basic island

Okay I’ve got it. Jason Momoa is a soulful artist turned boat mechanic after his baby sister Auli'i Cravalho was placed in his care. At sixteen, her goals include winning the upcoming inter-school gymnastics competition, getting an A in maths, and finding love for her stupid big brother. She keeps setting him up with tourists coming to Hawai'i - Uzo Aduba, Oscar Isaac, Andy Samberg (they have a hilarious bro date), Angel Coulby, etc.

But then! His childhood best friend, John Cho, has returned to the island after years away, and all of Jason’s old quiet pining returns. Auli'i realises this, and shenanigans ensue involving all the previous dates and basically half the island.

Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♪♫ beautiful ♫♪.
In the year negative a billion, Japan might not have been here. In the year negative forty thousand, it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of ♫ trees ♫. Because it’s warmer.
So now there’s people on the island; they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls.
Ding dong, it’s the outside world, and they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and ♪ crazy rice farms ♪. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, then you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survvvvive. So that makes you king.
Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread all across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here (Hi), here (Chikushi), here (Izumo), here (Kibi), here (Yamato), here (Koshi), and here (Kenu). But this one (Yamato) was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly superperson, or emperor for short.
Knock knock, get the door, it’s religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion 🎺🎺🎺 (Buddhism) from Baekje.
“Please try this religion,” he said.
“No,” said everybody.
“Try iiiiit,” he said.
“no,” said everybody again, quieter this time.
And so the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it.
Then, the government was taken over by another clique (Taika). And they made some reforms , like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.
“Hi China,” they said.
“Hi dipshit (wa, dwarf),” said China.
“Can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said Japan.
“Like what?” said China.
♫♪"How about sunrise laaand?“♪♫ said Japan.
And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves! And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.
Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while, right here (Kyoto, Heian Palace). And they conquered the north finally, get that squared away.
A rich hipster named Kūkai is bored with modern Buddhism and visits China, learns a better version which is more ♫♪ spiritual ♪♫, comes back, reinvents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫♪ great ♪♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dreamworld of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.
So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit, from criminals? ♫♪ Hire a samurai. ♪♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Rich important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government, right here. They let the emperor still be emperor, but the shogun was actually in control.
Breaking news, the Mongols have invaded China.
"W̛e҉’ve i͟nv̕aded ̵Chi͠na̸,” said the Mongols, “Pl͘e̶a̷se̵ ͝res͢p̛ȩc̷t u͢s҉,͜ or͜ el̕se w͞e ͟m̛igh͟t ͠i͝nvade͡ ̕y͜o̕u̕ ͡a͡s̕ ̡well̀.̢”
“Okay,” said Japan.
So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornadotyphoon. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornadotyphoon.
Then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to Kyoto, and makes a new shogunate. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine.
♫♪ Now there’s more art. ♪♫
Like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers.
It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun. Usually it’s the shogun’s kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay. But then the shogun has a kid. So now who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.
Knock knock, it’s Europe. No, they’re not here to take over, they just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks, and guns, and ♫♪ Jesus ♪♫. So that’s cool. But everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns! And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? This clan (Imagawa) is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan (Oda) which is in the way. Surprise, smaller clan wins! And the leader of that clan (Oda Nobunaga) steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well.
He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him, then someone else who works for him (Toyotomi Hideyoshi) kills them, and that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords. And he made some rules.
“Ąnd͟ n͟ow I'̛m̶ goińg̡ to ͘inva͞d̨e ͝Kor͟e͡a,̵ an͝d͢ ̶the̴n h͜op̷ef̕ull͏y ̵Chin͢a̛,” he said, and failed, and also died.
But before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said yeah right, it’s not gonna be this kid, it’s gonna be one of us. ‘Cause we’re grownups. And it’s probably gonna be this guy (Tokugawa Ieyasu) who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others.
A lot of people support him, but a lot of people (Ishida Mitsunari) support not supporting him. They have a fight, and he wins. And starts a new government, right here. ♫♪ Edo ♫♪ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this (Tokugawa family) is the new government. And they are very strict, so strict they close the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, if they wanna buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here (Dejima).
Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published. There was poetry (haiku), plays (kabuki), sexytimes, puppet shows (bunraku), and Dutch studies. People started to study European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.
Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do-
*impending doom music*
Knock knock. It’s the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats.
“O͜pe͡ņ,̨ t͡he͏ ͘c̷o̷ưntry. ͠S̛t͜o̡p̛,̵ ҉ha͠v̀in͜g̷ i͝t̀ ͝be̴ ́clo͞sed.̢” said the United States.
*music ends*
There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want.
Chōshu and Satsuma hated this. “That sucks!” they said. “This sucks!!!”
And with almost very little outside help, (from Britain) they overthrew the shogunate. And somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed eastern capital (Tokyo). They made a new government, which was a lot more Western. And they made a new constitution, which was.. pretty Western. And a military that was… pretty Western (large).
And do you know what else is Western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further (Liaodong Peninsula).
And Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, “Stop no you can’t do that we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shitton of soldiers. Then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuckton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade.
And Japan says, “Can you maybe chill?”
And Russia says, “How 'bout maybe you chill?”
Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who's alsokind of scared of Russia. Great Britain! So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, but just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop.
♫♪ It’s time for World War I ♪♫
The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̵͡͝͝o͏̨̨̢͢o͏͏̵̧̕ơ̢̢͜͜o͠͏͢ó͘o̶̢̧ó̷͝͠o͝͡o̧͘r̨̢̕ȩ̸ and the next thing on their list is this part of China (Qingdao) and lots of tiny islands.
All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, who was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Err, actually, he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan. So you know what that means, duhhh.
♫♪ Japan should take the islands. ♪♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they sort of called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know, and then they did it! And they also helped Britain here and there with some errands and stuff. *bell rings*
Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan, you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table (Paris Peace Conference), with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. And you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫♪ the League of Nations ♪♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.
The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria. And the League of Nations is like ♪"No don’t do that if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to try to take over the world.“♪
And Japan said, ♫♪ How bout I do, anyway? ♪♫ And Japan invaded more and more and more of China, and was planning to invade the entire East.
You’ve got mail.
It’s from Germany, the new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.
♫♪ It’s time for World War II ♪♫
Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors’ neighbors, then, the neighbor’s neighbors’ neighbors, who happen to be Britain, said "Holy shiiit” and the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫♪ good friends ♪♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫♪" Their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invaaading the entire ocean.“♪♫
The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb. Bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case (Germany). But they still haven’t joined the war, war looks bad on TV, and the United States is really starting to care about their image.
But then Japan spits on them, in Hawai'i, and challenges them to war. And they say yes! And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. And they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also chase Japan back into Japan. And they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on Japan.
They actually drop two.
(You win.)
The United States installed a new government, inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫♪ post-war economic miracle ♪♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. But then the miracle wears off, but everything’s still pretty cool I guess. ♪♫ Bye. ♫♪

