So Much More
Pairing: Lin Manuel Miranda x Reader
Summary: The Whisper Challenge is the stupidest thing to exist.
Warnings: Cursing, because we all know I can’t contain myself.
Word Count: 3,887 (THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION. IT WAS MEANT TO BE A SHORT DRABBLE.)
A/N: Jesus Christ, I’m literally garbage. Here I am, take me away, throw me into the dumpster. Or better yet, an incinerator. This is dumb. It’s trash. Also, I sat down in front of my piano to write something for this and I’m mad at myself because IT’S MISSING SO MANY PIECES AND I’M NOT OKAY WITH THAT. Another also, MY FAVORITE NERD IN THE WORLD is gonna slaughter y’all with the best writing in the world (as expected) AND I AM STILL YELLING ABOUT IT (also as expected) BECAUSE SHE’S SO AMAZING AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH (y’all expected that too, right? LIKE YOU GUYS I CAN’T COMPREHEND HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. I also love love love love love love all of you that actually bother to read my shit like it’s not even that great and like I always say I’m legit SHoooOooOOOOOOK ‘cause of it like I really don’t get it you guys are amazing what did I do to deserve you guys????????
PS: GO TEAM, NICE WORK!!
“Holy fuck,” you muttered, staring down at it just sitting on the edge of your bathtub. “What the hell?”
Nope, nope, nope. This was insane. It wasn’t happening. That was wrong, oh, so wrong.
But wait, come to think of it, maybe– No. Not right. Nope. It was incorrect, false, a lie. None of it was true. There was a glitch in the matrix and this was its mistake.
It was impossible. You had taken every single precaution to ensure that this wouldn’t happen. Lin was busy working on his latest work about some lame dude (Babe, how do you go from writing about barrio life to– I hear rap songs in this biography, okay? Trust me on this!), and you were too overcome with the responsibilities of being the new editor-in-chief of your very own magazine. There wasn’t enough time for this. The two of you had decided it was best to wait until the time was right, until the hype of your brand new lives had died down, until you had enough time to do this.
Now was not the time.
Lin wasn’t due home for a while, as his schedule practically had him living in the theater. And that was another thing. The two of you barely had time together, so when the fuck did this happen?
You sat on your bathroom floor against the bathtub and held your head in your hands, wracking your brain for answers because this was just not happening right now. Thinking back to the last time, you furrowed your brows, confused and at a loss for words, and your mouth remained agape for all of three seconds until you felt the dire need to heave into the open toilet bowl in front of you.
“For Christ’s sake,” you groaned, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.
While part of you was over the moon, the rest of you just couldn’t handle it. Not just because this was all wrong timing, but because you believed it was impossible.
Then again, there was that one time a little over a month ago where the two of you had exactly eight minutes to make up for lost time. It was sloppy and reckless, hands were everywhere, fingers gripping hair, nails digging into flesh, teeth sinking into skin, palms against whatever could steady the two of you, legs hoisted in positions you didn’t know were possible, sounds haphazardly escaping, groans ricocheting against the tiles, names falling from panting mouths.
Dear God, that was it.
You were sitting in the room where it happened.
And now, not only were you anxious and filled with apprehension for what was to come, you were also disappointed that the last time something like that happened was more than a month ago. You were told that the first year of married life was filled with moments of not wanting to leave the confines of your bedroom or, at the very least, the four walls of your home. But no, your first year with a plain ring on the fourth finger of your left hand was spent with the two of you just barely seeing each other in passing, sharing quick pecks whenever both of you had thirty seconds of peace, merely texting each other the day’s activities with brief commentary here and there whenever time allowed.
How were you supposed to throw this into the mix?
You spent three more weeks with this little tidbit kept to yourself, not letting a soul know– especially your mother because Lord knows the first thing she’d do is tell the entire world and the last thing you wanted to do was to tell your entire world (ahem, Lin, because let’s be real, he’s the only thing that truly mattered to you) about it. So you just sat back, dealing with the brute of it all by yourself, silently grateful that your husband was either absent or too tired to even realize what was going on. Sure, a small part of you was frustrated that he didn’t pick up on anything, but you just couldn’t blame him. He practically spent the entirety of the time he had at home just shoving handful upon handful of Cheetos in his mouth, frantically pacing back and forth across the small patch of carpet in front of the piano, mumbling stanzas to himself with a furrowed brow. You couldn’t blame him for being so distracted. And plus, this sort of gave you the time to come to terms with it.
And when you finally came to terms with it all, you were excited because this was happening. Even though it was all wrong timing, (but really, was there a right time for it?) this was still something the two of you had always wanted regardless of where life had you at the moment.
Lin had come home on a Thursday night all distraught and exhausted from some cabinet meeting he had with his buddies, immediately collapsing right next to you on the living room loveseat, burying his face in your shoulder.
