“You’re so pretty, Dean.” You’d just come out of a diner. You’d been fine before and now you were fucked up. You didn’t drink anything. You’d eaten exactly what Dean had, except you had banana cream pie and he had cherry. There was absolutely no reason for you to be so…stoned.
“Y/N what’s wrong with you?” Dean walked you to the Impala and leaned you against it, looking you over. Your eyes were glassy and bloodshot and you couldn’t stop staring at him, smiling like a moron.
“Nothin’. I feel great.” You giggled and flung yourself into Dean’s chest. “You’re so warm. And pretty.”
“Ok…” Dean pushed you back against the car as his phone started to ring. “Bobby?” He answered and you pouted at the loss of attention, throwing yourself onto the sidewalk, laying on your back. “Oh, yeah, now you tell me not to eat at the diner. No. I’m fine. They got Y/N.”
“Oh my god, Dean!” You gasped, grabbing one of his legs. “Your legs are like bent! How do you even walk!” You latched on to his thigh, trying to straighten his leg to no avail.
“Will do. Thanks Bobby.” Dean sighed and hung up, staring down at you. “My legs are fine!”
“No they’re not! They’re bent!” You shrieked, looking like you might cry. You grabbed the other one, trying to straighten it too.
“Sweetheart…” Dean grabbed you and pulled you up, grabbing your face in his hands. “They’re fine, alright? They’ve always been like that.”
“They’re really sexy.” You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him.
“No, no, no.” Dean pulled away. “Don’t do this to me now, princess. We need to get you back to the motel and figure out what they did to you and then kill the witches. Then we can -”
“No. Fun first. Then that stuff.” You murmured, opening the door to the Impala and shoving him inside, pouncing on top of him. “Please?” You pouted.
“What the hell.” Dean muttered. “The witches can wait.”
Good evening, everyone, and welcome to my lecture on the Peel of Fortune! For those of you reading my writing for the first time, my name is Mod Wit, and although I’m not an expert on bananas–the fruit, not the pony–I know enough about them to make my banana pony a believable character. Huh? Well! Look who’s here! It’s Banana Pie himself! Hey! Don’t try to hide; I see you there! What’re you doing here? Did you come for the lecture? Ha! Do you have the composure to even sit through it? Well, I hope you ate a lot of “banans” because it’s gonna be a long one, so try and keep up–and stay up–with me! Maybe you’ll learn something!
Okay! Now, as you can see in the illustration taken from The Earthstar Grimoire, this is the Peel of Fortune. It’s called that because of the banana peel in the center that acts as the compass rose showing the cardinal points. There are 20 sections that make up the wheel surrounding it. The 20 banana-related marks in the wheel are (clockwise) the caduceus, a slipping pony, a strawberry, the male symbol, the sun, the symbol for potassium, a walnut, a jar of peanut butter, the letter B, a pair of maracas, a bandage, laughter, an ice cream cone, the number 6, a banana tree, a loaf of bread, various fruit, a chocolate bar, a bunch of bananas, and a monkey. Now, these marks may seem unrelated, but as you will soon find out, they’re more related than you think. First, I’ll explain their interpreted meanings as separate entities:
The caduceus represents the many health benefits to eating bananas. You know what they say: a banana a day…
The slipping pony represents the act of slipping on a banana peel. Whether doing so is funny or dangerous depends on the outcome.
The strawberry is a fruit that’s actually less of a berry than the banana itself. Its flavor is very compatible with bananas (Hint, hint, Berry Isthmus!).
The male symbol represents the phallic shape of the elongated fruit, suggesting its naughty nature. As an astrological bonus, it can also represent the planet Mars.
The sun represents the color of yellow bananas and the tropics where they grow. But don’t worry; unlike the sun, bananas aren’t hot!
The symbol for potassium represents the chemical element that bananas contain. Even though it’s found in other fruits, bananas are still the most famous source of it.
A walnut is one of the many nuts that taste good with bananas. For some reason, bananas and nuts in general are often associated with being crazy or wacky. Speaking of nuts…
Peanut butter is full of them! Some people like to put bananas in their peanut butter sandwiches. Also IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!
The word “banana” obviously begins with the letter B. There’s also one in vitamin B6 (By the by, there’s no vitamin B4 vitamin B5). Ironically, Bs really hate bananas. I think…
The maracas represent the Latin American countries where bananas are grown, as well as the indigenous music that originated from them. You can even shake a pair of bananas like maracas!
The bandage represents the bananas’ vulnerability, starting with its tendency to be easily bruised like my fragile ego… Hey, don’t laugh!
Then again, laughter has always been associated with the funny fruit! Whether it’s the silly sound of its species, or the perennial prop in a priceless pratfall, bananas are a staple of good comedy (and a good diet)!
Ice cream and bananas have had quite a history together. Whether they’re joined in marriage as banana ice cream, or having an orgy in a banana split, you can bet that they make a really cool couple on a hot day.
There are 6 letters in the word “banana” (and 7 in its lucky plural form). There’s also a 6 in vitamin B6, which means that any more actual Bs in “banana” would make it “bbbbbb”.
The banana tree is the source of the world’s most perfect food. Like most fruit-bearing plants, it’s not as famous as its fruit, but it makes up for it by being used to make garments, serve dishes, weave baskets, wrap food, fashion non-lethal shanks…
The loaf of bread represents the banana as a vital food source. And believe it or not, certain kinds of bread are even made from bananas! What? You already knew that? Oh…okay…umm…
As a member of the fruit family, bananas get along with the whole bowl! Aside from strawberries, they also taste great with blackberries, blueberries, cherries, lemons, mangoes, peaches, pineapples, and many more. Talk about a colorful family reunion (aka fruit salad)!
Chocolate is banana’s childhood friend. In the summers they’ve spent growing up together, he kept him cool as a frozen chocolate coating, chilled atop him on the stoop as a double scoop, and took turns with him quenching thirsts as flavored milk. Ah! The refreshing recollections of youth!
A banana bunch represents the fact that no man is an island. Bananas are never lonely because they don’t grow alone. When you’re a banana with a lot of like-minded siblings, who needs a hand when you’re already one of its fingers?
Monkeys. They’re the biggest fans of “banans” ever. ‘Nuff said.
Mod: Happy birthday, Banana Pie! Sorry Bananas Wit couldn’t be there, but he’s conveniently stepped out. And by “conveniently stepped out,” I mean that he bolted into a nearby deep forest as soon as he learned that today is your birthday, never to be heard from again until tomorrow. He also told me not to tell you that.
Mod: Yaddy yaddy yadda college… anyways thank you all for your support, your follows, and your patience with me taking so damn long to update. I also would like to thank you all for getting me to my first milestone of 100+ followers. I couldn’t have done it without you all. ^^