Reason #857392 language is weird:

Grammatically, the word “lesbian” is a nationality.  

Full Script: History of Japan

 Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫beautiful♫

In the year -1,000,000,000, Japan might not have been here. In the year -40,000, it was here and you could walk to it; and some people walked to it. Then, it got warmer, some ice bergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of trees because it’s warmer.

So now, there’s people on the island. They’re basically sort of hanging out (in between the mountains), eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology like stones and bowls.

Ding dong. 

It’s the outside world and they have technology from the future like really good metal and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own a farm, you own a lot of food. Which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king. 

Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important. Ruled by a “heavenly superperson” or (emperor) for short. 

Knock knock. Get the door, it’s Religion.

The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. 

“Please try this religion.” he said. 

“No.” said everybody. 

Try it” he said. 

No.” said everybody again, quieter this time. 

And so, the religion was put into place and all of the rules that came with it. 

Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.

“Hi, China.” They said.

“Hi, dipshitsaid China.

“Can you call us something else, other than ‘dipshit’?” said Japan.

“Like what?” said China. 

♫How about sunrise land?said Japan.

And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then, they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here. And they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away. 

A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits China, and learns a better version which is more ♫spiritual♫, comes back, re-invents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫great for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. 

So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals

♫Hire a samurai

Everyone started hiring samurai. 

  • *Rich important people hired samurai. 
  • *Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.

The samurai became organized and powerful; more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. 

Breaking news. The Mongols have invaded China.

“W̖͖̣̬̰̮͐ͯͩ̔͊e̥̜͕̱̝̓ͅ'̇ͪͫͮ́̈́v̞̼͍̿̋͌ê͓̜͎̪̼̻̦̆ i͈̣̬̘n͖̹͈̫͚͎͇͊ͬv̮͈͕͚͔͆́̌͊̀a̦̓d͆̄̄͊̃ͦ͒ḛ̖̮̭̦̗̾̈́̃ͪ̈́d̐ͧ C̘͒͑̃͒ͥ̚h̻̖̯̝̠̩͎̎̉̓̿̂̈́i̫͎̬͈̎̿̈́̆̄ͭn͙̮͉̖̑͛̿͗̚a͙̼͆.͈͇̠͖̭͎͍ͧ̆̍̆̂̆”said the Mongols. 

“Please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.”

“Okay.” said Japan. 

So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then, the emperor overthrows the shogun. Then, the shogun overthrows them back, and moves to Kyoto and makes a new shogun. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. 

♫Now there’s more art

Painting with less colors. Collaborative poetry. Plays. Monkey fun. Tea parties. Gardening. Architecture. Flowers. 

It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun?

Usually, it’s the shoguns kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says, “Okay.” But then the shogun has a kid. So now, who’s is going to be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care. He was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces.

Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.  

Knock knock. It’s Europe.

No, they’re not here to take over. They just want to sell some shit like clocks and guns and ♫Jesus♫. So that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns. And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital? Which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them. 

This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise. The smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well. He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills them. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords, and made some rules. 

“And now I’m going to invade Korea and then hopefully China.” he said. 

And failed.

And also died.

Before he died he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said, “Yeah, right. It’s not gonna be this kid. It’s gonna be one of us because we’re grownups.” And it’s probably gonna be this guy, who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight and he wins and starts a new government right here. 

♫~Edo~

And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. But don’t get confused; this is the new government and they are (very strict). So strict, that they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in, except for the Dutch, if they want to buy an sell shit. But they have to do it right here

Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, population increased a lot. Business increased. Schools were built. Roads were built. Everyone learned to read. Books were published. There was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. 

People started studying European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.

Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down. 

Knock knock. It’s the United States. 

With huge boats (with guns). Gunboats. 

Open. The country. Stop having it be closed.” said the United States.

There’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets the United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want. Choshu and Satsuma hated this. 

“That sucks.” they said.

This sucks!”

And with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogun, and somehow, made the emperor, the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed, “Eastern Capital.” They made a new government, which was a lot more western. They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. And a military that was… Pretty western. 

And do you know what else was western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So, what can we conquer? Korea. They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of no where and says, “Stop. No, you can’t take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” 

And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. And then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say “downgrade”? I meant “upgrade.” 

