THE DRESS: A Cautionary Tale
Hello friends. It is with great pleasure to present to you perhaps our greatest gift yet on our What Would Yeezus Wear Journey. The ICONIC Met Gala look 2013.
The dress that launched 1000 memes.
But triumph doesn’t come without trials. “Why are you posting such fire on a random Sunday night WWYW?”
So begins our story, full of keys to success, and lots of people not wanting us to win. *shouts DJ Khaled*
It all started a month before Halloween 2015. The ladies of WWYW had long discussed the possibility of pulling off this look, and felt Halloween, the one year anniversary of our viral explosion, and a perfect opportunity to flex on the gram, was the time to make the impossible possible. It started with Katie finding a dress at the thrift store (shouts Lil’ Dicky #savedatmoney) with a strikingly similar pattern. This opening the door to the think this could actually work. Only problem, it didn’t have a neck, sleeves, or matching gloves, and not nearly enough fabric to hack it together. Kathleen did not enjoy Katie’s suggestion of cutting all the pieces we needed from the backside of the dress for her booty to be hanging out for the world to see (it is not nearly impressive enough to #breaktheinternet, it would merely #breakKathleenspride). So the search began.
Could it be possible that some yardage of bootleg Givenchy was laying in some bargain fabric basement? There was only one woman up for the task and her name is Lori Lee (@lololeelee). Mother of Kathleen Lee, seamstress extraordinaire, inspirer of Kathleen’s costuming and fashion legacy. We knew after years of toiling over the Lee children’s costumes and the entire wardrobe for the Truckee High School production of Guys and Dolls that she was ready for the weight of this responsibility.
She set out to the mecca of bargain basement fabric discounters. MILL END FABRICS. Is it in Milan? Paris? No. It is in the center of sartorial innovation: RENO, NEVADA. Like a sign from Yeezus himself, there it was in all it’s glory. The final few yards of a bolt of rose patterned greatness priced at the Lil’ Dickey approved price of $3.99.
Glorious. It felt too good to be true, and little did we know it was about to prove us right.
Lori began her masterpiece. She became enraptured by the beautiful handwork of Ricardo Tisci.
(someone’s been to the Selfish school of selfie taking)
After a few hours of hard unpaid labor, Lori put her masterpiece in an envelope and addressed it to San Francisco. And this is when our story meets it’s villain: The United States Postal Service.
That’s right USPS. I’ve got the receipts. And as will be revealed shortly, this dysfunctional excuse for a government agency has rose-patterned blood on it’s hands.
All seemed well and right as I received my tracking updates, with glee. Out for delivery! Could this really be happening!? Our shining moment was so close we could taste it.
PLOT TWIST. Adding fuel to the fire that is the rage that burns inside the hearts of WWYW for the USPS, after missing the insured delivery date of Wednesday, pushing our shoot dangerously close to the Halloween date, on THURSDAY of that week none other than the Kween Kardashian herself, and the matriarch to lead all Matriarchs Kris MOMAGER Jenner (it should be noted here that it is no coincidence that Lori and Kris have the same birthday) followed the What Would Yeezus Wear account.
Panic ensued. The brightest spotlight of our burgoening viral internet career was melting our faces off. There was a chance that KIM HERSELF was going to see Lori’s handiwork.
That day it appeared that a miracle HAIL MARY PASS was within reach, and that we were going to pull off the most epic viral fire post to end all posts when Kathleen received her tracking updated. “Out for Delivery”.
But like the Eye of Sauron, the USPS did not want us to have our precious. The business day closed. No delivery. And our story went from WTF to full on BISH WHAT IN THE ACTUAL:
Our precious was en route TO LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA. We’re they trying to deliver it to Kim herself??
Compounding matters were the following factors: 1) Kim teased her followers that she may in fact plan on wearing THE DRESS for Halloween after posting a pic from her game in said dress. 2) The post office assigned to our zip code happens to be the only one in San Francisco without a public facing customer service desk. And like all fully functional government agencies, all the other post-offices said there was simply nothing they could do.
The rage burned brighter than ever. Like emperor Palpatine the USPS looked on with glee. The journey, young padawan, had only begun.
We pivoted to a backup lewk (which was still fire btw) and accepted defeated. At best we thought, we could post on Monday when everyone’s Halloween recaps were going out. It stung, but you most persevere.
Halloween passed. Kim wore the dress. The internet commented on the cleverness of her being able to make a joke at her own expense. The WWYW creators sat in a corner somewhere crying over back to back plays of 808 and Heartbreaks. Oh, what could have been.
But the devil wasn’t done with us. Did the package arrive on Monday? The answer is no. It did not.
Check the date. CHECK THE CITY. SANTA MONICA. SAN FRANCISCO. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. WHAT. IN. THE.
There were angry phone calls to inept government employees who probably aren’t compensated properly to care, countless tracking number refreshes the dress still didn’t come. To be honest we don’t know how many times it went out for delivery in Santa f*cking Monica, checking became too painful. At this point the biggest fear was that Lori’s hardwork would never arrive anywhere would be trapped in the purgatory of Santa Monica’s delivery routes for eternity.
We moved on. We forged a new future that was empty and grey.
And then it came. Over a month later.
(Not Santa Monica, thanks for the geography lesson Satan).
At this point we were numb. How could we post it now? Look like hack jobs that saw Kim’s Halloween post and took a month to randomly post it’s copy. The holidays were coming, people were distracted and the WWYW team was defeated.
And so it sat.
But here is the thing. We set out to do this, we believed. And going home and having every single random you went to high school with ask when your next fire post is gonna drop knowing you were sitting on napalm and the USPS wanted nothing of it got harder and harder to bear.
So here we are in the new year renewed. New Year, New What Would Yeezus Wear, because God Damn the USPS, you deserve it. Our loyal followers that gave us the most lit hobby, strange conversation starter, and ego stroke we could have never imagine in our wildest fever dreams. We owe you fire content and what would we be if we let poorly-run, taxed-funded evil keep it from you.
So forgive us friends for the delay. Accept our renewed promise to you, to do everything in our power come hell, high water, government agencies, and any other forces that try to bring us down, to bring you the most inspiring and LOL inducing recreations of the Kardashian/West/Jenner empire because YOU deserve it.
They don’t want us to win.