bar-shorts

Imagine you tried to rob a wizard's tower

The cold stone walls close in on you. There’s fresh, clean straw under you and an empty bucket in one corner. A torch burns resolutely in the hallway. You knew this was a stupid idea. One of the boys in your village convinced you that the wizard is a fraud, that his potions are sugar water and his magical talismans are useless bits of junk. The boy dared you to sneak into the wizard’s tower, steal something, and bring it back. You agreed, but mostly to shut him up. You’re not afraid of the wizard or his alleged power. There’s no such thing as magic, after all.


The wizard’s tower was just outside of the village, at the edge of the forest. If it had any kind of guards or defenders, you’d never seen them. You snuck in through a crack in the wall and looked through shelves of bones and crystals and things you couldn’t even identify, searching for something small enough to slip into your pocket. You were startled by a noise behind you, and even more startled when you turned to look at the source. A little humanlike figure, about the size of a pigeon, sat perched on a shelf and grinned at you. It spread out its batlike wings and said something in a language you’d never heard, a few syllables that echoed strangely in the small room. Everything went black, and when you woke up, you were in a cell.

So here you are, imprisoned. There’s a man looking at you through the barred door. He’s a short and slight, with a neatly trimmed beard. You’ve seen him before, hawking the wizard’s wares in the village market, all smiles and lofty promises as he peddled healing potions and fertility charms. He is not smiling now.

“Why did you invade my tower?” he asks. “Go on, let’s hear it.”

You’ve always assumed that he was actually the wizard’s assistant, or just a hireling. He looks nothing like you’ve always pictured wizards. He’s wearing a look of extreme annoyance and the kind of tunic and trousers that wouldn’t look out of place on the village innkeeper. You don’t know what you expected. Elaborate robes and a long gray beard. For some unknowable reason, you’re unwise enough to say so.

“The robes are only for ceremonial use,” he says. “They are dreadfully uncomfortable. I can’t be bothered to wear them all the time. You break into my home, and now you expect me to walk around draped in all that nonsense just to meet your expectations?”

Lost for words, you can only shake your head.

“And what about you?” he asks, crossing his arms. “Why are you here? I warn you, I won’t take pity on you no matter how heartrending your story is. Your mother’s dying from some horrible disease the healers have never seen before? Is it your sister? Are your crops failing? I rather liked the thief who said he needed a lucky charm so he could win enough gold to pay off his gambling debts. I can imagine how he got into trouble in the first place.”

“A boy in the village dared me,” you admit, and your voice comes out as little more than a whisper. It sounds pathetic even to you. Your heart is pounding and if you weren’t still on the ground, you’d probably collapse anyway. “I only said yes so he’d shut up. I didn’t even take anything. I swear, I’ll never come here again-” You trail off as the words die in your throat.

The wizard closes his eyes and sighs deeply. “Those charms I sell in the market? Those are mere trinkets,” he says. “Little things to keep the villagers happy. You have no idea what I can really do. If you ran off with something really dangerous, you could unleash horrors you can’t even imagine. I mean hellfire raining from the skies, cattle transforming into ravenous beasts. And that would be the least of it. You could end the world.”

“I’m sorry,” you try to say, but it just comes out as a squeaking noise.

He’s still glaring at you, but something in his expression actually seems to soften a little. “Still, you’re honest,” he says. “That’s a rare trait.”

“Are you going to let me go?” you ask.

The little winged creature is sitting on his shoulder. It chitters at you and draws one slender finger across its throat.

The wizard smiles coldly. “Eventually,” he says. “I can’t let intruders just run off on their merry way. You might decide to pay me a return visit. Or tell someone that I’m soft on thievery.” He pulls a bottle out of his pocket and holds it up to the bars. It’s clear glass, with a cork trapping some clear reddish liquid inside. “Here’s the deal. Drink this, endure what’s going to happen to you, and then you can go. Don’t drink it, and you’ll stay locked in this cell forever or until I find another use for you and all those delightful organs of yours. You would not believe what you can do with a human spleen.”

You hesitate. “Endure” is a very scary word, considering your current situation. But he did promise to let you go, and whatever that potion does can’t be worse than staying locked up forever. At least, you hope not.

The potion bottle clinks against cold iron as you pull it through the bars.. It’s heavier than it looks. “What is it?” you ask, studying the contents. “What’s going to happen to me if I drink this?”

“And ruin the surprise? It will hurt,” he says. “It won’t kill you. If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have bothered with the cell or dangling the thought of freedom out in front of you. I’m not that sadistic. Well, I am. But only sometimes.”

It’s still not very reassuring, but what he’s saying makes sense. He hasn’t hurt you so far, besides locking you up. And to be honest, taking his offer is the best option you have available. “Okay,” you say. “I’ll drink it. And then do you swear by the Light that you’ll let me go?”

The wizard is quiet for a moment. “The Light and I are not on particularly good terms,” he says. “But if it puts you more at ease, I swear by the Light that I’ll release you alive and unharmed.”

Somehow, it doesn’t put you at ease at all. But you believe him.

You try to open the potion bottle. The cork’s wedged in tightly and your hands are shaking too hard to pull it out. The little winged creature flutters off the wizard’s shoulder, flies right through the door, and lands beside you. Its agile fingers work the cork out easily, and the creature holds the bottle out to you expectantly. The potion smells like herbs and something you can’t quite identify.

“My familiar will have to stay here to keep you company,” says the wizard. “I can see through its eyes, and it is rather stronger than it appears. I’d advise against trying anything. Now, drink that so I can get back to work.”