And Japan says:

Can you maybe chill?

And Russia says:

“How about maybe you chill?”

Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who’s also kind of scared of Russia. Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. 

♫~It’s time for World War 1~

The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s and weapons are getting crazy. And all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̞͇̲̗̖̥͚̬o̬̹͖̜ͅr̞̫͚e̲̹͉̩ and the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. 

All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Seriba’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Or, actually, shot him in the head. And Britain was currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh.

♫Japan should take the islands♫

Which, they wanted to do anyways. So they called Britain on the tele to sort of let them know. And then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. 

Now the war is over and, congratulations, Japan. You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And, yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance.

♫The League of Nations

Whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. 

The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is like:

No, don’t do that, if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!”

And Japan is like:

♫~ How about I do, anyway?~

And Japan invaded more and more and more of China and was planning to invade the entire east.

You’ve got mail. 

It’s from Germany. The new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache, and he’s trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. 

♫~It’s time for World War 2~

Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors neighbors, then the neighbors neighbors neighbors who happen to be Britain said, “Holy shit♫" And the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫Good friends♫. And started not helping Japan because their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean♫. The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case. But they still haven’t joined the war. War looks bad on T.V., and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii, and challenges them to war. And they say, “Yes.” And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the Unites States also. 

So the United States goes to war in Europe and they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany and they also start chasing Japan back into Japan, and they haven’t used the bomb yet and are curious to see if it works. 

So they drop it on Japan. 

They actually drop two.

United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫post-war economic miracle♫. And Japan starts making T.Vs, V.C.R.s, automobiles, and camcorders, as fast as they can, and also better than everybody else. 

They get rich and the economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off. But everything’s still pretty cool, I guess. 

♫Bye.

I’m watching Game of Thrones s6 and it’s honestly really fitting that a bunch of sexist middle aged men would choose the ruler’s equivalent of a deadbeat dad that suddenly decided to be in ur life after finding out u have money, whose name is literally ‘Urine’, over a competent woman

Felicity is the most misogynist thing about Arrow.

Felicity has consistently, from as far back as season 1, viewed every other woman has her competition. She’s thrown every other female character under the bus to better herself and it genuinely baffles me that Felicity fans accuse those who dislike her of being misogynist, because Felicity has - since her conception - been the writers primary tool to facilitate their own misogyny.

Felicity dug into Moira’s background (granted she was enlisted to do so, however she continued even after she was specifically told to stop). Felicity then used the information she’d found on Moira (that also involved Thea) as she saw fit, with no regards for the women in question. She told Oliver, simultaneously dismissing Moira’s privacy, driving a wedge in the Queen family, viewing Oliver’s opinion as higher than either Moira or Thea (who the info ACTUALLY concerned) and faciliated the writer’s need for Queen Family Drama and more Oliver-man-pain.

Felicity made a petty remark of “What was it fantasy island?” Because she found out about Shado and Sara being present on Lian Yu. Oliver is traumatized and is hallucinating about a dead Shado, is consumed with guilt over her death and has consistently expressed that the island was too horrifying for him to talk about. And Felicity gets so jealous over the mere existence of a dead girl who was a part of Oliver’s life literal years before Felicity even knew he existed, to the point where she makes scathing comments and flippant remarks about his trauma.

Felicity needs to be reassured and explicitly told that SHE is Oliver’s ‘girl’ when Sara joins the team, because she doesn’t see Sara as an equal and is so threatened and intimdated by another woman joining the team they needed to literally specify that Felicity is The Girl ™. God forbid women work togehter and value each other without being pitted against each other.

Felicity called Oliver’s own mother diabolical AT HER FUNERAL, clearly not having any respect (if not for Moira as a person then she should have AT LEAST have respect for what she meant to Oliver), and this disgusting comment is never addressed or considered out of line in the narrative whatsoever. She also made a similar quip after Amanda Waller was shot.

Felicity is rude, dismissive, ashamed of and disrespectful to her mother near constantly. She looks down on her for not being as intelligent and slut shames her for her dress, despite the fact Donna raised Felicity single-handedly and dotes on her daughter completely.

Before I go on I’d love to point out that ALL OF THIS SO FAR (with the exception of the Waller comment) took place in Seasons 1&2, because people seem to forget that Felicity has always been awful, and they’re viewing the earlier seasons with rose-tinted glasses because seasons 3&4 were just THAT BAD.

When Season 3 started, Olicity was suddenly a thing, and they shoehorned in some flashbacks to try and make it more feasible, one of which included Felicity randomly walking into her boss’ office at QC after hours with no purpose, spying a photo of Oliver on a desk and commenting aloud to herself how cute he is and how “its a pity you’re dead”. This doesnt have anything to do with her treatment of women, but atleast her lack of respect for the dead is a consistent character trait!

Felicity continues to throw Thea under the bus, what started with Felicity telling Oliver about Thea’s true parentage, driving a wedge in the family and neglecting to tell Thea (or moira, who’s secret it was to tell), continues with Felicity outright telling Oliver not to save his sister because it might result in his death (a risk that Oliver has already stipulated that he’s willing to take).

But it gets worse!! A newly resurrected Thea is struggling with bloodlust and is too traumatized to return to her apartment because of what happened there, she moves in with Laurel, because Felicity and Oliver wanted to drive off into the sunset and play house. Months later it’s revealed that Felicity has been consulting with the team behind Oliver’s back the whole time and not once did she suggest they return and not once did either of them consider that Thea might need him. Its also never once addressed that Felicity was wrong for lying and keeping secrets, because Felicity is never wrong!!

