baseball will miss you

4

“I smiled once, in October 1976, but I never tried it again. I don’t miss it.”

Your Graduation
Modern Baseball
Your Graduation

bullshit you fucking miss me.
there i said it, i guess i’ll talk to you in a few months
sitting drunk on the sidewalk
i guess i’ll get up
i guess i’ll go for a walk
brushed my shoes against the pavement
i swear this has gotta be the hundredth
time i thought of you tonight

Your Graduation // Modern Baseball

Soulmates - (4/?)

Summary: You asked Jeff, a senior you barely knew, for a ride home while he was going on the beer run.

Warnings: Read part 1, 2 and 3 on my page! Swearing. Angst. It’s kind of sad. Also it’s a little different from the show. It will have a continuation. Don’t give up on it just yet, it will be a nice story.

————————————-

Whatever was it that you guys were painting, it was looking great. It was an explosion of colors. You added the details and painted things with an actual shape, like people and objects, carefully avoiding too much realism so it could match Jeff’s part. His stuff were more abstract, some mixed colors and patterns with an outcome surprisingly beautiful for someone who never painted anything before.

“So… what are you gonna do with your life once you wake up?” Jeff asked.

“I’m not sure” you answered.

“Well… what do you like?”

“Arts. Theater, music, painting, drawing, dancing… But it’s all out of my reach” you pretended to be indifferent, but thinking about that actually hurt you a lot.

“How come?”

“I’m a bad actress. My singing is nothing out of the ordinary, and so is my painting and drawing. And the dancing… well, I’m a terrible dancer”

Jeff wiped the paint from his fingers in his shirt and walked towards you.

“What are you doing?” you asked, as he took you by the waist and held one of your hands. You realized what he was doing and laughed. “I don’t mean that kind of dance”

“I know” he said, but started dancing anyway. There were music playing somewhere, in another room or outside on the street. Some slow song. Barely audible, but it was enough for you to keep up with. “See? You’re good at it. We only tripped twice and it was my fault”

“Like I said, it’s not that kind of dance” still, neither of you stopped dancing.

“Which kind is it?”

“Ballet. Contemporary. Jazz” you explained.

“I think you can do anything you put your mind to. It doesn’t matter if it’s dancing, painting, becoming president or developing a cure for cancer” he said, in all seriousness. You let out a nervous laugh.

“I think you overestimate my capacities”

“I don’t” he shook his head. “I’m just telling you the truth”

“You’re wrong” you reaffirmed.

“You want to go down that road, fine. Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you think you can’t do whatever you want?” he asked, patiently.

“It demands hard work, Jeff. Talent. I’m not a hard worker and I’m not talented either. Most of the time I’m just too tired to do anything. Tired of what, you might ask? Breathing, probably. Because that’s all I do. Breath, eat and sleep”

“That’s all fear of exposure. You involuntarily keep yourself from trying because you’re afraid of what people, or even yourself, will think if you fail” he said, looking deeply into your eyes.

“I don’t fear failure. I anticipate failure. That’s different” you tried to argument.

“How can you be so sure you would fail if you never even tried?”

“I tried, Jeff. And I wasn’t good enough. End of story”

“That’s it? You give up? Perfection is not the goal, (Y/N). It’s just a concept that, for whatever reason, motivates people to improve themselves. Think about those people you told me about on the car…”

“Picasso and Da Vinci” you reminded him.

“Take Da Vinci. What do you think would have happened if he reached the so called perfection? If he looked at his first work and thought: ‘That’s it! That’s good enough’? He would never grow, never shoot for the stars. He wouldn’t be known and admired until nowadays, almost five hundred years after his death” he was almost whispering, with a low and sweet voice.

“I get your point” you nodded, but not completely convinced yet.

“But?”

“But see, the world is a hard place. Even the most competent people struggle to find the place where they belong. Some don’t find it at all. So if they can’t, how can I?”

“The world is a huge place, filled with opportunities, options and places where you can belong. You, an artist, should have that perspective. We are raised to believe there’s only one way to succeed in life, and that success means money, a nice partner, two plain and boring kids and a dog. Do you think that’s all there is?”

“No…”

“So don’t you think you’re being small minded by saying some people don’t ever find where they belong?”

