base stealing

Clint Barton doesn’t show up 15 minutes late with Starbucks. Clint Barton shows up an hour late with cheap pizza, a broken nose, and a stray dog.

- moodyrebelmage [x]

of course there is an explanation for the dog:  

I was around the corner from the gift shop where I got the balloon 

(this was the only ‘love’ one they had left, and it’s either clever or hopeless, I kinda futzing love it, I relate to this balloon) 

and these kids were harassin’ this dog, so I said ’hey leave the dog alone, c'mon, not cool.’

so then they’re like ’hey mister we’ll sell him to you.’

  • not gonna lie I admire that kind of moxie
  • they wanted twenty futzing bucks
  • I gave them a dollar it is seriously all the cash I had

dented pizza is still delicious, he’s laughing and blaming his afternoon on wearing a shirt with buttons ('I have never ever had a day go right when I wore a shirt with buttons’)

ladies and gentlemen the ever-unchanging clint barton

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Theres nothing worse than being at someone elses house and trying to figure out how to use the shower. The third knob is for wasps. Dont turn that one.

Taurus: Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog, delicious.

Gemini: Turns out love isn’t based off of compassion and personal compatibility, its actually based on how low your coefficient of friction is. Coat your body in Vaseline.

Cancer: People often use their words to express their emotions. Listening can give one valuable insight into a persons emotional state. 

Leo: Steal every book on ancient Egypt you can find.

Virgo: The parts of you that die become your hair and fingernails. You are clad in your own wasting refuse. A knight in dead armor. Carry your fetid banner with pride.

Libra: If paintings of birds of prey start appearing in your home, don’t bring any attention to them. They’re shy.

Scorpio: Yes, be prepared for a first date. Don’t bring your own soup, and don’t try to use the salad fork as a can opener.

Ophiuchus: Nothing makes a friendship like shared intense suffering.

Sagittarius: Aren’t bath robes cozy? They find you cozy too.

Capricorn: Roughly five percent of the ground finches in your area are actually subtle clockwork replicas. They also enjoy bread. Make sure to use wheat, bleached flower isn’t too good for birds.

Aquarius: Strippers are actually communicating with each other in a complex gesture-based language.

Pisces: Steal the fire station just for the dog.

I have this idea for an AU okay just hear me out

So like

  • Laurent is a white collar criminal and Damen is the detective who’s been chasing after him for years (with the help of Nikandros of course)
  • Auguste is alive but he got caught when Laurent was young and Damen helped which is partly why he has been charged with catching Laurent
  • Auguste also taught Laurent everything and they have a good relationship with secrets obviously
  • Laurent has never been convicted so he and Damen sort of dance around each other when they meet (which is beginning to happen more and more often)
  • Lamen happens
  • During the act they say stuff like “I finally caught you” blah blah blah and then Laurent feels himself getting too close so he drops a bomb on Damen
  • “Want to know why you’ve never caught me?” “Why” “We have an informant”
  • It’s Kastor
  • Laurent doesn’t tell him that part.
  • Laurent goes to leave
  • Something about how Laurent gets to do whatever he wants
  • “Because I’m a criminal? You’re funny. You think I can do whatever I want”
  • He means his Uncle, the ringleader, who he and Auguste have to answer to
  • So Laurent leaves and he and Damen don’t see each other for a while until one night…
  • Laurent shows up at Damen’s with a bruised Nicaise who clearly is not 100% certain about being there
  • And Damen’s like “WTF did you kidnap a child??”
  • And Laurent’s like “Damen you have to help me. Prove to me that you’re as honorable and everyone thinks you are. Please.”
  • Damen’s like “Laurent has never said please in his life this must be serious
  • So Laurent agrees to help Damen take down his Uncle
  • Then they do and they adopt Nicasue and they are a happy family
  • Also Auguste gets out and is like “WTF you’re with a cop?? The cop who CAUGHT ME???” Then he meets Damen and he’s like “Yeah this makes sense also why didn’t you tell be about Uncle I would have killed him myself”
  • Cue brother bonding and hoverall happiness

[11]

I’m even more amused because over here actually do have a library called the Central Library. And it is, in fact, also the largest one, and the place where they keep the rarest and most expensive books in the collection. So this is all scarily accurate to me. 