(Also in The Flash, Felicity straight up told Eddie that it was completely fine for him to lie to Iris if it was for her own good!)

Then, when Felicity finds out Oliver fathered a child years ago that he didn’t know about, her temper tantrum caused such a distrubance in the team dynamic that they got killed and Barry had to go back in time to correct the timeline to stop it from happening. So Barry obviously knew about the kid.

William’s mother straight up tells Oliver that she doesnt trust him or his intentions and if he wants to get to know his son then it has to be a secret and strictly as a family friend until she’s convinced he’s in it for the long haul (this makes total sense given the Oliver she knew was a selfish, egotistical playboy who was NOT father material, she needs to see that he’s changed, and not overwhelm her son unnecessarily if it turns out that he hasnt).

When William is kidnapped and Felicity finds out about him as a result, she is petty and juvenile while they’re working, completely dismisses and gets snappy with Samantha when she apologizes, even when Samantha takes full responsibilty for what she asked Oliver to do, and not once does Felicity ever ask about William’s wellbeing. Felicity is surpised to discover that William - like Oliver - likes baseball, and makes YET ANOTHER SCATHING COMMENT AT OLIVERS EXPENSE by saying that they should hope the resemblence ends there, because she apparently thinks that her fiancee has absolutely no positive qualities whatsoever that might be nice to pass on.

Felicity then breaks up with Oliver for lying to her, even though he didnt want to but had to if he wanted to know his son. Even though she spent months lying to him mere weeks earlier, even though she told Eddie that lying was okay. Even though she told her mother the prior week that it was okay if Quentin kept things from her because she should trust he had a good reason.

Felicity then keeps the apartment (yknow the one that used to be Thea’s until she had to move in with Laurel to deal with her trauma), as a result Oliver slums it out in the Arrow cave, because depsite running for Mayor, Oliver is unemployed. Felicity has a CEO salary but of course she keeps the apartment. She’s Felicity. God himself shit her out and she is completely right all the fucking time even when shes a self-righteous, hypocritical piece of shit.

Felicity makes bitchy comments about the breakup when theyre trying to work even though she was the one to end it, she then tells Oliver that he will always be who he was on that island. She basically told him the most traumatic experience in his entire life is all he will amount to, and the person he is as a result of his trauma is not someone she can love and its his fault that he’s that way because apparently she’s a victim blaming piece of shit as well as a hypocrite.

Laurel dies and on her deathbed tells Oliver that Felicity is the best thing for him despite the fact she loved him too. The writers wanted to 10000000% make sure that we all know that Felicity is The Girl ™ and anyone at all that might’ve potentially maybe been competition just pales in comparison, my guy.

Diggle is traumatized by the situation with his family and Felicity makes YET ANOTHER INSULTING, DISRESPECTUL “JOKE” AT OLIVER’S EXPENSE by saying Diggle is “one illegitmate child away from a great Oliver Queen impersonation”, making another dig at William, yknow the kid that she dumped Oliver over, the one Oliver didnt know about himself until shortly before she did, the kid that Oliver had to say goodbye to, before he’d even gotten the chance to be a dad to, in order to keep him safe. (But she loves Oliver so much guys! Honest! So totally cares about his wellbeing and whats best for him, even at the detriment of herself, I swear!)

TL;DR in conclusion, Felicity is a misogynist tool that the writers have been employing from day one. Its a common trope in fiction. She’s the token female character that all other females get compared to/dismissed for. They pit women against each other at every available oppprtunity and have Felicity become this untouchable writers-pet that is never called out and can never be wrong and she’s just so great and can do everything and everyone loves her and no one seems to question any of the horrible things she does because she is so righteous in her writers-pet bubble!

And because she’s a woman they try and champion this as ground-breaking and feminist, when its actually extremely misogynist and anti-feminist, especially when you consider that if the tables were turned and OLIVER was the one doing all this shit to Felicity, then people would be out for blood and screaming misogyny from the rooftops, but because Felicity herself is a woman, they think that it makes her exempt.

But felicity isnt a woman, she’s not real, she’s a puppet being controlled by men and theyre using a female character to get away with misogyny.

The whole idea of The Girl ™ and the concept that one female character has to be the 'Alpha’ and something happens to every other female to prove that she is clearly The Best of the women, is always inherently misogynist and exists to fasciliate pitting women against each other.

4

I don’t think you can get more petty spiteful than Waluigi Island from Mario Party 3 and i fucking love it

the basic implication is this island belonged to luigi(i think there’s parts of Luigi’s engine room from MP1 here but im not sure) but waluigi at some point, took it over, and just wrote