“I guess…”

Jeff left out a sigh. He softly tightened the grip on your waist and pulled you closer. He leaned his head on your shoulder, his face resting on your hair.

“Whatever you decide to do… You don’t have to be the best at it, (Y/N). You just have to do it”

After that, you just danced around in complete silence. His breath against your neck gave you chills. His hands didn’t leave yours for what seemed like hours. It was perfect.

—————————————

A week went by and nothing changed. You and Jeff grew closer and closer. You did lots of other things together, such as going to the arcade, watching some movies at the Crestmont (Hannah and Clay being nowhere to be found), visiting museums, animal shelters and parks, and in one particular afternoon Jeff even taught you some baseball moves.

“I miss my family” you said one day, while you two were about to go to sleep at an empty hotel room. It was one of the rare occasions he took his cap off. You admired his dark messy hair. You got so distracted by it that you let that confession slip off your mouth, like a secret revealed by accident. You did miss your family and friends, but wanted to avoid the subject so you wouldn’t hurt Jeff. Too late for that.

His voice sounded weak when he responded.

“Me too” Jeff looked up to the lightbulb on the ceiling. You realized he was trying to hold back his tears.

“Oh god. I’m sorry, Jeff. I didn’t mean to make you cry” you apologized and climbed into his bed. He was sitting by it’s edge, so you hugged him by his side.

“It’s okay. I just…” his blue eyes met yours, and he seemed so utterly hurt that your heart broke. He blinked a few times and shook his head. “I mean, nevermind”

“No, tell me” you held his hand. It was ice cold.

“It’s just that nothing will ever be the same, that’s all. No more baseball, no more anything” he bit the inside of his cheek and his jaw clenched. He wanted to cry so badly.

“It’s okay if you want to cry, Jeff” you said, gently. “I’m here for you”

That triggered something in him. He turned around angrily, not at you, but the situation. Jeff had been suffocating on his thoughts every since the accident and he was finally letting it out.

“These last few days… I wish it could have happened differently. I wish we had met before, and went on all those adventures on real life. I wish I could introduce you to my friends and family, have you cheering for me at my games, cheer for you at your recitals and plays and everything else you’re great at without even knowing. But you know what? I can’t. That night took everything away from me and I’m not ready to lose it all! I’m seventeen, damn it! My life barely began and it’s already slipping through my fingers!” tears now rolled down his face freely, and he was sobbing. “I’ll never get to go to college. I’ll never-”

“Jeff, stop it right now!” you interrupted him and cupped his face with your hands. “Listen, baseball is not the only way to get in college! Weren’t you the one who told me life is full of opportunities and different ways to succeed?”

“I don’t have a life anymore!” he shouted.

“Yes you do! We’ve been through hell and we still have a lot of crap to deal with when we wake up, especially you, but we’re alive! I can survive whatever sequels I get. You can survive with one leg and one hand. It’s not ideal but we can do it!”

He shook his head.

“You don’t get it”

“Maybe I don’t. I don’t know how it feels to lose a passion like yours. But I do know there are thousands of other things out there to be passionate about!”

“(Y/N)! I’m trying to make you understand, but you’re missing the point! I’m telling you I can’t do anything anymore! I can’t just wake up, get up from wherever they put me and do as I please! I can never do the things I could before the accident. I can never do something like this”

Without any kind of warning, Jeff turned around and kissed you. Your chest was about to burst, it felt amazing, but also horrible. He kissed you like it was the first and last time. He broke the kiss after a minute, and pulled away from you.

“Jeff…” you started, after gasping for air.

“Don’t” he asked.

“We can make it work”

“I can’t be with you, (Y/N). What I lost at the accident-”

“Jeff, I don’t care! Okay? I don’t care if you’re missing a leg, a hand, if you’re paraplegic, tetraplegic, brain damaged or whatever! I still want to be with you! I want to support you and help you, be there for you!” You yelled, frustrated.

“I don’t want you to!” he yelled back. You moved away a few inches.

“What do you mean?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Maybe we should go to sleep now” he mumbled.

“I asked you a question”

“And I don’t want to answer”

You closed your eyes, all the frustration from the last days accumulating. You clenched your jaw and took a deep breath. It made sense. Jeff never said he was upset for being unable to kiss you. He was upset for being unable to kiss, period. That kiss between you two was just an impulse from a guy who believed that once he woke up, no one would want him anymore. He didn’t have feelings for you. He was just angry.