Closing your eyes, you swallow the bottle’s contents. It tastes overly sweet and your throat tingles afterwards. You’re tingling all over, actually, and you can feel something shifting deep inside of you. There’s a twinge of pain deep in your belly. “What did I just drink?” you ask, trying to fight off a feeling of impending doom. “What’s happening to me?”

The wizard’s already setting off down the hallway. “You’ll see,” is all he says.

***

The familiar can’t seem to sit still. It paces up and down the length of your cell, occasionally flying out through the walls and back again. Whenever you try the walls they’re solid rock; the familiar must be able to pass through them magically. Once, you get up to try the door but the familiar just chitters at you menacingly. You sit back down and try to ignore the growing ache in your belly.

It started out as a mild annoyance, so slight you thought you were imagining it. Now it feels like someone’s punched you in the belly; not hard, but it hurts enough to be distracting. It feels like hours have passed but aside from the stomachache, nothing else seems to be happening to you. Maybe the potion really was sugar water after all. Or maybe it just didn’t work. You hope it didn’t work. Then the wizard’ll have to let you go just like he promised, right?

Your clothes are getting tighter around your middle. That’s odd. As you reach down to put a hand on your stomach, an icy rush of panic fills you. Your belly’s growing. It’s slow at first, but it soon starts growing faster. Eventually you have to strip out of your clothes just to make room for your new bulk. Once, a woman in the village gave birth to twins, and you’re bigger now than she ever was. You sit with your back against the cold stone wall and watch as you grow bigger and bigger, pinned beneath your own growing belly. Whatever’s inside you, it’s so heavy that you’re not sure you could stand up if you tried to. You run your hands over your belly, oddly fascinated by the feeling of it under your fingers. Your curiosity almost overcomes the fear.

Something slick is running out of you and down your legs to pool in the straw bedding. You wonder what’s inside you, and if it’s close to being born. Some kind of creature? You’ve heard that pregnant women can feel their babies moving, but you don’t feel anything besides a steadily growing weight. So maybe it’s not a creature.

That’s almost comforting. You’ve been imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios. Now you don’t need to worry that there’s some sort of demon beast about to claw its way out of you. Well, you weren’t worried about that before. You’re a little worried now.

All at once you feel a rush of fluid and some immense weight slipping into your passage. All your other thoughts vanish. There’s something inside you and you need to get it out, that’s all you know. You push, but you feel like the thing inside you is barely moving at all. You whimper in pain as you push harder, and you think you can feel it just barely inching its way down your passage.

You can feel your skin bulge outwards as the thing moves downwards one agonizing push at a time. The wizard said it would hurt, but this is so much worse than you feared. You feel tears streaming down your face as you try to force the thing out. You can feel it straining for release at your entrance. It’s barely half out and it’s already stretching you impossibly wide. By the Light, it feels like you’re going to split open. But you don’t, and you watch dumbfounded as an egg slides out of you.

An egg. You’re being held prisoner by a sadistic wizard, and he’s forcing you to lay eggs. It would be almost funny if you weren’t in so much pain right now. You let out a groan as another one enters your passage, begging you to squeeze it out. Again, you start to push, and again, you feel like the egg is barely moving at all. You scream, but it dissolves into helpless sobbing.

This is impossible. That first egg felt bigger than anything you could possibly squeeze out, and who knows how many more you have inside you? The wizard said he’d release you “eventually”. What does that even mean? How long does he expect to keep you here? Hours? Days? Weeks?

The familiar picks up your egg and flies out of the cell with it, apparently having no trouble carrying an object bigger than itself. You wonder where they’re going, what the wizard intends for these eggs. But then you need to push again and the effort drives everything else out of your mind.

The second doesn’t come much easier, but after another exhausting ordeal an egg drops out of you and onto the straw below. And, again, the familiar scoops it up and flies off with it to who knows where. You feel a third egg enter your passage. Then a fourth, a fifth. You’re losing count. All you can do is keep laying eggs and pray that there’s an end in sight.

They start coming faster and faster. After you birth each egg you barely have time to catch your breath before the next one starts working its way out. You barely noticed it through the haze of pain but now you realize that your belly hasn’t been shrinking. In fact, it’s growing. New eggs are forming inside you faster than you can push them out.

A horrible thought occurs to you.

“When I lay them all, that’s it?” you ask the familiar, between gasps. “He’ll let me go?”

The familiar nods excitedly.

“But-” You thought you were out of tears but now you can feel more welling up. You just keep growing more. You’ve been tricked. The wizard lied. He’s never going to let you go. You’ll just stay here in this cell forever, spewing out eggs until you die, wondering when the tide will finally stop. Your throat’s already hoarse, but you scream as another egg starts to slide down your passage.

***

You cry in relief when you notice that your belly is finally shrinking. By the end, the eggs just slide out of you with no resistance; you couldn’t stop them even if you wanted to. Your hole is stretched beyond recognition and every part of you hurts. You lie there in the straw, too spent to move. “Please, let it be over,” you whisper. You’ll never steal anything ever again. You’ll go to the Chapel of the Light every Sun’s Day and pray for forgiveness. You’ll kill the bastard who dared you to come here in the first place.

The wizard steps into view in the hallway as his familiar carries the last egg away. “Normally I give my guests a second or third dose of the ovigenesis potion,” he says, by way of greeting. “But, well, you were honest with me. If you like, you can have this instead.”

The potion in his hands now is one you recognize. It’s one of the milky-pink healing potions he sells in the marketplace. He offers it to you and you drink it down without an argument. It takes effect almost instantly. Your pain fades and you can feel your poor, abused muscles repairing themselves. In a few minutes you feel almost as good as new. Almost.

