banker pony

anonymous asked:

Are you the one who writes the Stefon bits? If so.. spring is coming up, you know.

If it’s spring and you’re looking to get sprung, I’ve got just the place for you. New York’s hottest club is Oh Long Johnson. Opened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away by presidential female impersonator Baberaham Lincoln, this Manhattan madhouse finally answers the question, “Where’s the beef?

And this place has everything: Gushers, Wall Street bankers with My Little Pony tattoos, a walrus that looks like Dr. Phil, cunicorns…

(What are cunicorns?)

Canadian unicorns. They have hockey sticks on their heads instead of horns. And while you’re there, watch the door for the VIP. Is that Oprah Winfrey who just walked in? No, it’s a grumpy old tabby cat wearing high waisted pants up to his nose.

(How could anyone mistake that cat for Oprah?)

He was nominated for an Acatemy Award last year and I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate you doubting his acting skills. And after you’ve finished rubbing his belly, you can head to the bar and pick up your very own reverse human chocolate orange.

(What’s a reverse human chocolate orange?)

It’s that thing of when instead of whacking and unwrapping, you undress a midget first, then bang him against a wall.

(Sounds like my kind of Friday night. Stefon, everybody!)