When you opened your eyes again, Jeff was looking at you with a deep concern. He seemed to be holding back the urge to touch you. You shook that thought away. He didn’t care. He didn’t want you.

“I’m going home. I’ll crash there. Then I’ll spend the morning watching over my parents. You should go home and do the same. If you feel like it” you emphasized the 'feel like it’, angrily. “you can meet me at noon at Monet’s”

You got up from the bed. Jeff reached for your hand.

“(Y/N)…”

You walked away.

anonymous asked:

hiiii tay, i was wondering if you wouldn't mind writing an imagine where tyler promises the reader he'll be back to play a charity baseball game with her but he doesn't make it because of work and she gets hurt or something? ilysm :)

TYLER JOSEPH IMAGINE

“You said you’d play.”

“I know, I’ll be there.”

It was the same answer you had received from Tyler the last time he missed the charity baseball game, and you didn’t want to get your hopes up again. “Tyler,” you said slowly. “Tyler, the game is tomorrow. You promised. You promised you would play this time. Why aren’t you back home yet?”

There’s silence on the other end of the phone for a few moments before you finally hear Tyler’s deep voice. “I’ll be there,” he answered. “Josh and I snuck on this late night show last minute, and we have to do it. I’ll head over right after though.  I promise. By the time you wake up in the morning, I’ll be in bed with you.”

“You promise?” you repeated.

“I promise,” Tyler replied.

You let out a soft sigh of relief then. If there was one thing you knew you could count on, it was Tyler keeping a promise. “Alright,” you said. “I’m sorry I’m getting so worked up about it. I just miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby, but I have to go now,” Tyler said back. “I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

You sat your phone down onto the nightstand by the bed and turned off the lamp. You laid down in the bed and covered yourself up before curling up to the pillow you’d laid on Tyler’s side of the bed when he was gone. You really hated to sleep alone. You were so used to Tyler being there. His warmth and smell was your own personal lullaby that lulled you to sleep each night, and when he wasn’t there, you really struggled.

It was really pathetic, or at least you thought it was. Never in your life did you think you would find a love where you couldn’t survive without the other person being there, but you did and you wouldn’t change it for anything, no matter how bad it hurt.

You knew the day was going to be a bad one when you woke up still snuggled up to the pillow and not to Tyler.  You laid in bed for as long as possible before you absolutely had to get up and get ready.  After dressing yourself, you grabbed onto your phone and sent a few angry texts to Tyler.  You were really upset and hurt that he actually broke his promise.

When you showed up to the game, things got a little better. You suddenly became too busy to worry about Tyler or be angry at the fact that he broke his promise and hadn’t replied to any of your text messages yet.

During the game, you weren’t able to concentrate at all. Your mind was worried about Tyler.

You really didn’t know what was coming for you until it hit you, literally, and it hit you really hard as you slammed down into the ground after the guy on the other team hit a line drive right into the side of your head. You’re confused at first, then angry causing your blood to boil. You screamed, but it was a small scream in agony as you felt the searing pain in your head. You immediately grasp onto your hair as you roll over, getting a face full of grass but you didn’t care, you couldn’t. The only thing on your mind right now was the pain.  Several of your teammates run over, helping you stand and leading you off the field.  You don’t even bother checking to see if Tyler had arrived.  At this point, you couldn’t even be mad anymore. All you can feel is the hurt as you stagger off the field, but the hurt from your head is nothing compared to the hurt you feel from Tyler breaking his promise.

Tyler wanted to go back home and go to the charity game. He really did, so much more than than he wanted to play a couple of songs on a talk show that night. He could remember their first charity game that they played together. He wanted Y/N to know that he wanted to be there.

A part of Tyler knew he wouldn’t make it in time for the game, but he couldn’t tell Y/N no. Each time his she asked, Tyler had to resort to telling her that he would be there. Tyler just didn’t have it in his heart to tell her that he had to work.

Tyler’s phone rang loud that morning, jolting him out of his sleep. He groaned tiredly before he grabbed his phone and saw that it was Y/N calling. He almost declined it, knowing he would be in big trouble, but he couldn’t ignore her any longer. “Good morning,” Tyler greeted cheerfully in his husky morning voice as if nothing was wrong.