“Hello to you too,” you greeted with a grin, shutting your laptop and placing it on the coffee table in front of you.
He grunted something in reply and you simply placed a soft kiss on the crown of his head, chuckling quietly to yourself.
“Hey, I had an idea. Ever heard of the Whisper Challenge?” you asked him, watching as your tired husband looked up at you with worsening eyebags.
“No?” he breathed frustratedly. “What’s that got to do with–”
“Come on, come on! Sit up!” You opened up your laptop again and typed ‘Whisper Challenge rules’ into Google’s search box and hit enter. “See? So we both take turns trying to guess what the other is whispering or… mouthing, it says here. It’ll be fun?”
“How is it supposed to be fun? I mean, we’d be able to hear each other whispering.”
“No no, that’s where the headphones come in,” you told him, gesturing to the headphones around his neck. “Whoever’s guessing puts them on while it’s blaring the loudest music you can find, so you’re really stuck just trying to figure out what I’m trying to say.”
“Baby, I’m so tired,” he whined. “Can’t we just do this next time?”
You pouted, giving him the pleading look that always got you what you wanted. (Your sister swears it was the reason why he married you.) “Come on, Lin, please? For me? I’d play the game by myself, but I’d look stupid just mouthing words I already know I’m saying.”
He threw his head back in a hearty laugh and he shook his head. “God, only you could get me to do this.”
“Because you love me,” you quipped, trying to distract him as you turned on your webcam as stealthily as you could. If there was one thing you wanted to capture more than anything, it was Lin’s reaction to this. “Okay, you first.”
“Fine, fine.” He put on his headphones and turned on his music, blasting it so loudly that you were positive your upstairs neighbors could hear Nas playing in his ears.
“Can you hear me?” you asked him in your normal volume.
“What?!” he yelled in reply, sending you nearly falling off the sofa because you didn’t expect him to shout back at you. The corners of his lips pulling upwards into his signature goofy smile and you found yourself grinning right back at him.
You sat there cross-legged right in front of him, stealing a peek at your laptop to ensure it was recording this. After ensuring the dinky webcam was doing its job, you turned back to him and began to mouth ‘Look, a distraction!’
“Lube, a dictator!” he exclaimed excitedly, shooting you a look of confusion as he giggled.
Dear Jesus, this was going to be one hell of a game.
You snorted at his response and quickly shook your head.
“No, no! Look! A distraction!” you mouthed yet again, this time fully enunciating your words.
“Lewd interaction!” Lin fell back onto the armrest of the loveseat and laughed maniacally, holding his sides as he lost control.
“Lin, no! Look! A! Distraction!” There were tears in your eyes from laughing so hard and you were grateful he couldn’t hear your constant snorting.
He quickly took off the headphones and wiped at his eyes. “I have no idea what you’re saying. What the hell were you saying?”
“Look! A distraction!” you repeated for the last time, just barely getting the words out.
“Jesus Christ, what? I thought you were saying–” He couldn’t finish the sentence because the two of you were just cackling out of control at this point. When the laughter subsided a little, he handed you the headphones. “Go ahead, you try it! It’s not as easy as you think, I swear.”
You put the headphones on and gave him a thumbs up, grinding to the rhythm of “Oochie Wally”, doing a silly body roll along to the music.
He placed his hands on your cheeks and kissed you softly, his eyelashes tickling your cheeks. “God, you’re cute.”
“Go Yoko Ono?” you answered, cocking your head to the side in uncertainty. “Go… yellow?”
“Oh my God, no no no,” he snickered, shaking his head. “That wasn’t my phrase!”
“Thank you, West Wing?”
Lin practically slid off the sofa in a fit of laughter, throwing his hands up in defeat.
“This is hopeless, for fuck’s sake.” He was already sitting on the floor, looking up at you, chuckling uncontrollably, unable to catch a beat to breathe for a little. “T-take off the headphones, babe, please.” He motioned for you to do as he told you and you did so with a nod.
“I have no fucking clue what you were saying,” you told him, the quiet of the room in comparison to the music blaring in your ears taking you aback for a moment.
“You didn’t even give me a chance to come up with a phrase.”
“Wait, so what was it you were saying? That means I didn’t even get a full turn–”
“No, no, no, I’m not having you guess again, Y/N. You’re horrible at this!”
You reached out for his hand and pulled him back up to the sofa, still giggling like the fools you were. “Alright then, fine. You do it again.”
“Y/N, come on, I think we’ve proven that we’re not good at this game.” He raised his arms above his head and stretched, letting out a long yawn.
“Just one more?” you asked him softly, placing a hand on his knee.
He gruffed dramatically and took the headphones from your lap, immediately putting them on. “Last one.”
