Strong and Sweet.
Her: What’s the cheapest drink you have?
Me: Miller High Life for $4.
Her: No, like with alcohol. I want something strong and sweet but cheaper than last time.
Me: Well drinks are $7.
Her: SEVEN DOLLARS. What’s that get me?
Me: Anything from the well. Any house liquor.
Her: What’s well? What’s that? What’s well mean? Huh?
Me: Like, not name brand alcohol. The cheap stuff. Vodka, tequila, whatever.
Her: Oh. So like, I want to mix that with something.
Me: Mix what with what.
Her: I don’t know. Vodka. I want it strong and sweet but cheap. I want strong and sweet.
Me: How about I make you a vodka with cranberry juice.
Her: Sure! But wait, do you have a credit card minimum?
Her: Ok so what do you have for ten dollars. Everything. What is everything you have for ten dollars?
Me: I can make you a vodka with red bull.
Her: What’s red bull?
Are you sure you should be here? This seems too difficult for you. Did someone withhold oxygen from you for a prolonged period of time at one point in your life? There has got to be an easier way for you to figure out what you like to drink. Everyone knows vaguely what a bar has. So if you find out you are at a bar that is NOT a cocktail bar, dig deep ladies, dip DEEP, to find that perfect combination of strong and sweet that you remember having in bars past and just order that. Order the fuck out of it. Order it like it’s going to buy you a diamond ring and bring you home to meet it’s vodka parents in Russia. Because this needs to stop.