I was eating dinner with a large Italian family. One of them was the car salesman who I had talked to earlier that morning. His sister, aka my wife evidently, and I got so drunk that they kicked us out, so we went to the bar mitzvah down the street and stole the bar mitzvah boy.
AAAAH. Also for those of you who are not as culturally aware(like me a few years ago until I randomly took a history of Jews class freshman year of college) Bar Mitzvah is for boys and it wasn’t until like much later were girls like “wait wtf why don’t girls get this celebration too?” and then Bat Mitzvah became a thing for girls becoming a woman.
this will definitely be a fic i write at some point in the near future - ive got a bunch of long flights to sit through - but for now take some ideas:
-magnus teaches angus how to wrap tfillin around his arm and head and how to properly wear a tallit. he doesnt need the teaching - he knows enough talmud to be able to look it up himself - but theres something special in having someone older teach you what you’ll do on your bar mitzvah for the first time.
-lucretia brings in a sephardi sefer torah, because there’s no way he’s doing it on any of those ashkie ones. she helps him work through the parasha, spends hours and hours in the beit midrash with him prepping the best dvar torah any bar mitzvah boy’s ever written, but they’ll oftentimes get on tangents when there are so many good books around.
-taako teaches him trope. he doesnt know it that well - davenport’s the one with the religious background and nice singing voice - but, no offense, their captain’s so ashkie he thought salt was a spice. so he teaches him how to pronounce his letters - “it’s gotta come from the throat, kid” - and which symbols correspond to which tunes, and ends up learning almost as much as angus himself.
-the twins are good as fuck at catering. they make maybe the most lavish meals and actually, somehow, parve dessert that tastes like dairy, and as soon as shabbat goes out there are fireworks and sparking candles on the cake.
-somehow, the candy that magnus threw at him after the torah reading hurt more than all of the magically enhanced throws combined.
-lup gets him the most stylish suit…. our fancy boy is even fancier and so so good…..
-magnus carries him on his shoulders for hours and hours of dancing and isnt tired at all by the end
-you know that part where they lift him up on the chair thirteen times? its a magic floating chair now
basically its a good good amazing bar mitzvah and its small because angus wanted it to be but incredibly lively and high-quality, and i love angus and his big jewish found family and there’s definitely more than just that one shabbat