She didn’t even hesitate before responding with a dull, “I got hurt.”

Tyler’s heart feels like it stops for a moment as he quickly sits up. It takes a second to register before his heart is pounding wildly in his chest. “Hurt?” he asked back, voice a bit frantic. “What do you mean you got hurt?”

“I mean exactly that, I got hurt,” she replied back with no emotion in her voice. “I got a concussion.”

“I’ll be—“

“Tyler, don’t.”

“Y/N.”

“Tyler.”

There is a long pause of silence and it makes Tyler feel sick, his stomach twisting with fear and guilt. “It’s not a big deal,” she finally said. “I’ll be fine. I don’t expect you to come take care of me. You didn’t even want to come in the first place, apparently.”

“Common, don’t be like this,” Tyler replied back sharply. She didn’t understand how demanding his job could be. Tyler would give Y/N everything possible, the moon and the stars if she wanted. He would’ve been there if he could get away from work. “I’m coming back home. I promised—“

“I know what you promised,” she interrupted with venom in her voice. “I know what you promised and I know that you broke that promise.” She paused for a second before continuing. “I’m going to go. I have a headache. My mom is going to help around the house. I’ll talk to you later Tyler. Love you.”

The phone call clicks as it ended, leaving no time for Tyler to respond back with an ‘I love you’.

The guilt churned in his stomach again and he knew there was still time to keep his promise.

Tyler was going to be there for Y/N.

He got back home early the next morning. He was completely and exhausted and drained, not able to sleep the whole flight, but as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t just crawl into bed and go to sleep. He had to make things up with Y/N.

Tyler headed to their room first, opening the bedroom door quietly and peeking in. She was fast asleep, curled up to the pillow and holding onto it for dear life. Tyler stepped closer, seeing how peaceful she looked in her sleep. He leaned over, pressing his soft lips to her forehead. “I love you,” he whispered before leaving the bedroom.

Tyler immediately went to the kitchen. Tyler knew that a good old-fashioned breakfast in bed would win his girl back.

Tyler took his time to make the food. He made fluffy pancakes in the shape of a heart along with delicious scrambled eggs and greasy yet satisfying bacon, all of which were her favorites..

Tyler carefully carried the tray back to the bedroom and he sat it down on the nightstand before looking down at Y/N.  He removed the pillow she was holding onto and he replaced it with his own body. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her and bring her in closer. “Baby,” he mumbled in her ear, kissing the side of her head gently. “Baby, wake up.”

Her eyes fluttered opened slowly and she blinked, staring dumbfounded at Tyler. She was sure it was just a dream that Tyler was there but when she realized that she could actually touch him and hold him, she knew it wasn’t. A smile grew on her face and she surged forward, kissing Tyler repeatedly. “I hate you for leaving me,” she said before kissing him again. “I hate you for not being there.” She kissed him again. “I love you so much.”

Tyler laughed quietly and kissed her one more time before sitting up. “I’ve got a surprise for you,” he said, turning and grabbing the tray. He showed it to her and gave her an apologetic smile with his best puppy dog eyes. She rolled her eyes and took the tray. “You know I could never stay mad at you,” she said, immediately grabbing a piece of bacon and munching on it. “I was just upset. The one person I needed there most wasn’t. It was a bad day yesterday.”

Tyler nodded in understanding. “I know, I’m sorry,” he said. He pushed her hair back and looked at the spot where the ball hit. He frowned and leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss to it before sitting back up.

“I’m never playing baseball again,” she whined childishly, slightly pouting. “I’m not any good. Everyone was awful. I got slammed, Ty. And I’m still a little upset you broke your promise.”

“I know,” Tyler sheepishly replied. “I’m sorry.  I promise I’ll make it up to you. I’m always going to be here for you”

The expression on her face softened and she couldn’t help but let out a quiet huff of air. “I really love you so much,” she told Tyler.

“I love you too,” Tyler replied back, gently rubbing her upper thigh reassuringly. “Now finish your breakfast. We’ve got a long day of cuddles ahead of us.”

She grinned happily and nodded, taking a bite of her eggs. She chewed the food and swallowed and looked back up to her boyfriend. “Hey, Tyler?” she asked.

“Hm?”

Y/N smiled and pointed to where Tyler’s heart was and said, “I’ll always be there too.”