bandanna-headband

anonymous asked:

As an AWESOME transgirl with good taste do you have any fashion/look/whatever tips for a transgirl who wants to dress more tomboyish without just looking like a normal dude? (aside from just "dress in what you want because you're a girl no matter what you wear" cuz I embrace that I just wanna look even hotter)

First of all thank you so much for saying I have good taste! 

Ok, if you want to go for a butch / tomboy look & you don’t want to get misgendered, here’s some of my inexpert subjective opinions:

(After writing this post I considered that I want to make a disclaimer that I’m white, I have straight hair, & I really wouldn’t know how to give styling advice for curly hair, all of the advice that I’m giving in this post is hugely informed by cultural whiteness. Even though I’m not a professional or even an expert by any means I thought that I should state this acknowledgement because it’s a really long post at this point and because I have like 2000 something followers I have this position of social capital.)

Hair:

  • If you want something for longer hair, I think that some good options are wearing a loose bun or a high ponytail, with the option of adding a headband. There’s a ton of different styles of headband out there so there’s a lot of room to accessorize in a way that fits the look you’re going for. One look that I have seen a lot among lesbians is wearing a bandanna as a headband. You can tie it in the back or the front, either way works. 
  • One basic principle regarding wearing long hair as a trans girl is that, if you look at yourself and you feel like you just look like a guy with long hair, try accessorizing somehow. Barrettes, buns, headbands, hair clips, bobby pins… There are a ton of these different accessories that are seen as feminine, that guys with long hair practically never use.
  • Also, bangs, either side-swept, straight, or whatever, are all pretty popular among trans women because they have the benefit of covering your forehead and framing your face in a way that’s traditionally feminine. Though that is a matter of personal preference. 
  • When it comes to shorter hair styles, yeah there’s the instinct a lof of trans women have that says “don’t risk having short hair!” but this isn’t necessarily true. I think the most important thing to understand in terms of the general area of short hairstyles is that there’s a pretty concrete conceptual division between short hairstyles for men and short hairstyles for women. Now, I’m not saying this as someone who wants to enforce that concept, that’s just how the hairdressers and the schools of hairdressing see it. 
  • If you’re looking for a short hairstyle, the benefits of a ‘feminine’ short haircut are that they are, in fact, generally seen as feminine. Short hairstyles for women are generally layered, giving a softer look, with more stylistic possibilities for length in the bangs and the sides & top than men’s hairstyles have. 
  • So yeah, if you have short hair already in a more traditionally male style, getting a pixie cut would have a more feminine appearance. 
  • You also have the option of getting an undercut, which i would definitely classify as a feminine lesbian-coded hairstyle. And I also would argue that when hairdressers do undercuts on men vs women, men’s undercuts are always shorter, more contained, and have a “neater” appearance whereas women’s have the tendency to be longer, more layered.
  • …In the process of writing this post I have stumbled onto the pinterest “explore” section for “lesbian hair.” This may be of interest to you for visual brainstorming. 

Hats: 

  • Hats are definitely an option for a tomboy/butch look, and I have stumbled on a blog post from 2010 on this very topic and they list several viable butch hat styles that you can feel free to look into. Obviously I’m not agreeing with every single style opinion from that blog but it’s a good list of hats. 
  • Another hat option for colder weather is a beanie, which due to the variety of styles, can be presented as more “masculine” or more “feminine” or “tomboy-esque.” One benefit to beanies is that you can still have your hair somewhat visible via the front while still staying warm. 

Example: 

Tops:

  • Again I advise that pretty much anything you buy from the “women’s” section will be cut & fitted in a way that is intended to look feminine and accentuate the chest & hips. Personally I have had a lot of annoyance from trying on tops that fit my torso in every dimension EXCEPT for shoulder width or arm thickness. So, be wary of online shopping, which i would advise to try to use for stuff that’s one-size-fits-all or is elastic. Personally I do a lot of my clothes shopping at thrift stores, Target, and Forever 21. I have no idea what your financial situation or geographic location is so that might not be helpful for you. 
  • Anyway, when it comes to tomboy stuff, some tops that I would recommend are tank tops, short-sleeved blouses, and flannel. Tank tops are good because they’re form-fitting, but they also are somewhat androgynous with an air of athletics or manual labor around them. A good combo is wearing a tank top with an unbuttoned flannel top over it with the sleeves rolled up. That way you get the form-fitting tank top plus the lesbian vibes of flannel. 
  • When I say “blouses” that kind of covers a really wide variety of garments. But there’s a lot of women’s tops that are collared, button-up, & also form-fitted, sort of a feminized dress shirt. I think those are a type of blouse but I’m not really sure. 
  • When it comes to flannel, cotton, or other button-up shirts, you may want to pick ones from the “women’s” section because they will be tailored to accentuate bust & hips in comparison to “men’s” shirts which have more of a “boxy” look. 
  • Jean jackets, jean vests, and leather jackets are all pretty popular among lesbians as far as I know. 

Bottoms:

  • Jeans are good because they’re incredibly versatile and can fit in with a lot of different looks. 
  • I would honestly say that overalls are making a bit of a comeback and I think they’re a viable option for tomboy trans girls. I personally want to get a pair of overalls but I don’t have a lot of money generally so I haven’t gotten around to it. 
  • Corduroy pants are also a pretty good option, right now i feel like they’re popular among lesbians and work well as part of a tomboy look. 
  • As far as skirts go, I feel like maxi skirts can work pretty well as a tomboyish thing to wear, particularly linen & cotton & other more hardy, less decorative fabrics. 
  • Shoes:
  • I wear a good pair of workboots like, all the time. Mine are Red Wing, though I see a lot of lesbians wearing Timberlands or Doc Martens. Converse are popular among a wide variety of demographics so I feel like they’re a pretty viable option. Clogs, like the kind made by Birkenstock, are pretty tomboyish as well. 

Ok, that’s all I can think of for now. 

Please feel free to reblog with any other fashion advice for butch/tomboy trans girls!

Viper’s Parlor & Lion’s Pride

“Whoa….” The young artist had only had her own business for a little over a year and had never been to a tattoo convention before. Countless other artists were setting up booths for their own parlors or talking with eachother. Most were humans, though she wasnt all that surprised by that fact.

“Come on guys! We gotta hurry up!” She had all four of her employees with her. A lanky young man following at her heels as she started laying out portfolios. He had white hair, dark circles under and somewhat around his eyes and black, fuzzy ears poking out from his hair. 

“Cheng, Im gonna take’a look ‘round k? Can ya set out our portfolios while Emmet, Gemma n’ Tiffany bring in our stuff? I wanna get a look at who our competition is ‘round the city.”

“Sure thing Aya.” The man nodded, one of his ears twitching as he smiled. She returned the grin with a wave, going off to look around the convention floor. Her steel toed boots surprisingly making little noise among the sounds of all the artists setting up. Clad in a black, denim vest that was partly unzipped showing a fair bit of cleavage, low-rise dark blue skinny jeans and a skull patterned, bandanna type headband keeping her hair back; leaving only her fringe in her face.

Her nude eye look wasnt much, but it was a nice complimentary element with her bright green eyes; paired with a dark red lipstick. it was a pretty look. Messing with one of her snake bite piercings as she looked over some other artists work. Glancing to the side when she heard some mutterings of some of the human artists….from what she could see her and her artists were the only shifters in the entire place….not really surprising but it made for some stares. Especially since her parlor was new, but insanely popular with younger clientele on the west side of the city.

@leonisxbellator

6

Bandanna band!! Imma go ahead and give Pac props for this one. 😜 Though it’s considered more of a Rockabilly style today, this was considered more of a Urban style in the 90’s especially when you rock it with some huge hoop earrings! Mami yasss!! ❤️😍😘🔥💯

I’m going to do Hunk headcanons cause, it’s my birthday so why not?