You were trembling with giddiness, limbs not knowing whether to stay inside the vehicle at all times or outside to let them flail about. With your hands covering you mouth, you shielded a cheesy grin from him and squirmed for a moment, trying to figure out how to break the news to him.
This was it. This was the moment that would change your lives forever. This was the time that would alter reality for the two of you.
For a brief moment, you simply sat there and smiled at him, admiring his obliviousness, watching as his head bobbed to the rhythm of the music. For all of ten seconds, you let yourself think back to a memory that always made your heart burst at the seams.
“He’d be the type of person that couldn’t contain his emotions,” you said with a giggle. “Bouncy and giddy all the time, rambling about anything and everything.”
“I feel like that’s your way of telling me I’m obnoxious…”
“Not so much obnoxious, just… enthusiastic. You’re enthusiastic.”
“Yeah, well she’d also be a master of words because– Psh, look at us, babe. Need I say more?”
“Jesus, our kid’s gonna be the craziest combination in the world.”
He pressed a kiss to your temple. “And we’re gonna be the luckiest people to exist because of it.”
You took a deep breath and held it for a beat before exhaling, mouthing ‘Hi daddy!’ as best as you could.
“Haddock… Ad-lib? I– I’m not getting what you’re saying.”
Once again, you mouthed the phrase, emphasizing each and every letter of the two words.
“If you’re saying, ‘Hi Daddy’, then you could just take it right into the bedroom…” Lin shot you a devilish look, flashing you a conniving grin before breaking into a chuckle.
You quickly shook your head and laughed. “No no, hi daddy!”
Yikes, maybe that wasn’t the phrase to say. Those two words could be easily convoluted, especially with his new lack of hearing. But it was far too late at this point. You’d already said it. He’s already caught on, and he knew what you said.
Lin took off his headphones and looked at you in complete and utter confusion, still roaring with laughter. “Are you saying ‘hi daddy’? What the heck?”
All you did was nod, absentmindedly biting your cheeks to keep yourself from squealing.
“Why that phrase? Hi Daddy? What?” His laughter died down and he stared at you, not quite understanding the significance of the two words. “Either I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t see the obvious or you’re being really vague and I still have complete control of my brain.”
Well, now was the moment to really say it. This was the moment you’d spent days dreading, only to become the most excited person to exist.
“You’re gonna be a dad,” you whispered softly, almost unable to speak because the sheer excitement was too much to handle. “I’m pregnant, Lin.”
His face dropped, mouth hanging wide open, eyes tripling in size. “What?!”
You just beamed at him in reply, too speechless to elaborate any further.
“I’m– Oh my God, babe, that’s amazing!” He immediately grabbed you and pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly as he rested his chin on your shoulder. “I’m– We’re gonna have a baby?” His tone was still incredulous, not that you could blame him because this was the last thing either of you had anticipated.
“We’re gonna have a baby,” you repeated, the tears of joy already pricking your eyes.
He pulled away and kissed you over and over again, placing a hand on your stomach. “Oh my God, that’s… my kid’s in there!” Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss to your stomach before looking back up at you. “Jesus Christ, I love you so much. You’re incredible.”
“I love you,” you murmured in reply, cupping his cheek as you pecked his lips. “We’re having a baby.”
For a moment, both of you sat in each other’s arms in silence, quietly basking in the fact that in just a matter of months, it would no longer be the two of you. This time next year, you’d be sitting on the very same sofa with a little bundle in your arms, marveling at its little nose, tickling its little feet, kissing its little hands. Lin would sing the little one lullabies, waltzing with the baby, lulling it to sleep. You’d go on family outings to the park, babbling back at a gurgling infant, overdramatically describing everything its eyes could see. Both of your families would gush over the newest member of the family, arguing over who would get to hold it first, posting countless pictures of the baby on all social media platforms, claiming the tiny human possessed their chin, their hairline, their fingertips. You and Lin would spend every night with hearts so full of love, disregarding the exhaustion a new infant would entail.
This was a dream come true.
Two and a half months later when your bump made its appearance, Lin was working on your laptop (I left mine at Lac’s, I’ll be fast! I just need to type this out!) and he stopped you just as you were on your way to the office.
“Babe, what’s this?” He asked you, beckoning you over to the kitchen.
It was the video you’d recorded that night.
“Oh! That’s the little Whisper challenge we did when I told you about the little bean,” you answered.
“You recorded the whole thing?”
“Well, yeah, I wanted to capture the moment I told you. For reasons.” You walked back over to the front door and grabbed your shoes from the coat closet. “I have to stop by the office and pick up some things, but I’ll be back.”
Lin walked over to you and kissed you goodbye. “Okay, I’ll see you soon. Love you.”