You were too exhausted to realize that you’re still naked. Naked in front of a strange man who has you locked in a cell. Reflexively, you cover yourself.

The wizard chuckles a little. “I can see through my familiar’s eyes, remember? I’ve seen all you have to offer and I have no prurient interest in your body. To me, you’re just a source of raw materials.”

You really don’t like the way he says that. Your hands stay where they are and you look over at your discarded clothing. Your discarded, wet clothing. Ugh.

“I can clean the…assorted fluids out of your clothes. You know, with magic.” He mutters something and waves his hands. The familiar neatly folds your clothes and lays them on a dry patch of straw. “There we go. Do you have any other pressing needs? A glass of water, perhaps?”

You answer no. Actually, you’d love a cold drink of water right now but besides the healing potion, you’re not sure you’d feel safe drinking anything he might offer you.

The wizard shrugs. “As I promised, you’re alive and unharmed. Mostly unharmed, at least. My healing potion will take care of that. I’m sure you can feel it working already. When you’ve recovered, you can leave.” He turns and walks off into the darkened hallways.

Strength returns to your body and your poor, abused hole even starts to close up. When you feel confident that you can stand without falling over, you dress yourself and follow the chittering familiar out through the wizard’s dungeons. You head out through the tower’s front doors and into the night. Outside, the breeze smells sweeter than the finest perfume. You stagger home and collapse into your bed, sleeping soundly until well into the afternoon.

***

You never go near the tower again. The village boy shows up at your house the next day and asks what happened. You’re tempted to punch him, but you don’t have the strength. Instead, you tell him to fuck off as viciously as you can manage. He doesn’t bother you again.

But it doesn’t quite end there. You try to avoid the wizard’s stall on market days but somehow he’s always right in your path, and he always greets you with a wide smile and a cheerful “Well, if it isn’t my favorite customer!” Sometimes, he tries to offer you a very familiar red potion. Your heart stops when you see it, but then he gives you a wink and slips the bottle back into some hidden pocket.

Lately he’s been selling “dragon’s egg” potions and carved amulets. Whenever you see them set out and glinting in the sunlight, you ache somewhere deep inside. You’re sure those eggs didn’t come out of any dragon, but you can never work up the nerve to ask.

You develop a profound sense of appreciation for chickens and egg-laying creatures of all kinds. You can never look at an omelette the same way again.

And it turns out that the potion never truly wore off. Once every few months, you’re awakened in the middle of the night by a sharp pain in your abdomen. The wizard’s familiar swoops in as you push a giant egg out of yourself, cackling to itself as it watches you strain. Laying the egg is always worse than you remember; every push feels useless, like the egg’s trying to cling to your insides out of sheer spite. Eventually it crowns and then slides out, leaving a void where your insides were stretched around it.

Every time, you wonder if this egg will really be the last one. Every time, you ask the familiar to tell the wizard you’re sorry, you never meant any harm, and can he fix what the potion did to you?

The familiar just grins at you and flies off into the night, holding your newborn egg in its arms.

(Hi! I’m deepoceanblue and when I sat down at my computer, this happened. Thanks for reading <3)

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This might (read: this most definitely is, but it would be cool if this much thought has actually been put into this) be a stretch, but, if you cast your minds back to the Reflections, where everyone made an appearance in some way, even if it was subtle (billboard advertising Lucio’s world tour, Symmetra appearing on the front cover of an Architect magazine, etc). 

If you recall the two page spread showing the majority of everyone having their own Christmas traditions, you see that:

The newspaper featuring Bastion appears in Torbs frame.

And we just got a comic featuring Torb and Bastion.

Now, I am probably (read: definitely) giving too much credit, and this was probably (read: absolutely) just random chance, but if this was thought out and deliberate (I can already hear the anons saying I’m reaching too far but let me hypothesise for a sec, okay, people?)

So lets just hypothetically say this was deliberate, and this was a nod to a future comic, we can then hypothetically say that there were perhaps other instances nodding towards future comics and/or shorts.

Ignoring the panels where people were obviously grouped together because of their connection to each other (Roadhog and Junkrat, Ana and Jack, Genji and Zenyatta) or on their own (Hanzo, Gabriel, and Lucio and Symmetra having smaller cameos) there are two frames that stand out with people being grouped together that have no current connection to each other:

And:

We joked at the time about Reaper’s two adopted kids meeting up for the holidays and getting drunk together, or Sombra stalking McCree on Reaper’s orders, or a variety of other theories surrounding the holidays as to why they ended up in the same bar. But long story short, there was no real reason to put these two together in the same panel. Sombra could just have easily been drinking at another bar to parallel McCree’s loneliness, or she could’ve been shown holed up with a computer in a dark room, finding out everyone’s secrets.

And D.Va, Zarya, and Mei. All both shown right next to the RECALL: ACTIVE sign at Watchpoint. Similarly, these three could’ve been shuffled around the panels and appeared elsewhere, instead of grouped together. So, with apparent rumours of a Mei short in the works, this might hint towards more characters teaming up or coming together by chance with their own stories? We might also end up seeing something involving McCree and Sombra at some point too, and I think I saw somewhere that Johnny Cruz mentioned a Lucio short too, but he didn’t know when, so, maybe we’ve got hints as to potential shorts or comics in future here.

I don’t know, I know this is one helluva stretch and I’m rambling on the  internet for nothing, but it’d still be pretty cool if the writers planned ahead for stuff like this. Highly doubtful, but, worst that can happen is I’m proven wrong, so…

Originally posted by giphygiff

A-Z NSFW: Xiumin

Originally posted by baekhyuntella

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find the original poster this came from, but I got this from philanddanxreader, I didn’t come up with this.