  • Hardcore animation nerd. Doesn’t matter if its Western, Eastern, European or in a different language, he just loves all forms of animation.
    • Especially loves the shows that came out in the 80′s/early 90′s.
  • His fingers are extremely rough, but his palms are very soft. This might be because he has to use his fingers to hold and wire very small complex wiring/machinery.
  • Always been extremely strong. Most people assume he wouldn’t be, but the boy has been moving large pieces of iron and fridges since he was a kid.
  • Actually played football for a good 3 seasons as a child, he quit because he just lost interest.
  • If invited to a neighbors party, Hunk would help his mom prepare a dish to bring over.
  • It was his mom that gave him the nickname ‘Hunk’ 
    • No one ever calls him Tsuyoshi outside of the elders in his family or when his name is being called on role call.
  • He doesn’t have a favorite genre of music, he listens to what ever song he likes. 
  • Once his cousin scared him with a furby during a sleepover. That furby went out the window so fast.
  • Always like warm, neutral tones over loud, active tones.
  • Loved art class because he could doodle out cool machinery and redraw mechs he saw in the shows he watched.
    • Lance thought it was the coolest thing he ever would see.
  • He is the type of guy who would keep wearing shorts even though its under 32° F just because he is comfortable.
  • Wears the headband/bandanna because it is more of a comfort mechanism than a fashion statement.
Analyzing The Perfection That Is Harry Styles P.1

Part2/Part3/Part4/Part5/Part6/Part7

It’s just that he’s so cute and perfect that i needed to share.

I mean 

Look

Yeahh..

  • HIS HAIR:

Harry’s hair is so important

and I feel that if you touch it your life will change forever

I mean

It looks so soft 

So touchable 

SO BEAUTIFUL 

EVEN WITH STUPID HEADBANDS

AND BANDANNAS

LIKE HOW

WHO WEARS BANDANNAS AND STILL LOOKS PERFECT 

WHO

HARRY FUCKING STYLES THAT’S WHO

EVEN WITH A STUPID PONYTAIL HE STILL LOOKS CUTE

IDEK HOW HE DOES IT

AND WHEN HE WEARS HATS/BEANIES/SNAPBACKS

OHMYGOD

IT’S LIKE *Aladdin’s voice* A WHOLE NEW WORLD

A WHOLE NEW FUCKING WOLRD

IDC I FUCKING LOVE IT

THIS WAS A TRULY BEAUTIFUL DAY 

AND WHEN HE PLAYS WITH HIS HAIR

GOODBYE FRIENDS 

GOODBYE LIFE

so as you can tell I really love Harry’s hair 

LIKE REALLY

so yeaah..

I’d just like to point out...

None of the Rubies so much as second-glanced Ruby’s headband/bandanna thing. Which makes sense; they aren’t so bright, and each of them have their own personal uniforms. They probably just assumed it was always there, and they don’t wanna be “that Ruby” and bring it up.

Which means Ruby literally had no practical reason to wear her snapback. She’s not pretending to be human, and nobody complained about her earlier.

So she wore it just to wear it.

That’s how gay Ruby is.