WALUIGI

every where and it’s the funniest fucking thing to me

{Special}College!AU Wonho
  • major: anthropology
  • minor: archaeology 
  • sports: not on any teams even though every team keeps trying to recruit him. he just like works out every day @ the gym
  • clubs: he’s in three language clubs: spanish, hebrew, and japanese
  • wonho literally doesn’t spend any semester on campus, for the most part he studies abroad 
  • and like most people are like “oh, you’re going to spain or china right?” and wonho’s like “been there. im actually going to cyprus it’s this really small island-” and basically he’s never interested in visiting the big countries everyone’s always like so excited about. he always wants to go somewhere small, but with rich history. keeps begging the school to fund a trip to kuwait. 
  • has like ten piercings in each ear and tattoos done in every different country that he’s visited. when he was in japan he got a tebori tattoo (basically tattooing by hand without a machine) and by the end of it he was smiling and laughing and the tattoo artist was just like “this boy…….has the highest pain tolerance ive seen in anyone…….”
  • wonho really loves to live in the culture he’s studying rather than just read about it and what i mean by “live” can fall into the category of partying in that country with the college kids there and like wonho is no stranger to parties. when he is on campus (for like three weeks in the beginning of the semester) he’s literally invited to one every night
  • that might have to do with the fact that he’s considered one of the hottest guys on campus, and also one of the sweetest??? like first impression everyones like hmm jock but then wonho has like a flower tucked behind his ear that kihyun gave him and everyone’s like ok wait not not jock…..soft…..boy ……….which ON E
  • either way everyone loves him, at home or abroad LOL
  • and aside from partying he’s crazy about trying new foods, testing out his language skills on the locals, and of course visiting whatever sites there are to see and taking photos (his instagram? like 50 k followers and he’s literally just a kid in college L I KE )
  • his roommate hyungwon is always like ,,,,, dude you have so many damn souvenirs - like what even is that? and wonho’s like “oh that? that’s a wayang i got from jakarta, put down it’s fragile.” 
  • but it’s cute he brings hyungwon back books from all his travels since hyungwon’s a linguistics major and hyungwon lets wonho cover his side of the wall with maps of all the places he’s been
  • so like you actually don’t really know wonho. he’s in one of your philosophy classes which you have to take as a pre-req for another class and he isn’t there half the time and you’re too busy trying to keep up with the professor that you kinda just like you’re like not interested in the people around you
  • but when the professor announces that she’ll be offering a study abroad to West Bengal firstly you’re like LOL who has the money for that 
  • but one student seems extra excited and you GUESSED IT it’s wonho
  • and when you’re leaving the room, frantically trying to organize your folder for your next long lecture you feel someone tap your shoulder and you’re like ???/
  • and you look up and see this smiling boy and he’s like “are you gonna go on the study abroad??”
  • and you’re like what? the what? and he points over his shoulder to your classroom and he’s like “the study abroad, to West Bengal?” and you’re like sarcastically like hAHAHA yeah no i don’t have the money + i have three other super important classes. i can’t waste my time on that
  • and you don’t notice that the person who asks you is wonho the same way you haven’t noticed that for the past half a semester he’s been looking over at your side of the room
  • and he thinks you make the cutest facial expressions when you don’t get what the teacher means + he thinks that it’s cute when you pull the sleeves of your sweater over your hands because the AC in the room is on + he thinks you look cute coming in with coffee and bedhead because this CLASS is At 8:30 AM 
  • and tbh wonho has never really dated anyone for longer than a month because everyone he dates always restrains him from being curious and traveling but you,,,,, you seem so independent and even though your backpack is always overflowing with papers and you sometimes scribble into the margins of your notebook like 
  • it’s obvious to wonho that you have your priorities set straight, like you’re the only one even taking notes and you always rush out to get to your next class on time and wonho, like he really likes that about you
  • you, ofc, have no clue because you’re in a constant state of ‘oh my god i have a test in that class. oh my god i have work study at 4pm. oh my god i need to buy shampoo for the dorm after school’ and so dating? boys? NAH
  • but wonho ….. wonho becomes interested before he even knows it
  • and so when you go back to that class next week you sit down, take your notes out, take a sip of your coffee but then like 
  • you turn to the side and instead of the seat being empty like it usually is…..there is wonho
  • and he smiles at you and you’re like ?????? and he’s like “i can sit here, right?” and you’re like um….sure? and he’s like “thank you” and you just kinda look him over 
  • you see the ten piercings in his ear, the tattoos that go up his arm, the fact that he doesn’t even have a backpack and you’re like ? who is he
  • but like the teacher comes in and you try to find the page in your notebook with last weeks notes and you’re like here we go and as you’re re-reading you feel the boy scoot closer and you’re like “um?? do you have a question?”
  • and wonho looks up and he’s like “is it cool if i can see your notes, i just wanna make sure im keeping up?” and you kind of shift a bit awkwardly because again you don’t really know much past his name
  • but you don’t wanna be mean so you’re like ok, sure and so you move your book so he can see
  • and like he chuckles a bit and points to one of your doodles in the upper corner and he’s like ‘is that supposed to be the professor?’ and you’re like eEP what no,,,, and you snatch your book back and wonho is laughign into his palm like ‘that’s so cute!!!!’ and you’re like wihlgfdjfdw get your own notes bye