A = Aftercare 
Xiu’s a very neat guy, he has a freaking tiny vacuum for his bed, c’mon. He doesn’t like mess, so he’s pretty keen on quickly wiping you down with a warm rag or dragging you to the shower and stripping the bed sheets. He works out like crazy, so he knows the importance of taking care of yourself, so he takes great care with making sure you’re not hurt, hydrated, clean, and even is pretty into giving you a tiny massage with sweet smelling lotion. 

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 
Obviously Xiu’s pretty proud of his abs and muscles, they really come in handy when he’s in the mood and you don’t really have a surface to do it on…On the flip side, he gets really sappy, he loves your eyes. He may have the muscles in the relationship, but you have the power to render him a mush of compliance with just a glance at him, use your power well.

C = Cum 
Again, Xiumin’s pretty clean, especially his bed, he doesn’t like making a mess so I imagine he almost always cums on like your tummy or thighs, somewhere that’s easy to clean up and isn’t going to make a mess on his bed.

D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs) 
He hasn’t brought it up yet, and honestly he’s surprised you haven’t noticed. but he lowhighkey likes his hair pulled. He’s been thinking of a way to bring that to light…

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
He’s the oldest, and I don’t buy into his whole cute and innocent act when he turns around and gets on stage and does that shit. Xiumin certainly knows what to do, there’s no doubt about that.

F = Favorite position
He gives me the ‘from behind’ kind of vibe. He can easily reach any part of your body, curl his fingers in your hair, hold you still or pull you back to meet his thrusts easily. Plus wall sex is 10x easier from behind, no one needs to accidentally be dropped.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Xiu’s like a secret goof. He puts on this act, then Baekhyun tries to touch him and it all falls apart lmao. I can see it starting out serious, and then someone can’t get their sock off and it all falling apart and you’re a mess of giggles.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they)
That boys titties are always out, so thankfully I get a good shot of his tummy. I think he grooms occasionally. He’s, again, a clean dude, and sometimes there’s a happy trail and sometimes not, so I don’t think he keeps up with trimming day to day, but he does keep it neat.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
I think Xiumin would be one of the best boyfriends from EXO, I think he’s really into taking care of you and showing as well as telling how much he cares for you, so I’m positive it travels into the bedroom. I think the showy part of his romance is more for your non-sexual relationship, and the talking is for the sexual part of your relationship. He’s a talker in the bedroom, he’s got his face hidden in your neck, and panting sweet nothings against your skin all the way through sex.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation)
Once again, he’s a really clean guy. I don’t think he jerks off much, because of the mess. The only place Xiu does it, is in the bathroom, in the shower. That way there’s not mess to clean up and he can just relax afterwards.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
He really likes hearing you. Xiumin loves hearing you breathless, whining for his tongue, his fingers, his cock, anything, he’ll give you, you just need to say it and he’ll comply. He’s more on the dominant side of actions in the bedroom, but he loves you whimpering for him and telling him what you want him to do to you.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)
Bathtub is a prime location, nice lock, warm bath, some bath bombs, and no clean up. Plus you’re all soft and smooth and smell good afterwards too. Just the bed is a close second, but Xiu really likes the bath.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
Back to the Kink, he loves you begging for him. Even if it’s just you and the boys out for dinner, and you start tugging on his arm and whining that you’re tired and want to go back to the dorm, he’s already scheming his way to make sure the boys stay gone long enough he can have you a tired mushy mess in bed again. Something about your voice whining for him, just really gets him going.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Xiu’s kind of shy and a bit insecure(although I think he’s a lot more confident in himself now yay), he can’t even fathom the idea of someone trying to take you away from him, threesomes or some voyeur stuff is 100% off the table.  

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
Xiumin? Aka the king of singing? And rapping? And basically anything a human can possibly do? He may not talk much, but that’s cuz his tongue is busy doing something else….69 is more his speed though, he likes pleasure between you two to be matched.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Xiumin’s normally a mix, he’s kind of on the slower side, not really slow but he’s not quick, not particularly rough, but hard.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
A few times quickies happen, they’re usually in the morning when you’ve woken up and Xiu has like a half hour to get his ass moving and dressed and to his schedule. Quickies are just morning sex, to be honest. He’s not against them, plus he knows when he gets home later at night you’ll have more proper sex.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
He’s the oldest, so I don’t really think he cares about getting caught doing anything in the dorm. Outside the dorm is off limits, public sex isn’t a go. But as for anything you can do inside the house, he’s open to discussing and trying if it sounds fun or actually pleasurable. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
He’s pretty big on foreplay to make up for how ‘normal’ sex is with him? Like sex with his is pretty average, the sex itself spans about 10 minutes, and two rounds in a row is a stretch for him. 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
Xiumin is tip toeing on the line of being a full blown dom, and the boys know better than to touch Xiumin’s stuff so he’s not worried about anyone seeing his secret stash. He’s got various handcuffs and silk clothes to tie your hands together or to the bed, and a few vibrators for foreplay.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
I feel like Xiumin is more impatient than the others, so teasing you is more like teasing him, and he’s not here for it. He’s big on foreplay, but full blown teasing, he normally passes on that stepped.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Xiumin’s pretty quiet, but that’s just because he’s sort of shy. In the bedroom, with you, he’s in his element. He doesn’t hold back, and the mofo is a goddamn gifted singer and rapper, he’s got a voice. He’s pretty loud, to be honest, groan and moans and he’s very vocal, I feel bad for any members that are near, no one needs to hear that.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Shower sex isn’t safe, kids, you and Xiu learned that the hard way. One day of work for you, and an intense schedule for Xiu, you were both in the mood but no one had the strength to go through stripping the bed afterwards, so shower sex was proposed. Long story short, a bar of soap was knocked off the shelf, someone slipped, and a trip to the ER was needed. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Nana’s bias lmaoNana…this was a 20 minute convo for her to just give me an answer…According to my ‘dick master’ grandma, Xiumin’s dick is a bit on the shorter side, but he’s ‘thick like a one of those good big German sausages’. I hate my grandma 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Xiumin’s climbing in the years, so I think his hormones have certainly settled down, so he’s not just a horny teenage boy anymore. I think his sex drive is pretty stable, few times a week you two have sex, or if he knows he’s going away for a while he tries to squeeze in a few extra rounds to make up for the time you’ll lose. But besides that, he’s a pretty average sex drive man.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
After the work he puts in with you, Xiu’s exhausted and ready for a tap out nap. I don’t think he falls asleep quickly, but he’s flopped down, demanding cuddles, and settling down for sleep.