A blessing in disguise ~ chapter 24

A blessing in disguise ~ chapter 24

My chest rises up and down as I try catch my breath back, a slight pain/burn stings my body, but it somewhat feels pleasurable. “That was f*cken amazing.”
“Mmm” I sound, before Harry’s head buries into my neck. His leg intertwine with mine before he moves them away. “Hayley?”
“yes?”
“you were a virgin right?”
“Yeah” I reply a little softly,
“So I’m the only person you’ve been with?”
“yes, don’t you believe me?” I ask him, he lifts his head,
“no, no, I just want to be the only person. I want you to be mine, and mine only.” he whispers,
“You’re my first” I assure him before he kisses my lips. My body slowly calms down, his arm draped at my stomach as he lays on his side. I feel a weird feeling at my legs, before feeling a little wet. I move my legs sitting up a little. “oh” I softly let out, embarrassed and unaware of what to say. “What?” Harry asks, I shake my head, before he unwraps his arm and sits up. I try to move the covers and hide the little red stains. Harry starts to laugh a little, “it isn’t funny” I say my cheeks flushing a deep red, heating up. “oh okay. It’s alright Hayley” Harry flicks the lamp on to see clearer. “This is embarrassing” I let out, putting my head in my hands, covering my embarrassed face.
“it’s okay, it happens sometimes” he tries to make me feel better but it doesn’t work. “The hotel staff have to clean this oh my god, what will they think?” I squawk really worried. Harry pulls me into his arms, “Shh, it isn’t that bad, I’ll deal with it” he whispers. I feel over exposed in nothing, I feel like I need clothes on. I get up, quickly grabbing my bra and underwear sliding them on, “Hayley, it is okay you don’t need to hide” Harry comments, getting up himself. He pulls on his boxes without a care in the world before taking the white bottom sheet off the bed. I go to reach for my pajamas but Harry stops me. He hands me one of his tops from his bag. I take it and slide it over my body. I quickly dig into my bag finding a pad. I walk into the bathroom.
I step out, still embarrassed from the blood on the sheets. “Come ‘ere” Harry opens his arm as he lays on the bed. He placed the second sheet on the base of the bed, the dirty sheet, was crumbled up on the floor. “So embarrassing” I mumble into him. “it’s a bit funny”
“it’s far from funny” I reply disagreeing, not seeing the humerus side. “It was worth it though”
“It’s embarrassing, what are they going to think?” I whine, Harry laughing. “Don’t worry, you’re exaggerating”
“Says you, you’re not the one who got the sheets dirty”
“Hush” he shakes his head holding me closer. My eyes are starting to close, my body relaxing, finally falling asleep. I wake up slowly, finding myself in Harry’s arms, something that feels great to wake up too. I flash back to last night, remembering the event that took place. I gave myself away, I thought I would wait until marriage, I always wanted to actually, but something triggered in me, and I felt it was right. My mother always told me, “When it comes time, you will know when it is right.”
I knew it was right, it felt right, it made me feel alive. A side of me showed that’s been kept hidden, but Harry managed to bring it out in me. Harry starts to wake up, his arm flinches, before a heavy sigh leaves his lips. “Mm” he groans shifting in his tired state. His head buries into my neck, and I feel his soft breathing, sending shivers down my spine. “Good morning” I whisper, his head nuzzling into me, before he lifts his head up. He looks at me strangely before a smirk appears. “Mornin’” he replies in a deep sleepy voice.
“breakfast?” I suggest, my stomach growling,
“5 more minutes.” Harry mumbles before I wiggle away from his grip. I wince taking a step, my upper thighs hurting. I dig into one of the bags I have of clothes, that I bought yesterday. I settle on wearing

http://www.polyvore.com/untitled_153/set?id=111646965

“Harry get up I’m hungry” I whine, he groans before sitting up. “I’m up” he yawns, before plummeting back down. “Come on” I encourage, he finally gives in getting up and getting dressed. He looks at me and chuckles, “What?”
“nothing”
“tell me” I complain wanting to know what he is chuckling at. “You’ve looked in the mirror haven’t you?”
“yeah?”
“Well you’re oblivious, and I got you good” he smiles, I look at him weirdly, confused to what he means. “Big word for you Harry.”
“oblivious? Not really” he shrugs buttoning up his plaid shirt. I slip on my shoes, before twirling on my heel, feeling my skirt flair up a bit. I look at Harry and shake my head. “problem?”
“that headband” I cross my arms,
“what about it?”
“Take it off”
“it isn’t a headband”
“bandanna, take it off”
“no”
“yes” I say hating the bandana already.
“Why do I have to take it off?” he defends,
“because”
“not a valid answer”
“it is to me” I reply taking a step, leaning up and taking it off his head. His hands grab my wastes, and he pulls me closer. “Hi” I smile, with a slight giggle following. “Hi there” he smirks before he kisses me. Those butterflies erupt again in my stomach, the sparks igniting like wild fires. I pull away, just as there’s a knock at the door. Harry opens the door while I pick my bag up. “Oh hi” he greets the woman here to clean the room. “Hello” she politely responds before she walks in. “Come on Hayley” Harry flicks his head towards the door. I walk over to him before Harry smirks. “Take your hair out” he instructs, I sigh taking my pony tail out, he grabs my hair, and pulls it gently to one side. “Keep it like that”
“why?”
“because” he replies. I shrug not caring. I step out, his hand taking mine before we walk down to breakfast. “Harry, Hayley” Niall chimes seeing us walking. “Hii” I greet happily, “look at you two, holding hands. I never though I would live to see Harry being affectionate with a girl” Niall chuckles, Harrys eyes narrow down towards Niall. “Oi shut up” Harry quickly says. “How about breakfast? I don’t know about you lot, but I am absolutely starving” I exaggerate, walking towards the breakfast buffet. We are seated at a table before I grab myself a plate. Harry sits next to me, eating quietly. Liam whispers something to Niall, and Niall looks up at us, his eyes grow wide, before he laughs. I cock my head to the side, “what’s funny?”
“Harry lad, you’re going good” Niall chuckles,
“what do you mean?” Harry questions siping his drink. “Hayley are you good at sucking?”
“Excuse me?”
“Sucking lemons” Liam quickly interrupts giving Niall a glare.
“Uhm what?”
“Ever eaten half a lemon?” Liam asks me,
“Uhm no I don’t like lemons” I shake my head,
“oh. Well anyway, this breakfast sausage tastes great.” Liam clears his throat. I look at Harry but he’s more interested in his food. “So when are you getting married?” Niall asks, my eyes grow wide, and Harry chokes on his drink. He clears his throat, looking at Niall. “Don’t even joke about that, or go there. Now if I may, I need to get more food” Harry stands from the table walking away.