  • and you turn in your chair and wonho’s like still laughign to himself but he’s also like,,,,,,,,,in his head about you; ‘they’re,,,,,cute’
  • and tbh you think that’s the last time like it won’t happen again BUT GUESS WHO MOVES THEIR SEAT PERMANENTLY NEXT TO YOURS
  • and guess who keeps asking you if you’ve got anymore doodles to show him
  • and guess who compliments you on your keychains on your bag
  • and guess who says he’ll see you next week after class and waves
  • and guess who basically all of a sudden is getting really close and comfy with you
  • it’s WONHO 
  • and h o n e s  t ly like you don’t know how to reciprocate this attention because yes: you admit it, he’s cute and alluring and there is something about him that makes you want to ask questions and know more
  • but there’s also the fact that you’re busy and always stuck between school, work study, and whatever else is happening
  • and wonho is on this whole other wavelength of laid-back and you’re just like doing your best to get the top grades, work the most hours, and still get some damn sleep
  • like you and him are polar opposites and sometimes it just annoys you that he takes everything so easily
  • and when he comes into class one day, and starts telling you about this party he was at the other day you kinda just snap and get up and move to the other side of the room
  • because it’s like he’s distracting you and you don’t wanna listen to his crazy college life because you’re barely making it by
  • and wonho seems so shocked and you feel a little bad but in your head you’re like :this is for the best, he probably will forget about you completely 
  • but then you find yourself not seeing wonho in class for like three weeks and the teacher keeps bringing up that study abroad and you kinda know wonho was so into it, but you’re also like ??? it’s coming up but he’s not in class at all
  • and so finally you can’t believe it but curiosity gets the best of you and you find hyungwon in the library as per usual and you’re like,,,hey do you know this kid named wonho
  • and hyungwon snorts like “do i know him? i live with him.” and you’re like oH well….like is he sick??? and hyungwon raises an eyebrow like no? and you’re like ‘ah it’s just he….hasn’t shown up to class in a while so i was just you know, jsut,  you know…..”
  • hyungwon: worried?
  • you: NO it’s not like that
  • hyungwon: uhuh
  • you:…….anyway i gtg
  • and hyungwon before you leave is like ‘wonho works the night shift at the 7/11 outside of the campus. you can ask him why he’s been skipping there.’
  • and you’re like forget it,,,, like to yourself you’re like i dont need to be involved
  • BUT OFC MIDNIGHT COMES AROUND and you’re still up trying to cram in some studying when you’re like,,,,im hungry,,,,but your dormmate ate all the snacks and you’re like,,,,,,i could go to 7/11
  • and you try to convince yourself that no. you’re not going because you want to know about wonho. hey, you don’t even know if his shift is today right- right
  • but lbr the second you go in you look over at the cashier and WOW GuEss WHO
  • and you’re like ok ok don’t make eye contact just get your food and go, but once you bring everything up you hear the familiar laugh and wonho says your name and you’re like FRICK he knows and so you look up and he’s like
  • “what’s up?” and you’re like stuffing your hands into your hoodie looking away like “not much….” and you hand over how much you owe, but wonho swats your hand away and he’s like just take it and you’re like no take my money and he’s like seriously it’s fine
  • and you don’t know maybe it’s his niceness that gets you but you can’t hold back you’re like “why aren’t you coming to class.,…..” and wonho for the first time you see his smile falter
  • but he just sighs and he’s like “i work this job till 4 am, i just always end up oversleeping so….”
  • and you’re like “why’d you take an 8 am class than?” and he’s like “i got this job WHILE i was taking the class. i thought i’d be fine but,,,,”
  • and you’re like wait, what, how long have you been working here? and he’s like 3 weeks and your eyes widen and you’re like wHAT you just started here??? and wonho’s like “im saving up.” and you’re like “for the West Bengal trip?” and wonho grins like yep, but not for myself
  • and you’re looking at him puzzled and wonho’s like “are you that oblivious?” and you’re like what in the world
  • but then he’s leaning over the counter to gently kiss your lips and you damn near drop the can of coffee you’re holding and wonho pulls back and he’s like
  • “i already had enough to get a ticket for myself, i wanted to get one for you.”
  • and you’re like WOHA wAIT wHA T 
  • and wonho just grins that same grin and you’re like,,, you got a job??? for me??? someone you barely knew???
  • and wonho shrugs and he’s like “i kinda live on a motto that’s like do whatever you wanna do in the moment, and in that moment when you told me you didn’t have the money, i wanted to help you, i wanted to be there for you. even if we were strangers - i felt like this was something you deserved and ……here i am.”
  • and it takes you a second but you look at him and you can see he’s not lying and he’s being genuine 
  • and all of a sudden the guy you thought was kinda air-headed and too laid back for his own good becomes the kindest person you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and you can’t believe it but you just have to ask again
  • “wonho, do you like me?”
  • “i want to do everything for you. so i guess, yeah, i guess i do really like you.”
  • and that night you forget about your textbook still waiting for you at home, you spend the rest of his shift sitting behind the register with him, talking to each other on such a deep personal level
  • and when the sun starts coming up and wonho needs to close up the store, he offers to walk you back to your dorm first
  • and you two kiss again, you kiss twice, three times, four times
  • and both you and wonho are so struck by the feeling that the minute you get inside you already have a text on your phone from him that reads ‘i miss kissing you’
  • and like he doesn’t make it to class again, but you make sure to take extra careful notes and before you know it you’re compiling the ones you have to give to him 
