I hate that you’ve broken my heart and I still can’t manage to stop loving you. All the previous ones? The minute they hurt me, I told myself I was done with them, and I moved on. That was my principle. Don’t let them hurt you twice, I told myself. Don’t give them that power over you.
The first time you broke my heart, I told myself I was done with you. Months later, here I am again, offering the bandaged pieces of my heart on a silver platter to you. Here I am again, giving you the chance to hurt me, to take me apart yet desperately hoping you won’t.
The saddest thing is, if you asked me, I’d give you the freedom to break my heart, again and again and again.
I fixed the heart you broke, and gave it back to you
You put the last piece of bandages in the First Aid Kit and closed it, setting it aside with the rest of the others. Just as you took hold of another one though you felt a pair of hands wrap around your waist and instantly a pair of lips connect with your neck.
A giggle left your lips as you turned around in his arms to face him “Well hello Captain.” you wrapped your arms around his neck.
“Hey there, princess.” he whispered, his lips meeting yours and you let a small giggle when his one hand brushed past your thigh and higher.
He chuckled into the kiss as well but you had to pull away and take a look around you “Are you sure nobody saw you coming?”
“Nah don’t worry, everything’s alright. I just wanted to see you again, that’s all.” he shrugged and you hummed with a smile as he nuzzled his face at the side of your head.
You ran your fingers over his tie, and some of his badges “But you’re back so soon?” you tilted your head to the side “Training’s already over?”
He nodded his head, kissing your forehead “Yeah, it didn’t take all that long. New recruits are already struggling to breathe.” he chuckled and you rolled your eyes with a smile.
“Must you be so harsh on them?”
“Stop quoting Sam, alright?” he gave you a look “Plus as I told him, yes, yes I must. They’re not here for fun you know. Oh speaking about fun-” his one hand moved and he hooked two fingers in his collar to push it away and your eyes widened at the sight.
“Oh shit-” you clasped a hand over your mouth “Dean I-” you snickered, unable to keep your amused grin but he only gave you a playful glare.
“I’m s-sorry.” you giggled and he rolled his eyes.
“This may look funny to you but I don’t think Carter appreciated it much.” he huffed and your smile fell immediately.
“Oh gosh no. She came here? Please tell me she wasn’t with Rogers.” you whispered in fear and he sighed with a shake of his head.
“Rogers and Barners. Fun for the whole family I guess.” he breathed out a a nervous chuckle and you recoiled in his hands.
“Dean I’m so so sorry. What- what did she say?” you looked up at him with a deep frown and he sighed.
“Well, she wasn’t all that thrilled about it when she saw it. I mean I tried to hide it but, nothing can slip past her notice.” he gave you a tight smile and you let out a shaky sigh.
“Oh Dean I’m so- I- I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m so so terribly sorry. If you- if you lose your place because of me then I- I- don’t know what I’m going to do.” you looked away biting your lip “I should just quit and leave altogether. If- if they find out about all that’s been going on I-”
“Whoa whoa hey, wait a second. Just wait a second. You’re not going to quit, this is your job and you needed just as much as all those soldiers need you.” he cupped your face to make you look at him straight in the eyes “And above all, just how much I need you. Here, next to me. It would kill me to know I’d be gone for who knows how freaking long and then come to see you for less than a week at a time.”
“But I’m not worth it. Not you losing your position because of-”
He crashed his lips to yours, effectively cutting you off for a moment “You are worth everything.” he whispered, his lips brushing past yours as he spoke “And I would take anything for you, you need to know that sweetheart.” he rubbed his thumb over your cheek.
“But it’s not that.” he gave you a soft smile and you frowned.
“What do you mean?” you whispered.
Dean kissed your cheek before pulling slightly away “I mean that everything is fine, (Y/n).”
“Wh-what? But you said she saw the-”
“Yes, yes she did.” he cut you off “But either she was in a very good mood or I don’t know, she let it slip.”
“She… let it slip? But- but it’s not allowed, Dean! Everybody knows it and we- we are going against the rules, especially you! You could lose your place for something like this and she just… let it slip?” you blinked, the tears away as well.
It scared you to no end to think you wouldn’t be able to see Dean every day tore you apart on the inside, not to mention him losing his position and all of it being your fault because you couldn’t control your heart and fell for him. You knew it was so wrong when it all started but you couldn’t stop, he was like an addiction to you but above all he completed you. You loved him so much you didn’t know if you’d be able to go on without him. Of course you couldn’t stand the thought of being his undoing but from the moment you met you were sure you both felt it. Cheesy as hell, yes, it was but you couldn’t stop when it all started. Sneaking around like a pair of teenagers, scared of being caught, and having to watch out for every step had become a a routine for you but when you were in each other’s arms, laying naked under the blankets as he kept kissing you- it made it all worth it.
He breathed out a chuckle that was somewhat nervous, Carter’s words still echoing in his mind as she gave him a stern and professional look ‘Keep your private activities as private as possible please, meaning outside of here yeah?’ and then turned to the rest of the soldiers there.
“It’s weird really, she gave me this look and I was sure as hell I was done with, but- but she didn’t say anything at first!And- and she just kept going, and I thought that maybe she hadn’t seen it but of course she did. In the end she just… told me to keep it a little under control and careful for the others not to notice.” he shrugged and you blinked, taking a step back and away from him.