Especially the part where you tell people that the book is in a different library

and then they get you to clarify that the library you just said is not actually the one you’re currently standing in

because that happens a lot too

I MEAN NONE OF THIS IS UNFAMILIAR TO ME JUST YET 

YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED HOW MANY PEOPLE ACTUALLY TRY TO STEAL BOOKS

FROM A LIBRARY

GUYS THOSE ARE FREE BOOKS YOU DON’T HAVE TO STEAL THEM IT’S A LIBRARY WE GIVE THOSE TO YOU FOR FREE

Ok this bit is new. 

  • Keith: So what's the worst thing you did?
  • Shiro: Like breaking the law?
  • Keith: * nods *
  • Shiro: Okay.... This is the worst thing I did.... Don't tell anyone...
  • Keith: Come on.. What did the big bad Shiro do??
  • Shiro: I stole a Christmas tree.
  • Keith: What...?
  • Shiro: Okay hear me out...-
  • Keith: * laughs * hahahaha, you're too precious, Shiro...
  • Shiro: Whats that suppose to mean?
  • Keith: I love you that's what. * smiles *

dis is my hot sexy OC, Yuki Sakimatomato. She’s a cute neko who looks 16 yars old on the outsaid, butt!!! buttttt!!!! don’t be fooled, she holds a dark dark dark dark dawrk daralk dark darkn dark  drakr daker dark secret!!!! :O!!!! cheese actually a Jappaknees Apple Juice Succubus Demon whos true nam is Karazaruzu. u can see her succubisness inn her eyes wich ar very unique bcuz their blue and red which reprezent how cheese a cute neko on da top, but a spicy siccupus on da bottttom.

(I spent actual time on this RIP.)

Jappaknees Apple Juice Succubus Demon. Now that’s a new one.

-Mod Egg

Magical moment in Overwatch is playing Winston in CTF, walking down a hallway, then suddenly hearing ‘hi there!”

You look down the hallway, and see another Winston, wearing your same skin. You hear “Hi there!” again. He starts crouching repeatedly.

You say hello back. You two get close. You talk about things: science, astronomy, peanut butter, all just by saying either “Hi there!” or “Hello!”

You then both go your separate ways, probably to each other’s base to steal the flag, your hearts warmed from the bonding.

Monkey bros for life.

Winston is Overwatch’s version of Heavy, and peanutbutter is his sandvich.

GUYS LISTEN TO THIS...

Cow Chop Baseball AU:

Aleks: First Base- He was picked up straight out high school is known around the league as ‘the guy with the tattoos’. His batting average isn’t great, but he can make plays others would see as impossible.

James: Right Outfield- A college draftee, him and Aleks have a rivalry that carries over into social media sometimes. His batting average is one of the best in the league and he’s known for making the plays that have him jumping into the stands.

Joe: Shortstop- He got called up from the minor leagues and he always has a smile on his face. His positive attitude always keeps the team going even when they’re losing. His attitude also gets on the opposing team’s nerves and always sparks a confrontation.

Brett: Pitcher- As a veteran player, he does his best to run the team and he isn’t afraid of some confrontation. He’s best known for being a ‘reverse’ pitcher. His best pitch is a knuckle-ball and he rarely pulls out a 4-seam fastball. Opposite of the rest of the league.

Trevor: Catcher- As the rookie of the team, he feels like he has a lot to prove. He does this by having a terrific batting average, very rare with catchers, and by making outrageous plays that always seem to work out in his favor.