  • and when you see him again at the 7/11 he perks up and you tell him that he doesn’t have to keep working here, it’s fine if you don’t go on the study abroad - but wonho insists and so you hand him the notes and he just
  • he tells you you didn’t have to but you’re like seriously it’s nothing compared to what you’re doing for me
  • and ofc you two kiss some more until a bunch of college kids come in to buy beer
  • but before you leave, wonho asks gently if you two can date
  • and you’re like “i thought that was pretty clear?” and wonho smiles and he’s like “i just wanted to hear you say you were mine.”
  • long story short wonho finishes working at the 7/11 and pays for your ticket to West Bengal and it’s a trip you never forget
  • mostly because holy hell India is a beautiful country and the history and culture is so rich but also
  • wonho is there, by your side
  • and he makes everything so much more enjoyable because he’s so adventurous and sweet and goes from wanting to share his food with you to carrying you in his arms when you’re tired from all the sightseeing to tucking your hair behind your ear while the professor is lecturing you guys in at a local landmark and like best boyfriend ever???
  • wonho so easily makes friends with a bunch of people your age there and you’re kinda shy so you hide behind his back but wonho always knows if you’re uncomfortable or not so he doesn’t push it too much
  • but he does bring you out of your shell and he does calm you down when you start frantically talking about all the classes you missed while you guys were on the abroad 
  • he’s just,,,,he’s like chamomile tea, calming but also so good you want more….LOL
  • when you guys get back to school, everyone knows you’re dating because wonho’s traveling instagram has basically become a couplestagram with photos of you two holding hands and you looking at menus or art pieces and all that jazz
  • shownu on one of your photos: congrats! cute couple 
  • kihyun on literally Every Photo: WONHO GET IT YOU TWO LOOK SO DIDDLY DARN CUTE WHEN WILL I FIND A ROMANCE LIKE THIS YOU TWO ARE THE !MODERN! LOVE! #COUPLE_GOALS
  • jooheon right under kihyuns comment: shut up 
  • but it’s like adorable because all his friends are so supportive because they were all like Will Wonho Ever Find the One since he spends so much time out of the country and things like that
  • but you, you love the fact that wonho loves to travel and is always somewhere new instead of trying to tie him down you’re just like “wonho - you want to do it? do it!”
  • the only time you ever like lecture him is when he starts slipping on his school work you’re just like heY HEY you have a test concentrate and wonho’s like usually i just wing it baby and you’re like no more winging on my watch - we are going to study and make flash cards
  • and wonho’s like giggling because you’re so smart he loves you so much and you’re like akhfew he’s so cute but also you’re like ‘translate this phrase from japanese for me - go’ 
  • and like whenever wonho does leave you guys skype and like facetime like seriously sometimes he forgets timezones exist so you’ll get a call at like 3 am and it’s wonho standing in front of a waterfall or an ancient ruin and he’s like 
  • throwing up the peace sign like “look!!!! so pretty!!! you’re prettier though, i miss you- can you kiss the camera for me?”
  • and you’re tired and you’re like sleep but you kiss the camera because it’s wonho and he’s cute and you love him and ofc
  • brings you back souvenirs that are always like interesting and hyungwon’s like get them like a necklace or something but you’re like no no no im ok with this mummified bug. it’s cool
  • wonho does this thing where he holds you around the waist while you two are like in line or something and he rocks you back and forth 
  • he loves talking against your ear while you’re trying to study because you get all blushy and pouty with him and he thinks it’s ADORABLE
  • he sleep talks in different languages and it’s so funny you always snapchat it to everyone else in monsta x
  • the first time you stayed the night like it was after wonho got home from a trip with his archeology class and like it wasn’t that long, nothing like an abroad study, it was more like a three day workshop but it was during a time when you had so much on your plate
  • and when he got back you came over and hyungwon opened the door and was like “whats up-” but you were like ‘hyungwon, here’s 10 bucks go to the library or something and come back in like 3 hours’ and hyungwon was like wh- and then he wasl ike OH OK IM OUT
  • and basically wonho was like “hey, ive miss-” but you just started making out with him and you were like ‘ive been so stressed this whole time and you weren’t here so please, make up for it.
  • IF YOU know what i mean (-:
  • and wonho,,,,,oh wonho,,,,,,,,languages isn’t the only thing he’s good at.,,,,,like with his mouth OK ANWYAY ….
  • you’re like sitting in his bed with him, wearing his shirt and typing some stuff on his laptop for another class and he’s like how are you not tired??? and you’re like i have lost the ability to be tired, this is college
  • wonho actually has started writing his thesis and he’s actually so shy about showing it to anyone, but he opens up to you and when you read the first draft you’re like
  • ,,,,,wonho holy shit you’re so eloquent and ??? well written
  • and he’s blushing like oh stop don’t compliment me,,,,
  • hyungwon from somewhere: aCtually, his grammar isn’t that-
  • you: let’s fight pepe boy
  • you like know that wonho has a good body and whatnot but you see how shy he gets about it when people like ask him and so you always step in and get him out of awkward situations and he’s like il ove you so much and you’re like me too!!! also if someone asks you to flash your abs one more time i will personally dunk their head into the campus water fountain
  • wonho teaching you cool little phrases he learns when he’s abroad
  • wonho biting your neck playfully and changkhyun being like ew. im out
  • ok but also wonho has all these piercings and tats and you’re like sitting there in a big sweater and it’s cute everyone’s like…This Dynamic is Pure