submitted by Chase

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Functional and lightweight updated EDC. Every tool for every job.

4

   no big, just a guy coming to meet his girl so they can walk home together, hand-in-hand, to the little house they’ve saved up for, where damon will be making his specialty (breakfast for dinner) - and plans to propose to elena by writing “marry me?” with whipped cream on an enormous pancake, and after elena changes out of her scrubs she comes into the kitchen and steals a piece of bacon off the griddle. and he smacks her hand away and tells her to have some manners and she grins and goes for the can of whipped cream instead, but he’s still got quick reflexes and takes the can back, so instead elena dips a finger through the lettering on his proposal pancake without reading it, and damon doesn’t notice because he’s busy at the oven. and then they go to the breakfast nook and elena sees smiley flowers and an already-set table with a candle flickering on it, and she looks at damon and she’s all, “what are you up to mr. salvatore?” and he’s all, “why ms. gilbert,, you’re awfully suspicious, maybe i just want to serve my girlfriend some atmosphere along with her dinner thanks very much.” so she raises an eyebrow but her eyes are dancing and she waits for him to pull out her chair with a flourish, and she’s got this indulgent smile on her face like, okay let’s let him enjoy his moment because he’s being awfully sweet.
   and then he tells her to wait while he serves her, and his beating heart is fluttering a little with nerves as he puts the plate with the whipped cream message on the table in front of her. and she shoots him a grin and says, “you know, i really love you,” and his flutters fade away - until he looks at her pancake and sees that she ate a swipe through his proposal and now it reads ‘mar y  e” and he just starts laughing. she’s confused, then looks down at the plate and instantly understands. and then he’s down on a knee, with a dish towel flung over one shoulder and an apron over his black v-neck, and her eyes are wide and bright and now her heart is fluttering, and she’s wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned with the logo for damon’s bar over boxer shorts and for a moment thinks, i should be dressed up for this - and then thinks, no, no this is just exactly right.
     so he’s kneeling beside her, and she innocently glances at him and asks who “mary e” is, and damon lets out this little frustrated noise, so focused on doing it right that he doesn’t see the mischief on her face. so he gets up to grab the whipped cream. and as he’s fixing the lettering, she grabs the cannister from his hand and sprays him with whipped cream and she’s laughing so hard but he can still make out her words as she tells him “of course of course of course!” and then she’s launching herself at him and they’re falling together all tangled up to the floor, and he’s got the whipped cream again and he’s shooting it at her and she’s giggling and licking it off her arm and his eyes darken and he says, “let me do that for you,” and then they’re going for each other’s clothes, and they’re sticky with whipped cream and high on the joy of their engagement and damon is pulling the sweatshirt over her head and to his delight she isn’t wearing anything under it and he’s tangling his tongue around the sweetness of her whipped cream kiss, and he’s losing his shirt to her eager hands, and when she’s slender and smooth and naked beneath him he suddenly pulls back, tells her to hold on just a sec. she makes a sound of protest but he’s back in moments, having retrieved the little velvet box from his apron pocket.
   and he ranges himself over her again, and propping himself up on one elbow he uses his other hand to flip open the box. and now her eyes are huge, it’s so real, it’s happening, he has a ring - it’s so magical, and his brilliant blue eyes turn serious when he says the words. “marry me, elena. tell me you’ll marry me, and wear my ring…” and his eyes get that wicked look as he adds, “just my ring.” her eyes fill with tears, but she’s smiling a huge smile, the one she uses only on him, and she says, “only you, damon salvatore, could make that sound so damn romantic. i will absolutely marry you, so put that on my finger and let’s celebrate.”
   and they lived happily ever after.

While this is going on, the boys were at the bar just a few short walk away.

I felt like making this after noticing the Oscar are tomorrow, so I quickly made this neat drawing of Moana and Judy greeting each with good lucks to each other.

Now, I would make it just a Zootopia wins picture ,especially since I’m a Zootopia fan. But, I wanted to be fair with Moana fans, since it’s also getting the same kind of praise. So, a compromise is being made between to two characters. Anyway, enjoy this awesome picture, and good luck to both films at the Oscars.

…Mostly Zootopia.

This Questionnaire From Serial Killer Richard Ramirez Is Very Disturbing

From 1985 until his death in 2013, serial killer Richard Ramirez (aka The Night Stalker), was in prison. During this time, Ramirez managed to earn himself quite the devoted fan club. Behind bars, he was never short on letters to read and respond back to. At one point, someone sent Ramirez a friendship questionnaire, not unlike something you would send to a new pen pal.