***

Harry and I walk around the hotel, mainly because Harry wants to go to the bar but he can’t work out what he wants to order, so early in the morning. “Want to spend the day on the beach?” I question,
“not really, too many people” Harry shakes his head, pulling me up to our room finally. We step into our room, the bed freshly made, the scent of fresh sheets lingers, a touch of a beach scent fills my senses as well. I sit on the edge of the bed, looking at Harry. I tilt my head a little, noticing something at his collarbone area. “Harry come here” I gesture with my hand, he takes a step, and I stand up. His hand places on my hip, my hand moving part of his top. I google lightly seeing the love bite that I left on his tan skin. I kiss it lightly before looking at him. “You have a little something” I softly chuckle, referring to the love bite. “Love bite ey?” he questions and I nod.
“oh well” he shrugs, before making a dive for the bed. “Is that what you want to do today? Lay on the bed?” I question looking at him. “It’s comfy”
“We are here for one more day, let’s have fun”
“Mmm this is fun” Harry presses. “You can lay in bed at home”
“But not with you” he cheekily comments,
“Harry” I whine, before he groans.
“Let me sleep and I’ll take you out for dinner.”
“You’re boring” I cross my arms, watching as he moves the pillow under his arms. “Shhh”
“Harry do something with me”
“we did something last night, that was fun and eventful” Harry replies cheekily.
“Harry please?” I softly ask, wanting to explore a little, or do something fun.
“Hayley I’m not the type to go out and have the fun you like.” Harry comments, burying his head into the pillow.
“Harry it’s a simple task. Why can’t you do this?” I ask a little annoyed that he is being so stubborn, refusing to do anything.
“Here we go with the questions again. Quit asking me questions. I gave you an answer, now stop”
“But-”
“Hayley” he warns, clearly wanting me to stop.
“Harry why are you being such an arse again?” I snap, he turns over onto his back,
“The only reason you think I’m an arse is because I won’t give in, and give you what you want. Stop being so demanding” Harry replies, sitting up. I look at him still annoyed. He has a point, maybe I am being too demanding but that’s because I want to actually spend time with him, and do things. Doing things with me shouldn’t be such a big deal, it’s like I am a burden sometimes.
“Am I a burden on you?”
“what?”
“you heard what I said” I cross my arms,
“hey don’t get an attitude with me Hayley, you’re not a burden if you were I wouldn’t have asked you here. Do you think I take any girl to Greece with me?”
“gee I don’t actually know, you don’t seem to want to do anything, and I know you’re not a boring person. I see so many articles where you’re always out having fun. But with me it’s like all we can do is stay in a room.” I let out, Harry looks at me, his eyes grow darker with the mention of 'articles’
“Fine you want to do something, we will do something” he throws his hands up giving in,
“but don’t bring up f*cken articles again, got it?” he adds a little angrily. He really has a problem with articles, especially when I bring them up. “Why are you so mad now?”
“Again with the questions. Hurry up and get out the door before I change my mind” Harry mumbles, huffing as he gets off the bed. “You are so charming” I roll my eyes getting my bag. “Tick-tick you’re wasting time here.” Harry looks at his watch. “I’m going to regret wanting to do something with you” I mumble walking out of the door. Harry mutters something under his breath before he follows me downstairs. I take his hand, our fingers intertwining together. “Where are we going?” I question him,
“For a walk in the main town.”
“okay, thank you”
“yeah yeah, whatever” Harry rolls his eyes, leading the way. In the main town we come across a random chair, it looks a lot like a king thrown actually. Harry looks at me before he sits himself down on it. “For for a king” he jokes before I go sit in his lap. “am I your queen?” I ask him, he looks at me. “No, a king rules without his Queen” he shakes his head,
“idiot, a king rules, with his Queen by his side”
“Hush my love, I’m not a King”
“But I want to be Queen” I pout. He kisses my cheek, before looking at me. “If you were my Queen, I wouldn’t be able to rule, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you, long enough to rule.” Harry comments, his hand drawing small circles on my back. “You’re cheeky.” I comment getting up, he hops up as well, before he pulls me in for a sweet kiss.