college!vixx (here) & college!bts (here)

find college!woozi (here),  college!wonwoo (here)college!seunghceol(here), college!seokmin (here) , college!jun (here) college!mingyu (here), college!jeonghan (here), college!hoshi (here), college!joshua (here) & college!the8 (here

find special college!jb (here), college!mark tuan (here) college!youngjae (here)

and please look forward to more college!seventeen + special college!aus

psychic: reads my mind
me: japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫ beautiful ♫ in the year negative a billion japan might not’ve been here. in the year negative 40,000 it was here. and you could walk to it. and some people walked to it. then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island and now there’s lots of ~trees~ (because it’s warmer.) so now there’s people on  the island, they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. like stones. and bowls. ding dong, it’s the outside world and they have technology from the future. like really good metal. and crazy rice farms. now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. that means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to /survive/. so that makes you king. rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. the most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here and here. but this one was the most most important, ruled by a “heavenly superperson”, called emperor for short. knock knock. get the door, it’s religion. the new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. “please try this religion,” he said. “no,” said everybody. “try it,” he said. “no,” said everybody again, quieter this time. and so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. then the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms, like making the government govern more, and making the government more like china’s government, which is a government that governs more. “hi china,” they said. “hi dipshit,” said china. “can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said japan. “like what?” said china. “♫ how about sunrise land? ♫” said japan. and they stole china’s alphabet and wrote a book. about themselves. and then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. right here. and they conquered the north finally, get that squared away. a rich hipster named kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits china and learns a better version which is more ~spiritual~ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ~great~ for a long time. and the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. so if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ everyone started hiring samurai. (correction: rich important people hired samurai. poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.) the samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. so they made their own military government, here. they let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. BREAKING NEWS the Mongols have invaded China. “we’ve invaded china,” said the mongols. “please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.” “okay,” said japan. so the mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. but they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the japanese but then died in a tornado. then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to kyoto and makes a new shogunate. and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. ♫ now there’s more art ♫ like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. it’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun? usually it’s the shogun’s kid. but the shogun doesn’t have a kid, so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. he says ok. but then the shogun has a kid. so now who’s it gonna be? vote now on your phones. and everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. the shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. and the whole country broke into pieces. everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game. knock knock. it’s europe. no, they’re not here to take over (yet) they just wanna sell some shit. like clocks. and guns. and ~jesus~. so that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting with each other for control. now with guns!! and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? this clan is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. surprise, the smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital, and it goes very well. he’s about halfway through conquering japan when someone who works for him kills him, and then someone else who works for him kills them. and that guy finishes conquering japan. and then he confiscated everybody’s swords and made some rules. “and now i’m going to invade korea, and then hopefully china,” he said and failed, and also died. but before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan. and the five guys said “Yeah, Right. it’s not gonna be this kid. it’s gonna be one of Us. cuz we’re /grownups/.” and it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. a lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. they have a fight, and he wins, and starts a new government, right here ~Edo~ and he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. but don’t get confused. this is the new government, and they are very strict. so strict they closed the country. no one can leave, and no one can come in. except for the dutch, if they want to buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here. now that the entire country was not at war with itself the population increased a lot. business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published, there was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and dutch studies. people started to study european science from books they bought from the dutch. we’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, maybe even electricity. over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down- knock knock. it’s the United States. with huge boats. (with guns) (gunboats) “open the country. stop having it be closed.” said the united states. there’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets united states, britain and russia visit japan anytime they want. choshu and satsuma hated this. “that sucks.” they said. “this sucks!!!!” and with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate, and somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to edo which they renamed eastern capital. they made a new government which was “a lot more western”. they made a new constitution that was pretty western and a military that was pretty western. and do you know what else is western? that’s right, it’s conquering stuff. so what can we conquer? korea. they conquer korea, taking it from its previous owner china, and then go a little bit further. and russia rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop, no, you can’t take that. we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” and russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. (did i say downgrade? i meant upgrade.) and japan says “can you maybe chill?” and russia says “How About Maybe You Chill?” japan’s kinda scared of russia. you’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of russia. great britain. so japan and great britain make an alliance together so they can be “a little less scared of Russia”. feeling confident, japan goes to war against russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ it’s time for World War 1 ♫ The World is about to Have A War because it’s the 1900’s and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. meanwhile japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m o r e and the next thing on our list is this part of china and lots of tiny islands. all that stuff belongs to germany, which has just had war declared on them by britain, because britain was friends with belgium, which is being trespassed by germany in order to get to france to kick france’s ass because france is friends with russia who is getting ready to kick austria’s ass because austria is getting ready to kick serbia’s ass because someone from serbia shot the leader of austria’s ass. (er, actually shot him in the head.) and britain is currently friends with japan, so you know what that means? duh. ♫ japan should take the islands ♫ which they wanted to do anyway. so they called britain on the tele to sort of let them know. and then they did it. and they also helped britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. now the war is over and congratulations japan you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. and yes, japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from germany. you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. the great depression is bad and japan’s economy is now crappy. but the military is doing just fine and it invades manchuria. and the League of Nations is like “no, don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!” but japan said ♫ how bout i do anyway? ♫ and japan invaded more and more and more and more of china and was planning to invade the entire east. You’ve Got Mail it’s from germany. the new leader of germany. he has a cool moustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. this also got forwarded to italy, and they all decided to be friends because they have so much in common. ♫ it’s time for World War 2 ♫ (the sequel) germany is invading the neighbors. then they invade the neighbor’s neighbors. then the neighbor’s neighbor’s neighbors, who happened to be britain said “holy shit” and the united states started helping britain because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends ♫ ♫ plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ the united states is also working on a large very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever™, just in case. but they still haven’t joined the war. war looks bad on tv, and the united states is really starting to care about their image. but then japan spits on them in hawaii and challenges them to war, and they say yes. and then germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the united states also, and so the united states goes to war in europe. and they help the gang chase germany back in to germany, and they also start chasing japan back into japan. and they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on japan. they actually drop two. united states installed a new government inspired by the united states government with just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and japan starts making tvs, vcrs automobiles and camcorders as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. they get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off but everything’s still pretty cool i guess ♫ bye ♫
psychic: what the fuck

Poseidon Destroyed the World in 1200 BCE, Wrecked Atlantis, and Killed Mortal Culture For Over A Century, And His Kid Is Just As Dangerous. Or, how I took an archaeology class on Ancient Greece and got blindsided by headcanons and plot. Lots of thought about Poseidon and Percy. (Warning: if you don’t like history/archaeology you will get bored, but if you do, HELL YEAH GET IN ON THIS)

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And not only is there a new species, but also an individual- that’s Noc! He was shunned by his herd because his antennae never grew, so he can neither communicate with fellow Shirans nor scan his surroundings. He managed to survive thanks to a little tribe of humans that took him in.