Asher: Second Base- He’s best known for being a thief. So far he has a record 40 bases stolen and their at even halfway through the season. He keeps quiet and is rarely on camera in an interview, but when he’s on the field he’s silently cursing the other team and making snide comments underneath his breath.

Jakob: Center Outfield- As a prodigy in the high school baseball scene, it wasn’t surprising to see him out in the big leagues. So far he’s stolen 17 home runs from opposing teams. 4 of which were grand slams. He’s slightly above average when it comes to batting, but his field skills definitely make up for it.

Anna: Third Base- As the fastest player to ever see the major leagues, she’s a force to be reckoned with. She can turn a single base bunt into a double and has scrapped out more close-call runs than ever thought possible. At third base, she’s Brett’s eyes and with one whistle he’s sending a ball over to the bastard that’s trying to steal a base.

Lindsey: Left Outfield- She’s the baseball queen. With a grand total of 34 home runs so far this season, she’s on track to being MVP. As the golden child, she’s the one that has all the merchandise and all the interviews. She doesn’t let that get to her head though and is always proving her haters wrong by being spectacular on and off the field.

Other random things:

Aleks is always the one to start something on the field. He claims its never his fault but everyone knows the truth.

Brett had only been up to bat twice in his entire career as a major league pitcher. And although he’s scored home runs both times, earning a total of 7 points, the Manger insists on giving him a designated hitter.

When James isn’t playing, he’s out in the community volunteering and helping out anyway he can. This has given the community a positive view of Cow Chop making them more popular.

Anna has gotten into one fight on the field and everyone still talks about it to this day. A guy twice her size got all up in her face and I’m one punch she had him on the ground. Unfortunately, she was ejected from the game, but later in an interview she said it was worth it.

At first, Brett was nervous about being put on a brand new team. As a Vet he would be expected to lead the team and he didn’t know if he was ready to deal with a bunch of children. But, as time went on, he warmed up to everyone, even though the ARE children.

Asher was nearly kicked off the team when it was discovered he had a sealed criminal record. After months of demands from fans, Asher’s record was opened and it was found he was once arrested for breaking and entering when he was 18. The fans were furious and it nearly destroyed his career, but he was able to save it by making key plays in games, eventually winning the fans back over.

Lindsey secretly hates being the poster child for baseball because she can’t do anything. After a devastating loss, she’s the one the media tracks down to interrogate. This has led to her nearly snapping it a couple times, but always keeps it together.

Because of his desire to prove himself, Trevor nearly ended his career prematurely. During a game, a runner slid into home, knocking Trevor’s legs out from under him. At first, he thought nothing of it, brushing off everyone’s concerned questions, and continued to play until the next days practice came. During a set of sprints he took a bad step and immediately crumpled to the ground. The doctors declared he had a slight tear in his ACL that would heal on his own. That night he received some strong words from Brett on why he shouldn’t try to hide his injuries.

Anna is known as the partier and there are plenty of pictures of her in local bars having a good time. Whether it’s alone or with other people, she can almost always be found in a club in her days off.

Jakob hates that he had to constantly live up to name. If being a high school prodigy want enough, his older brother is also on a major league team. The two are constantly being compared and it Jakob hates it. But, as he plays more games, the media has stopped with the comparisons and is starting to see him as an individual player.

Joe is the has the biggest social media presence possible. He’s always posting pictures of his dogs, of his girlfriend, and of the rest of the team. It gives the public an inside look at their everyday lives and makes the team appear more human.
~~~~~~~~

Let me know what oh guys think!

anonymous asked:

where I work we have to have the customer show the receipt to receive their salad buffet thing, I ask one guy to show and he gets kinda pissed, I explain that I just need to confirm the purchase, he says "I get that but you have to know your customer base, I wouldn't steal from you, now if I were a teenager I might"... uhhh, I'm a teenager, this guy has his teens sitting at the table? poor kids I hope he's not assuming they lie and steal shit