually do.

It is funny because people wonder
why I like to spend so much time
alone.

It is funny because I am only trying
for the basics, -
I am only trying to be okay on my own.

IV.
I cannot shake this desire to
get a car and
drive far away.

No destination, -
no phone calls to
anyone at all.

I think that I would be happiest
if I could just
do that.

If I could just forget it all.

V.
If you could not tell,
I cried quite a ton today.

But I just wanted to say
thank you, -
to the stranger who
offered me his handkerchief.

Part of me wonders whether I
came across an
angel today, -

part of me wonders
with an all encompassing,

what if? what if. what if.