barnyard commandos

Where have all the weird toys gone

As a kid I was really into collecting action figure sets and I always liked the weird ones, because I was weird.  I wanted to do a post with some of my favorites.  I collected quite a bit so this may get long… sorry (Gillie!!)

FOOD FIGHTERS

Look at these things, they are anthropomorphic foods dress in army fatigues.  You can’t see in the picture but they are basically squeaky toys with hard plastic, muscular human arms stuck on them.

The vehicle is an egg carton turned into a tanky type thingy.  None of the characters are even eggs. I LOVE IT!

BARNYARD COMMANDOS

The classic tale of pigs and sheep murdering each other with heavy weapons is finally brought to american children. 

Again, these vehicles are amazing.  That biplane is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. 

BUCKY O'HARE

Not much to say here: Bucky O'Hare was a green bunny in space who fought frogs with his four-armed duck friend.  Normal.

The frogs’ spaceship looks like a frog.  I have been saying for years that the reason humans still haven’t conquered space travel is we don’t make our rockets human-shaped.  

EARTHWORM JIM

Great game, good cartoon, and amazing toys.  I still have these and they will be displayed once I have the space for it.  

THE TOXIC AVENGER

Look at these craaaazy colors. 

drumroll please

NINJA TURTLES

First of all I never liked the cartoon.  In fact I hated it because is was never as weird as the toys, and that really is true. I also never collected the toys of the main four turtles unless it was the weirder series.  My favorites were the crazy side characters.

That’s right, these are Civil War Leo and Raph. This set also tells you that Raph was for slavery, makes sense.

The entire fantasy set was great but dwarf Don can’t be beat.

This exists so all is well in the world.

Ninja Turtles version of batman, Wingnut.  His robin is a mosquito, wonderful.

Now for the really weird ones.

This is Pizzaface, the grossest toy in the history of the world.  You can’t see it great here but I always loved the fact that his pinkie is sticking out on his right hand because he is classy.

Just like most people at walmart this guy is a trash person hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I have no idea, but I did have this one and it was one of my favorites.

Yep,that is farmer Donatello with a tractor.  There was also a Raph with a tractor.  I had both, obviously. Like real tractors the hub caps are pizzas.

Remember when the turtles flew around on a giant deformed mosquito?

I saw this character in the store once but though I was maybe getting a little too old to buy it so I didn’t.  Not a day goes by that I don’t regret that decision.

youtube

BARNYARD COMMANDOS (1990)

 an action figure line created by toy designer James Groman for American Greetings Corporation and produced by Playmates in 1989. A thirteen-episode French-American animated was based on the figures the following year. Produced by Murakami-Wolf-Swenson and the french company IDDH

The property is based around the concept of farm animals who consumed radioactive materials left over from an abandoned military experiment, mutating them into hyper-intelligent, anthropomorphic paramilitary troops. This consists of two “hilariously harmless” opposing teams: the R.A.M.S. (Rebel Army of Military Sheep) and the P.O.R.K.S. (Platoon of Rebel Killer Swine).

Why was it forgotten?: IT’S A COMPLETELY DUMB CONCEPT THAT DOESN’T SURVIVE PAST THE NOVELTY.

I’m having flashbacks back to TMNT Rip-Off Week here. This probably would’ve made a good entry if I were focusing on Ninja Turtle rip offs that were really dumb and stupid, which this most certainly is.

Like other bizarre cartoons I’ve featured on here, this production seems more like a parody of an actual cartoon you would see on another, much funnier cartoon, or in like, Mad Magazine.

Maybe I’m just being harsh. Maybe this is one of those kinds of cartoons that rises above the silliness of it’s concept and delivers a decent experience?

How often do I ask that question?

And how often do I reach the same conclusion?

Yeah.

This series is so weak, anemic, and forgettable that I have no idea how the writers were remotely capable of stretching out this stupid cartoon for 20 thirty minute episodes.

TRIVIA

  • Two series of Barnyard Commandos were produced, each including several figures from both teams. Similar to Mattel‘s Food Fighters, the figures are non-poseable and made of soft, hollow plastic much like squeaky toys. They each include a weapon accessory that fastens onto the figure and a brief, humorous character description on the card back.
  • Burger King also produced a series of tie-in toys as Kids’ Meal premiums.
  • Only four episodes of the series were released to four NTSC VHS tapes with one episode each.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

You know what this series is, in all brutal honesty?

This is the kind of cartoon you watch on a video that you barely pay attention to at a daycare, in after school, or in the pick-up window at a summer camp that a counselor puts on for background noise. Nobody knows what it is and nobody bothers to pay attention to it because they picked up the video cassette at a Goodwill for like, a penny.