Between April 1984 and August 1985, Ramirez killed 13 people in the Los Angeles and San Francisco areas.

The serial killer was known for his savage violence after breaking into people’s homes in the dead of night. Often, his targets were chosen completely at random.

Because he had so much time on his hands in prison, when he received the friend questionnaire, Ramirez actually took the time to fill it out and mail it back. To say some of his answers are a little politically incorrect would be an understatement.

Here is the full transcription of the form:

Full Name: Richard Ramirez

Date of Birth: 2-28-60

Height, Weight, Shoe Size: 6'1’ 180 - 12

Hometown: Texas

Marital Status: Single

Family: 5

Wheels: Lamborghini in the SQ parking lot ha

Brothers: 4

Sisters: 1

Most Treasured Honor: My dick

Perfect Woman or Man: Me

Childhood Hero(s): Jack The Ripper

Favorite Tv Shows: The Munsters

Favorite Movies: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Night of the Living Dead

Favorite Songs/Singers/Musicians: Led Zep, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Ozzy, AC/DC, Billy Idol

Hobbies: Slicing + Dicing + Spicing up Rump Roast

Favorite Meals: Women’s feet

Why You Wrote Me: Cause your up on the times. Or so it seems. And your fine.

Recommended Reading: All murder books. True Crime magazines

Last Book Read: Marquis DeSade - Julliette + Justine

Ideal Evening: Full moon, sex + drugs all night

Every January 1st, I Resolve: Can’t say here. ha

Nobody Knows I’m: ??

My Biggest Regret: Not carrying a gun at all times

If I Were President, I’d: rule w/an iron heart and a rock hard dick

What I Don’t Like About People: Everything. 99% of the people suck. I like most women though.

My Biggest Fear: Nothing. The Supernatural maybe.

Pet Peeves: ?

Superstitions: ?

Friends Like Me Because: I aint got friends. Associates only

Behind My Back They Say: ??

If I Were An Animal, I’d Be: A Tyrannosaurus

Personal Goals In Life: ??

Favorite Color: Black

Favorite Number: 666

Political Views: None, all politicians can eat shit

Thoughts On Crime: It’s a wheel. Your either the driver or the one who gets crushed by it. Try and avoid altoge?

Thoughts On Drugs: Great. They should be legalized

Thoughts On Sex: Great. Everything goes.

Sexual Likes/Dislikes: Great. Everything is good. Except Fags. Women Lesbians are ok.

Describe First Sexual Encounter: Prostitute. I was 12 yrs old

What I Expect From Friendships: Nothing

Religious Thinking: Satanic evil motherfucker

What You Are Thinking Now: Can I suck yr toes

(via Reddit)

Despite being condemned to death at his trial, Ramirez’s sentence was never carried out. He died an unrepentant killer in prison from B-cell lymphoma in 2013.

Stranger

fandom: SHINee
member/reader: key, female
genre/warning(s): smut, dirty talk, slight!degradation
length: 1K+
summary: [request] Key smut with dirty talk: We were both playing wingman for our friends who have now decided to go home together, and after five minutes of conversation we fucking hate each other, let’s bang it out

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vimeo

Here it is ! Our Annecy openning short Au Lapin Agile, co-directed with Fabien Corre, Sixtine Dano, Thibault Leclercq, Katie Sung Lee, Andrei Sitari and myself !

anonymous asked:

Do you think this will end with a happy ending? Yams said in the guidebook thing that he was going for his original ending but then in his interview before the season he said he didn't want to do anything irresponsible. I really don't understand him but I'd honestly be pretty annoyed if he went with a happy ending.

I wrote something of the same effect a while ago.

From what we’ve seen till the current chapter, there’s too many elements indicating the story won’t end well.

  • Marley and Eldia refusing to negociate, converging progressively into a conflict where one must trample the other.
  • The shifters’ short lifespans barring the main cast from a happy ending.
  • The very first pages, with Eren crying after a grown-up Mikasa tells him “See you later”
  • Eren and Zeke going into opposition, with the former keeping silent about the way to trigger the coordinate and the other keeping silent about his royal blood
  • The titan era of domination coming progressively to an end, combined with the world’s hatred for the people of Ymir

Isayama tries to corner the story into an ending where nobody can escape their eventual fate. When Erwin died, the SL’s claims for saving Humanity have been reduced to a mere laughing stock saved for conversations around a coffee. First by revealing the true face of the remaining members during the serumbowl, where Erwin wasn’t chosen. Then, the Grisha files revealed they were drowning in a glass of water and were played by the First King all along. And just like that, as titans weren’t the main obstacle and the tables in the world were turning, Paradis was cleansed of them, allowing the SL to reach the borders. From this point onwards, Isayama judged it necessary to do an ellipse in the future, while describing things from the Marlean point of view.

That arc doesn’t not only replace temporarily the protags, but it also shows a much more advanced world, where we finally get details about the warriors’ lives, as well as the biggest point of the incomplete volume 23, which is this one:

Anti-titan weaponry destroying the Armored Titan - Ch. 92

Which of course, sparkled news all around the world.

Madz reading the news - Ch. 93

And fear in the hearts of the most aware Eldians.

Udo worrying about Eldians - Ch. 93

Kruger told Grisha Marley’s opinion on their precious Eldian livestock was divided: either they keep them alive to fight for their wars while advancing technologically in the meantime, either they kill them all to avoid the rise of the next Eldian empire. There’s still a chance for the current Founding Titan to restore Eldia’s glory, since anti-titan technology isn’t advanced enough. If they do, it’s going to be a full chaos. In the meantime, Zeke wants to bury the Fritz line with him, so nobody else will use the coordinate ever again, meaning if the power to control titans disappears, Eldians might have a chance to live for a couple of years, but it’s not going to be enough to trample millennias of hatred.