*** Later in the evening***

I sit by the pool, my feet in the water, the sun starting to set, after half a day of tanning my body. Harry ditched sitting by the pool with me a few hours ago, he’s inside probably asleep. I was enjoying sitting in his lap, and having a conversation with him. His arm around me, the sun beaming down on us.
I look down at the glistening water, before peering up, looking over at the railing where I can see the beach from where I am sitting. I feel warm hands touch my shoulders, before they massage me lightly. “How about dinner?” Harry asks me, massaging my neck. “That feels good, but dinner sounds great. Did you finally decide to be romantic and ask me to a nice dinner?” I joke, knowing very well he didn’t decide to treat me to a romantic dinner. He probably doesn’t know what romantic is. “Mm no my stomach was growling so I thought I would ask if you wanted to go to dinner.”
“I figured that. What are we going to eat?”
“Hm well did you ask yesterday if we could eat on the beach?” he whispers, his hands stop massaging my neck. “I did” I nod, standing up, and turning to face him. My feet in the water. “It would be funny if I pushed you in right now” Harry smirks, holing my waste. “No don’t even try it.” I shake my head,
“anyway back to dinner on the beach” I smile,
“I never said we were having dinner on the beach. I was just asking a question.”
“Oh how nice, you got my hopes up” I sigh,
“Why eat dinner on the beach. Sand gets in the food?” he groans looking at my pouty face. “And stop pouting I don’t fall for that face” he then adds,
“Fine, let’s just go eat” I sigh wishing we could have dinner on the beach. “Go get ready, you’re not coming like that” Harry refers pointing towards my bikini. “Oh but why?” I joke, and he gives me a look but doesn’t reply. I step inside our room, and pick out something quick to wear. I change in the bathroom still for some reason not feeling comfortable with changing in front of Harry. I step out of the bathroom wearing,

