They’ve Got Your Back
What’s the best thing you could find in life? Most people would say, “Someone to make me totally secure and take care of all my needs.” These people don’t know it, but that’s what we have in prison.
We used to scramble for everything we got—job, home, transportation, even advice and guidance. We had to work hard for everything, and everything we got was insecure. You make a little mistake, and you lose your job. A relationship breaks up, and suddenly you have no home. An accident, and your nice new car is gone. The hardest thing of all is to find somebody to tell you where to go and what to do. But we don’t have those problems anymore.
When they take us to the pen, they put us in a big, expensive bus, the kind of ride that gets everyone’s attention. No danger from road rage—the windows are barred, and the door is locked and bolted. And it’s just for us—an exclusive tour.
On reaching our destination, uniformed guides are waiting to show us exactly where to go. Those guides will be looking after us every hour of every day, for the rest of our lives. On entrance to the building, our legs are chained together and our arms are chained to our sides, to prevent any random straying from the tour route.
That’s only one example of the fact that our new home is completely safe. The doors of the bus don’t open until it’s inside the security gate, and the gate is locked. That gate is massive! The house itself is made out of reinforced concrete. Every window is bullet proof, and every door is steel. All double locked, of course. And in case anybody ever tried to crawl in over the roof, he’d find that the edges of the building are protected with razorwire.
By special contract, our home is covered by a lifetime guarantee, backed by the government, from which none of the parties can escape. The deal includes free food, free clothing, free healthcare–free everything, always. To minimize the possibility of any problems with relationships, all residents are required to follow the same rules, accept the same guidance, and even wear the same clothes. No discrimination allowed! Yet our individuality is fully respected: our wrist bands are plainly stamped with our own individual numbers.
It’s an all-inclusive personal maintenance plan—and it’s easy to sign up for! Why not give it a try?