So, some of you may have noticed there is no longer an "anonymous" ask feature on my blog.
It sucks, because I get so many lovely and supportive messages from people through the anonymous box and honestly, that’s the only reason I haven’t closed it sooner. But in light of yesterday’s events, as well as the fact I had way more messages of a similar theme and I just stopped publishing them after a while, Nicole and Becca kind of put their foot down and I trust their judgement. They want to look out for me, which is a lot more than can be said for some of my “readers”.
Yesterday, my character, integrity, potential future and role as a writer were all challenged, though in a splendidly contradictory fashion, whilst demanding story updates and acting as if my stories [Turn Right in particular] is a God-given right.
Maybe because people think I forget things once they’re buried a few pages back in my blog, they think I should just take all of this and be grateful that I have readers at all. Which I am - I’ve been writing and posting online since I was 11 and writing for myself and other people even before then. I used to be one of those people with oversized banners, who didn’t know what a pixel was and had no reviews. So having any readers for any of my stories, at all, is a huge privilege to me.
But I’ve also gone through personal things in my life, stuff that I’m not willing to discuss in this particular post because it’s unnecessary, that doesn’t allow me to take much for long. A lovely person messaged me earlier, saying if this were real life, I would have snapped way sooner. This person doesn’t know me, we haven’t met before - Hell, I don’t even know if we’ve messaged before, or to an extent that I would remember.
But they’re right. If somebody so much as hinted at some of the things that were said to me yesterday to my face, I’m not the type of person who would sit back and take it, not anymore. And I think to myself “Oh, it’s just a blog, they don’t know me, it doesn’t affect me, blah blah blah”, but that’s a lie. I check my Tumblr every day, I use it as a platform of inspiration, I have friends here. In fact, I thought all of my readers and I were “friends” to an extent, in that they felt something I was doing was worthy of their time. Maybe that was just me being grateful.
But no matter how much I try and hit this point home, these past eight months or so have made me realize that I don't owe my readers anything. I definitely felt that way when MOD kicked off, and when Turn Right created such a buzz.
… And then anons got cocky and abusive. And in the words of the God of some reading this, Harry Styles - what have I ever done to you? I get lovely messages every day, even just asking me how my day is. And I love that, I think it’s awesome and I love those anons for it. But for every ten messages I get that brighten up my day, I’ll get one huge message completely demeaning me as a person, writer and blogger - but then demanding updates for my stories. How does that make sense?
Let me try and put this in perspective for some of you. In the recent months, Turn Right has been the subject of attack from the following;
- Racist slurs. I had anons coming in saying it was “too foreign”, criticizing the cultural aspect of Soph’s background and some of the names featured for her friends, as well as being called “biased” because Rose is white.
- “It’s not even a fanfiction”. Um, well, what else do you call a story with a real band in it? Don’t even get me started.
- Countless plagiarism, from people who don’t even have the integrity to confront me afterwards. I’ve had people leaving authors notes, saying the next chapter they worked “really hard to finish”, when I posted it the day before! Are you serious? And then somebody who plagiarized me had the audacity to come into my ask recently, and accuse me of stealing their plot for one of my original stories. Why on God’s green Earth would I steal an idea from a nondescript author who I didn’t know I existed, whilst being a site admin on 1DFF, when they stole from me? How does that work?
- “It doesn’t have all of the boys in it.” Right, because there is constantly drama in everybody’s life at the same time, right?
- “You never update on time”. I have a life! I have exams, I have applications for university, I have other stories with way nicer readers (Dare You readers, that’s for you!) and, you know, a family and friends to juggle. Not to mention the help blog I’m running and the writer’s blog in development, just because I figured it might help out other people.
Put that all into perspective, mixed with people saying I’m a shit writer (but should update), I’m a terrible person and a bully (but I should update), I’m ugly and a whore (but should update) and should go and kill myself (… before updating first).
Why am I doing it?
And for somebody to question my future as an author today… What? I don’t receive any constructive criticism from my Turn Right readers! Okay, sure, I’m comparing that to the in-depth analysis some of my Dare You readers give me per chapter, and you know, sometimes just telling me you like something or didn’t is great. I’m glad people are enjoying it and when people tell me they feel I’ve conveyed emotion, woo, I know I’m doing something right!
But to label constructive criticism as personally attacking my character is… Beyond the limit. There is a definitive difference between constructive criticism and flames, okay? But some of my anons don’t seem to get that.
And yes, I can receive hate with an open ask box for Tumblr users, but at least I won’t be doubting whether the twelve messages of pure hatred I’ve received are from one person, or people genuinely hate me for some unbeknownst reason. I’ll know who it is to block.
It’s a trial run, this anonymous thing, and Nicole (and Becca I assume, mwahaha) have been kind enough to let me whore out their ask boxes, so if anybody urgently needs to talk to me or has anything to contribute to this post, then go for it.
Hell, even if you’re pissed at me, go for it. And yes, you may have temporarily claimed defeat over the “mighty Hannah”, but you know what? Screw you. My responses yesterday were long overdue and I’m glad I stood up for myself, because otherwise, people like you would just try and trample all over me.
I’m super sorry to my lovely anons and I don’t know how long this will last. Hey, I might crack and open the anonymous ask later, if I’m feeling cocky. But whether it’s today, or tomorrow, or in a week or a month, I figured that the majority of you who have only ever been kind to me, deserve an explanation.
Saying that, I am tempted to announce a semi-hiatus for Turn Right, but I’m undecided. Yesterday I was one hundred percent sure, but you know what? I’m actually starting to enjoy it again. So - shock! - I may start writing again for myself.
Well… That’s it really. I’m super busy these next few days and I may take that as an advantage to cool off Tumblr for a while. But I’ll probably change my mind.