On the other side, Historia refused the power as well, and probably wants the same goal than Zeke. Live her life and bury the Fritz/Reiss line.

And knowing Eren’s personality, he’s going to drag everybody around him in hell, his brother who wanted to rescue him so badly included.


So yeah, that’s the most realistic viewpoint. When Isayama said he doesn’t want to do anything irresponsible, he means giving an ending according to the facts currently presented. The number of people who expect a happy ending is decreasing as more chapters get published every month. And indeed it would be pretty unrealistic expecting everything will end well with the protag surviving, endgame ships, 45k kids, etc… Eren showed he wasn’t different from Grisha, Levi gave up on humanity, Hange is probably fiddled around by Zackly, Zeke and Reiner don’t have long left and Armin probably lost any “pure child” traits he had left.

Oh yeah and Isayama doesn’t play by favorites or fandom’s favorites either. See: Ymir and Erwin. Don’t be surprised if your fave gets an unsatisfying death as well. This is part of the reason why I’m glad he never got published in Jump Magazine.

anonymous asked:

Hugh said Will realized he was in love with Hannibal while he had that chat with bedilia, and it keeps making me think about when Will went to see Hannibal at the prison after that, and he knew he was in love with Hannibal while they talked (even though he said it wasn't good to see hannibal) i just..everything is mutual in that moment even though Will still hated the fact that he was in love with him

You didn’t ask for this, but sometimes when I want to make myself extra sad I think about what would have happened had Dolarhyde actually killed himself, making that goodbye actually, well, goodbye… for a time at least. And then I started writing a thing, and it got a bit out of hand, so I put it on AO3 and there will be a second chapter coming either tonight or tomorrow, whenever I have the time to finish it up…

hello goodbye | chapter 1


Ding dong, the Dragon’s dead. Well and truly gone. Will sits in his car outside BSHCI long enough to draw concern from within. Alana taps on his window.

“Everything okay?”

Will sighs and flips off the radio. “Just thinking. I’ll be in soon.”

Alana frowns, sadness in her eyes. “Go home, Will. He doesn’t deserve your goodbyes.”

Maybe he doesn’t, Will knows. But maybe this isn’t about what he deserves at all.

Will propels his body into movement. Out of the car and into the building, buzzing through one door to the next. The final set of doors dissolve before his eyes, the foyer of their shared memory taking form.

Hannibal Lecter is a monster, but Will now only sees the man. Antlers do not spring forth from his crown. His hands not talons but pale flesh too long hidden from the sun, cut through with veins pumping hot, red, human blood. His words are quiet, edging on desperate.

“You can go home again. If there’s any point. Is there any point?”

“I like my life there.”

“It won’t be the same. You’ll see it’s not the same.”

The words cut deep, an ache for which there is no balm. A hand to the glass between them. A goodbye. One final, quiet rejection.

Will manages to to turn and walk from the room, but once the doors have shut behind him he all but runs to his car. In the bar a short distance from his motel Will blinds himself, drink after drink. Beer, whisky, whatever the hell the guy winking at him from across the bar just sent over. He loses the contents of his stomach all over his shoes halfway back to his room.

The world goes black around him. He wakes the next morning miraculously in his bed, nightmare sweat drying on his brow. He cleans himself up and goes home.

[continue reading on AO3]

Years Gone By

This was inspired by the book/movie Something Borrowed. It’s kind of problematic so I put a moral spin on it.

Things to know: Graduation kiss never happened. Camilla and Jack never dated in college but instead, Camilla and Bitty are really close friends. Bitty is 25 and everyone came back to Samwell for the youngest of their friends’ graduations.

AO3

~*~

“You totally like him,” Camilla smiled mischievously at Bitty. He glanced around the bar nervously before turning back to her.

“I don’t. He was my captain. We’re friends,” He said softly, stirring the straw in his vodka cran.

“Oh come on, don’t give me that,” She sighed, crouching down to his ear. “Buy him a drink. Act casual. He’s right there, Bits. This is the last day everyone is in town now that the Frogs are graduating,” She urged. Bitty swallowed, looking down and shaking his head.

“I can’t, Cam,” He sighed. She watched him for a long moment before sighing.

“Then I will,” She said, standing up straight and throwing back the rest of her drink. Bitty stilled, looking up at her sharply. “Do you like him?” She asked one final time.

He looked up at her, eyes wide and throat tightening. She was beautiful. She was athletic and smart and amazing and she deserved everything in life. Just not Jack. Anything but Jack. Please.

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Arrested, Part 3

Tagging @sleepyeule bc I’m thirsty for likes and this is inspired off of their AU. In the last part I changed when I said he was going to his car to he was going home after drinking because I’m not v smart and I don’t think ahead. This one be long.

Thomas stared curiously into Alexander’s eyes. “You’d prefer to go to a strangers house over going to a hospital when you’re clearly hurt?”

“I’m fine, really! I couldn’t afford the medical bills anyway and I don’t have a place to sleep. Plus, you’re not a stranger… you’re that new cop who arrested me a few nights ago.”

Thomas and Alexander argued back and forth like this for a while.

“If I stay over I’ll make it worth your while.” Alexander said, leaning in closer, his arms still wrapped around Thomas for support. Thomas opened his mouth to speak but Alexander cut him off. “Calm down, I’m kidding!” Alexander said, moving away from Thomas. “Anyway you’re not getting me to go to a hospital. If it’s too much of a bother to lend me your couch I can just find somewhere else to sleep.”