“What?” you cocked an eyebrow “She just let it slip? Just like that?”
Dean chuckled, Barner’s words even echoing through his head 'Don’t listen to her. Ya have as much fun as possible man, we don’t get it often in here.’ and soon followed a friendly chuckle and pat on the shoulder.
“Seems so, maybe she’s pretty pleased with my job I guess. But that’s good for us, right?” a hopeful smile was on his lips but it immediately fell when he saw the scowl on your own face “What?” he blinked.
“Oh I don’t know Captain-” you pushed him away roughly “Maybe she liked your job a little more than she should, right?” you pursed your lips and his lips parted.
“What do you mean exactly?” his voice got more rough “You can’t be seriously implying that-”
“She was flirting with you? Trying to get you closer to her? Implying something? Trying to get you to do something because she has a thing for you?… Maybe that you already have?” you growled the words, the hurt lacing your voice and features.
“You can’t be serious right now.” he growled, his hands slipping away from you altogether.
“Oh but I am. Come on Dean, we both know that you’ve been a ladies’ man your entire life. Why change that all of a sudden?”
“Because of you damn it!” he exclaimed, not caring if anybody heard you, almost not able to believe how you could doubt him even for a second “You know that I may have fooled around but with you everything’s different! You think I considered this just a fling?”
You opened your mouth but only proceeded to close it “I don’t know Dean, do you? I’m always here worrying 24/7 and being scared I’ll be the reason to you losing your position. I always try to be as careful as possible but I- I’m starting to doubt whether it’s worthy it anymore or not.”
“The hell it’s not.” he breathed out in a rough voice “I- I honestly can’t believe you’d ever say something like this, that you’d ever even believe it. When I chose to be with you I knew what I was risking, I knew the consequences of us getting caught and I still too that step just because I needed to be with you more than I needed to have this position. You clearly mean to me more than any of those flings ever had and I thought that me putting you in front of everyone and everything would be enough to show you that! Seriously you can’t be this jealous so as to- to think I’d betray you in this way.”
“I’m not jealous.” you murmured, crossing your arms over your chest and looking away.
“Yeah right, (Y/n) I know you better than anyone else. You know you can-”
“I’m not jealous!” you raised your voice slightly, turning your head to lock your watery eyes with his now wide ones “I’m just scared, Dean. Scared.”
“Oh (Y/n)” he sighed, running a hand through his hair and making a good job at messing them. He took a step forward andhesitantly wrapped his arms around you.
“It’s just- I know how much this means to you Dean. And don’t try deny it. This is your life, no matter how weird it’d seem to someone else. This is what you do. You grew up in this life and although I know you’d like one day to get out of it youstill- you still feel complete this way. And I- I can’t take that from you. I just can’t.”
“I feel complete with you. And if I left this life one day it would be just for you, and I wouldn’t regret it one bit.”
“And what?” you whispered as you look up at him, a tear sliding down “Leave Sammy alone?”
“Please” he scoffed with a chuckle “He’d be the first one up to leave with us.”
You bit your lip, shaking your head “We’ll think about it. One day. Maybe.”
“One day… yes.” he cuped your face and you feel yourself holding our breath “But until then, there is no doubting this or how I- I feel about you.”
“No chick flicks come on.” you mumbled and he breathed out a chuckle, resting his forehead against yours.
“Sure… as long as you promise to give me more of this?” he tilted his head to the side and a giggle left your lips, almost being broken by a small sob.
“Anytime… as long as I am going to be the only one to.” youmumbled and he kissed your forehead.
Another thing I love about Eto is how she channels both a modern aesthetic and natural/archaic imagery.
Because we have her appearing as this nude, child-like woman in her most villainous encounters. The only thing covering her is usually a robe and bandages – both pieces of garb that link back to pre-modern civilization.
And in this role, we see her speak about God while eating an apple – Genesis imagery. You can’t get much older than the beginning of man. We also see her on a shrine when she has a flashback to when she encounters Arima for the first time, making it appear as though the shrine represented her. It even looks like the shrine is in the same beaten shape that she is in.
But then we see her as Takatsuki Sen writing her postmodern horror novels set in contemporary society with two computer screens and a laptop. She has water bottles and logo merchandise surrounding her. She almost always wears her hair up in messy buns, a pretty recent trend.
And her organization Aogiri in itself meshes these two themes together. Aogiri functions upon the legend of the One-Eyed King that goes back over 100 years, and they wear those archaic robes in almost every situation. However, Aogiri functions like a contemporary terrorist organization, and fits a lot of trends in terms of 21st century civil conflict.
Bileygr the King especially reflects that overlap, because it’s an epic – a kind of narrative I associate with Homer, Dante, and Milton. The name itself references Norse mythology. But she announces it through television news media and uses modern society’s technology as the method to convey this work.
And I think that’s partially why I think Eto’s such an interesting villain: she has the same earthshaking and surreal feeling that old horrific, Gothic villains bring you while remaining relevant and effective within the contemporary society.
Just a heads up, I will be doing goretober this year! It’ll all be tagged under goretober in case y'all wanna blacklist it. They won’t be finished pieces, just a daily sketch kind of thing, and I’ll be trying out a new style as well~
Anyway, I wasn’t super into any of the lists already out there, so I made my own in order to keep it in my comfort zone/realm of interest. Feel free to use!