http://www.polyvore.com/untitled_157/set?id=111859747


“I think you forget that I’ve seen you naked, why change in the bathroom?” Harry questions, and I look down,
“Are you shy to change around me?”
“stop it”
“We’ve had-”
“Stop” I shake my head hating the fact he’s going to being what we did up, for no reason.
“oh come on you’re not really going to be like this are you?”
“Harry please just stop”
“You weren’t saying that when we were-”
“Harry” I scold wanting him to stop.
“Fine I’ll stop, I don’t know what the big deal is though.” he comments but I don’t reply. I slip on my shoes before waiting for Harry. He puts on a clean pair of black jeans and a short sleeve top, that hugs his body. I walk out of our room, looking over the railing at the hotels plants. “Ready?”
“yeah” I nod, pushing off the balcony before walking to the stairs. Harry takes my hand, and we walk along the a concrete path within the resort. “Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry” Harry replies, guiding me a long. After a 10 minute walk we arrive at a small restaurant. I walk up the steps before we are greeted by a woman. Her hair was down, and curled at the ends, beautiful blue eyes, and a white smile. She looks at Harry, before he whispers something in her ear. For a moment a rush of jealousy rushes through me. I let go of his hand and press my body closer to his, my arm around his waist. The woman turns on her heel and starts to walk. “Well go on” Harry encourages, breaking away from my jealousy grip. My eyes narrow down on the woman before I follow her trail. She gives me a smile, and I force myself to smile at her. She opens a door, and I follow her out. My eyes lock with the white sand and the waves lightly crashing against it. My wedges clink against the wood flooring, before we are seated at a table. “You said you wanted dinner on the beach, this is as close as I can do” Harry sits down, watching me as I look at the water. “Thank you” I smile over at it, a swift breeze blowing through my hair.
“Don’t complain I don’t do anything” Harry then adds looking at the menu. I take a menu and look at the food. Harry and I order before we get to talking. I remember last night. He said he loved me. I want to know if he means it, or if it was just in the heat of the moment. Does he really love me? I will feel stupid if he doesn’t love me, I have him something I never intended on giving to him. I may be old fashioned but virginity meant a lot, and now it’s gone. I wanted to wait until marriage, I wanted to walk down the aisle in a pure white gown, and be able to say I waited, but now I can’t. Part of me wishes I didn’t go ahead with the feeling I felt last night, the other part of me is so thankful. It made me feel alive, like a woman. A feeling that can’t be described, it’s like it ignited a fire inside my soul and my bones. Last night means something to me, but I’m not sure about him. I obviously wasn’t his first, and I’m scared that I won’t be his last, a small part of me is telling me I’m just another girl. He got what he wanted, but part of me is saying that I’m not just another girl, I’m a girl he asked permission for, I’m a girl he is taking out for dinner, the girl he’s currently with. I sigh looking out at the ocean, before I feel Harry’s foot touching my leg. “Something wrong?” he takes my attention. “no” I lie. There’s something wrong. I don’t know if he really loves me or not and it’s going to haunt me until I feel he really does love. I hate the fact this just suddenly hit me, but I can’t help it. There will always be that part in my brain over thinking, and over analyzing everything. Harry looks at me before our food is placed in front of us, interrupting the awkwardness. “When do we leave?” I ask softly,
“3am” Harry replies, before we eat out food.


I look out to the ocean, the sound of waves crashing, the sea breeze echoing, and the feeling of the breeze passing by makes me smile. “Come on” Harry flicks his head standing up.
“I thought you wanted dessert?” I question. “You and your damn questions I swear” Harry mutters before I stand up.


Harry’s p.o.v

Hayleys curiosity and questioning is on my nerves a little, she questions everything, as if she doesn’t trust me. Then again I probably give her reason not to trust me. “Wait here” I instruct before walking inside to find the waitress. I find her and give her distinct orders on what I want. I give her enough money to cover the cost and extra for her help. I walk back outside, taking Hayleys hand and leading down the steps to the sand. I can’t believe I am really doing this. Organizing dessert on the beach when I absolutely can not stand eating on a beach. It is so irritating, the wind blows and your food ends up tasting like salt and sand, not exactly my cup of tea-But to keep Hayley happy, I will deal with a salted, sand covered, dessert. Hayley and I sit down on the sand, Hayley moves and my arm wraps around her, pulling her closer into my side. “I never thought you would be the type to watch a sunset” she whispers, her hair glowing lightly. I didn’t actually realize we were looking at the sunset. I was gazing off into the distance focusing on what looks like a never ending blue ocean. “I’m not”
“oh, I thought you were being sweet and romantic”
“Sweet, and romantic is so over rated. I’m sitting on a beach, with f*cken sand stuck between my toes, I’m doing this to keep you happy.”
“You should do it because you want too, you sound like I am making you miserable by such a simple task Harry.”
“Don’t start, I’m here on the beach, that’s all that matters. So let’s enjoy the stupid sunset”
“Harry-”
“Beautiful sunset sorry” I roll my eyes, knowing she will be mad about how I said it’s stupid. Hayley sighs, before she rests on my shoulder. “Harry… I want you to be happy, are you happy?” Hayley asks me, “Hayley just watch the sunset” I comment, but she doesn’t listen. Instead she moves from my shoulder and turns to look at me. “Are you happy with me? Honestly?” Hayley asks me, I sigh looking down. How do I tell her my answer?
“H-Hayley.. Shit” I mutter not sure how to tell her.