Thomas stared at him, contemplating what he should do. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe he was genuinely enamored by this man but one way or another he found himself leading Alexander to his new apartment. The bar was just a short walk away from his apartment complex. They walked in a comfortable silence and reached it quickly. Thomas tried to find his keys while awkwardly assuring Alexander he had them.

Alexander leaned against the wall next to his door. “So, do you normally let the guys you arrest sleep over?” Alexander asked with a smirk.

“Do you normally get arrested for fights you’re in for no reason?”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “There’s a reason for everything. Maybe not a reason that would make sense to you but there’s always a reason.”

Thomas finally found his keys and opened the door. They both entered the small apartment. “You can sleep there.” Thomas said, pointing to the couch. “I’ll go get you a blanket.“ Thomas said, disappearing into his room. He came out with a blanket, a pillow, a box of bandaids and a bottle of Advil. “I figured you might need these too.” he said, handing everything to Alexander.

Alexander smiled at him. “Thanks, it’s been a long time since anyone’s been this nice to me.”

“The bathroom is over there if you want to shower…. oh and do you need a change of clothes?”

Alexander looked down at the ground. “A shirt would be nice.” He said, knowing nothing Thomas had would fit him.
Thomas brought out a t-shirt and handed it to Alexander. “Good night.” He said before walking off to his room to sleep.

Alexander flashed a bright smile at him “Good night!” Alexander walked into the bathroom. He took a quick shower and dried his hair as best he could. Something inside of him felt guilty for taking so much from Thomas. Especially because it seemed as if he really didn’t want anything from him in return. Maybe he could give him answers? After all, he knew what the cops thought about him. Not a single one had it right but if Thomas knew the truth he probably wouldn’t let him in his house.

What else did he have to offer? Alexander could only think of one thing. He slipped the t-shirt over his head and found he was right, it was way too big on him.

Alexander walked out of bathroom and swung open Thomas’s door. He stepped inside and noticed the light was off and Thomas was already asleep. Undeterred from his plan he moved further into the room. He crawled onto the bed, laying next to Thomas.

Then, before Alexander had any time to react, Thomas wrapped his arms around Alexander, and pulled him closer. Alexander, unable to move, stared at Thomas. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Alexander regretted his decision as he realized now Thomas must have had no interest in him and there was nothing he could give back to him. Alexander tried to get out of the bed but the taller man had a hold on him. Alexander didn’t want to wake him up by moving too much.

He put his head on Thomas’s chest and felt it rise and fall as he breathed. Alexander quietly contemplated his next move but it was getting harder to keep his eyes open. Thomas’s arms were so warm and he felt so… so safe. He slowly drifted off to sleep in Thomas’s arms.

Clichés: Chapter 2

Someone asked me to tag them in this so they could know when it was updated…but i’m a moron and didn’t write their url down. So if you wanna be tagged/mentioned when there’s an update, send me an IM or an ask. I’ve added a button on my blog that will allow you to read Clichés in chronological order.


Once your blush faded away and you were composed enough to not look like an idiot that was in love with their boss, you went to go talk to your other boss, the one that you weren’t majorly crushing on. Not that Jack Morrison wasn’t attractive with those stunning blue eyes and sexy blonde hair and fit, muscular body with arms that probably felt like heaven lying in… what was the point again?

You walked up to him just as that bitchy reporter was leaving. You could see the frown on her pretty face as she huffed and turned away, walking towards the elevator with purpose. Jack groaned once she was out of sight, those blue eyes you had just been thinking about rolling in annoyance.

“Didn’t think she was ever gonna leave.” He huffed, turning around and sitting on top of your desk. You moved to stand beside him, offering a comforting smile.

“How’d it go?” You asked him, eyes darting to the mug of coffee resting dangerously close to the corner of your desk. The coffee you made that morning was no doubt cold and gross by now, but if it spilled, you’d have to clean it up. Or the janitor, Jamison, would and he could be a little intense. Luckily Jack seemed to notice the mug on the brink of suicide and picked it up before he accidentally knocked it over.

“She didn’t take it well, but she’ll be out of our hair for now,” He informed her, “‘World’s Okayest Secretary’?” He read the text on the mug, deep chuckle escaping his lips.

“Yes, it was a Christmas present from Mister Reyes.” You recalled the memory fondly.

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It Ain't a Crime (Happy x OC)

Here you go my lovelies. 10,000+ words! This one took longer than expected because I just couldn’t stop writing. For some reason this entire fic is in the third person. I don’t know why. It just didn’t feel right when I tried to write the OC in the first person. 

Originally posted by sonsofhappylowman

Originally posted by piperiverad

Playlist: Cold As Ice - Foreigner, U Mad (feat. Kanye West) - Vic Mensa, & LUV [Remix] (feat. Sean Paul) - Tory Lanez

They all sat around the chapel’s table, voting on their latest retaliation efforts. Lee counted the unanimous ‘Yay’ and slammed his gavel down on the table. The men began to murmur, agreeing with the measures to be taken and thrilled to get to drinking. It was Friday after all.

“Wait!” Lee stood up, gesturing to the group to wait. They all turned their attention to him, “I hired a new bartender. Be nice.”

A few eyebrows raised at his announcement. They knew about the bar being short staffed, but they didn’t think he’d been in the market for more employees. Needless to say, the boys were intrigued. He’d never warned them to be nice before. He thought about the woman he hired. She was far from timid, but she’d be a shock to the rest of the boys. They definitely wouldn’t expect her to be standing behind their bar, doling out the shots.

~(xXx)~

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