bard card


Behold: three Shakespeare-themed Valentine’s Day cards!

Find more here!

(These are not mine. I found them on a Facebook thread and through Google searches. If any of these are yours and you want them taken down, just shoot me a message. If any of these are yours and you want credit, just shoot me a message or comment on this.)

Valentine's Day
  • Sebastian: As today is Valentine's Day, I predict the young master will have another one of his bouts. Everyone be prepared.
  • Finny: *shuddering* Last year was so scary!
  • Snake: Does Smile hate Valentine's Day? Says Emily.
  • Ciel: *appearing from around the corner* Don't be foolish, Snake. I LOVE Valentine's Day.
  • Sebastian: Oh, young master... We were just having a meeting about today's events-- no need to concern yourself with the detai--
  • Ciel: Do you know what makes Valentine's Day so great?
  • Snake: Um... Other people? Says Osca--
  • Ciel: The PROFIT. I'm running a candy and toy company after all. This truly is the most glorious day of the year..!
  • Bard: Oh my god he's at it again.
  • Mey-Rin: Young master, please calm down!
  • Ciel: In fact, today is so important that I'm giving all of you the day off-- even Sebastian. Plus, I made you all Valentine's cards.
  • Bard: You sick freak!
  • Finny: *sniffling* Where did the young master we know and love go? What if he never comes back?
  • Ciel: Anyway, I need to go call Elizabeth. Enjoy your day off.
  • Ciel: *leaves*
  • Sebastian: Now that the young master has left, I suggest we orderly evacuate the manor in favor of our Valentine's Day safe house in the woods.
  • Snake: Shouldn't we--
  • Sebastian: No. RUN.

For now, the set is complete! All six player character party members, three mounts/companions (plus one friendly mouse), a former character turned NPC, and Malthus’ demon familiar with a will of his own. Fun little project! I will likely complete the rest of the major arcana at a later date, once we have more NPCs to fill out the cards.

So the URealms website has opened up and I’m here playing with the character creator on the site.

I have accidently the worlds smallest Gnome Bard. Who is also a artist.
I want to keep her with me forever, probably in a pocket.
The smutty Shakespeare game you need for your next smarty-pants party
“Bards Dispense Profanity” challenges players to explore Shakespeare’s dirty side

“In the new game, released this month, a designated Profanity Judge lays down a card that shows an uncompleted sentence, such as: “I’m getting a degree in English. It’s basically four years of _______.” Players select appropriately suggestive Shakespeare cards from their hand…”


an empty cricket cage,
it holds god, fresh and
newly branded, contained

like a cow on a leash,
walked round the block,

or like an invisible dog
with a proud ecstasis,

a koan singer who is
carnal and quiet erotic asks the dog,
what is this delirium?
what is this hallucination,
what is this whorl.

ask noam chompsky, said the dog.
ask a ouiji board, said the block.
ask madame blavatsky, said the golden cow.

vallejo, answered the grassy knoll.
lorca, said the moon with a spoon.

to arrive at woman or snow or mailbox
from the wrong serpentine tree on 
the wrong ribbed road 

i love this storm, said i,
the privacy.
i move in swirls of light,
like an undertow.

jung marx malcome x
all burnt their draft cards
daft bards
laughed hard,

in seeking my lover
i hold my iphone close, but
first i play two dots as
i finger my own lips


So I was reading about history of card games because BECAUSE…! U3U)/

and I was looking at the different suits for different countries and apparently in German decks the suits are Hearts, Bells, Acorns, and Leaves. 

And I thought it was so perfect for these four ;w;

Cause Bard shot Smaug while on a bell tower, the leaves was obvious for Thranduil, BILBO’S ACORN, and the Arkenstone as the heart of the mountain for Thorin.  

I’ll do a more clean digital version of this and more stuff with these suits when I have time UuU


FAQ  |  pt. 1  |  pt. 2  |  pt. 3  |  pt. 4  |  pt. 5  |  pt. 6  |  pt. 7  |  pt. 8  |  pt. 9  |  pt. 10  |  pt. 11  |  pt. 12  |  pt. 13  |  pt. 14  |  pt. 15  |  pt. 16  |  pt. 17  |  pt. 18  |  pt. 19  |  pt. 20

art, art, art, arrrrrrt.  okay, i’m done.  except.  also.  y’know.  ART!

Lydia’s a study in disinterest.  Gaze stretching out across campus, lips pursed in judgment of the impromptu Frisbee match forming on the quad, position oriented to scarcely acknowledge that she’s standing with Stiles.

Stiles is tempted to tell her to drop the act because once obsession with someone has been coded into his DNA, there’s not so much as a micro-expression that he’s likely to miss.  He’s definitely already caught on to and catalogued the shrewdness that has been attacking her face all day.  She knows something but she doesn’t know what she knows and she’s been hawk-eyed and predatory ever since she figured out that much.

Stiles is not going to encourage any of that, thanks much.  Side note: why is everyone around him comparable to some type of bird?  Not that he’s thinking about hummingbirds, because he isn’t.  He could be, but he’s not, because he’s in control of his brain and he’s decided: no.  Crap.  Firstly, he’s totally thinking about hummingbirds.  Second-of-ly, what kind of bird would that make him?  Oh man, probably some kind of friggin’ goose.

He hates geese.

Now he knows it’s likely because he’s subconsciously recognized a kinship to them.

“If you had to pick a feathered representation for me, it wouldn’t be a goose, right?”

Years of following his bullet-speed trains of thought has led to Lydia taking that completely in stride.  She doesn’t even bother to look up at him, hand fishing in her purse for her phone to check the time.  “A seabird probably,” she offers, lighting up the screen, “they’re clumsy on land.”

“Well that’s a self-esteem boost I didn’t know I needed,” Stiles says dryly.  “You’re a true humanitarian, Lyds.  Also, the correct answer was secret option C) some kind of dinosaur.  I would’ve preferred stegosaurus, for the record.”

She brushes the hair out of her face, glances at him.  “I could have said a hoatzin.”

Stiles has legitimately no idea what that is.  “Th… anks?”  He thinks. Probably.

“More commonly known as stinkbirds.  You’re welcome,” she confirms.  Her gaze is less glancing, more stripping and Stiles pretends not to notice.  “Expert deflection, Stiles, truly.”  She golf claps mockingly and Stiles glares back at her.  “Now what are you deflecting?”

“If I tell you, they’ll revoke my ‘expert’ status,” Stiles points out smartly, “And rip up my ribbon.  I can’t have that, I’ve already put it in the family newsletter.”

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