You walked out the door and headed towards the subway, taking the A down to your office in Chelsea. While you sat impatiently on the car underground, you pulled out your phone and checked your notifications, bringing up your Twitter app when you saw Lin had posted a video, tagging you in it.
@Lin_Manuel: And here we have raw footage of me discovering that my wife and I had created a human! Coming November 2015!
There was the tail-end of the video, the moment when you teared up and Lin wouldn’t stop cheering. The mere sight of his reaction again made you cry yet again, and you blamed it on the hormones that were making you too emotional to function.
The world was on the journey with the two of you, congratulating you in the comments section of every single picture or video Lin posted on social media, giving you guys name suggestions (I don’t know, Rocco is a really cool name– Absolutely not, Lin, we’re not naming our child Rocco. Are you insane?), answering any questions Lin had asked in regards to where to buy random foods at all hours of the night because of your incessant cravings.
He’d insisted on taking a picture every day during your pregnancy to document how insane it was that you were carrying a real human inside. Despite your disdain for pictures on some days, (Lin, I look like a fucking whale– God, you’re beautiful.) you humored him, allowing him to capture the growth of the little one the two of you created.
When the time had come, you were cursing at him left and right because he wanted to take one last picture before the baby arrived, and after remembering how much of a bitch you were on some days, you gave in and forced a smile as he snapped the picture.
Noelle Grace Miranda was born one chilly day in November, rising earlier than the sun, greeting the little doves with her own song.
Upon her arrival at home, like the tradition it became for the past six months, Lin took another picture, this time with the three of you in the shot. You cradled your new bundle of joy in your arms, looking down at her as Lin draped an arm across your shoulder, his free hand caressing Noelle’s little head.
You didn’t know what the point of the pictures were, and you simply assumed he just wanted to capture every single moment from the time he found out he was going to be a father to the time he actually became one. So you were shocked when he told you to join him by the piano with the baby.
“I um,” he started, smiling at the two loves of his life before him. “You recorded the minute I found out I was gonna be a dad, so now I want to commemorate this new part of our life with this.”
“Shh, just wait,” he replied with a chuckle. In front of him was a camera propped up on its tripod, set up and ready to go. He beamed right at it and clasped his hands together before positioning his fingers on the ivory keys. From C-sharp major seven, he played a tune in 12/8 time, his left knee bouncing up and down as he felt out the rhythm. His fingers found their way to E-flat minor, then to G-flat major nine, ending the riff at A-flat over the previous chord.
You cradled your little one as you sat right next to him on the piano bench, not too sure what to expect.
“I’ll be honest,” he began to sing. “I didn’t think we had the time. Your mama, she’s a busy one, and papa, well, he’s trying to make something out of someone. Just so happened we made you too. You weren’t a part of the plan yet, but thank God we got you.” Lin’s eyes fluttered shut as he lost himself in the song. “I will try to show you the meaning of happiness. We’ll both learn how to be the best we can be. I’ll make the world open all the doors for you because you… have opened a million new doors for me.”
Tears brimmed your eyes as you watched on, gazing adoringly at your husband, your heart growing an infinite amount with every note he sang.
“You smile, for a moment, I can’t breathe. Can’t help but wonder what life’s got in store. I’m not prepared to watch you grow into who you’re destined to be, so stay my little one until I’m ready. But I will learn to grow with you as the days go by, and we will figure out our brand new life. I know I’ll make mistakes along the way, but I can promise that no matter what the world will bring, I promise, I’ll hold your hand through everything, I promise that there is nothing more that I will ever do… than to make sure I’m the very best for you.”
There was a bit of an interlude and Lin’s fingers danced up and down the keys, his eyes now open and gazing down at the tiny creation you held in your arms.
“I promise that there’s nothing more that I will ever do,” he sang softly, his eyes welling up. “Than to make sure life’s the very best for you.”
He ended the song with a major-seven arpeggio, letting the chord ring out until it faded before reaching up to stop the recording.
“Lin, I’m–” you couldn’t speak, too speechless to make anything else leave the safehaven of your lips.
“Thank you for the best gift the world has ever given me,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead and then to Noelle’s. “I love you guys so much.”
“I love you too,” you whispered back.
The next day, Lin posted the video of the song on YouTube, linking it to his Twitter and Facebook. Not only was it a video of him singing Noelle’s new lullaby, but it was a montage of all the pictures he’d taken through every step of your journey to parenthood. At the end of it all, there was a picture of your newborn with a caption of her full name and birthdate. Underneath, a note from Lin to his daughter.
My little one, I promise to lay a strong enough foundation. I’ll give you the entire world. I’ll do whatever it takes to make the world safe and sound for you. I can’t wait to see you blow us all away someday. My little love, you are my entire world.
Te amo, mi amorcita.